ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) On 2/12/2022 at 6:34 AM, Lewis321 said: This helped somewhat but she was still showing aggressive and violent outbursts and was targeting and attacking myself and her sister to the point I had to remove the oldest from the family home for her safety. After this the youngest completely trashed the house, food everywhere, breaking things, urinating and defecting on the floor. [ ] It sounds like the child is severely emotionally disturbed or may have some mental illnesses. Her living with you was NOT working and it was a severely unsafe situation for you, and for both of the children. Children with behaviors this severe may need to be in some kind of inpatient facility or be institutionalized. How is the mom able to handle her? Are things more under control while the youngest is living with the mom? If so, then it sounds like perhaps living with the mom is the best situation for the child and in her best interest right now. Living with you was just not the right place for her, at least not right now. This is about what is in the best interests of the children. You worrying that the youngest child will "hate" you or turn against you is really secondary to her and her sister's safety right now. Edited February 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lewis321 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, ShyViolet said: [ ] It sounds like the child is severely emotionally disturbed or may have some mental illnesses. Her living with you was NOT working and it was a severely unsafe situation for you, and for both of the children. Children with behaviors this severe may need to be in some kind of inpatient facility or be institutionalized. How is the mom able to handle her? Are things more under control while the youngest is living with the mom? If so, then it sounds like perhaps living with the mom is the best situation for the child and in her best interest right now. Living with you was just not the right place for her, at least not right now. This is about what is in the best interests of the children. You worrying that the youngest child will "hate" you or turn against you is really secondary to her and her sister's safety right now. I have no idea what it could be, as I say the specialists are saying possible ADHD but she has had a far from normal upbringing and part of me thinks there are psycotic traits there. Before she went to mums I asked social services could she go into some kind of temporary mental facility but they refused as they said safeguarding wasn't carried out and from what they seen of her in the family home they classed her as a risk to other people who would be there. Obviously the children's wellbeing and safety is my number one concern hence why I asked for her to go with her mum but Its natural for me to want to see her and have a bond with her and worry thst she won't want any of that. I have no idea how mum is handling it or what her behaviour is like, as I said I have no contact. Edited February 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edit quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 5 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: she went to mums I asked social services could she go into some kind of temporary mental facility but they refused as they said safeguarding wasn't carried out and from what they seen of her in the family home Social workers are not pediatric neurologists or psychiatrists. They can not make this determination. They can however notice how chaotic the home environment is and therefore recommend she stay with the mother for the time being. You need to stop the court battles. This child should not be subjected to a tug-of-war over visitation right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lewis321 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Social workers are not pediatric neurologists or psychiatrists. They can not make this determination. They can however notice how chaotic the home environment is and therefore recommend she stay with the mother for the time being. You need to stop the court battles. This child should not be subjected to a tug-of-war over visitation right now. Because she is currently undiagnosed that is why they wouldnt accommodate her in some kind of facility. As I said it was my idea for her to go to mums not theirs, they were just made aware of it once decided. Believe me the last thing I wanted to do was take it to court but as mum stopped both me and her sibling from having any contact I had no choice. In my country you have no legal right to have access to your child unless it is ordered. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 @Lewis321 You are doing your best. People don't know what it's like to have a disturbed child unless they have been in the situation, or understand that in most places there is way more demand for services than available services. Diagnosis necessarily takes years because the child is still developing. Sometimes there are no 'best practice' available services, people have to make do with partial diagnosis and what is available. Covid has put even more pressure on what's available. You could have been a 'deadbeat dad' and just let contact and responsibility slide for years, like my son's father, and you didn't think that was appropriate so you are now doing what you think is best. It is okay for you to tell us your frustrations and worries too, especially if you have already been on the receiving end of your ex wife's malice at times. Some people are going to criticize you whatever you do. And you are probably going to second-guess yourself too sometimes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lewis321 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 28 minutes ago, SingFish said: @Lewis321 You are doing your best. People don't know what it's like to have a disturbed child unless they have been in the situation, or understand that in most places there is way more demand for services than available services. Diagnosis necessarily takes years because the child is still developing. Sometimes there are no 'best practice' available services, people have to make do with partial diagnosis and what is available. Covid has put even more pressure on what's available. You could have been a 'deadbeat dad' and just let contact and responsibility slide for years, like my son's father, and you didn't think that was appropriate so you are now doing what you think is best. It is okay for you to tell us your frustrations and worries too, especially if you have already been on the receiving end of your ex wife's malice at times. Some people are going to criticize you whatever you do. And you are probably going to second-guess yourself too sometimes. Thankyou so much means so much to me. Yes your right I do second guess myself but I am all them kids have ever had until she moved to her mothers. It has been such a struggle, people don't realise how many times the health service have just brushed my concerns off. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 18 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: people don't realise how many times the health service have just brushed my concerns off. Sadly common. It's almost like the child has to reach crisis to be heard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted February 13, 2022 Senior Moderators Share Posted February 13, 2022 Please note that this thread is about family breakdown and child custody issues. Comments pertaining to the diagnosis of the OPs child have been removed. Thank you for your cooperation in keeping this thread on topic. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 On 2/13/2022 at 10:03 AM, Wiseman2 said: Social workers are not pediatric neurologists or psychiatrists. They can not make this determination. They can however notice how chaotic the home environment is and therefore recommend she stay with the mother for the time being. You need to stop the court battles. This child should not be subjected to a tug-of-war over visitation right now. Did you actually read any of the posts? Because your advise makes no sense as it pertains to the situation. The mother is the one creating this situation, by not allowing the OP to have contact with his youngest daughter. While the child might need medical help, that is neither here nor there as it pertains to parental access. The OP has every right to fight this fight, and should definitely do it. Also, children are rarely brought into custody battles unless the parents actively bring them in. It's not like they have go to the hearings. Particularly not children as young as the OPs daughter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lewis321 Posted February 19, 2022 Author Share Posted February 19, 2022 16 minutes ago, ASG said: Did you actually read any of the posts? Because your advise makes no sense as it pertains to the situation. The mother is the one creating this situation, by not allowing the OP to have contact with his youngest daughter. While the child might need medical help, that is neither here nor there as it pertains to parental access. The OP has every right to fight this fight, and should definitely do it. Also, children are rarely brought into custody battles unless the parents actively bring them in. It's not like they have go to the hearings. Particularly not children as young as the OPs daughter. Thank you! Means alot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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