I think I'm falling for my gay best friend but he's also giving me mixed signals

[Panda1234]

I met this [] guy on a language exchange app back in July this year and we hit it off straight away. He's literally one of the nicest people I know and I really value the friendship we developed over the past 4 months we've been talking. We talk every day for long hours and we never run out of things to say .

Around September time, I realised that maybe I might be crushing on him but back then I didn't know that he was gay. When I found out that he was, I decided to stop the growing feelings I had for him and maintain a strong friendship with him.

But the thing is, I'm getting mixed signals from him lately. Last time he mentioned that lately he's been asking himself whether he'd want to go back to dating girls and he'd drop these comments about wanting to date a girl here and there. 

He seemed a bit possessive when I told him that I had a date the other day, even though I was stood up🥲. He said "you had a date? I thought that I was the only man in your life". He called me his and said that he didn't want to share me with anyone. 

He always says that he wants to seduce me and flirts with me a lot. I told him that I cannot be seduced by him because I might fall for him then I'd be in trouble. I haven't confessed to him or told him that I kind of like him more than a friend.

Each time I send him a picture (nothing sexual) or post a nice picture of me, he always says that he'd marry me and that I'm his wife. I told him that I never introduce my male friends to my parents because if I do, that means I'm marrying them; to which he said that he'd meet my family and marry me.

Let me just precise that he's not a player; he's a sweet, kind guy, always laughing and full of life. 

He always tells me that I'm attractive and that I seduce him a lot. I was feeling very low yesterday and he comforted me. Watching all the videos he sent me made me feel a weird sensation in my chest. I've never been in love so I don't know how to recognise it but am I falling in love with my gay best friend? How do you know that you're falling in love with someone?

I'm so confused. We joke a lot and tease each other all the time but I really don't know if what he says is the truth or just a joke. I really want to stop these feelings I have for him because I don't want to ruin our friendship but it's hard when he talks about wanting me or wanting me to be attracted to him. What does he want????? I'm scared of asking him.

Edited December 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

Have you met this person in person or is the interaction online or over text message? It sounds flirty and some individuals like to pay more compliments than others. It sounds like it's getting to you and it's leaning towards infatuation and a crush.

What happened where you felt low yesterday? Is it often where you're not feeling well or bummed?

[Panda1234]

On 12/1/2021 at 6:47 AM, glows said:

Have you met this person in person or is the interaction online or over text message? It sounds flirty and some individuals like to pay more compliments than others. It sounds like it's getting to you and it's leaning towards infatuation and a crush.

What happened where you felt low yesterday? Is it often where you're not feeling well or bummed?

We haven't met yet because I live in [] and he's in []. It's mainly over video calls, voicenotes, texts. That's why I'm so surprised that I might be falling for a guy I never met, it's not like me to do that and I don't fall for people easily.

I got rejected from one of my top medical school choices and my uncle passed away so I told him that I cried the whole afternoon and his words really touched my heart. He kept saying that he wished he was there to hug me and that I've got his support.

I don't usually open up to people other than my family but lately, we've really been sharing more about our lives to each other.

Edited December 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Panda1234 said:

We haven't met yet because I live in England and he's in France. It's mainly over video calls, voicenotes, texts. That's why I'm so surprised that I might be falling for a guy I never met, it's not like me to do that and I don't fall for people easily.

I got rejected from one of my top medical school choices and my uncle passed away so I told him that I cried the whole afternoon and his words really touched my heart. He kept saying that he wished he was there to hug me and that I've got his support.

I don't usually open up to people other than my family but lately, we've really been sharing more about our lives to each other.

I'm sorry to hear about the rejection from the school of your choice and about your uncle. I think you're letting yourself get swept away by someone you haven't met in person when you're stressed and vulnerable. He seems a bit too involved in your life and his concern about who you date or what you do in your free time isn't appropriate. There's no way I would put up with comments about my personal life from someone I haven't met yet in person or hardly know in another country. 

Thank him for his concern and keep doing you. He's a nice acquaintance you know overseas but nothing real. I say real meaning in the sense that you haven't verified who he is in person and haven't spent time in person with him to know the full scope of what he's about or who he is or whether he's telling the truth about half the things he says. You haven't met his friends, seen where he works or haven't had a chance to measure his actions with his words over time (this is only a short period you've known him online/text message). 

Give yourself a chance to make friends locally and date locally. He doesn't need to know about your personal life, zero details, if you feel it is none of his business or the type of interaction and what he says doesn't match with the situation.

[smackie9]

If he really wanted to date you he would ask you out. Some people are possessive and mention what if we  were married and all that talk is to manipulate you to focus on them, so be very careful. You need to take those rose colored glasses off because I don't think it's what you are making this out to be. This could turn very toxic.

[Panda1234]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I'm sorry to hear about the rejection from the school of your choice and about your uncle. I think you're letting yourself get swept away by someone you haven't met in person when you're stressed and vulnerable. He seems a bit too involved in your life and his concern about who you date or what you do in your free time isn't appropriate. There's no way I would put up with comments about my personal life from someone I haven't met yet in person or hardly know in another country. 

Thank him for his concern and keep doing you. He's a nice acquaintance you know overseas but nothing real. I say real meaning in the sense that you haven't verified who he is in person and haven't spent time in person with him to know the full scope of what he's about or who he is or whether he's telling the truth about half the things he says. You haven't met his friends, seen where he works or haven't had a chance to measure his actions with his words over time (this is only a short period you've known him online/text message). 

Give yourself a chance to make friends locally and date locally. He doesn't need to know about your personal life, zero details, if you feel it is none of his business or the type of interaction and what he says doesn't match with the situation.

You're definitely right! I did find it quite odd as well the way he reacted when I told him about my date. I know he was just joking because we do tease each other a lot but it's not like he's going to ask me out so why does he care? The fact that he's gay is already reason enough for me not to crush on him because that's just a recipe for disaster to me. If he feels anything for me, he'd say it clearly. Funny thing is that I'm not even looking to date but this boy here is confusing me😂

I have a great group of friends and I joined the language app because I'm learning French and he's been super helpful with that. 

Over the short time we've talked, he really seems like a very nice person and other people who talked to him also say the same thing. He's not fishy or pushy at all. We are very comfortable with each other with no filter and I feel like we can really be ourselves when we talk. I value our friendship because he really is a good friend but just like you said, I wouldn't know if it's all real or not until I meet him in person.

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Panda1234 said:

You're definitely right! I did find it quite odd as well the way he reacted when I told him about my date. I know he was just joking because we do tease each other a lot but it's not like he's going to ask me out so why does he care? The fact that he's gay is already reason enough for me not to crush on him because that's just a recipe for disaster to me. If he feels anything for me, he'd say it clearly. Funny thing is that I'm not even looking to date but this boy here is confusing me😂

I have a great group of friends and I joined the language app because I'm learning French and he's been super helpful with that. 

Over the short time we've talked, he really seems like a very nice person and other people who talked to him also say the same thing. He's not fishy or pushy at all. We are very comfortable with each other with no filter and I feel like we can really be ourselves when we talk. I value our friendship because he really is a good friend but just like you said, I wouldn't know if it's all real or not until I meet him in person.

It's best to keep things platonic and lighthearted. Someone showing that much interest from far away is a red flag to me, not any form of endearment, so I wouldn't find this confusing in the least. Have fun with the good times and banter when you're free but I'd place more importance and value more of the friendships I have in person and people I've known for a longer period of time. 

There is no harm in chatting with him but I think you might do better limiting or placing better boundaries about how you view this interaction. You say that you're not looking to date - how much of that is because of this back and forth with this guy you've never met? Don't keep yourself stuck in one place like this not growing or having the chance to meet other people or find relationships that are more fulfilling. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Panda1234 said:

We are very comfortable with each other with no filter and I feel like we can really be ourselves when we talk. I value our friendship because he really is a good friend but just like you said, I wouldn't know if it's all real or not until I meet him in person.

Ok so keep it as language buddies. You need to date straight local men.

This language buddy is nice to have and it's ok if he practices flirting-speech because that is typically colloquial language, not textbook language.

[country music fan]

I had fallen for a Gay man he fell for me But I never knew he was gay until he told me I broke up with him.

[JRabbit]

OP are you man or woman?

Honestly you haven't even met, you can't be in love with someone you don't actually know. That's your mind playing tricks on you and you searching for something and filling a void.  

His possessive comments arent cute, they are designed to keep you around and I fear this almost gives me user/manipulation vibes.

[Panda1234]

Thank you all for your advices! I really appreciate them.

My not wanting to date is because I'm very busy with uni work these days and there's so much going on in my personal life that I don't feel I have the time and energy to dedicate to a serious relationship right now. If it happens and I find someone unexpectedly then let it be. 

I have thought about it for some time and it's definitely not love but maybe infatuation because this guy was showing me a lot of attention and moral support. It's crazy that I even confused it for anything else. I value our friendship a lot so I still want to remain friends with him but nothing more.

I'm a woman btw.