Will am I Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 I understand that this is an important symbolic step for you. You make visible to the world that you are no longer married. After what you went through, I applaud this step. I have no idea if this has any day to day consequences in your culture. Do people feel free to inquire about your marital status if they don't see a ring on your hand? Will you need to answer them if they do? In our western European culture people will generally feel reluctant to ask (it takes a certain level of friendly relationship to ask) and the divorcee is not required to answer anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 17 hours ago, Grace Angelou said: I have moved out. I have also filed for divorce but I was hoping that he would acknowledge his wrongs and seek help. But he is who he is and now I am ready to give an answer as to why I nolonger wear my wedding ring. Do not try to fix a criminal. Someone who assaults you is a criminal. It's that simple. Beating you is breaking vows. It's that simple. Do not hope he "sees the light". Get a restraining order. Perhaps your religion/culture makes you hope he will change or the ring is symbolic to you.. But you need to put your children's safety first. Who exactly do you have to answer to? Be honest. "We're separated". That's it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grace Angelou Posted June 2, 2022 Author Share Posted June 2, 2022 12 hours ago, glows said: Excuse me - you owe no one an explanation for why you have taken off your wedding ring. The ones who know you will have the good sense to do the math and the ones who do not know you will be minding their own business (as they should). Carry on with your healing and know that there are people who love and support you. Thank you so much for your message. I am going to have to adopt that mentality, that actually I don't owe anyone an explanation. And the courage to live it out. Lord help me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 3 minutes ago, Grace Angelou said: Thank you so much for your message. I am going to have to adopt that mentality, that actually I don't owe anyone an explanation. And the courage to live it out. Lord help me. Absolutely not. You owe no one an explanation. Since you’ve filed for divorce, continue with the divorce proceedings and communicate with your lawyer if you have a lawyer involved. It’s a process severing those ties but it’s over. Any obligation you have to this man is over and you’re no longer his wife or partner. Future plans/dreams have ended. Keep working towards acceptance and never allow someone like that into your life again who is abusive or unfaithful. In time, you’ll come to recognize signs much faster and you’ll gain more clarity. The pain will fade and you won’t second guess yourself or other people as much. If you have to file a restraining order against him, do so. Remember that all obligations as a wife have ceased. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grace Angelou Posted June 2, 2022 Author Share Posted June 2, 2022 26 minutes ago, Will am I said: I understand that this is an important symbolic step for you. You make visible to the world that you are no longer married. After what you went through, I applaud this step. I have no idea if this has any day to day consequences in your culture. Do people feel free to inquire about your marital status if they don't see a ring on your hand? Will you need to answer them if they do? In our western European culture people will generally feel reluctant to ask (it takes a certain level of friendly relationship to ask) and the divorcee is not required to answer anything. People will ask and right now talking to you guys here I am deciding that I don't need to answer to anyone. Culture says that divorce is taboo. And the blame is placed on me the woman for being weak enough to walk away from my marriage. Women die silent deaths everyday because society says being unhappy and married is better than being single and happy. I feel I owe it to myself, to my daughter and son to put our sanity, safety and happiness first. Hopefully by doing so, I can succeed in defining our own family culture that my children can adopt into their own lives one day. That a home should be a safe haven for those who live in it and not a prison to crush spirits and dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grace Angelou Posted June 2, 2022 Author Share Posted June 2, 2022 29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do not try to fix a criminal. Someone who assaults you is a criminal. It's that simple. Beating you is breaking vows. It's that simple. Do not hope he "sees the light". I needed to hear this... I know it's true that he broke our vows and the truth is he is a criminal. Just because I didn't lay charges against him, doesn't actually change that reality of who he is. Noone has ever called him that before and somehow that perspective is liberating. Thank you. I don't want him back in my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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