smackie9 Posted February 5, 2022 Posted February 5, 2022 3 hours ago, David Graham said: I truly love her, otherwise I wouldn't be in a true loving relationship with her. yes,the fact we don't have regular sex is frustrating but I don't want to lose her just because of this,even though it's important for me. I already told her I would truly die for her and do anything I can do to make her feel protected. She and her family always telling me how loved and protected and good she feels around me and I can also see that on her and on her behavior. Sex is not the most important thing to me, the most important thing to me is being best friends of each other and being there when needed always, and we both do! Give it another 6 months and you won't be feeling that way about her (shocking!) You are in the honeymoon/infatuation stage of the relationship where you are so in love/infactuated you are willing to make sacrifices. That changes in time especially with the always possibility of temptation all around you. Best of luck on the hold out. It's gonna be a rough ride.
Ami1uwant Posted February 5, 2022 Posted February 5, 2022 4 hours ago, David Graham said: I do want to say, but not with pressure or against her will, but I do also need to meet my needs There is no pressure on her.it’s about value and choice. if she wants to wait till marriage then fine…she finds someone who is willing to wait. sexual capatability is very important part of a relationship and your sex needs to be compatible. if you want it daily and she only once a week ir less will cause relationship problems. sex is part of a relationship that needs to be evaluated prior to marriage
princessaurora Posted February 5, 2022 Posted February 5, 2022 It's possible she had every intention of waiting till marriage and she regrets that the ex cooerced her into it. She might have even went through the steps to become a born again virgin with the church and if that's the case it's highly unlikely she'll stray from that anytime soon.. But it's also possible she could be dealing with sexual trauma after the way her ex treated her and in that scenario she may change her mind over time if y'all stay together and she grows to trust you and feel connected with you 100%. But I can assure you if you pressure her for sex it will only drive her away. When I met my husband, my gut told me to wait to sleep with him. I knew he was my person, but he had just got out of a LTR and my instincts told me to wait. .I told him straight up I really liked him and wanted him to stick around, so I wasn't going to sleep with him for awhile. It bothered him a little I slept with the guy I was seeing before him on the 4th date, but he still didn't pressure me. We did oral just like you and your gf, but no piv. He never tried to escalate there or badger me about it. Between the 3-4 month mark, I felt secure enough in our relationship and was the one to initiate it. Had he not been patient and understanding I don't know when i would have gotten to that point. So it's possible she may change her mind if you don't pressure her. But then again she could just hold firm on her decision if it is truly driven by her religion. If you honestly can't wait then end it and find someone else. Just keep in mind she will probably not take you back if it turns out to be something you regret.
mark clemson Posted February 6, 2022 Posted February 6, 2022 23 hours ago, David Graham said: I’m 22 This girl is really the love of my life I'm not sure what you should do, but I DO know that 22 is probably way too early to actually KNOW whether she's the love of your life or not. 23 hours ago, David Graham said: I had many opportunities to lose my verginity but declined because I want to have sex only with the girl I love. I imagine in 30 years or so, there will be one of two possible main scenarios. In one you are with her and genuinely feel you were right to hold out for her. In the other you (probably mildly) regret not being with those other girls "while the getting was good". No one can tell you the future, so no idea which it will be.
Alpacalia Posted February 6, 2022 Posted February 6, 2022 (edited) 17 hours ago, David Graham said: What would you say to her and how? She has stated plainly that she does not wish to have sex (intercourse) until marriage. It doesn't work to ask again in a different way. Being compatible with her is essential to your happiness, in which case keeping your feelings in front of her and parting ways may be the best thing you can do. Edited February 6, 2022 by Alpaca
dramafreezone Posted February 6, 2022 Posted February 6, 2022 (edited) @David Graham ultimately you have to find your own words but here are the bullets that I would use: • I would start by "we need to talk." Everyone knows that is universal code for a serious relationship topic. • Basically you say that you really respect her position on pre-marital sex but you don't share it and this won't work for you. • It's your belief that sex is a bonding experience that two people share, and it's a necessary component of growing in a courtship and relationship. • If she feels very strongly about this then it's time that we part ways. I hope you find what you want. • Contact me if you change your mind. Be gracious, be stoic. You may be accused of not really caring about her, only wanting sex, etc. Those are shaming tactics, don't fall for it, be the adult if you're accused of any of that. Edited February 6, 2022 by dramafreezone 2
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2022 Posted February 6, 2022 On 2/4/2022 at 11:36 PM, David Graham said: When I asked her out she told me she wants to wait until marriage for religious beliefs and I told her it probably won't be easy for me. I'm willing to take it as an “experiment” because she told me she has no problem with oral sex. After one month of me dating her she told me she is not a virgin and she had sex with her first ex You're shifting the goal posts after you found out she had sex before. First you were ok with oral but now you want more because of her news that this last BF manipulated her into sex. There is no conversation to have. Her tenet now is no premarital intercourse. So pressuring her is also manipulative. 1
stillafool Posted February 6, 2022 Posted February 6, 2022 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: @David Graham ultimately you have to find your own words but here are the bullets that I would use: • I would start by "we need to talk." Everyone knows that is universal code for a serious relationship topic. • Basically you say that you really respect her position on pre-marital sex but you don't share it and this won't work for you. • It's your belief that sex is a bonding experience that two people share, and it's a necessary component of growing in a courtship and relationship. • If she feels very strongly about this then it's time that we part ways. I hope you find what you want. • Contact me if you change your mind. Be gracious, be stoic. You may be accused of not really caring about her, only wanting sex, etc. Those are shaming tactics, don't fall for it, be the adult if you're accused of any of that. OP, I believe after you tell her this she will think about it and choose option #5. Don't be afraid to tell her the above.
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