mark clemson Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 16 hours ago, pepperbird2 said: A guy may not even be aware he’s passing one along. He may assume that since he’s feeling fine, all is well. What you state holds true for women just as well BTW and is exactly why he should get tested IMO. As discussed prior there is no logical reason to announce he might have one unless he otherwise intends or is fine with announcing his affair to his wife (in which case that's a particularly poor way to do that IMO). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 40 minutes ago, mark clemson said: What you state holds true for women just as well BTW and is exactly why he should get tested IMO. As discussed prior there is no logical reason to announce he might have one unless he otherwise intends or is fine with announcing his affair to his wife (in which case that's a particularly poor way to do that IMO). I agree with you that it would be a rotten way to find out your spouse has been cheating, but , and maybe this is just me, I'd rather find out that my spouse had been seeing someone so I could decide what my next steps were than to be told " honey, I'm sorry t, but I had an affair and I caught an std. You need to be tested now". It's the lesser of two evils, I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, mark clemson said: What you state holds true for women just as well BTW and is exactly why he should get tested IMO. As discussed prior there is no logical reason to announce he might have one unless he otherwise intends or is fine with announcing his affair to his wife (in which case that's a particularly poor way to do that IMO). In other words, the responsible thing to do is to get himself tested. Not to just say no - as they say. And heaven forbid that the woman learn he’s been having sex with another woman unless it’s absolutely necessary… Please. Edited July 21, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2022 Share Posted July 21, 2022 18 minutes ago, BaileyB said: In other words, the responsible thing to do is to get himself tested. Not to just say no - as they say. The responsible thing to do is to maintain boundaries that respect and protect your spouse/the marriage. If one is not able to do that, the responsible thing to do is to be honest and accountable. Those who can’t do this start to twist themselves into a pretzel which is what’s happening here… Bottom line for OP, if you want a divorce just talk to your spouse. She may not be happy at first, it’s a huge adjustment and a big change… but, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to deal in the truth. Life goes on, you will all adapt. She may not realize it now but divorce is a better alternative than a cheating husband who feels trapped/has checked out of the marriage. Nobody deserves that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 ^^ those are things OP will have to decide for himself. Opinions differ, and certainly plenty of people in the world choose to have affairs. Some might say the "responsible" thing to do is have his affair if he feels he needs it and stay married for the sake of "family cohesion" and/or the kids. You personally might not "think that is what's best" but really that is just an opinion. While you may feel an affair is morally unacceptable, there are those who feel divorce is the less moral option. Opinions on these matters vary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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