women will not take it further from Online Dating App

[CLS63AMG]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m a woman by the way. Texting is a bit cold and I don’t agree that it warms up a conversation - quite the opposite. Someone may be on the fence meeting you. If they can’t gauge your sincerity or your profile was sparse she may decline. 

I usually think much better of the suggestion for a call instead of texting or rushing to meet. You can also hear intonations and listen to how a person thinks (stream of thought or consciousness), getting more info about the other person in five minutes as opposed to three hours texting. 

You yourself may be surprised how many of these women you’d rather not meet for example if you had called them instead beforehand. I don’t think it’s any loss to you that they haven’t met you. The frustration is the amount of time you spend trying to get them to meet with you. It’s a suggestion. 

I hear you but I've been on over 100 online dates, I've called up girls and chatted for 4 hours and its had 0 affect on how the date went.  Excessive texting and calling saps you of things to talk about in person and it forges a make believe version of that person that will never be met in person - all in all its bad.  The less communication the better, and BONUS - you care even less if it doesn't work out.

[jdesey]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

I’m a woman by the way. Texting is a bit cold and I don’t agree that it warms up a conversation - quite the opposite. Someone may be on the fence meeting you. If they can’t gauge your sincerity or your profile was sparse she may decline. 

I usually think much better of the suggestion for a call instead of texting or rushing to meet. You can also hear intonations and listen to how a person thinks (stream of thought or consciousness), getting more info about the other person in five minutes as opposed to three hours texting. 

You yourself may be surprised how many of these women you’d rather not meet for example if you had called them instead beforehand. I don’t think it’s any loss to you that they haven’t met you. The frustration is the amount of time you spend trying to get them to meet with you. It’s a suggestion. 

Thank you I wanted to hear from women on this. And yes you are correct. After having a phone call with the woman recently I decided I didn’t want to meet with her. And yes I have been recommending a phone call to get to know each other. And in numerous cases they won’t even do that but they will continue to message me on the dating application? So that really makes no sense to me.

[glows]

1 minute ago, CLS63AMG said:

I hear you but I've been on over 100 online dates, I've called up girls and chatted for 4 hours and its had 0 affect on how the date went.  Excessive texting and calling saps you of things to talk about in person and it forges a make believe version of that person that will never be met in person - all in all its bad.  The less communication the better, and BONUS - you care even less if it doesn't work out.

With this outlook it may be best to take a break. I get it. You’re frustrated but it’s coming back to haunt you in your view. It may be subtle or or not so subtle at times but I’m getting the sense that your frustration overall is coming across as aggression. Caring less is a passive form of aggression, read also as defensiveness. You may believe it’s a secret thought but make no mistake that it colours the way you may phrase things or approach others. 

Know that when others sense this especially the opposite sex, the clear warning (if she’s of healthy mind) is to run. While flirting with you may be fun in the moment, meeting with you might be a different matter. I think you/we all have to go into dating with a caring mindset, wanting to care or know about the other person. 

[glows]

8 minutes ago, jdesey said:

Thank you I wanted to hear from women on this. And yes you are correct. After having a phone call with the woman recently I decided I didn’t want to meet with her. And yes I have been recommending a phone call to get to know each other. And in numerous cases they won’t even do that but they will continue to message me on the dating application? So that really makes no sense to me.

I’d ignore the messages if she won’t speak on the phone or meet with you. Keep focusing on women who want to call first and in that call suggest a first meet/go for coffee. Coffee is the easiest and least stressful for both because it can be cordial and short if there’s not enough chemistry. 

[Weezy1973]

7 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Oh, I think you probably were. This is hardly even debatable. Of course no woman is ever going to admit to being a time waster, but I can tell you from first-hand experience that there are a bunch of doosies on the dating sites. Same with men I'm sure.

They're not purposefully wasting your time, and honestly sending messages, texting etc. is all part of the online dating process. If you're online dating, you should expect to be spending some time doing this. It's part of the process. If a woman has some nterest and wants to see how things go with texting / talking on the phone / messaging etc and then loses interest completely, she isn't wasting your time. She just wasn't interested after getting to know you better.

[seapebbles]

On 12/11/2021 at 2:20 PM, jdesey said:

I would really like to here from women on this.  for reference I am 55 years old and trying to date within 5 years of my age.

I signed back on to match.com 3 weeks ago. I have been on Match before and was having no success on the free sites.  I have had 4 women in a row who have stopped short of meeting.

They will all message on the app, but 3 of them would not even get on the phone for a nice intro talk.  One of them I had a long conversation with on the phone and then she went dark.

One right now is very talkative on message app, but will not get on phone or agree to talk.  

Women.... what is going on and how what should I do.  What really confuses me is why they express interest but will not take it any further.  Why not just ignore me?  If they are just looking for attention and do not want to meet,,, why be on a  paid site?   I am so frustrated and so confused!

The last time I was single and online dating I was in my late 40s, so about the same age range that you're interested in. 

Women need to be extra cautious when meeting men on line. They get a lot of messages on these dating sites and probably aren't going give their phone number out to every guy who asks. In fact, I would feel suspicious of a guy who wanted to start texting and calling on my personal phone immediately. I preferred to meet for an hour in a public place before agreeing to give out my personal phone number. 

I would suggest messaging for a few days to see if there is mutual interest before asking out. Keep the messages fun, flirty, and interesting as someone else suggested. If she's reluctant to meet then ask if she's willing to video chat instead. There's a balance between ensuring the woman feels comfortable and safe meeting you without you falling into a time-waster trap. 

Do you feel like you need to talk to someone on the phone before meeting in person? I ask because there was a guy who said it was weird to not hear a person's voice prior to meeting in person. I didn't feel comfortable giving him my phone number at that point so we never met. 

[seapebbles]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

They're not purposefully wasting your time, and honestly sending messages, texting etc. is all part of the online dating process. If you're online dating, you should expect to be spending some time doing this. It's part of the process. If a woman has some nterest and wants to see how things go with texting / talking on the phone / messaging etc and then loses interest completely, she isn't wasting your time. She just wasn't interested after getting to know you better.

I agree with this. Although I'm not denying that there are people who purposely time-waste with no intention of meeting. OP needs to set his own boundaries on how long he's willing to chit chat with a woman without meeting in person before he cuts her off.

[chillii]

14 hours ago, jdesey said:

Thank you I wanted to hear from women on this. And yes you are correct. After having a phone call with the woman recently I decided I didn’t want to meet with her. And yes I have been recommending a phone call to get to know each other. And in numerous cases they won’t even do that but they will continue to message me on the dating application? So that really makes no sense to me.

 

l wonder supposing they are still legit, could some worry they might be hassled if they hand out their number. As far as l know all they'd have to do is block him in that case, but maybe it's not that simple.

 

 

 

 

[JRabbit]

If they won't let you call it could be a scammer.

[notbroken]

It has been a while since I used OLD, but it did seem many just wanted a pen pal and endless texting.  I texted back and forth a bit to establish some mutual interest, but eventually would text that I would like to meet her and wondered if she was free on X or Y day.  I would also say I'm not a texting expert and am better in person (I promise).  That usually got a chuckle or a ghost.   If I didn't get a response or it went back to endless texting then NEXT.  OLD is a numbers game.   You have to NEXT someone quickly if they are playing games.  No meet, no more texts after a certain point.  

[mark clemson]

OP - linking to advice I gave on another thread as I think it may apply in your case as well:

 

 

[mark clemson]

4 hours ago, JRabbit said:

If they won't let you call it could be a scammer.

This is a good point. Keep in mind that a certain % of women are essentially using dating sites to farm Instagram and OF followers and another % may indeed be scammers or other sorts of criminals. Another significant % may have substantive psychological issues such as personality disorders or similar that may drive erratic behavior. AND a substantive % get more male attention than they could possible ever deal with.

Note: some of these points will apply to a certain % of the men on OLD as well!

Edited December 13, 2021 by mark clemson

[Girl Fade Away]

On 12/12/2021 at 8:16 AM, smackie9 said:

Playfulness, flirty, quick wit, push and pull.

Push and pull?  Lol 

Sorry to chuckle smackie, and I actually agree, when done correctly, push/pull is a great asset to have in one's dating arsenal! 

However, is not this also what many women complain about?  A man texts (pulls her) then stops (pushes back).  Lather, rinse repeat. 

Read these threads, many women hate this, they consider it game playing or the guy isn't interested.  It leaves them frustrated and bored. 

Most women want 'consistency' and when it's not happening, it's bye.

 @Calmandfocusedjust post about it.  

Jmo, but save push/pull for after you meet (click and begin dating) and learn how to do it correctly otherwise you will push her right out the proverbial door. 

Don't even try it before the meet or chances are there won't be a meet. 

 

[chillii]

lt's just more games , like they need more bs out there. No worthwhile real relationship has ever started with games for me. Matter of fact the shear honesty we've both put on the line day one and you knew you were onto something.

l also agree with others though a lot of people on date sites are just looking to chat or an ego boost and whatever else. Back in the day some wanted to just call straight away , first email, others wanted time. l know anyone l spoke to were real and eventually we would call if it didn't fizzle meantime. But no doubt you'd come across plenty that weren't.

Edited December 14, 2021 by chillii

[smackie9]

11 hours ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Push and pull?  Lol 

Sorry to chuckle smackie, and I actually agree, when done correctly, push/pull is a great asset to have in one's dating arsenal! 

However, is not this also what many women complain about?  A man texts (pulls her) then stops (pushes back).  Lather, rinse repeat. 

Read these threads, many women hate this, they consider it game playing or the guy isn't interested.  It leaves them frustrated and bored. 

Most women want 'consistency' and when it's not happening, it's bye.

 @Calmandfocusedjust post about it.  

Jmo, but save push/pull for after you meet (click and begin dating) and learn how to do it correctly otherwise you will push her right out the proverbial door. 

Don't even try it before the meet or chances are there won't be a meet. 

 

Push and pull is an art form, like flirting, and not to be mistaken as the old PU playbook d-bag technique, like ignoring their text messages. That's not how it's done. I can do it myself with class and finesse. It's based on basic psychology. You have to be a good reader of people in order to place things just right. Right off the bat people like a little mystery, playfulness, but with honesty. 

[Girl Fade Away]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Push and pull is an art form, like flirting, and not to be mistaken as the old PU playbook d-bag technique, like ignoring their text messages. That's not how it's done. I can do it myself with class and finesse. It's based on basic psychology. You have to be a good reader of people in order to place things just right. Right off the bat people like a little mystery, playfulness, but with honesty. 

Agree smackie, that is why I said it's a great tool "when done correctly." 

Unfortunately many people don't understand it and thus do it incorrectly (PUA hsndbook) and mess things up. 

I do think it's tricky to do on line though, or via texting before meeting in person, just my opinion.

100% agree with last emboldened.

Edited December 14, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[smackie9]

I think the only way to navigate these apps is to not be so serious/anxious/worried about getting your foot in the door. I notice people who post on here get too focused on the person they are chatting with and take things too personally. Sure they can be enthusiastic at first, but hell man take that with a grain of salt. Better to just be laid back, relax and not care so much.

Women have it worse. They have to consider their safety, watch for married/taken men, emotionally unavailable, players, proclaimed nice guys that are jerks, criminals, etc. So I can see how they can be skittish/unreliable/fickle. 

Edited December 14, 2021 by smackie9

[jdesey]

Thank you everyone for your comments. The only thing that seems to work when I have the attitude “when the right one appears she will make it easy“

 

even though it didn’t work out I was engaged and with a woman for 2 1/2 years who I met online. She made it very easy to date her and end up in a relationship. It was instantly on from the moment we met.