NuevoYorko Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Catsclaws00 said: I was trying to find out if it was just my imagination and I should just carry on with the work task. Yes, you should carry on with your work task. That's what we do at our jobs. Whatever is going on in coworkers' heads is not our concern. Can you imagine if every person in a workplace was parsing over the details of empty chatter, glances or even flirtation? Nothing would get done, and a lot of trouble would be stirred up. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's the responsibility of each individual in a professional environment to keep in our own lane, maintain boundaries, and do what we are there for. Work. It has nothing to do with figuring out whether there are subliminal meanings behind comments like "are you cold" or "happy International Women's Day." Stop paying attention to that stuff. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 On 2/22/2022 at 2:28 PM, Catsclaws00 said: Predatory in what way ? I don’t agree , we get along really well and enjoy talking on a very simplistic level. Because it seems you are looking for any little indication that this man may have a romantic interest in you even though you know he is married. Stop it. I'm sure the people you work with have picked up on this to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Because it seems you are looking for any little indication that this man may have a romantic interest in you even though you know he is married. Stop it. I'm sure the people you work with have picked up on this to. What do you mean - how would they have picked up on it- I don’t discuss anything at all with anybody like that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 Just now, Catsclaws00 said: What do you mean - how would they have picked up on it- I don’t discuss anything at all with anybody like that I did my very best to try and ignore him on that day and just concentrate on the work . It seemed like he was more jokey than normal so in the end I just let him get on with it and block him out Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) On 3/13/2022 at 4:00 AM, Catsclaws00 said: I worked with a man at work the other day, I came in wearing a coat over my uniform and he said are you cold ? He then said how was my international woman’s day? I said oh fine thanks , he said he sent a text of appreciation to a family WhatsApp group to all the women .. I jokingly said what - and you didn’t think of me … he said I did think of you ::. he was then just being generally quite jokey and saying things in front of co workers like I should buy us a new table as I am one of the managers, I replied you will be lucky. He was then joking in front of people again about whether or not I had been any help today … then when I went out of the room he said oh are you leaving us …and when I left he said ‘stay warm’ ::: these are just examples .we also had some periods of what seemed like quite prolonged eye contact . Does this sound standard friendly or slightly odd? What you're describing is nothing. 1- of course he was thinking of you on IWD that's why he asked you about it. He was also thinking about many other women too. 2- He made a joke about buying a table. 3-Stay warm? You've got to be kidding, I would say that to my dog going out to play. These are all desperate reasons you are looking for that he may be interested. Edited March 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 3 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: What do you mean - how would they have picked up on it- I don’t discuss anything at all with anybody like that People notice more than you think. Your vibe is in the air, your body language as well as your actions. You need to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, stillafool said: What you're describing is nothing. 1- of course he was thinking of you on IWD that's why he asked you about it. He was also thinking about many other women too. 2- He made a joke about buying a table. 3-Stay warm? You've got to be kidding, I would say that to my dog going out to play. These are all desperate reasons you are looking for that he may be interested. In the environment we work in , that is not normal behaviour and it is an odd thing to say however you look at it. He asked if I was cold so I would take my coat off, I took it off and said is that better ? He smiled playfully. I’m not planning to engage with him but I do think he knows what he is doing and was being flirty Edited March 13, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) 1 minute ago, Catsclaws00 said: ’m not planning to engage with him but I do think he knows what he is doing and was being flirty He more than likely knows what you are doing and is just playing with you. Edited March 13, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 Just now, stillafool said: He more than likely knows what you are doing and is playing with you. Yes I agree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 He is your "mentor", you said in your OP, and I feel like you're almost "disrespecting" him. All this poor guy wants to do is support you in your new role, and share his experience with you, so you can succeed in your new position. And instead of being thankful for all his efforts and keeping it professional, you are trying to analyze his behavior and every word, in order to find a shred of flirtation hidden in them. Stop! Keep it professional. The man is married, and he probably does not want to jeopardize his career for you. He does not sound interested in any affair kind of situation, and most of all he is not available. And yes – people will notice. It always happens, even if we think we're hiding it well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 27 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I’m not planning to engage with him but I do think he knows what he is doing and was being flirty I think it's your ego that wants to believe this. When I said "playing with you" I meant in a friendly way that coworkers play. Not in a flirty way. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 36 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: Yes I agree with that. Notice: this is about what YOU are doing. You are the one obsessing about your co-worker. Yes, he probably notices it and I'm sure the others you work with do as well. Stop. For the record, talking about "blocking him out" is also an extreme reaction. Can you just try to act neutral, normal and professional? Better yet, don't just ACT in those ways. Actually BE neutral and professional. Seems like he has a sense of humor, you could try that as well. It seriously does not matter one minute speck if he is in fact flirting with you, or teasing you, or is just a guy with goofy behavior. You are there to do your job. Unless he has crossed some lines that warrant a report to HR, it's not worthy of your attention at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 (edited) On 2/11/2022 at 2:04 PM, Catsclaws00 said: I work for a large company , and have recently started a more senior role. A former colleague from my previous role who is around 20 years older than me and has previously held a very high position, is very knowledgable and experienced in our field has become a real mentor to me. He helps in things I’m doing , always gives good advice and listens . I message him and we meet up every few weeks just Briefly to discuss current work issues . I really am attracted to him , he is married. When we are together he seems pleased to see me and often compliments me saying I’m doing a great job etc. he isn’t overly flirty but always agrees to meet when I ask to, he also always is there for me. He has never said anything overly flirty or sexual - but I feel a certain connection. What is going on here , and is it likely he knows I feel something ? what's going on here is you are about to ruin your life, your senior's life and his wife's life. snap out of it! Nothing is going on here and even if there was something going on here, it's best to just exthinguish it before it is burn the whole place down. It is not worth it! RUN, avoid him like plague, try to find someone else! Edited March 14, 2022 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: I was trying to find out if it was just my imagination and I should just carry on with the work task. He has said to catch up on Tuesday so I was planning to kindly decline his offer of help . Working on a project together will mean the chance to be close for longer periods and I don’t think that’s a good idea now Yes. You know what to do. If it’s not necessary to work on the project together, decline. Focus on your work independently and report to your boss. Edited March 14, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 All you can do is be professional at work. And start dating men outside of work. This unrequited crush is from loneliness and perceiving what you want to perceive. Once you start going out on dates and find a BF, you'll be lot happier and trying to decode everything this co-worker does or says won't be important. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 On 2/12/2022 at 8:18 AM, Catsclaws00 said: Why he is even bothering then, as in what is in it for him ? Personal and professional satisfaction. He is being a nice person, attempting to help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: All you can do is be professional at work. And start dating men outside of work. This unrequited crush is from loneliness and perceiving what you want to perceive. Once you start going out on dates and find a BF, you'll be lot happier and trying to decode everything this co-worker does or says won't be important. Thanks for your advice, I am not entirely sure this is all in my head as you say. You just can get a vibe from people and he is definitely very open with me, more so than I see him with normally behave Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 On 3/13/2022 at 6:08 PM, Pumpernickel said: He is your "mentor", you said in your OP, and I feel like you're almost "disrespecting" him. All this poor guy wants to do is support you in your new role, and share his experience with you, so you can succeed in your new position. And instead of being thankful for all his efforts and keeping it professional, you are trying to analyze his behavior and every word, in order to find a shred of flirtation hidden in them. Stop! Keep it professional. The man is married, and he probably does not want to jeopardize his career for you. He does not sound interested in any affair kind of situation, and most of all he is not available. And yes – people will notice. It always happens, even if we think we're hiding it well. I’m not trying to, he is giving me more attention than he does Others who ask for advice. I’m not being disrespectful, I just am sensing a certain vibe that we are becoming more familiar with eachother Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 On 3/13/2022 at 5:41 PM, stillafool said: What you're describing is nothing. 1- of course he was thinking of you on IWD that's why he asked you about it. He was also thinking about many other women too. 2- He made a joke about buying a table. 3-Stay warm? You've got to be kidding, I would say that to my dog going out to play. These are all desperate reasons you are looking for that he may be interested. I don’t understand why he would say he thought of me, if he didn’t. Just seems strange Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 36 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: I don’t understand why he would say he thought of me, if he didn’t. Just seems strange Again, maybe you are right. But if you aren’t interested in an affair, why are you pursuing this line of thought? It seems like energy that could be spent better elsewhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SharpMind Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 49 minutes ago, Catsclaws00 said: course he was thinking of you on IWD that's why he a I’ve been in your shoes sort of. I met someone about 16 years ago and we worked very closely. There was an admiration from day 1. She was on the sales side and I was her customer, one thing she set straight from the beginning was “we don’t talk about the 4 forbidden things, Religion, Money, Sex, & Politics” essentially setting the boundaries upfront. But like you I could not ignore the “back and forth” weird connection…the lunches, dinners, and the flirting back and forth. About 10+ years ago we went from colleagues to “friends”, I stopped interacting/ghosted her about 5 years ago as what you are feeling now I had no longer wanted to feel the back and forth of unknowing if there was anything between us. Both of us married w/kids which complicated things and not something I wanted to explore to see if she felt the same, not right to do on so many levels. Now recently we reunited by accident and have gotten together multiple times for lunch, etc. and our relationship let’s say we are past the “4 forbidden things not to discuss”, not sure if it’s close friendship that we have or we both have those same feelings that I’ve been feeling all these years or what it is, but I’m very familiar with her personal sex life, political beliefs, financials, and religion now, so we crossed that crazy "no no" line I guess. Sometimes it’s best to stay away if you can not separate your feelings to remain friends, if that's what it needs to be and you both want – in my case I should of listened to my gut a few years ago and ghost her and not keep interacting. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 @Catsclaws00 Given that you don't want an affair, I agree that it would be wise to spend time thinking about why you care whether or not he's hot for you. Is it perhaps an ego boost? Or do you have some kind of insecurity which the knowledge would help soothe? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Catsclaws00 said: Thanks for your advice, I am not entirely sure this is all in my head as you say. That's ok. But if you had a BF, whatever he is or is not doing wouldn't matter because you would view it through workplace rather romance novel glasses 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Catsclaws00 said: I don’t understand why he would say he thought of me, if he didn’t. Just seems strange That comment seemed appropriate given he is your mentor and he's helping towards your career. Also he sent a text to an entire group of women for the occasion. He didn't do it especially for you Edited March 15, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
Author Catsclaws00 Posted March 15, 2022 Author Share Posted March 15, 2022 1 hour ago, stillafool said: That comment seemed appropriate given he is your mentor and he's helping towards your career. Also he sent a text to an entire group of women for the occasion. Nothing special about you. He said he just sent it to the women in his life through his family WhatsApp group- so 2 daughters and wife I’m guessing . He then said he thought of me Link to post Share on other sites
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