love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 Hey everyone! I have been in love with my best friend of 10 years, we're both men. We live together and I've done so much for this guy but he's taking me for granted. Every time he meets a guy, he spends 500% of his time with him, when he's home he's on a video call with the guy for hours and doesn't know what to buy him. Do you guys think it's a good idea to continue this? the way he's acting is like he's taking me for granted over some random temporary flings. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 I'm a little confused. Your title describes him as a best friend, but your words describe him like a partner who gets distracted by other men. What is your relationship status? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 No, I do not think it's a good idea to continue this. It sounds one-sided or unrequited sadly. If I had to guess you're sleeping together or are sexual with each other (you're in love with him) but he's keeping it casual and seeing others. Is the place yours or his? Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 No, we're not sexual at all! He calls me his best friend and we live together (room mates) in a 2 bedroom apartment. He invites his boyfriend to sleep over in his room, sometimes his boyfriend stays in his room while both of us are at work. I'm not sure if it's a good idea for us to live together anymore because he's taking me for granted in a lot of ways and doesn't spend time with me. He leaves the house on Fridays sometimes and stays over at his boyfriends place till Monday then when he comes back home, he video chats with his guy and barely even talks to me. How can he call me his "best friend" if he's acting like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 I've been there for him when the whole world turned upside down for him. When my Grandmother died he took me to the funeral in his car (she was buried on a Tuesday) and then Christmas Eve (Friday) he got mad at me for a stupid reason and told me "next time someone dies, I won't take you to the funeral". How can someone say that to someone, especially his "best friend"?? After that we haven't talked to each other for over 4 months living in the same apartment, I told him that what he told me about not taking me to the funeral really upset me and he basically said he didn't say anything bad and that it's all normal. But when it comes to doing stuff for his boyfriends, he has no problem at all and we've been friends for almost 10 years! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 You’re in love with him and he’s in love with someone else. He’s dating someone else. He’s not obligated to spend any time with you the way he spends time with his bf. I think your feelings are getting in the way and your expectations are unreasonable. I say this kindly as you seem to believe you’re best friends. You’re roommates. If it’s too difficult seeing him with someone else then move out and date other single men. Don’t stay stuck in this rut. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 I'm actually thinking about moving out when the lease expires. There might be a slight problem, he might become homeless if we split up because he was homeless before and I took him then, then every time we split up, something always happens and he's back with me as roommates. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 (edited) removed due to further information from OP Edited December 11, 2021 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 Also, he's acting like a best friend when his relationships end but then when he finds someone else, I'm back to being not important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 So you guys thing the best solution is to move on my own? I just worry that if we split, he's going to become homeless. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 Surely he can go stay with his bf, if you move out when the lease expires. He is a grown up man let him find a solution to his housing problems himself. He is a user I am afraid to say. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 2 hours ago, love718 said: So you guys thing the best solution is to move on my own? I just worry that if we split, he's going to become homeless. Why don’t you plan out a day/time each week when you two can catch up/spend several hours together? if you expect him to be hanging with you all the time because he’s your room mate - that’s not realistic. if you want some time with him then tell him that. you don’t move just because a room mate starts having a love interest. He’s sharing space with you and expected to pay half the expenses. IF he chooses to live a separate life then you just get busy meeting new people yourself to spend time with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 21 minutes ago, S2B said: Why don’t you plan out a day/time each week when you two can catch up/spend several hours together? if you expect him to be hanging with you all the time because he’s your room mate - that’s not realistic. if you want some time with him then tell him that. you don’t move just because a room mate starts having a love interest. He’s sharing space with you and expected to pay half the expenses. IF he chooses to live a separate life then you just get busy meeting new people yourself to spend time with. He haven’t spent time with me for over 3 months, always with his bf when he gets off work or when he’s off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 11, 2021 Author Share Posted December 11, 2021 53 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Surely he can go stay with his bf, if you move out when the lease expires. He is a grown up man let him find a solution to his housing problems himself. He is a user I am afraid to say. I’m sure their relationship won’t last, I feel something is off about that guy. And if moves in with the guy, he’ll have to move out whenever they end and then homeless, every time we split, he’s back to me because I’m reliable. What makes you say he’s a user? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 6 hours ago, love718 said: I have been in love with my best friend of 10 years. We live together and I've done so much for this guy Move out. You're pretending to be roommates but you have an agenda.. Alternatively date others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 4 hours ago, love718 said: He haven’t spent time with me for over 3 months, always with his bf when he gets off work or when he’s off. He’s not really a friend at all. And why stay stuck in this loop living with a person who’s dating someone else if you have feelings for him? You’re only creating problems for yourself and holding yourself back from meeting new people and dating others. Do what you need to do to get out of feeling stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 4 hours ago, love718 said: What makes you say he’s a user? He is using you to get a roof over his head. When he is bf less, he picks you up, to fill the void. As soon as he gets a bf he forgets about you. Why would he be homeless without you? Is he not capable of acquiring his own home? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 You should have moved out within a year of realizing you had feelings. It's obvious--sorry to use that word--that living with someone you're attracted to is not a good idea. It's a TERRIBLE idea. Impossible to leave with peace and sanity under those conditions. Why has it taken you so long to realize this? I'm confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 10 hours ago, love718 said: I'm actually thinking about moving out when the lease expires. There might be a slight problem, he might become homeless if we split up because he was homeless before and I took him then, then every time we split up, something always happens and he's back with me as roommates. This is his bf's problem to solve. Did he ever pay you half the rent? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2021 Share Posted December 11, 2021 11 hours ago, love718 said: he might become homeless if we split up because he was homeless before and I took him then, then every time we split up You're not a homeless shelter, social services or a charity. You are doing this for your own whatever reasons. Start looking now for affordable housing either house shares, apts. whatever. When appropriate, given notice and move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 12, 2021 Author Share Posted December 12, 2021 10 hours ago, glows said: He’s not really a friend at all. And why stay stuck in this loop living with a person who’s dating someone else if you have feelings for him? You’re only creating problems for yourself and holding yourself back from meeting new people and dating others. Do what you need to do to get out of feeling stuck. You’re right Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 12, 2021 Author Share Posted December 12, 2021 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You're not a homeless shelter, social services or a charity. You are doing this for your own whatever reasons. Start looking now for affordable housing either house shares, apts. whatever. When appropriate, given notice and move out. We’re splitting the rent though, both of us pay on time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 12, 2021 Author Share Posted December 12, 2021 7 hours ago, stillafool said: This is his bf's problem to solve. Did he ever pay you half the rent? We’re both paying the rent on time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author love718 Posted December 12, 2021 Author Share Posted December 12, 2021 7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: You should have moved out within a year of realizing you had feelings. It's obvious--sorry to use that word--that living with someone you're attracted to is not a good idea. It's a TERRIBLE idea. Impossible to leave with peace and sanity under those conditions. Why has it taken you so long to realize this? I'm confused. Oh I don’t think it’s actually me having feelings, I think it’s just attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 23 hours ago, love718 said: Hey everyone! I have been in love with my best friend of 10 years, we're both men. We live together and I've done so much for this guy but he's taking me for granted. These aren't feelings. I'm confused. "I have been in love with my best friend for 10 years." I am totally confused. Sounds like you're confused as well. I have best friends, and I'm not in love with any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
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