complicated crush

[overthinkingittoomuch]

I met this guy because he is my sister’s boyfriend’s brother.  I should also note, my sister is currently pregnant with her boyfriends baby, and her boyfriend lives with us right now.  

Anyway the four of us (myself, my sister, her boyfriend, and his brother, let’s call him-the boyfriend’s brother-E) hung out together a couple of times. afterwards my sister told me that E kept mentioning me, asking about me, and telling her that he thought I was cute.

At this point I didn’t really know him, so my initial reaction was just like, “but that would be weird right?…it’s your boyfriends brother. “ I do think that’s a valid concern to be cautious about, and I guess I felt that was the “right” thing to say at the time. But anyway I felt a little on the spot, and not even really sure what I was supposed to do with that information.  I said I don’t know what to say, but we could all continue hanging out.  And so we hung out as a group more, and E has been very flirty and complimenting me, and super attentive and asking lots of questions.  We’ve been getting along well and getting to know each other a bit ,and hes been really nice. I started to realize I had a pretty big crush. 

 at this point I was really excited to see him next. We had loose plans for the four of us to hang out together and I was looking forward to it a lot.

And then I found out that E abruptly quit his job and had to move back in with his aunt in his old hometown, which is about 2 hours away.  He and his brother had also gotten into an argument at this time and aren’t speaking, so it’s been hard to find out too many details about what’s going on, but this came out of nowhere. 

Lately I’ve been struggling with this feeling of blaming myself. I regret that I wasn’t more encouraging in the beginning and maybe I ruined the potential. I wonder if I have a responsibility to let E know how I feel now. But I’m not even sure what I would say.  I wouldn’t want to lead him to believe I’m ready for us to start dating or anything like that because I’m not.  And I don’t really think he’s in a great position in life for a relationship at the moment anyway. I just miss him and wanted to get to know him better. 

My hope was that we would continue hanging out and just take it from there.  But now he lives 2 hours away and I have no contact with him.  We’re not friends on social media or anything. I feel disappointed that he doesn’t seem to miss me at all. I get this urge to want to add him on Facebook but I feel like that would be getting in the middle of his family drama between he and his brother, right? Like me taking sides. And therefore  that would possibly involve my sister too, I would never want to do anything that made her feel uncomfortable or anything. I just feel stuck. 

[NuevoYorko]

It doesn't sound like he was in a position to start a relationship, and even if he had been - now he'd be living 2 hours away without a job.  Not too promising.  There is nothing wrong with sending him a friend / message request.    If you want to, do that.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, overthinkingittoomuch said:

I met this guy because he is my sister’s boyfriend’s brother.  I should also note, my sister is currently pregnant with her boyfriends baby, and her boyfriend lives with us right now.  

Sorry it didn't work out, but his circumstances won't allow dating right now.

Step back from his family drama. A passing crush isn't worth it.

[glows]

While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with adding him on Facebook after some time, I don’t think now is a good idea. 

You’re steaming hot for this guy who laid the compliments on thick. Cool off for a few weeks and readjust your head. 

You’re right: he’s not in a position to date. I wouldn’t worry about taking sides. Now isn’t a good time. How’s your housing situation? Are you ok living where you are? Do the remaining three of you need to look for a fourth roommate?