Is it true that if you don't contact your ex after a breakup then they'll come back to you?

[peterkyle]

In my honest opinion this works best on men. Men always come back eventually, but woman are a lot trickier. For example, in order for a woman to want to dump you and go, with no contact, it is either that you were psycho and she’s getting the hell away from you, or she was into you but you refused to do right and she got tired of it.

If it’s the first one it’s a wrap, you’ll only make it worse. If it’s the second one, do not approach her unless you’ve made the changes. If you don’t change, yet keep popping up she will only grow to hate you.

But let me hear your views on this? This is just my take based on my own personal experience.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, peterkyle said:

If it’s the second one, do not approach her unless you’ve made the changes. If you don’t change, yet keep popping up she will only grow to hate you.

Unfortunate many of those get-your-ex-back sites give you this formula of '30 day No Contact" rule as some sort of tool. Then to write a letter that sounds indifferent yet goes on about how great life is how much you've improved etc. This is all to prey on broken hearts and  provide false hope.

 Sadly if there was a breakup, there was a reason. It doesn't have to be an egregious reason it could just be a loss of interest or any other factors.

The best that could happen is an on/off relationship with chronic unresolved issues. Or taking back someone who throws a breadcrumb during a dry spell for attention.

The best time to address a breakup is before it happens by being aware of issues and either ending it if they are unresolvable or resolving them.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, peterkyle said:

Men always come back eventually

Well, no. I can tell you from experiemce that this is absolutely not always true. 

2 hours ago, peterkyle said:

woman are a lot trickier.

Woman here. When I was done a with a relationship and broke up with a boyfriend, it was because I truly wanted to end it and not be his girlfriend anymore. Some dumpers go back, but I personally never have. 

Going No Contact (or not) isn't what makes or breaks a reconciliation. There are far too many other vairables at work in each individual break-up, and plenty of couples stay broken up for good without either party "coming back."

 

[TeddyBundy1993]

Lol   we all fall into this trap and deep down expect our ex to contact for reconciliation but no contact isn't to bring back your ex. It's a effective yet misunderstood technique which can be helpful.  People break up & reconcile all the time. Irrespective to gender circumstances during the break up are more important. Yes men and women respond to break up differently but no contact is not to bring back your ex it is used to move on since after a relationship is over it becomes difficult to adjust as a important person in your life isn't with you anymore like it used to be.  If you are implementing no contact please do not expect reconciliation.

[basil67]

I see that you aren't encouraging 'no contact' but rather, to change.   Thing is though, if it takes a breakup for a guy to change, then he's pretty dumb for not having made the changes before the relationship got to the point of her walking away.

My ex-h made the changes required after I left him.  But it was too little, too late - I was glad to have left and I had no interest in trying again.

[Aventra]

Well my ex came back to me and then dumped me again so it's not always worth that emotional strain 

Anyway we were a long distance relationship with neither wanting to move and we disagreed on wanting kids. Furthermore there were some things she wasn't happy about although all things that I knew I could fix. Anyway I pleaded a bit but to no avail. 

She did suddenly start texting me saying she was looking at our photos and how handsome I was... she sent a birthday card saying she wanted to show her love in a new way. Very confusing. Then we became friends with benefits and things got real messy before we got back together. 

 

This time we ended again on a good note but things went badly post breakup . It was clear Anyway she was hardly going to go for a third reunion. 

 

Part of me thought it would have been better to have not got back together though I was desperate for that at the time.  I did say maybe some day I might want kids but I still wasn't happy to move to an expensive city and rent. Plus she just put anxiety on me again with the fear of breaking up which really messed with my head.  So sometimes you're best just letting things be. You could get back and have an even worse breakup. 

[Estes]

4 hours ago, peterkyle said:

 Men always come back eventually

Sweeping generalizations are always wrong.

See what I did there?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

5 hours ago, peterkyle said:

Is it true that if you don't contact your ex after a breakup then they'll come back to you?

Well, according to the old adage

 

The answer depends entirely on whether you love them.

 

According to the old adage your criminal record, your ex's criminal record, or whether either is serving life without parole has no bearing on whether your ex will return to you.

Your stalker behavior perpetrated over years does not matter.

 

The only variable of concern, according to the old adage, is whether you love them.

 

***  oh, and if the ex doesn't come back, you are no longer to reference him/her as your ex.

[Maldives]

Nope 

[Schmaggie]

On 1/2/2022 at 2:02 PM, peterkyle said:

Men always come back eventually, but woman are a lot trickier.

Oh, wow! I wish this were the case. Because my boyfriend broke up with me and I hope he comes back. But unfortunately I don't think this is a hard and fast rule, at least based on my experience.

This is from a women's perspective: So typically when I was the one who had moved on—either I wanted to be with somebody else or I realized the other person wasn't the right/healthy fit—my exes didn't contact me afterward and I still didn't go crawling back to them despite the no-contact. The only exception was after my break-up with my high school sweetheart. I went crawling back to him perhaps 6 months to a year after I broke up with him. But I was very young, 19, so not exactly emotionally mature or having had a lot of relationship experience to make sound decisions.

With my most recent break up, I went no-contact more for my own sanity. (Do I really want to know if/when he gets another girlfriend? Hell no!)  Unfortunately, we are untangling a shared assets so there is occasional contact from him to me about this issue. However, I have not reached out to him other than to briefly respond to his questions/updates about the asset. It's all business between us. I desperately want him to take me back, but I know he won't. In the months leading up to the breakup, I sensed him drifting away (we had a long-distance relationship FYI). And because he had mentally moved on prior to the breakup, I am certain this has been solidified now that I have been absent from his life in a meaningful way for a month.

So I think it all comes down to whether the person has moved on, regardless of gender. If that is the case, they won't be coming back—with or without contact. There are probably always exceptions to this, but in the majority of breakups this is what tends to happen. I'm sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear.