jdesey Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 Background- 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. Grown kids, living in Los Angeles area. It has been 6 long years since the beak up with my ex fiancé. 12 years since my marriage ended. I feel like it has been 100 years! Dating at this age just sucks! I have been on 1 date this year and there was no desire for a second date with her. When I first was single at age 40 it was so much easier. I guess I was new to it and so were the women coming out of marriages and LTRs. Now, we are all older and just over it! I say I give up, but it feels more like surrender. Like this dating fiasco has just beat me into submission. Who can relate? 4
Ami1uwant Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 Covid has been a big problem. yes, it gets harder as you get older. People judge you for other things it’s not purely on looks/ personality as it was befire. how are you interacting with people? 1
divegrl Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 That sounds about right. My friends in their 30s and 40s are optimistic and really see themselves having a good long term relationship. My friends in their 50s and 60s just don’t care. The guys want to be alone doing their hobbies, and the girls just want to hang out with their friends. As long as you are happy, that’s the most important! 2
Author jdesey Posted March 22, 2022 Author Posted March 22, 2022 this started well before COVID. I try to be social and friendly. Like at the gym I will say hi and give my name to both women and men.
Author jdesey Posted March 22, 2022 Author Posted March 22, 2022 4 minutes ago, divegrl said: That sounds about right. My friends in their 30s and 40s are optimistic and really see themselves having a good long term relationship. My friends in their 50s and 60s just don’t care. The guys want to be alone doing their hobbies, and the girls just want to hang out with their friends. As long as you are happy, that’s the most important! Happy??? uh hell no, does it really sound like it from my post. I am lonely as hell. The kids are grown and have their own lives. Almost all my guy friends are married or in LTRs and that keeps them busy. 1 1
mark clemson Posted March 22, 2022 Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, jdesey said: 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. I'm not dating, but I'd say just keep your appearance up and then next time some woman shows interest in you, ask her out. If you're genuinely handsome you should be getting occasional "openings" from women - for example, having a completely unnecessary casual conversation. You end the conversation with something like "you know, you seem really nice. Would you like to go have lunch sometime" or similar and take it from there. If you are handsome, as you go about your daily business there will occasionally be some woman standing around who's thinking "hmm, I wish that guy would show interest/ask me out". Just don't appear overly interested - confident, independent, not clingy. No excessive eye contact before you've even spoken or similar - a little, but "just enough". Even though you may feel very interested, rein it in a bit. Also try to avoid "negativity" esp. early on. Frustration is understandable, but you never want to "vent it" on a potential partner, do you? Will drive them away quickly. Would dating a woman in her 40's work for you? Perhaps start looking in that set instead. Consider Meetups as a way to meet people if that can be done safely for you. A certain % of people attending tend to be single folks who are a bit burnt out on online dating, but looking to meet someone potentially. Edited March 22, 2022 by mark clemson 1
basil67 Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 (edited) 51 minutes ago, mark clemson said: If you're genuinely handsome you should be getting occasional "openings" from women - for example, having a completely unnecessary casual conversation. You end the conversation with something like "you know, you seem really nice. Would you like to go have lunch sometime" or similar and take it from there. @jdesey If you want to meet a woman randomly, this advice rocks. Telling a woman that she's really nice/interesting/fun and you'd like to meet her again is so much better than the traditional objectification where a guy compliments her looks and then asks for a date. Do you have a social group of any kind where you can get chatting to women who are in the same proximity...or friends of friends? Edited March 23, 2022 by basil67 2
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 My girlfriend wanted to set up one of our neighbors (guy a little older than you) with one of her gal pals. He respectfully declined. He was polite, but said he is done with dating and wants no part of any of it. He is content being alone. He is a friendly gentleman that talks to everyone in the neighborhood, he is just done with dating. We had him over for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed ourselves. I do know he has been divorced for quite some time and has two grown children. I don't know if he dated after his divorce, but he is completely done with women and is quite content living alone. I do know he volunteers in the community and enjoys the occasional neighborhood get-together. Perhaps you could find some hobbies or volunteering or other outlets that will fill the void. 4
FMW Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 I think it depends on where you live and the number of single people. I live in a large city. When I was going through my divorce at 50, 7 years ago, I got involved in local activities that provided the opportunity to meet new people, men and women. I made new platonic friends and had even more opportunities to socialize and meet other singles. Most of the singles I hung around with back then are now coupled and happy (including me). 1
Maldives Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 3 hours ago, jdesey said: Background- 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. Grown kids, living in Los Angeles area. It has been 6 long years since the beak up with my ex fiancé. 12 years since my marriage ended. I feel like it has been 100 years! Dating at this age just sucks! I have been on 1 date this year and there was no desire for a second date with her. When I first was single at age 40 it was so much easier. I guess I was new to it and so were the women coming out of marriages and LTRs. Now, we are all older and just over it! I say I give up, but it feels more like surrender. Like this dating fiasco has just beat me into submission. Who can relate? Yep second that 50 yr old same as you in Australia Gold Coast. Lucky to get a date. average 1 a yr lol.
chillii Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 (edited) Hmmm, can't say as l agree on a lot of it and l've seen and come across personally many great stories. l'm around your age and it was different after divorce for sure , wasn't like back in younger days where girls were fairly happy and carefree and lives were still uncompleted. That was the first thing l noticed , they'd become very messed up and lives were usually very complicate and there's ex's now and kids and bad marriages and mental problems. l suppose there's not wall to wall either like back in our 20s, coming across somebody we like in all the right ways that are actually capable of even holding a relationship now was a real biggie l found, but they were around. l probably could've remarried 3 or 4 times by now and might yet right girl. Storiies wise though with people l've known or heard about, talking guys being male myself. One guy 63 at the time and still unhappily married 4yrs ago, is happier than he's ever been in his life now. He's partner is l dunno 54ish l think now they're just two pees in a pod.Another guy again around 65 now married 3 times before, obese, has Bi Polar, met he's now w 10yrs ago at 55ish and has finally a beautiful marriage and life, he loves it. Another guy also 60's , 64 l think he said, has the problem of two women and he can't decide . know a guy my age roughly 55ish, about 7 8 yrs back he's life was ruined, marriage, lost family , lost his house, he's been with a great lady and happier than ever last 5 yrs or so. Haven't seen him in awhile but heard they're married these days. Round here somewhere there was one about a lady in her 80s remarrying sooooo, don't think it's over. lt is a bit harder imo only in the way we don't naturally party like we did,get out as much and live quieter, coupled with other stuff l mentioned, but it still happens. Just don't expect 100s of them bouncing out of the wood work like it use to be back in the day but eh, quality beats quantity hands down anyway. Edited March 23, 2022 by chillii 1
Cornelia83 Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 Is the issue that you just don't know where to meet more women? 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 Retool things. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses. Join a golf club, take dancing lessons, etc. Get involved in sports and fitness. Get in shape. Update your wardrobe, haircut etc so it doesn't look like you're stuck in the past. In addition to socializing more, get on some quality dating apps. There's free or paid. There's niche sites for age groups and interests, etc. Go to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Make sure all systems are good. Don't give up, just rethink things. 1
glows Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 10 hours ago, jdesey said: Background- 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. Grown kids, living in Los Angeles area. It has been 6 long years since the beak up with my ex fiancé. 12 years since my marriage ended. I feel like it has been 100 years! Dating at this age just sucks! I have been on 1 date this year and there was no desire for a second date with her. When I first was single at age 40 it was so much easier. I guess I was new to it and so were the women coming out of marriages and LTRs. Now, we are all older and just over it! I say I give up, but it feels more like surrender. Like this dating fiasco has just beat me into submission. Who can relate? Join some fitness groups then. I know someone who met her partner in a running meet up. You say you’re fit so use that and other interests. Fitness doesn’t get old or go out of style.
AngryGromit Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, jdesey said: Dating at this age just sucks! I have been on 1 date this year and there was no desire for a second date with her. While dating an be a hassle at times, it much better to enjoy life with a partner than without, so I think the effort is worth it in the end. When I was single at 50 and dating, I had no trouble meeting woman date on dating sites, makes me wonder what your looking for when your initiating contact with woman, the days dating 20's and 30's year old woman are over for you, If you restrict you search to a reasonable age range, say 45 to 60, I wager your connection rate will go up. You also have to be willing to follow through when you get responses from people contacting you and those that response to your initial contact. I recall my Wife's Daughter complaining about not having a boyfriend, she was on some of the dating sites, but when guys would contact her, she be to busy to bother to respond in a reasonable amount of time. If you can't make time to respond to prospective suitors within a day or two, then you really don;t have a leg to stand on to complain that you not making any connections dating. Edited March 23, 2022 by AngryGromit
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 My husband hangs out with his buddies all the time. So being too busy because of a relationship or marriage isn't why they don't hang out with you. I think you have painted yourself into a corner with an attitude. When you find yourself blaming everything and everyone around you, it's time to take a look at YOU. I'm not saying this in a bad way, I'm trying to steer you in a better direction that could help you take a different approach/point of view. You are turning people off/away from you some how. Pull your head out of your misery/frustration, and go find something that inspires you to be a better person, self reflection, do something out of your comfort zone. Refresh/renew. Be more positive. 2 1
kendahke Posted March 23, 2022 Posted March 23, 2022 (edited) The "why bother" attitude easily overcomes feelings of loneliness. I think peace of mind, home and heart is far more important than being with someone just to not have to be by yourself. You can feel alone and be in a relationship--with the wrong person for the wrong reason. You can also be alone and feel completely fulfilled with other things in your life that bring you happiness. One question I have: are your conversations with women at the gym centered solely on their looks or how attractive you find them? For some women, that's some low hanging fruit and shows you're after sex, not that you're wanting to know them as a person. That may work on women 30 years younger, but not on them. Besides, everything in life is telling them that they're old and in the way, unattractive, unseen and worthless now that they're over the age of 40. Edited March 24, 2022 by kendahke 2
Gaeta Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 On 3/22/2022 at 6:30 PM, jdesey said: Background- 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. Grown kids, living in Los Angeles area. Who can relate? What have you been doing to meet women? I am 56 and finding dates has never been a problem. There are plenty of people in our age range that are single and looking. Finding someone serious is another topic but dates come easily. Women won't come to you magically though, you have to be pro-active with being online dating, local dating, participating to local events, etc 1
mortensorchid Posted March 27, 2022 Posted March 27, 2022 Guy, you might as well ask what the meaning of life is, because I don't know that either. When I was younger it was all these guys who wouldn't commit to me but would to someone else. Now, it's all these guys who won't commit to me but will to someone else. What can I say? Just be happy with you, because you are all you have.
Killian898 Posted April 3, 2022 Posted April 3, 2022 Yes, it can be quite hard sometimes. I’m in my mid 40s. Whilst getting a date is not really a problem, finding someone who I have a real connection with, am physically attracted to and is in the right headspace and situation to date exclusively, is rare. In my experience I usually only come across such a person around once every 5 years or so. But personally I wouldn’t give up because to me the feeling of finding and being with such a person is worth it in the end. But I can totally relate that getting through the barren periods in between and dating can be a bit disheartening and lonely at times. 1
SumGuy Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 On 3/22/2022 at 6:30 PM, jdesey said: Background- 55 year old Male, fit and ladies say handsome. Grown kids, living in Los Angeles area. It has been 6 long years since the beak up with my ex fiancé. 12 years since my marriage ended. I feel like it has been 100 years! Dating at this age just sucks! I have been on 1 date this year and there was no desire for a second date with her. When I first was single at age 40 it was so much easier. I guess I was new to it and so were the women coming out of marriages and LTRs. Now, we are all older and just over it! I say I give up, but it feels more like surrender. Like this dating fiasco has just beat me into submission. Who can relate? Somewhat, with the age, fit, handsome to some (those who wanted to date me), grown kids, divorced years ago, live near a major metropolitan area as well. Otherwise found dating, and especially OLD, at our age to be the golden age. Easiest time of my life and fewest "games" and most sex. I attribute it to being old enough to know what you want and how to recognize it, that and a near complete lack of fear of rejection as at my age have faced enough hardships and tragedy that a women not wanting to go out with me or not returning my message doesn't even register. Not that it was easy to find someone who I really connected with. A couple times it went well for 6-9 months then we realized not to be, no hard feelings. Took about 3 years and ignoring peanut gallery internet "wisdom" to find my unicorn. I just put in the work (it is time consuming), focused on connecting with women, and not bedding them...although if you do the former the latter seems to readily follow. Went on many first dates where didn't want a second, but heck that is what meeting is for. Always tried to have the first meet be somewhere I might go anyway so at least enjoy the place, and I do like talking to and getting to know people so even dates where it was pulling teeth or talking to a blank slate, the challenge to get them engaged in conversation was fun. I did not have too many job interview dates, but my trouble there is not messing with people with smart ass answers. Did work very hard on how I filtered and what put in my profile a my very initial forays seemed to attract too many who were the job interview type. Also didn't try to force things in the sense that if we didn't click did not spend time trying to get it to happen. Just a good luck with your search and move on. Only stood up once IIRC, and even then the brew pub where we were to meet at had some organized singles night (for people too young for my interest) that night and had a great time laughing and talking to people at the bar, and they even bought me a few drinks, I of course returned the favor. I am a river to my people The real issue was too much choice, too much interest as only liked to be actively engaging with 3-4 women max at a a time. My secret, being picky, being myself so as to attract women who are attracted to what I like about myself, and being very no-expectations when meeting. I found when I removed things from my profile that might indicate how much money I have and added things that made sure that the geek shined through...the job interview types pretty much vanished and pretty much all the dates were fun even if did not want a second. 1 1
SumGuy Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 On 3/22/2022 at 8:46 PM, Happy Lemming said: My girlfriend wanted to set up one of our neighbors (guy a little older than you) with one of her gal pals. He respectfully declined. He was polite, but said he is done with dating and wants no part of any of it.... I just don't get that myself and I'm a pretty solid introvert. If one likes striking up a conversation with people at the bar or just talking to folks, well dating is that. So fun right there, what makes it a "chore" is if you expect more than that. One can hope and more is the goal, but if you are good with the baseline it shines through, removes nervousness and is most likely to generate real connection. I just never found it work to go out for a drink and perhaps break some bread with someone, I consider that fun and do it on my own as well.
Happy Lemming Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 17 minutes ago, SumGuy said: ... I'm a pretty solid introvert. I understand... Yes, if a guy is introverted, he has to pretend to be extroverted. He has to mimic what extroverted guys do and say. I know that is easier said than done. In my youth, I watched what guys (who were successful with women) did. Initially, I did what they did and eventually developed my own game/skillz. And I do understand the whole process can be a bit scary or uncomfortable, but as you do it over and over again, it becomes easy. And yes... I do understand that not every woman you talk to will want to continue the conversation and even less will want to give you their number and go out on a date with you. For me, I just kept trying and trying... Did I get rejected, of course!! Did it stop me... nope, I just went onto the next woman.
vla1120 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 I can relate, but I think it depends on your perspective. Personally, I am thoroughly enjoying being alone at 61 when I consider the alternative (having to take into consideration someone else's schedule, feelings, plans, availability, etc., for every decision I want to make.) I've dated a bit and all it takes is one person putting a demand on my time in any way to remind me how much I am enjoying being alone. (e.g. Why does it take so long to respond to my texts? Why do you place so much importance on your career? I'm retired. You should retire so you can spend more time with me. Yada, yada, yada) It's the whole "grass is greener" phenomenon. I now realize happiness isn't on the other side of the fence. I'm making the best of what I already have, enjoying life on my own, taking up hobbies I've always wanted, but never had time for, etc. My dog fills any other void I might feel regarding companionship. He's not judgmental, he doesn't guilt me, he just gives unconditional love. LOL.
Weezy1973 Posted April 4, 2022 Posted April 4, 2022 @SumGuy Your experience pretty much mirrors mine only when I was a bit younger (early 40s) and not particularly handsome and really just an average job. But no problem at all getting dates through OLD doing pretty much the same thing you did. I think the major keys are knowing what you want and being willing to put in the time. OP, have you tried OLD?
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