AngryGromit Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, bloop said: I probed more and asked whether it's because he has to pay damages to his car or whether he's running from something. He said 'no', then I asked whether it's because he has to pay the other guy compensation. I sent that three days ago, he's read it but never replied. What do you think is going on here? Should I offer to help (I'm quite well-off)? I think he's a scammer. Rarely will they outright and say can I have $2,000 to pay for my mom's surgery or she will die. They will tell you about how sick there mom is, how much they love Mom, they don't know how they will ever coming with the money to save her life. They paint a sob story and wait for you to volunteer to give them money. Oh you can lend me $2,000 to pay for the surgery? I'll be ever so grateful. I promise to pay you back (they won't). Mainly because now there sister is now in dire financial situation, oh I don't know how my Sister will come up with the money. They will milk you till you wise up. Wise up before sending him a cent, move on. Look at it this way, if someone you didn't know asked you for money, you would never send them any. But if they can make you think it's your idea to send you them money, chances are they can con you out of 10 grand before you realize you been manipulated. Edited January 9, 2022 by AngryGromit 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 4 hours ago, bloop said: huh? but he hasn't asked me for any money, he's straight up ignoring me now. He won't, for it to be a successful con, it has to do your idea. Your already thinking about send him some. He's got you half hook already. I'm sure there a formula they follow, even with the waiting to respond to your emails/messages. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 6 minutes ago, AngryGromit said: Your already thinking about send him some. He's got you half hook already. I'm sure there a formula they follow, even with the waiting to respond to your emails/messages. See here's where I take issue with the "he's a scammer" theory. A good scammer would know she's considering sending him money. Metaphorically speaking, the last thing the scammer would do, knowing he's got a big fish half hooked- is to put down his rod and reel and get back in his car and drive away. Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Estes said: See here's where I take issue with the "he's a scammer" theory. A good scammer would know she's considering sending him money. Metaphorically speaking, the last thing the scammer would do, knowing he's got a big fish half hooked- is to put down his rod and reel and get back in his car and drive away. i think it's all part of a calculated formula, meet someone online, chat/text/email with them all the time. Get them to form an emotional connection with them. Then cut back on the communication, don't respond as often, be evasive with what's wrong. Let her pull the information out of him that he need cash badly, for whatever. She's already thinking about sending him cash. If she help him, things would be like the way they were before. she needs that close personal connection....but it's gonna cost you baby. Just my opinion, but i stand by my first assessment. It order for it to be a successful con, it has to be her idea to send him the money. Edited January 9, 2022 by AngryGromit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 35 minutes ago, AngryGromit said: He won't, for it to be a successful con, it has to do your idea. Your already thinking about send him some. He's got you half hook already. I'm sure there a formula they follow, even with the waiting to respond to your emails/messages. He knows that he has you if you continue to message/pursue him. It’s only a matter of time… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 29 minutes ago, Estes said: Metaphorically speaking, the last thing the scammer would do, knowing he's got a big fish half hooked- is to put down his rod and reel and get back in his car and drive away. Her ego is bruised - Quote I'm not used to being the one rejected. it irks me that I don't have answers, I can't even concentrate on other stuff If he is a scammer, he is relying on the fact that she is going to continue to message/pursue him. She wants to know where he went - what happened? Why don’t you like me? And as soon as she does, he know that he has her. He creates interest by disappearing for a while - but he is not gone. This is a test. It’s about control. She will be so relieved when he replies (intermittent reinforcement), that he will know that he can be more bold - Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) All good points about why the off and on could all be part of a scammer's game but still not nearly enough to draw the conclusion that this guy is in fact a scammer and not just some regular guy with life issues who might even be pursuing other women to date. Op all you can do going forward is to be on your guard, do not send him a dime, and if there are further communications consider sharing them here. A pattern will surely develop that points towards his motivations. Keep finances entirely out of the conversation but be hyperaware if he tries to go there. If the conversations resume, and he does bring up his poor financial state, if you're feeling creative you could say something like "I'd really like to help you out but I'd NEVER send money to a person I haven't met", and offer to make a trip to where he lives so you can finally meet in person and see where things are going. But even that carries some risk if he has sinister motivations, you wouldn't just fly to his city and have him pick you up and bring you back to his place for example. You'd get your own hotel, and meet him somewhere for that first official date. Be prepared for the possibility of him being a no show and do some research first, at the very least run a background check based on his given name and address. Be prepared for the possibility that he will be a no show and if he is a scammer then the name and address could belong to someone else. Whether you send a message or not at this point is probably inconsequential. If he wants back in- for whatever reason- you'll be hearing from him. Edited January 9, 2022 by Estes Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 41 minutes ago, Estes said: See here's where I take issue with the "he's a scammer" theory. A good scammer would know she's considering sending him money. Metaphorically speaking, the last thing the scammer would do, knowing he's got a big fish half hooked- is to put down his rod and reel and get back in his car and drive away. Yeah , l didn't think so either. Sounds more like many would be when a bad situations come along so early in , especially with the pressure of it being long distance and knowing what that involves, he's faded to solve his crap. He could've easily gone the other way if he wanted money. But we can't know much from this op . If what he's said is true then he's got a lot on his plate with whatever has happened , and he's moved countries, big enough on it's own alone. l think all you can do is leave that one last message if you'd like to , your there and missing him when he's ready, or something. lf he is legit he might get back when he's in a better position, if he's faded on you he probably just won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 1 hour ago, Estes said: All good points about why the off and on could all be part of a scammer's game but still not nearly enough to draw the conclusion that this guy is in fact a scammer and not just some regular guy with life issues who might even be pursuing other women to date. True. Scammer is only one possible option. We obviously don’t know, and neither does OP because she’s never met the man in person. As she doesn’t actually know the man, this is all just speculation. That said, I would advise extreme caution OP. None of this - “love conquers all” talk. If you think with your heart and not your head, you will more than likely be very sorry. This guy doesn’t seem like a good risk to take if the goal is healthy relationship with a financially healthy and reliable man. First, there is the distance. Second, there are several red flags that make this suspect. Ignore the red flags at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Scammer didn't even occur to me when I read the opening post. My first thought @bloop is that he was put off by you asking how long it would take him to save up for a trip with you, you "probing" what the situation was, asking the details of whether or not he had to pay for his car damages or whether he's running from something (?!), and then even after he answered no continuing the questions with asking if he had to pay the other person compensation. Those are all fairly personal and reasonably private issues to be probing someone you haven't actually met. If he was comfortable talking about it he would have volunteered the details. He may have decided you were too nosy or pushy for his liking. I understand your curiosity, but unless he offered the information freely it would have been best to step back and reconsider being too attached to him at this point. Offering financial assistance to someone you haven't met is a very bad idea. If he is working on handling the situation like a responsible adult, he might be offended by your offer. If he does happen to be a scammer, you would be making things very easy for him. Don't initiate any further contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 5 minutes ago, FMW said: My first thought @bloop is that he was put off by you asking how long it would take him to save up for a trip with you, you "probing" what the situation was, asking the details of whether or not he had to pay for his car damages or whether he's running from something (?!), and then even after he answered no continuing the questions with asking if he had to pay the other person compensation. Good point. He might have felt he was being interrogated. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Why on earth would you even consider sending money to a person on the internet who you've never met? It doesn't matter how well-off you are, you need to use common sense with your money. Why don't you find men in your local area to date instead of pursuing this stranger on the internet who lives 8 hours away from you. This whole situation doesn't make much sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 14 hours ago, bloop said: Honestly, I really like this guy, and from his videos, I could sense that we could have a real connection (no easy to find). He suggested I should buy a place around where he is, and we'd live together & 'live it up', haha. What did he do or say that makes you think you could have a real connection with this guy? Just because you are well off do you want to start paying for a guy's problems? What you start you will have to continue. You haven't even met this guy in person yet. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 3 hours ago, Estes said: A good scammer would know she's considering sending him money. Maybe this one is a two bit scammer. Also he doesn't seem to have to scam it's going to be offered to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Maybe this one is a two bit scammer. Also he doesn't seem to have to scam it's going to be offered to him. True. Could just be some guy who got himself in a hole who had the good fortune to run into a woman with money who is all ready to give him some after only communicating with him online for about a month. Then again as per his actions to date he doesn't seem interested in a handout. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloop Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) he replied. explained his situation (won't disclose here). never ever asked for money. we reached an agreement that I would see him instead. which I will try to do once lockdown is over. I think he's worth it. I don't go for financial stability. I prefer looks over money, lol cos I have enough myself. oh and I was going to OFFER to help. offering to help does not equate to sending him $$, I'm not stupid I was going to use it as a bargaining chip to get what I want, but it doesn't seem necessary now. he seems way more concerned WHEN I can go see him, never once mentioned $$ I've met plenty of scammers online, I can smell them from a mile away. if it DOES turn out he is one, he will be in a different league than all the rest. I will be careful. Edited January 10, 2022 by bloop 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 39 minutes ago, bloop said: oh and I was going to OFFER to help. offering to help does not equate to sending him $$, I'm not stupid I was going to use it as a bargaining chip to get what I want, but it doesn't seem necessary now. That's not at all what you made it sound like, given that you added in your first post that you're well-off. The obvious conclusion one would draw is that you were indeed considering sending this guy money. Never use an offer of money as a bargaining chip. Then you'll never know if someone is genuinely interested in you, or your finances. And a man who is into you doesn't need a bargaining chip in order to progress things with you. Don't sink to that level, girl. It would be too desperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloop Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 lol. you'll just have to take my word for it when i say, i wouldn't another thing is, i'm looking to get out of my own country anyway, so if i really do meet someone in another country and it goes well, i'd move there to be with them. if we don't click, then i'll just take it as a holiday. time to 'live it up' if you will, ha. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, bloop said: lol. you'll just have to take my word for it when i say, i wouldn't another thing is, i'm looking to get out of my own country anyway, so if i really do meet someone in another country and it goes well, i'd move there to be with them. if we don't click, then i'll just take it as a holiday. time to 'live it up' if you will, ha. All that aside he’s hot/cold because of his personal circumstances or unreliable. How much fun are you going to have on this vacation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloop Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) a lot. life is what you make of it at the very least, I will get laid. Edited January 10, 2022 by bloop Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 I'm sorry, but I get the impression that the OP is actually the man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, bloop said: i'm looking to get out of my own country anyway, so if i really do meet someone in another country and it goes well, i'd move there to be with them If you are so wealthy you can do this without talking to what may be scammers or catfish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloop Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) I'm not ultra wealthy, I'm well-off I guess it's getting older that truly bothers me. so these days I'm willing to compromise more *shrug* and I'm a woman, I promise. Edited January 10, 2022 by bloop Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 3 hours ago, bloop said: at the very least, I will get laid. Maybe, if he in fact goes through with this visit. It would also be wise to verify that he's actually single. His behaviour is off, no matter how you slice it. I would be very wary about this man. I have a feeling he's hiding something from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 3 hours ago, bloop said: a lot. life is what you make of it at the very least, I will get laid. How do you know that for sure? What do YOU look like? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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