Ex broke it off but I'm still not sure what happened

[WyoGuy]

So me & this girl were dating for 6 months, we met at a resort we worked at & hit it off. Before I knew it she was asking to stay over every night & from there it became a relationship. We’ve never had any crazy fights, typical arguments but not frequent & not dysfunctional. We work our West but are both from the East Coast & after the summer we both went back to visit family. Our families live about 3 hours away.

Anyways she went home about a month before I did & we did get into some arguments while I was still out west eventually leading to her saying she wanted a break which she immediately regretted and then asked if I’d take her back the next day... which I did.

Things were great since then I went to her family’s thanksgiving, took Christmas photos with them for their postcard & she came down to meet my family, we were also planning to go to Disney in a month & everything seemed to be going well. After I took her back home she went to a family wedding a few days later & found out a family “secret” that hurt her. Two days after that she asks me if we can talk, I FaceTime her & she is crying already & says she loves me but she wants to break up. Her given reason was that I love her more than she loves me & it’s not fair to me.

She said I was a great boyfriend, treated her better than anyone ever has & that it wasn’t anything that I’d done. It completely blindsided me as I had every indication things were well. She even left her saddle in my truck before I left her house I tried to give it to her since I was heading home which she said “she’ll get it next time I visit” only days later to break things off.

I’m completely lost on why or how this happened & unlike last time there was no call the next day of regret, it’s been over a week & she’s supposed to pick up her saddle & drop off the Christmas gifts she got me today. I just wanted some others thoughts idk if this indicates infidelity... idk if there’s something she isn’t telling me but it just doesn’t make sense to me it seemed like we were both very happy & had a unique connection. I still love her.

Edited December 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear this happened and no wonder you feel blindsided. I don’t think you have done anything wrong. She prob had doubts in the back of her mind because of the distance but then I suspect she met someone she was attracted to who was nearer. 

The attraction to someone near over someone long distance should not be underestimated, esp if there was a genuine ‘click’.  

I think she was upset because she knows you are a good guy and breaking up for these reasons seems petty, but people do this all the time. Sorry.

Edited December 23, 2021 by spiderowl

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

 she went to a family wedding a few days later & found out a family “secret” that hurt her. Two days after  says she loves me but she wants to break up. 

Sorry this happened. Do you suspect there's an ex or hometown old flame in the picture since this wedding?

[glows]

She was hot/cold with you from the start. I prefer seeing the person as is early on and making no excuses for that behaviour if it's uncalled for or inappropriate. Leaving the saddle with you is an excuse to come back later in case she changes her mind. 

While it may be jolting, look for individuals you can rely on and trust. Don't worry about working yourself up on whether she was unfaithful or disloyal. The fact is she is gone so start letting go of any idea that she's an option to date. That door has closed.

[WyoGuy]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Do you suspect there's an ex or hometown old flame in the picture since this wedding?

Possibly, I mean she does have an ex out there.

[WyoGuy]

1 hour ago, glows said:The fact is she is gone so start letting go of any idea that she's an option to date. That door has closed.

Yeah just bummed out but I’ll get over it.

thanks for the advice & reply.

[WyoGuy]

14 hours ago, spiderowl said:I think she was upset because she knows you are a good guy and breaking up for these reasons seems petty, but people do this all the time. Sorry.

Thank you for your reply & advice, this seems to be the case but oh well just kinda sad. I’ve never had a breakup like this where I couldn’t see it coming I guess.

[elaine567]

What was the family secret she found out?

[ExpatInItaly]

Given that she had previously asked for a break, I suppose it's not too surprising it has now ended completely. 

It sounds like she's probably had some doubts for a while and couldn't hold them in any longer. I'm sorry. 

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

Possibly, I mean she does have an ex out there.

The sudden breakup after this wedding seems to indicate that she saw her ex and things happened. 

[S2B]

What happened when she picked up her stuff? She should be capable of telling you why she changed everything. What was her reason?

she may have slept with someone at the wedding she went to.

[elaine567]

I guess it's the family secret that upset her.
It is something pretty big and maybe has something to do with who she thought she was.  
Maybe she found out she is adopted or her father is not her father or her mother is actually her sister, or there is some big dark skeleton in the cupboard, child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence or even murder somewhere in the family. Something she is ashamed of and doesn't want to have to tell you and face your judgement.
Maybe one of her parents is dying, or a grandparent has dementia...

It is something she feels is too big to contemplate and cope with, whilst also having to try to maintain a relationship with you

[WyoGuy]

On 12/24/2021 at 12:05 PM, S2B said:

What happened when she picked up her stuff? She should be capable of telling you why she changed everything. What was her reason?

she may have slept with someone at the wedding she went to.

We talked for like 45 minutes & exchanged the gifts we had already gotten each other, it was odd being so cordial days after breaking up randomly & when the relationship was brought up after that all I got was the same “I love you but I don’t think I’m in love with you” but as much as I tried that’s all I could get she said “any girl would die to have you as their bf” despite her clearly being an exception to that lol she still wants to be friends and messaged me Merry Christmas which sucked cause it isn’t Merry because of this. When she was over I told her I wasn’t sure if I wanted to work together again next year at the resort cause I don’t want to see her with other guys she got upset and was adamant she wanted me to be there but didn’t want things to be “weird” which I replied was why I wouldn’t go... cause it would be weird and I don’t want drama.

[WyoGuy]

On 12/23/2021 at 6:52 PM, elaine567 said:

What was the family secret

well she found out her sibling wasn’t her complete blood sibling and nobody ever told her.

[WyoGuy]

On 12/24/2021 at 10:56 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Given that she had previously asked for a break, I suppose it's not too surprising it has now ended completely. 

It sounds like she's probably had some doubts for a while and couldn't hold them in any longer. I'm sorry. 

Yeah the main issue I have is I accepted breaking up initially then she asked me to take her back just to do this not even two months later.

[WyoGuy]

On 12/24/2021 at 10:59 AM, Wiseman2 said:

The sudden breakup after this wedding seems to indicate that she saw her ex and things happened. 

I’m suspicious the reason is really she wants to party and waste her twenties being promiscuous because of FOMO 

[elaine567]

32 minutes ago, WyoGuy said:

I’m suspicious the reason is really she wants to party and waste her twenties being promiscuous because of FOMO 

Maybe.
BUT
I think when  anyone experiences a "shock", like she just has, it can often start them thinking about other things in their life.
They can then take stock and want to change the things they are not happy about. 
She had already broken up with you earlier,  but  panicked and took you back.
With the distance and a new perspective,  she realised things with you were fine but not great, she likely saw no long term future with you, and this time got the courage to really break up.
 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, WyoGuy said:

I’m suspicious the reason is really she wants to party and waste her twenties being promiscuous because of FOMO 

Agree. She is ending it because of whoever/whatever happened at the wedding/hometown visit.

Don't change your life as a result. Do whatever jobs you want in whatever places you want.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. She's too flaky to date seriously.

[WyoGuy]

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Maybe.
BUT
I think when  anyone experiences a "shock", like she just has, it can often start them thinking about other things in their life.
They can then take stock and want to change the things they are not happy about. 
She had already broken up with you earlier,  but  panicked and took you back.
With the distance and a new perspective,  she realised things with you were fine but not great, she likely saw no long term future with you, and this time got the courage to really break up.
 

I mean yes she had already broken up with me & panicked afterwards but I wouldn't say she took me back, she asked me to take her back which I only did after a lengthy conversation about her seriously wanting the relationship, she was telling me she wanted to marry me someday not long ago, I think she was happy I think there’s something else in her life making her unhappy or unable to do this. 

[WyoGuy]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. She is ending it because of whoever/whatever happened at the wedding/hometown visit.

Don't change your life as a result. Do whatever jobs you want in whatever places you want.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. She's too flaky to date seriously.

I don’t want to change my plans because of her but I also don’t want the constant close proximity at a resort in a small town. I know from past experience it will ruin my time and probably friendships having an attractive ex I still care for there. She’ll probably date my friends and my enemies lol

[JRabbit]

It sounds like she doesn't want to be in a relationship, so it really is the kind thing for her to do to break up with you. I know it hurts, sorry you are going through this.