Holiday gatherings

[LatinCoffee]

I want to make this short but to the point. I am thinking of not going over to visit my sisters for the holidays. 

They don't ever call me to ask how I'm doing. If they ever do, it's  always send a message on social media (one even lives less than a mile away from me). As soon as the holidays  (or even family members' birthdays) are approaching on that same week--they'll send a message on Facebook or Instagram to advise me of the event. They never visit me. 🤔😶

I have always took the initiative of picking up the phone to call them or even send a text on their phone number. Anytime, I visited--I would invite myself over. I thought we would be closer after mom passed in 2006. I have even apologized if we ever had any downfalls and always have made a point of saying how much I appreciate and love them. They have as well. But it seems like my family isn;t what it used to be even more now that my mom & dad are gone. 

 

Is it wrong & selfish that I am deciding not to visit this holiday? I am just not feeling it! 

 

Happy  & blessed Thanksgiving to you all, btw!

Edited November 24, 2021 by LatinCoffee

[glows]

It sounds like you wish for more closeness and familiarity with one another where you visit or invite yourselves over to each others' homes. Some people don't ever pick up the phone to call - at all. Most if not all planning is done via text and that's a product of this time/age. It bothers me too at times because I also prefer phone calls as opposed to text messages especially when making plans with family members. Yet if they can make the effort to invite you over, why can't you make the effort to be there? I think whether it's text or call the intent is still the same. 

Are you sure this isn't about missing your parents? Life moves on as trite and cliche as it sounds. I think it's good to appreciate family and spend time with each other and accept those changes even though it's hard. I experienced something similar also when my parents passed, right after my mum passed, but this also made me appreciate my family I have now even more. I don't think you should close yourself off even though it feels frustrating that they're not communicating with you the way you want them to. I'd still meet with them but it's your call. 

[LatinCoffee]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

It sounds like you wish for more closeness and familiarity with one another where you visit or invite yourselves over to each others' homes. Some people don't ever pick up the phone to call - at all. Most if not all planning is done via text and that's a product of this time/age. It bothers me too at times because I also prefer phone calls as opposed to text messages especially when making plans with family members. Yet if they can make the effort to invite you over, why can't you make the effort to be there? I think whether it's text or call the intent is still the same. 

Are you sure this isn't about missing your parents? Life moves on as trite and cliche as it sounds. I think it's good to appreciate family and spend time with each other and accept those changes even though it's hard. I experienced something similar also when my parents passed, right after my mum passed, but this also made me appreciate my family I have now even more. I don't think you should close yourself off even though it feels frustrating that they're not communicating with you the way you want them to. I'd still meet with them but it's your call. 

Thank you

[Foxhall]

1 hour ago, LatinCoffee said:

I am just not feeling it! 

It seems like you have made your mind up,

perhaps your non- appearance will be the cue they need to show you more love,

or thats what your hoping,

Yes sit this one out sure,  no harm in making your point, see if it generates any contact coming your way,

you can perhaps re-unite with them for christmas.

[mortensorchid]

I have debated this topic myself.  I am close with my parents (they live barely a mile away) and I see and talk to them often.  My sister lives not too far away (about 50-60 miles) and we barely speak.  Why?  We are just two completely different people.  I'm an artist, she's a scientist; she's fire, I'm ice; etc.  I wish we were closer but ain't gonna happen.  Sounds like it is with your sisters.  I tell people it's a business relationship - we may see each other on holidays and we only communicate a few times about business matters.  It's alright, it just wasn't meant to be more than what it is.  It took me a long time to accept it, because we don'thave anyone else but each other once my parents die.  She even had cancer 3 years ago and she didn't bother to tell me about it, I found out about when my mom told me she had it.  Why?  I have no answers.  But I wish her all the best and that's that.

[ShyViolet]

If you really don't want to go, then don't.  I'm a big believer that we aren't obligated to do anything in regards to our families.... it's our choice.  If they make you feel bad and disrespected, then you're perfectly justified in distancing yourself, if that's what you truly want to do.

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, LatinCoffee said:

I want to make this short but to the point. I am thinking of not going over to visit my sisters for the holidays. 

They don't ever call me to ask how I'm doing. If they ever do, it's  always send a message on social media (one even lives less than a mile away from me). As soon as the holidays  (or even family members' birthdays) are approaching on that same week--they'll send a message on Facebook or Instagram to advise me of the event. They never visit me. 🤔😶

I have always took the initiative of picking up the phone to call them or even send a text on their phone number. Anytime, I visited--I would invite myself over. I thought we would be closer after mom passed in 2006. I have even apologized if we ever had any downfalls and always have made a point of saying how much I appreciate and love them. They have as well. But it seems like my family isn;t what it used to be even more now that my mom & dad are gone. 

 

Is it wrong & selfish that I am deciding not to visit this holiday? I am just not feeling it! 

 

Happy  & blessed Thanksgiving to you all, btw!

I'm really sorry to hear that.

I don't think anyone should be alone on Thanksgiving, but I hope you can find some nice things to do just for yourself.

Sometimes when we feel like we're overgiving, the best thing to do is to change direction a little and not give quite so much.