Tressugar Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 (edited) Hello, I recently met a guy who just finalized his divorce three months prior. We instantly clicked so much that other ppl in public swore we knew each other forever after he and I just met. We both agreed that we wanted to continue to see each other. This guy is a father of four young boys. The youngest being 3 yrs of age. He has his boys pretty much all of the time. His ex and family members pitch in to help with the day to day raising of small children. This week, he took me out to a basketball game. I noticed that he was a little different. We still had a good time and laughter. Nothing major, but just noticed something was off about his vibe. Well...that was the last time we really communicated. It felt like that he was rushing me to get in my car so I could go home. When I called him on the phone on my way home as I was driving I was met with the same energy. I didn't hear anything from him for two days! We normally talked everyday! So this was a new behavior. I sent him a text asking if we should start seeing other ppl because I don't know where we stand or even if he liked me. He said that he can't predict when his life will slow down between his work and his boys and he didn't want me to wait on him for things in his life to slow down. Then silence again. I sent another text asking if we're not going to communicate even though his life is "busy". I told him that I understand his work and boys take priority over anything else in his life. I figure even the president makes time to call the ppl important to him. The guy never answered my question. All he said was"hey" and asked how I was doing. I'm fresh back onto the dating scene and absolutely clueless how to read ppl's behaviors. Do you think it's over between us? It's only been a month. Should I wait for him to contact me in the hopes of answering my question. Edited March 19, 2022 by Tressugar For clarification.
Wiseman2 Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 3 hours ago, Tressugar said: I sent another text asking if we're not going to communicate even though his life is "busy". Sorry this is happening. 30 days dating is a good time for getting to know each other. You're a rebound and he's is not ready willing or able to date and hasn't adjusted to being a single parent. Someone he knows 30 days is not a priority. Certainly not more than his kids, work, co-parenting etc. Don't badger him with texts. Just observe that he's "too busy" to date. Cut your losses. If you are already upset and trying to have relationship talks after just 30 days dating, just tell him it's not working out for you and end it. 1 1
chillii Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 He was obviously squeezing things to even go out that night and later on dying to get back to probably his kids or work next morning and then his kids later or whatever but he def' over stretched . Sounds like he's also realized he'd be too over all stretched since to keep this going so now he's backing away. And yeah then there's his very recent divorce on top of it. You could leave the lines open for awhile just encase but l really wouldn't expect much, he's gonna have his hands full for yrs and yrs to come from here. 1
glows Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 His response sounds like an overtaxed and underslept dad of four. “Hey” is frustrating regardless of previous frequency of texting. My thoughts are: you are panicking too much and have seen him just days ago this week at a basketball game, his response is lousy, he may be stretched thin and realizing he doesn’t have enough help at home. No, do not offer to be nanny, house cook, cleaner or caretaker of the kids or house. What you can do: step back a little and breathe. Think carefully about what you need in a relationship. Check whether you live a fulfilling and rewarding life as a father of four will be preoccupied with his. Do you want more kids? If so dating him may be pointless if he doesn’t want more. You can’t control him and don’t bother forcing this if it’s not working. Be observant and decide whether this is for you. If you end it keep it brief: “This isn’t working for me and I wish you all the best.” Don’t respond to any other texts or calls. If you continue dating him, be busy with your own life. It will take a lot longer than three months after a divorce for him to adjust to single parenthood. 1
seapebbles Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 It sounds like he's overwhelmed and the last thing you want to do is to add to his stress by sending those types of messages or he will pull away even more. Maybe he's realizing the difficulty of dating again while being a divorced dad of 4 young children. Did the two of you agree not to see other people? He told you not to wait for him which means he's okay with you meeting and dating other men. He's probably dating others and not ready to settle down again being newly divorced. Being new to dating, you should still be meeting/dating other people too. Actually, you have your answer. He has already slowed down communicating with you because he's so busy. Unfortunately, I think he's doing the slow fade and that if you stopped texting/calling him, you wouldn't hear from him anymore. I would suggest that you respond to his messages in a flirty, light-hearted manner, fill your free time with activities, and be open to meeting other guys or start OLD.
stillafool Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 9 hours ago, Tressugar said: Do you think it's over between us? It's only been a month. Should I wait for him to contact me in the hopes of answering my question. Yes I do. 9 hours ago, Tressugar said: I sent him a text asking if we should start seeing other ppl because I don't know where we stand or even if he liked me. He said that he can't predict when his life will slow down between his work and his boys and he didn't want me to wait on him for things in his life to slow down. This is all you need to know. He practically told you to go ahead and see other people. Saying things like "I don't know if you even like me" is a turn off. You wouldn't be sitting with him at a game if he didn't at least like you. I don't think he wants more though.
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2022 Posted March 19, 2022 People who are fresh out a marriage/relationship will have many rebounds. You were a nice escape/distraction, now he's looking forward to other experiences for awhile keeping his life simple. He already has a commitment to his job, and kids...doesn't have room for another one. He is a coward for not being forward with you but yes it's pretty much over.
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