Katie Russell Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 So my 28 year old ex boyfriend found a new girl. I mean she found him and she picked him up in their workplace. Anyway, she is complete opposite of me. She is 5years younger than him, smokes cigarettes, shes loud and like attention, using tiktok, curse a lot, definitely party person, every second picture I see on her FB is with alcohol. But she's pretty, super skinny, tattooed. I think my ex likes it a lot. Anyway I know it's not my business now and comparing people makes no sense and is superficial but Im still wondering how my ex who hates smoking cigarettes, who was laughing at app like tiktok Snapchat etc he doesn't even has Facebook. The guy who is usually impressed with educated people opposite to her how he can be in a relationship with her. I mean I'm not saying she's not worthy. I don't know her, I'm guessing she's super funny and careless and for sure there are a lot of other good things about her. But still I'm wondering why someone who never ever was interested into this kind of people and all of his friends are rather different than her could fall for her. I'm not perfect and I'm not consider myself even close to being perfect or I don't feel better than her. I'm just completely different, maybe even a bit boring comparing to her, and I used to care too much. But just now knowing who is his next I started thinking that maybe I didn't know my ex that good. Maybe he is someone else.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Katie Russell said: So my 28 year old ex boyfriend found a new girl. I know it's not my business now and comparing people makes no sense and is superficial How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Delete and block him, her and all their people from all your social media and messaging apps. Yes, don't get into mirror-mirror-on-the-wall games. Invest in a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who are Your type. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Well, try to look on the bright side. At least it's not with someone that is very similar to you because that would be a little creepy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katie Russell Posted November 20, 2021 Author Share Posted November 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Delete and block him, her and all their people from all your social media and messaging apps. Yes, don't get into mirror-mirror-on-the-wall games. Invest in a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who are Your type. We were together for 2 years. We actually broke up over 6 months ago and it was rocky, I mean we were on and off for the longer time. After break up the last 3 months we were seeing each other and it was better we could get things worked out but due to resentments and the past still that hauntsled him (I poisoned this relationship in the past with my insecurities) he was giving up very quickly. He told me he really wanted us to win but he was definitely tired. I wasn't perfect but I went to therapy to solve my issues and he saw progress in me but I could tell he was tired of me even tho he was trying, taking me on dates etc. One small thing when he got kind of jealous cause I didn't text him for hours and I changed my pic on WhatsApp and he got triggered and quit everything between us with anger (I'm blaming myself for not giving him enough attention when he definitely needed it). And then one week later when I called him he said that someone asked him to go out last weekend and they decided to date. And he told me that I destroyed his self confidence by saying him hurtful thing in the past while arguing and he still has them in his head and this new girl approached him by herself. He definitely felt validated and proud and wanted to tell me that he can be likeable by other girls. He also told me that I didn't approached him and he had to chase me because I was interested in other guys. I feel terrible because he was the one and only for the whole relationship and it looked like he never felt good enough for me. Even tho I was trying my best to prove him that he is the best. Now I'm wondering if maybe he will be back one day. I mean maybe he just needs someone else for validation (I really told him bad things out of anger and frustration when he started mocking me while arguing which I really regret) and maybe he will miss me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 You say this girl is completely different than you but is she different than him? A lot of times opposites attract and the difference is what creates passion between a couple that is hard to ignore. I would much prefer an ex date the opposite of me than someone like me because then I would think why didn't he just stay with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katie Russell Posted November 20, 2021 Author Share Posted November 20, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, stillafool said: You say this girl is completely different than you but is she different than him? A lot of times opposites attract and the difference is what creates passion between a couple that is hard to ignore. I would much prefer an ex date the opposite of me than someone like me because then I would think why didn't he just stay with me. She is different than me and also different than his previous exes and different than him as well. I mean I think sometimes we know who we'd like immediately just by small things like kind of music this person likes, the passion that person has, even the way this person acts around people etc. With me and my ex we could talk about music the whole night. He approached me because he heard when I passionately was talking about something and he fell for it. We are the same age and we were more less on the same maturity level. We both didn't care about social media and all that tiktok and Instagram staff and this girl is really into selfies, Facebook and silly reality shows. Thats why I'm wondering if this is a rebound or he wanted to fill the empty hole in his life cause I didn't give him enough attention lately plus our relationship was rocky and this girl just picked him up while he was fighting with his insecurities and shes giving him a lot of validation now. Especially that they've been working together for a while and he wasn't interested into her before but during the party she approached him when he felt low and he felt manly and worthy after that. And i think I didn't give him what he really wanted and needed that time. And why would you prefer your ex to date someone else than you? I mean he loved the way I was, he told me thousands times that I'm the girl from his dream and he hopes it would work between us. I had some problems with depression and unstable mood which destroyed this relationship. When we were trying and when we were breaking up he told his family that if this would work out between us he would be the happiest guy in the world. But then I think because of resentments and because not everything got suddenly perfect even tho I was into therapy and I tried and made progress but he got tired and the past still haunts him. Edited November 20, 2021 by Katie Russell Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 If you push someone away hard enough, they will eventually move away from you. That's the difficult lesson in all this. Keep working on you and loving and appreciating yourself, heal from the past. Thinking about your ex's new girlfriend isn't helping. Instead of delving deeper in to that rabbithole, leave it behind. Go about your own business and live your life well. From the way you've described it he mocked you and for what? Is it worthwhile to stay with a person whose self-esteem is so low prior to anything you ever shared as a couple that he has to mock you? Don't respond to him if he's telling you personal details about himself. Mute the contact if he doesn't respect your privacy. There is no worse limbo than living in some gray area recalling a bitter past and not being able to live in the present and appreciate all the things and people who do love and appreciate you now. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Sorry this happened. It was so toxic, be glad you're finally out of it. Delete and block him her and all their people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Don't fall into the 'only want what you lost' trap. Poison is poison. Don't backpedal. Move forward away from all this unhealthy toxic on/off conflict and now stalking drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Agree. It's odd that you have so much insight into her social media habits, likes, dislikes, etc., and certainly won't help you move on any faster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts