SingFish Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 Is it an age, or a stage of development? How long is a parent responsible for their adult child's choices and problems? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 1 hour ago, SingFish said: Is it an age, or a stage of development? How long is a parent responsible for their adult child's choices and problems? 18. At that point they are not minors thus responsible for their own behaviors, actions and supporting themselves. Even if in college and possibly dependent on parents during that time, legally they are adults. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 On my 18th birthday, may Dad shook my hand and sent me out into the world. My parents were there if I needed them (as a safety net -- just in case), but I did OK. Mom did make up some canned goods CARE packages for me, but other than that I made my own way in the world. Did I make minor mistakes, sure... but I learned from them. Being an independent adult shaped me into the man I am. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 That's a difficult question as there is the legal definition and there's also the emotional one where a parent ultimately will feel always responsible for their child, an extension of you, so to speak. Is there something bothering you or worrying you or a problem in particular? At some point you'll have to stop blaming yourself for their decisions or mistakes and let go. Love them and also let them go to figure things out on their own. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 As has been noted, in the United States, legally it's at the age of 18. But there are other variables. My parents gave me financial assistance and more extensive advice through college and a year or so after. But that was based on our relationship (I had no siblings) and their financial abilities. I'm 57 and my mother still makes her opinions known on how I should conduct my life. I listen respectfully and then proceed as I feel best. She also likes to occasionally give me "extra" money, although I've made it clear I am financially stable. The guy I'm involved with had an awful relationship with his father while growing up and was on his own at the age of 16 and received no assistance, financial or emotional. 42 years later he has a cordial but distant relationship with him. I don't have children, but I've heard the most important job a parent has is preparing their child to not only survive but thrive as adults. A parent can only do their best to that end, the child is ultimately responsible for their adult life. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 On 6/29/2022 at 7:32 AM, SingFish said: How long is a parent responsible for their adult child's choices and problems? They are not. They can chose to help but they don't have to. It also depends on the bad choices you're talking about. If my adult daughter seperated and needed help to resettle I would help her. If she'd leave her husband and children behind to act like a party girl, expecting others to take care of her little kids while she's partying? No, she would not find a compasionate mother in me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 (edited) A parent is not legally responsible after the age of 18. But that doesn't mean that we stop caring or helping if need be....though this can get complex depending on what the needs actually are May I ask the details behind your question? It would be much easier to give comments if we know the issue Edited July 1, 2022 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 (edited) This is a good question. As a non-parent, I strongly believe that parents never quit being parents. And I've heard that there's a myth that parenting gets easier with time. Rarely is that the case, I'm sure. Surely parents want the best for your child throughout his or her life. Your instinct is to shield your children. Eventually, they'll become adults. Parenting seems so challenging now that your children are making their own choices and decisions. Seeing any other side of them than those little kids who needed you for everything must be difficult. It may be even more difficult if you know they will eventually run into trouble and you won't be able to help them. Taking care of everything within their control is a way some parents raise their children, unaware they may prevent them from being able to handle their own problems as they grow into responsible adults. Seeing a child waste potential, possibilities, or life must be one of the most agonizing things a parent can experience. There may be a hole in your heart watching your young adults go through adult-sized problems that may impede their progress and ability to achieve success, happiness, and health in the future, but you don't have to let that break you. Parents don't always succeed in guiding their children when their children make poor decisions despite your best efforts. That does not make someone a bad parent. At some point, it's not anyone's job to fix them. Like any familial relationship, all we can do is pray for and love them and stay in relationship as best as we can. Edited July 4, 2022 by Alpacalia 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 On 6/29/2022 at 7:32 AM, SingFish said: Is it an age, or a stage of development? I guess legally, you can wash your hands of your children at the age of 18. However, different adult children have different needs. My 38 and 26 year old daughters do not "need" me for anything anymore. My 33 year old is bipolar and anorexic with some suicidal ideations. She needs a bit more emotional support than my oldest and youngest. On 6/29/2022 at 7:32 AM, SingFish said: How long is a parent responsible for their adult child's choices and problems? Even though I am here for emotional support, she knows SHE is responsible for her decisions and SHE has to live with the consequences. Luckily, she works hard and understands this (though it took a long time for her to get to the level of financial and emotional independence she has now. Her early 20's almost killed me.) This is a safe place for you to vent. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 On 6/29/2022 at 7:32 AM, SingFish said: Is it an age, or a stage of development? How long is a parent responsible for their adult child's choices and problems? Define "adult." There's a legal adult at age 18, and then there's an emotional adult, which is much later. Define "choices and problems." Are we talking about career advice, dating advice, wardrobe advice? Or are we talking about drug use, criminal activity, poor relationships? There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, and without more details, impossible to say when your role should end. Speaking for myself only, I don't feel responsible for my adult children, but I have open/good relationships with them and they frequently ask my input on various issues in their lives. I help (with advice) because I love them, not because I feel a responsibility. I don't imagine this will change regardless their or my age. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted July 8, 2022 Senior Moderators Share Posted July 8, 2022 Thread closed as OP has not returned Link to post Share on other sites
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