So sad

[Heatemyheart89]

I was in a relationship for 9 months . I had known him for four years . He was married but separated and has two kids . I have none of my own . At first as his divorce was going through I did not think much of him being married , but it began to bother me . I was also left alone a lot as he had kids . We argued and I knew he could not make me a priority . 
 

He would say cruel things about me and my mental health , he would say things then deny he had . My colleagues hated him . 
 

Now I have found myself pregnant and he says be cares about me but doesn’t have the right feelings for me . This really hurts . I don’t think he ever really loved me enough and maybe was not over his wife who left him. He just wants to get back to his normal life and for me to go away .

He has now blocked me and I’m so depressed , I will likely have a termination . This is sad for me as I have some fertility issues . 
 

I know I have to move on but I just feel so lost .  I’m feeling from the rejection. In the four years I’d know him he was never like this .

Edited February 27, 2022 by Heatemyheart89

[glows]

Focus on the pregnancy and try to decide whether to keep the baby. He may not want to have anything to do with you but he’ll have to pay child support should you keep it. Do you have family and friends who would support you? 

I’d also look into resources for counselling and speak with your doctor about recommendations. Ending a pregnancy is a difficult choice.

Edited February 27, 2022 by glows

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Heatemyheart89 said:

 He has now blocked me and I’m so depressed , I will likely have a termination . 

Sorry this is happening. See a physician ASAP about your situation. At that time discuss your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Do not expect a married man to be happy about an unplanned pregnancy with a mistress. 

Do you still work together?

The sooner you get rid of him and avoid him the sooner you'll feel better.

[vla1120]

6 hours ago, Heatemyheart89 said:

He has now blocked me and I’m so depressed , I will likely have a termination . This is sad for me as I have some fertility issues . 

Do you have a support system in place - someone you can talk to about this decision? If you have fertility issues, you may want to seriously consider having this child on your own as long as you have the means. Whether he blocked you or not, he would still be responsible for child support. That being said, it doesn't sound like someone you would want to be involved with long term anyways, since he is still not divorced and has mistreated you so badly during the time you've been involved.

If you decide not to keep this child, that will make it very easy for you to cut him completely out of your life. You deserve SO much better than he has ever given you. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

5 hours ago, glows said:

Focus on the pregnancy and try to decide whether to keep the baby. He may not want to have anything to do with you but he’ll have to pay child support should you keep it

My sister was in a similar position though the man she was dating was divorced with kids. When she got pregnant, he blocked her. She decided to have the baby on her own, filed the papers with whatever authority and his wages were garnished. She never regretted having her beautiful daughter, my niece, who is now grown and out on her own. 

When my niece was around 13, she really wanted to meet her father. My sister did some heavy work to prepare for it and also ensured to the best of her ability that the father would not cause any issues (meaning don’t make promises you can’t keep Yada Yada. She was his only daughter, and I believe he has two sons). Suffice it to say, meeting him fulfilled her curiosity, allowed her to get some questions answered or satisfaction. I do not believe they stayed in touch much but it was a net positive and I was impressed how my sister set it up. 

I share all this as I am sure you feel overwhelmed and scared, but if you do truly want to be a parent (without his help beyond monetarily) you can do it.

Best of luck.

[glows]

1 hour ago, ClearEyes-FullHeart said:

My sister was in a similar position though the man she was dating was divorced with kids. When she got pregnant, he blocked her. She decided to have the baby on her own, filed the papers with whatever authority and his wages were garnished. She never regretted having her beautiful daughter, my niece, who is now grown and out on her own. 

When my niece was around 13, she really wanted to meet her father. My sister did some heavy work to prepare for it and also ensured to the best of her ability that the father would not cause any issues (meaning don’t make promises you can’t keep Yada Yada. She was his only daughter, and I believe he has two sons). Suffice it to say, meeting him fulfilled her curiosity, allowed her to get some questions answered or satisfaction. I do not believe they stayed in touch much but it was a net positive and I was impressed how my sister set it up. 

I share all this as I am sure you feel overwhelmed and scared, but if you do truly want to be a parent (without his help beyond monetarily) you can do it.

Best of luck.

Yes, true. But that’s not my point in my post. She also has the option of filing for child support and the child is entitled to that. It’s not about her or what she wants so much as what the child is entitled to.

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Sorry I shouldn’t have quoted you as I was replying to the OP. I guess I thought I was adding to your comment but apologies if you feel I misconstrued what you said etc.

[glows]

No worries. I’m sorry too as I wasn’t that clear in my earlier post so also wanted to clarify what I was meaning. Thanks for mentioning. 

[Stret]

Look at it this way - you can have this child without him and raise the child alone. It might be the best thing that happened to you and it will definitely be the love of your life.
I am glad that man is not in your life as he doesn't seem like a good guy at all. Instead of focusing on him - forget him and look after yourself. 

Find a lawyer and ask what are the rights of your child in this situation and if child is entitled to financial support from a father. 

Get a therapist - we all need one, trust me. Start looking after your mental health first and foremost. Meditate. Go to hypnotherapist - that can replace a year of traditional therapy in the short term. But you need to figure out your issues to be the best mum you can be. 

I hope you have some support from friends and family. Good luck and be kind to yourself.