After 8 mos exclusive, seems like we're going nowhere.

[Hazel23]

54 minutes ago, picaso3183 said:

Very similar to me and I got good advice here. I came to the conclusion to have one last chat with her and thought I would be very clear. She did not really respond or no what to say to me. Like you I wrestled with if and how to have this chat. So after her response, or lack of I suggested cutting contact for a while to give me space to think. I suggest you maybe do this. I told her how I felt and then asked for space to think. I too like you feel like an excluisve FWB and I think she likes me and the ease and security of  having me but not enough to comitt fully to me. Basically hedging her bets. Maybe your guy is the same?

But you need to figure out what YOU want. I feel your pain and frustration I really do. People say walk away, he doesnt like you enough etc but when other areas click it is hard. BUT it is not healthy to stay out of fea of it ending.

Yes I am hurting right now and I really miss her. But I am stopping the urge to contact her. So speak your mind and then be prepared to cut contact if needed. If he genuinely wants you some space may make him express this. If he doesnt then clearly it wont work. 

Good luck

Thanks for this thoughtful and important reply. I don't feel like he's hedging his bets or looking for something better. I honestly think he would treat any woman this way, by giving JUST enough to keep the woman tied to him ON HIS TERMS. The entire 8 mos have been on his terms. To bring up the dreaded "what are we" talk now and be direct with it, I feel like my guy would respond much like your girl did, by not knowing what to say, and it being super awkward and uncomfortable.

Early on in dating him I asked what he wanted, and he said with a chuckle "to finish my cabin." I should've run then. But we just have such a great connection on so many other levels. It really baffles me why he refuses to progress. Seems to me he just really likes having a woman around once a week to show off to friends and fill his need for intimacy. Maybe this is his idea of a great relationship. This isn't a relationship. Not for me. I'm lonelier now than I was without him. Like you said, it's hard to leave when the time together is so blissful, and you click on so many levels.  It really sucks but I'm going to have to find a way to ask him, find a way to word it. I don't want to put a leash on his neck, I don't need him to do anything for me other than confirm that I'm more to him than an exclusive FWB. It's a horrible position to be in. I just don't know how to bring it up. I don't know how to word it. I've played it so cool all these months, maybe he thinks this is working for me. I have no clue what is going on in his mind or if he even thinks of me at all!

I'm sorry you're hurting, too. Damaged people damage people, and we are being damaged by the ones who don't return our effort. That's not worth it to me. I've been hurt enough in this life. I just want peace now, with someone who's not afraid to love me back. 

[Hazel23]

24 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Okay what do you want him to do to show you he cares?  Can you be specific because if you say something to him about this he will probably ask you.

I don't know. At this stage in life, I shouldn't have to tell a grown man how to make the woman he's dating feel cared about. I guess just some verbal confirmation would make me elated since I feel so damn deprived at this stage.  I did ask him once jokingly after a few drinks "do you even LIKE me???! hahahaha" and he replied shocked "OF COURSE I like you! If I didn't we wouldnt STILL be dating." He made me feel kinda stupid, tbh. Like I was asking him to state the obvious.

 

It's just SO WEIRD to be 8 mos in and this man has never even uttered anything even remotely emotional. Compliments of physical beauty, yes, he does that. But like I said, I feel like an exclusive FWB. NO EMOTION. It's just so damaging. It's terrible. He knows I care; I make tremendous effort that he recognizes and is grateful for. Why on earth would he allow me to put all this time and energy in if he wasn't serious about me? He's not a narcissist. He's a compassionate person. It just doesn't make sense. 

Edited February 7, 2022 by Hazel23

[chillii]

Don't worry it's pretty obvious what your saying, feeling, what's missing but nah, you shouldn't have to tell him. Not on something supposedly as natural and basic as those sort of things.

Maybe it is just a casual convenient part time thing all nicely locked in for him as long as he's good to you- maybe his thoughts.

Edited February 7, 2022 by chillii

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

He acts like he's in love with me when we're together, very affectionate...

Often, he will tell me I'm beautiful, sexy, or hot, but never says he misses me or cares about me, and there's zero emotional expression.

Just playing devil's advocate but I grew up with a father AND brothers who rarely, if ever, verbally expressed any sort of emotion regarding how they felt about me or anyone else.  My dad for example NEVER told me he loved me.

However, I did and DO feel very cherished and loved because of how they expressed their love for me through action.  They would do anything for me and even recently, my brother went out of his way to help me and when I responded "thank you, I love you," he said "no problem."

This did not bother me, because that's just his way (and my dad and other brothers' way) - to express emotion through action.

Both my dad's wife (my step mom) and brother's wife have told me that they are the same way with them.  Not verbally expressive but express their feelings through action.  

You posted when you're together you feel very much loved, he's affectionate, has introduced you to all the important people in his life, he often tells you he thinks you're beautiful, which IMO speaks volumes.

So perhaps you could try looking at it from that angle?  And strive to understand his nature of expressing emotion through action rather than ending things?

Just a suggestion assuming you love him and everything else is good.

EDIT:  Since you see each other only once a week, perhaps you might suggest you spend more time together and see how he responds to that.  I don't think that's too much to ask for, if you haven't said anything about it (specifically), he may think you are OK with that arrangement.

If you complain to him about not being more verbally emotionally expressive, his natural response would be to recoil which it appears he has done by responding "that's all I have time for."

I dunno, try accepting him for who he is and what he DOES give you, see how that works.

 

 

Edited February 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Hazel23]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Just playing devil's advocate but I grew up with a father AND brothers who rarely, if ever, verbally expressed any sort of emotion regarding how they felt about me or anyone else.  My dad for example NEVER told me he loved me.

However, I did and DO feel very cherished and loved because of how they expressed their love for me through action.  They would do anything for me and even recently, my brother went out of his way to help me and when I responded "thank you, I love you," he said "no problem."

This did not bother me, because that's just his way (and my dad and other brothers' way) - to express emotion through action.

Both my dad's wife (my step mom) and brother's wife have told me that they are the same way with them.  Not verbally expressive but express their feelings through action.  

You posted when you're together you feel very much loved, he's affectionate, has introduced you to all the important people in his life, he often tells you he thinks you're beautiful, which IMO speaks volumes.

So perhaps you could try looking at it from that angle?  And strive to understand his nature of expressing emotion through action rather than ending things?

Just a suggestion assuming you love him and everything else is good.

EDIT:  Since you see each other only once a week, perhaps you might suggest you spend more time together and see how he responds to that.  I don't think that's too much to ask for, if you haven't said anything about it (specifically), he may think you are OK with that arrangement.

If you complain to him about not being more verbally emotionally expressive, his natural response would be to recoil which it appears he has done by responding "that's all I have time for."

I dunno, try accepting him for who he is and what he DOES give you, see how that works.

 

 

I love everything that you said here. I also grew up with a dad and brother that never verbally expressed emotion. Probably a good reason why I'm so determined with this guy in my life to HEAR some words of affirmation.

I've gone around and around about it in my mind. I DO believe he is just NOT comfortable verbally expressing his emotions, which is why I haven't pushed him, but rather focused on just being a solid partner and showing him through my own actions that his heart is safe with me. He is thoughtful to me, and kind. All of his friends think I'm a catch and have told him so. He even joked and TOLD me that one of his friends said to him "if you ever stop dating her, hook me up!" and we both laughed about it. 

The reason I am still with him 8 mos in, is because I DO think he actually enjoys the time we spend together.  I'm a low maintenance chick, I don't push him to say or do things that make him uncomfortable. I've taken the angle that for whatever reason, he just needs time to trust me, and feel safe with his emotions, so it's always smiling, fun, great sex, cooking, hiking, playing, laughing when we are together. I mean, what's not to love?! He'd be a fool to let me go.  I think this is just the way he is, and he's giving as much as he can right now.

Maybe I'm fooling myself (good chance), but I think I will keep trying to just accept him for who he is and what he DOES do for me, like you say, and maybe after a little more time, his feelings will become more obvious. 

I just don't want to leave him, and what we have, if he feels the connection as strongly as I do. Time will tell, I suppose. 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Hazel23

[FMW]

I agree that many men are not verbally expressive of their feelings, so as long as his actions show you he cares I wouldn't count him out.  But although 8 months isn't that long, I think t should be a point where you are together more than once a week.  So the inaction of him not being available to you more than that is the problem in my opinion.  My guy had a lot of things going on and to deal with when we got together, but we moved past only once a week after a few months. 

If you saw each other more often, the lack of verbal confirmation might not be as upsetting for you at this stage.  That's what I would try to talk to him about, seeing each other more often, not defining your relationship.      

[Alpacalia]

Didn't have to read through all the responses.

Whether through actions or verbal affirmations OP the bottom line is that it does not make you feel emotionally close to him.

That's the issue.

Edited February 8, 2022 by Alpaca

[Hazel23]

2 minutes ago, FMW said:

I agree that many men are not verbally expressive of their feelings, so as long as his actions show you he cares I wouldn't count him out.  But although 8 months isn't that long, I think t should be a point where you are together more than once a week.  So the inaction of him not being available to you more than that is the problem in my opinion.  My guy had a lot of things going on and to deal with when we got together, but we moved past only once a week after a few months. 

If you saw each other more often, the lack of verbal confirmation might not be as upsetting for you at this stage.  That's what I would try to talk to him about, seeing each other more often, not defining your relationship.      

I'm actually OK with just seeing him once a week. I show up around 4pm, stay the night and leave the next day in the afternoon. We've never had a bad time, and these are super long "dates." It's been this way since the beginning. I'm still with him because I know he's not pursuing other women. If he was, I'd be OUT THE DOOR. Maybe I just need to let this play out. He's such a GOOD MAN, and I really do care about him. 

 

[Hazel23]

3 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Didn't have to read through all the responses.

Whether through actions or verbal affirmations OP the bottom line is that it does not make you feel emotionally close to him.

That's the issue.

It is. I feel like he keeps me at arm's length. It depresses me beyond belief. 

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, Hazel23 said:

It is. I feel like he keeps me at arm's length. It depresses me beyond belief. 

Does he really though or is that simply your own interpretation because he is more comfortable expressing emotion through action than verbally?

I was so happy when I read your response to my post and to FMW's post because it sounded like you were beginning to recognize his lack of verbal expression is just his nature and NOT because he doesn't have strong feelings for you.

That said, if verbal expression of emotion is an absolute must need for you, then you may wish to reconsider the relationship however I sense this not something you are ready to do.

Best of luck whatever you decide, really tough decision.

Edited February 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, Hazel23 said:

It is. I feel like he keeps me at arm's length. It depresses me beyond belief. 

That's a horrible sensation to have.

It's especially difficult when the person has checked all of the boxes. As you stated, he is a wonderful man, but is that enough to keep you in a relationship when you are so depressed?

Someone who tells you "this is all he has time for," or "this is all I am capable of," is telling you the truth.

It is your responsibility to fill your own emotional tank.

I can't imagine this is an easy task for you. Especially after 8 months.

 

[FMW]

Letting things play out would be fine if it wasn't depressing you and making you so unhappy. 

My own relationship was built slowly, compared to what others seem to feel is "normal".  But it worked because both of us needed the time.  There were a few points when things seemed to be stuck in the same pattern without much growth, and I did get a bit frustrated.  We've moved past that now and he's actually more emotional and seeking more time together than I am sometimes.  I'm very happy I gave us the time to develop.  But it seems maybe the difference in our situations is that I knew exactly why my guy needed time and it was something that could (and did) change in time.  It seems you are not sure exactly what your guy's reasons are or if they will ever change.  

I would caution you to not let the frustration go on for too long.  You need to see some signs of continuing growth.  Since most of your time is spent apart, that time should not be filled with frustration and dissatisfaction.  

Edited February 8, 2022 by FMW

[Hazel23]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Does he really though or is that simply your own interpretation because he is more comfortable expressing emotion through action than verbally?

I was so happy when I read your response to my post and to FMW's post because it sounded like you were beginning to recognize his lack of verbal expression is just his nature and NOT because he doesn't have strong feelings for you.

That said, if verbal expression of emotion is an absolute must need for you, then you may wish to reconsider the relationship however I sense this not something you are ready to do.

Best of luck whatever you decide, really tough decision.

I believe he does. We actually had a great time this past weekend and spent the entire time playing house, cooking, laughing, having sex and cuddling in each other's arms. When I got home, I sent him a message saying I was sad I had to leave, and that I missed him. He replied, "at least you know you can come back next weekend!" So, no I miss you too's or anything. I try to tell myself "ok the soapy stuff makes him uncomfortable" and I turned the messaging around and lightened it up. This is the first time in 8 mos that I said I missed him. And that was the reply I got. That was Saturday, and I haven't heard from him since. I've noticed this is a little bit of a pattern. When we have weekends where I feel like he's coming around emotionally, he will then take a few days to message me....erasing all the intimacy we just shared so it can't be built upon. See how confusing this is??

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

No, I don't want to get married or move in with him. I just want to know that he cares about me, and I'm not wasting my efforts on someone who could take me or leave me. 

Your replies are to the opposite ends.

 

you two are an ge apart. If he works normal 5 days work week he doesn’t have time to visit other than what he is currently  doing.  
 

he needs sleep fir his job and not drive two hrs at night each day.

 

it sounds like you want him to come to you.

[Hazel23]

13 minutes ago, FMW said:

Letting things play out would be fine if it wasn't depressing you and making you so unhappy. 

My own relationship was built slowly, compared to what others seem to feel is "normal".  But it worked because both of us needed the time.  There were a few points when things seemed to be stuck in the same pattern without much growth, and I did get a bit frustrated.  We've moved past that now and he's actually more emotional and seeking more time together than I am sometimes.  I'm very happy I gave us the time to develop.  But it seems maybe the difference in our situations is that I knew exactly why my guy needed time and it was something that could (and did) change in time.  It seems you are not sure exactly what your guy's reasons are or if they will ever change.  

I would caution you to not let the frustration go on for too long.  You need to see some signs of continuing growth.  Since most of your time is spent apart, that time should not be filled with frustration and dissatisfaction.  

I guess that is where the confusion comes in for me. All this time I've thought I was letting things develop naturally, as you say. But, you're right, unlike you I have NO idea why he needs time, or if he will ever come around, or if it will be like this forever! I just don't know how to ask him for reassurance. 

[lonelyplanetmoon]

You have to take responsibility for yourself girl.  You are a bad communicator yourself as you won’t express your own feelings for fear of him running  away.

I suggest you take a hard look at your expectations that you place on him and the relationship and see how your actions contribute to this dynamic.

if you want an emotional connection then be emotional.  Talk about your feelings with I messages “I feel’ xyz. Do not push “you” messages.  ie You don’t do this, you never do that etc.

When I started dating my bf who is also a classic male who shows little emotions etc.  I explained it to him like this:

Think of our time as making deposits.  When we are together the quality of the interactions yields high deposit value or low deposit value.  And from this I would communicate when I felt there was a good deposit, small deposit or negative deposit.  That way I was able to communicate my needs in terms of what was valuable to me and helped him to understand me more.  He also made fun of my analogy and gave us both something to laugh about.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Life is short. Don’t forget to be grateful and live life with grace.
 

 

[Hazel23]

1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said:

Your replies are to the opposite ends.

 

you two are an ge apart. If he works normal 5 days work week he doesn’t have time to visit other than what he is currently  doing.  
 

he needs sleep fir his job and not drive two hrs at night each day.

 

it sounds like you want him to come to you.

I usually go to him. He has a much better house, and more fun things to do around him than I do. Plus, I work from home and love getting out of here. He knows this.

As far as effort goes, I'm the one making most of it. I see him enough. It's OK, I'm busy too. The schedule works for me, but I would definitely see him more if that's what he wanted. I would make the time for him, but I do not feel confident that he would do the same for me. He's a literal mystery to me. I know that he probably just isn't verbally expressive, but at SOME point, words must be exchanged, otherwise I'll forever be guessing. And that's where all the frustration and sadness come in on my part (that I never show him). He has no idea I'm sad. I guess I'm just as much to blame for not expressing myself verbally, but that's hard to do when I feel like he's not really open to discussing his feelings about me, TO me. 

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, Hazel23 said:

I believe he does. We actually had a great time this past weekend and spent the entire time playing house, cooking, laughing, having sex and cuddling in each other's arms. When I got home, I sent him a message saying I was sad I had to leave, and that I missed him. He replied, "at least you know you can come back next weekend!" So, no I miss you too's or anything. I try to tell myself "ok the soapy stuff makes him uncomfortable" and I turned the messaging around and lightened it up. This is the first time in 8 mos that I said I missed him. And that was the reply I got. 

Just goes to show ya how different we all are, because with respect to the bolded, I would have laughed at that!  I actually don't need (or even want) all the soapy stuff, I find it contrived.  I pay more attention to action and love playful banter etc.

But that may be because like I said I grew up with a father who was not emotionally expressive, my brothers are the same and my boyfriends tended to be the same as well.  

But who knows perhaps I myself am "emotionally unavailable" although I DO love deeply and my boyfriends all knew it, I am just not one for verbal declarations of emotion (I miss you, I love you etc), again I pay more attention to action and how we get on when together.  

And I am very physically affectionate (lots of PDA) so perhaps that makes up for the lack of verbal.

That said, again if this is what YOU need which IS perfectly understandable, we all have different needs, then again you may wish to reconsider the relationship because feeling depressed in your relationship is not good and no way to live.

25 minutes ago, Hazel23 said:

When we have weekends where I feel like he's coming around emotionally, he will then take a few days to message me....erasing all the intimacy we just shared so it can't be built upon. See how confusing this is??

Yes I can see how confusing this is, and it's apparent you definitely need more than he's willing or capable of providing at this time.

So two choices:

1.  Either accept and appreciate what he DOES give you, what makes you happy, OR

2.  End the relationship.

You cannot change him, I think you know that.  What you can do is give it a bit more time; it took my brother two YEARS to even introduce his now-wife to the family and another SIX years to marry her.

Again, good luck!

Edited February 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Hazel23]

6 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

You have to take responsibility for yourself girl.  You are a bad communicator yourself as you won’t express your own feelings for fear of him running  away.

I suggest you take a hard look at your expectations that you place on him and the relationship and see how your actions contribute to this dynamic.

if you want an emotional connection then be emotional.  Talk about your feelings with I messages “I feel’ xyz. Do not push “you” messages.  ie You don’t do this, you never do that etc.

When I started dating my bf who is also a classic male who shows little emotions etc.  I explained it to him like this:

Think of our time as making deposits.  When we are together the quality of the interactions yields high deposit value or low deposit value.  And from this I would communicate when I felt there was a good deposit, small deposit or negative deposit.  That way I was able to communicate my needs in terms of what was valuable to me and helped him to understand me more.  He also made fun of my analogy and gave us both something to laugh about.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Life is short. Don’t forget to be grateful and live life with grace.
 

 

Thank you. I do take responsibility for playing it too cool. If I were him, I'd be thinking "This chick is great! She never expects anything from me and she's always happy!!" because that is the version of myself I've presented to him. I didn't hide my feelings to be deceitful, I did it because I thought I was giving him time and space to develop his own feelings. Now, the joke's on me, because my once warm feelings are turning resentful, and I'm needing reassurance from him. I just don't know how to bring it up. It needs to be quick and simple. "I care about you, and I just don't know if I should encourage these feelings or not." Seems like a simple enough thing to say, but when you're saying it to someone who's made it seem like talking about anything emotional could be panic inducing, or cause the person to FLEE with anxiety, suddenly, it's not so easy. 

I feel like before I can address this with him, I need to be prepared to hear him tell me to move on. And I'm just not ready for that yet. 

[Hazel23]

24 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

You have to take responsibility for yourself girl.  You are a bad communicator yourself as you won’t express your own feelings for fear of him running  away.

I suggest you take a hard look at your expectations that you place on him and the relationship and see how your actions contribute to this dynamic.

This is spot on. 

[chillii]

Daughters and sisters are totally different though, although a daughter is in between .

l have 6 sisters , wth would l say or show anything much to them , they're sisters not my gf, not even on the same planet. My daughter though l am very loving with her , cuddle her or tell her l love her too or miss her when she's not around , and other things.

But he may well be the unemotional type, we can't know. Or maybe he just doesn't feel it, or needs time or maybe maybe, you know him . The one day a wk thing though is strange if he does feel more. Although a guy might hold it back 12mths first of all , see if she's real , see what it is, trust, we've all been hurt or had things too, that's not only a female privilege.

Edited February 8, 2022 by chillii

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

But he may well be the unemotional type, we can't know

I wanted to respond to this (and again just my experience) but he may be VERY emotional, he just expresses it differently, through action and physically when spending time. 

3 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

We actually had a great time this past weekend and spent the entire time playing house, cooking, laughing, having sex and cuddling in each other's arms.

This^ speaks volumes imo.  And goes back to what I said about accepting and appreciating what he does give you; focusing on what you have together (a great connection) versus what you don't have. 

Just trying to see the glass half full cause I sense you really love him a lot and that he loves you too. 

Edited February 8, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

I just don't know how to ask him for reassurance. 

I feel we all sometimes fall into this trap.

The answer to the distress you're feeling doesn't lie with your boyfriend, nor is he the solution. He can't fix your "insides."

The problem (as I see it) is that you don't feel your boyfriend articulates his love to you in the way you "think" would be more fulfilling. So you try to persuade him to fall in line with your romantic ideals, but end up disappointing both him and yourself. All this does is set up him up for failure and yourself up for disappointment. Of course, it's natural you'd start to feel even more isolated, depressed, and anxious because of that. 

From his (and your) viewpoint, he's putting a lot of effort into your relationship.

When you say you don't feel heard, consider how well you listen.

Would it be easier for you to show appreciation to him not just for what he does for you, but also for who he is as a person rather than in ways that you prefer affection to be shown?

You might discover that by exploring this, you'll see your boyfriend in a new light, or you might surmise that you two just aren't compatible.

[picaso3183]

8 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

Thanks for this thoughtful and important reply. I don't feel like he's hedging his bets or looking for something better. I honestly think he would treat any woman this way, by giving JUST enough to keep the woman tied to him ON HIS TERMS. The entire 8 mos have been on his terms. To bring up the dreaded "what are we" talk now and be direct with it, I feel like my guy would respond much like your girl did, by not knowing what to say, and it being super awkward and uncomfortable.

Early on in dating him I asked what he wanted, and he said with a chuckle "to finish my cabin." I should've run then. But we just have such a great connection on so many other levels. It really baffles me why he refuses to progress. Seems to me he just really likes having a woman around once a week to show off to friends and fill his need for intimacy. Maybe this is his idea of a great relationship. This isn't a relationship. Not for me. I'm lonelier now than I was without him. Like you said, it's hard to leave when the time together is so blissful, and you click on so many levels.  It really sucks but I'm going to have to find a way to ask him, find a way to word it. I don't want to put a leash on his neck, I don't need him to do anything for me other than confirm that I'm more to him than an exclusive FWB. It's a horrible position to be in. I just don't know how to bring it up. I don't know how to word it. I've played it so cool all these months, maybe he thinks this is working for me. I have no clue what is going on in his mind or if he even thinks of me at all!

I'm sorry you're hurting, too. Damaged people damage people, and we are being damaged by the ones who don't return our effort. That's not worth it to me. I've been hurt enough in this life. I just want peace now, with someone who's not afraid to love me back. 

Happy to help you as I know how rubbish this feels. You need to have the chat with him. I did it all wrong so you need to communicate how you feel. Communication is the foundation of any relationship so if he runs after that its best you know. I doubt he will run though and it doesnt have to be the end after the talk. Just don't make it sound like an ultimatum which I kinda of did. On reflection now I have so many better ways I could.have said what I needed to. Point 2 others said here you need to be specific what you want from him.but also ask about what he wants from you. But that takes time to figure out. I would take some.time to think this and write it down.

But the key point here is what you said. You are more lonely now than you were without him. This is EXACTLY how I felt. This is not what a relationship should feel like. You NEED to communicate this. You cannot control his reaction only how and what you say and your actions after the response. 

Good luck! 

 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Hazel23 said:

. I DO believe he is just NOT comfortable verbally expressing his emotions, which is why I haven't pushed him, but rather focused on just being a solid partner and showing him through my own actions that his heart is safe with me. 

Do you spend most weekends together? How far apart are you? Do you alternative or spend them at his or your place?

He seems to compliment you quite a bit and says a lot of caring things to you. What, precisely, do you need to hear? 

You claim you don't want marriage, living together or a future with him.

What, exactly, is missing? "I love you"? Have you even expressed that yourself or anything else? 

You almost seem to hate him. As if he's forcing you to spend weekends together.

You seem to be driving this by being a self described  "low maintenance chick". So you're the one who's playing it too cold.

Try being emotionally available yourself.  When you play defensive this hard don't expect others to stick their necks out. 

And no, men are not all verbally stunted.  Keep in mind that men are also not mind readers. You'll have to take some risks and say what's on your mind.

Be specific about what you want. More time together? More communication in between dates? ILYs? 

If you are playing it this cool, you seem to be afraid of expressing yourself and your needs.

Edited February 8, 2022 by Wiseman2