Author lftbehind Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 7 hours ago, S2B said: That’s really mean to do that to your husband. Yes, it's not nice. No excuses, but there is a lot of personal things that I didn't talk about on this board. He's been very mean to me in many ways. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 15 hours ago, lftbehind said: I wasn't looking for an affair, but I guess that I was open to it. So why does this keep happening? Evidently this is not your first one. The common denominator is you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 17 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So why does this keep happening? Evidently this is not your first one. The common denominator is you. I went years without having an affair and didn't think that I was going to have another one. I met OM and I was weak. I'm attracted to him and he was so nice to me and I could be myself around him. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 2 hours ago, lftbehind said: I went years without having an affair and didn't think that I was going to have another one. I met OM and I was weak. I'm attracted to him and he was so nice to me and I could be myself around him. According to your last thread you only went NC with your last MM in February 2021. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 5 hours ago, lftbehind said: Yes, it's not nice. No excuses, but there is a lot of personal things that I didn't talk about on this board. He's been very mean to me in many ways. I can see why he treats you the way he does but, he should have divorced you long ago. If you need multiple men why don't you divorce your husband so you can be free to see as many men as you want without hurting someone. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 5 hours ago, lftbehind said: I went years without having an affair and didn't think that I was going to have another one. I met OM and I was weak. I'm attracted to him and he was so nice to me and I could be myself around him. You were with another man in Feb, 2021, that's less than a year and you're already on to another affair. You said you just liked to talk to OM and when I asked you why you didn't get a female friend to talk to you said because no one spoke English where you work. Now above you finally admit the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 On 6/26/2022 at 12:30 PM, lftbehind said: Maybe it is, that's something for me to think about. I don't know how to tell if someone is faking it. You're both faking it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 3 hours ago, stillafool said: I can see why he treats you the way he does but, he should have divorced you long ago. If you need multiple men why don't you divorce your husband so you can be free to see as many men as you want without hurting someone. I didn't come on this board to get slammed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 3 hours ago, stillafool said: You were with another man in Feb, 2021, that's less than a year and you're already on to another affair. You said you just liked to talk to OM and when I asked you why you didn't get a female friend to talk to you said because no one spoke English where you work. Now above you finally admit the truth. I said not very many people speak English where I work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 19 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: You're both faking it. I wasn't faking happiness and I don't think he was, either. Not that it matters Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Look, OP, your life isn't working. Apparently you haven't really learned anything since your last affair. You haven't taken steps to change your own situation. You haven't changed your own dysfunctional behaviour. It is unclear what you expect to happen this time. You've been down this road before, seen how it ends, and yet here you are again. Do you keep waiting for one of these men to ask you to leave your husband? Is that what is going on here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 On 6/28/2022 at 8:49 PM, lftbehind said: No excuses, but there is a lot of personal things that I didn't talk about on this board. He's been very mean to me in many ways. I guess number 5 is the option that I'm choosing. It sounds very much to me like affairs are the symptoms of your unhappy marriage. The marriage and to at least some extent your partner are "the disease". You are choosing 5 ("sticking it out") but supplementing with 3 (affairs) in an effort to help yourself feel better. But of course these are transitory "fixes". While I don't encourage people to divorce (as a matter of principle for me) it's simply stating a fact to say that not every marriage should continue. I guess it's unfortunate that you are unable to find a more lasting solution to improve your happiness while you attempt 5. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 (edited) No, your life is not working very well for you at all OP. There are some tough decisions to be made and you don’t seem prepared to make them. You are quite simply avoiding the problem at home and looking for an easy solution by attaching yourself to unavailable men/unhealthy relationships expecting what? Happiness and joy? That somehow he will deliver you from your circumstance in your abusive marriage? The simple truth is, all of our lives are a reflection of the decisions we make. You may be in a vulnerable spot right now but you are not so “weak” that you have no control here and no agency to make a better decision for yourself. You need to develop a better coping skill than what you are employing now - denial. You seem to be waiting for these men to deliver you from your current circumstance - either your husband will somehow stop his drinking/abusive behavior and your affair partner will somehow turn into a healthy relationship for you. Neither is likely to happen. You’ve got some decisions to make here. Consider this - the right decision is often the hard decision. You can continue along in this path to self destruction or you can take control and create a better life for yourself. Whatever happens, it is entirely your decision. Edited July 1, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 (edited) She made a decision many times: I will stay married and cheat on my husband. the excuses of why she cheats don’t justify her actions. Her actions are a part of who SHE is. Yet she doesn’t change the pattern… so the cycle will continue over and over. because she doesn’t take action that changes a thing. OP…change is GOOD! Edited July 1, 2022 by S2B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted July 1, 2022 Senior Moderators Share Posted July 1, 2022 Topic has been closed. Thank you all for your participation Link to post Share on other sites
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