Permanently on friend zone?

[Jonttu]

On 11/18/2021 at 12:28 AM, Lili81 said:

The funny thing is what I wrote back to him: "I understand you so well". At the moment it felt like I did but I feel more confused now when thinking of the other signals (body language etc) from his direction, and how sweet he has been to me and also always makes the effort to cheer me up with jokes etc. and how he often blushes when around me... 

I'm sorry but based upon what you have written, you have effectively removed yourself and him from the friend zone. Not only that, you have also removed yourself from being a potential partner to him.

Guys are different than girls, they are more straightforward. If you tell them you are their friend, then you should act like one also. Being a friend does not give rights to cross boundaries back and forth.

Of course he doesn't know how to handle you! In his mind you were his friend, then suddenly you tell him he is more than a friend to you. That alone messes up any friendship you might have had.

When he falls for someone else - in a romantical sense - you become a danger, not a friend, to his relationship. He can't trust you, she can't trust you and neither can you trust yourself. I've seen so many so called 'friends' of the opposite gender who have gleefully destroyed relationship after relationship in the name of 'friendship'.

Like mom always used to say; You talk about your relationship problems with your girlfriends, that is what they are there for. Never with male friends. Never ever!

Sure, I tried to become friends with guys. One after another they always fell in love with me. So I tried to become friends with married men, thinking they would be absolutely safe, that they would keep it on the platonical level and never cross boundaries. Hah, even they professed their love for me. So married men were also out of limits, because in the friend zone you do not cross boundaries!!!

Sorry, but in some way I see that you have destroyed both your friendship and being taken for a potential romantical partner. He must have been absolutely crushed, thinking of you as a friend and suddenly finding out that you are not safe, that you are not acting like a friend.

Male-female 'friendships' never work out. The friendships should be male-male or female-female. Because there are boundaries in the friend zone, boundaries that should always be respected. You don't get to cruise over boundaries.

Friends are to be trusted. How can he ever trust you after what you told him?

[CoinLVR87]

I like when a woman comes right out with how they feel because it can be quite agonizing as a guy to do try to figure out what to or what to say, the only advise i can offer is to remain open and honest with him. If he is a guy that appreciates that kind of thing your relationship should progress but that is if both of you want it to, it seems he may be at a hard time in his life so you can offer any kind of support or comfort as friends do and see where it goes from there. If it is going to go no further than friendship you may have to make your peace with that. Good luck. 

Edited January 20, 2022 by CoinLVR87
Grammar error

[MeadowFlower]

On 11/18/2021 at 11:09 AM, Lili81 said:

Does this sound to you like he could just be more interested in someone else and this is his polite way of saying that? Could a man write something like this and still get interested at some point? 

He isn't interested. People either are or they aren't. Why he isn't interested, I don't know, but don't worry about the reasons why. Just know that he definitely has no interest in you other than a friend (oh joy). 

And no, chances are if he isn't interested now then he never will be in the future.

Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't continue being his friend. I don't like being friends with guys in the first place (putting it mildly). 

Edited January 20, 2022 by MeadowFlower

[MeadowFlower]

On 1/8/2022 at 5:17 AM, Jonttu said:

The friendships should be male-male or female-female.

Agreed.