justinje Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Hey All, Basic back story - her (30) and I (33) dated for 2.5 years, 1.5 years living together. On October 2nd she told me she wanted to move out and break-up. Her reasoning was a combination of compatibility and a loss of intimacy due to several factors that included me not handling some issues we had in the best way. (Lack of empathy, validation). The first two weeks I fought it, I tried to talk to her, reason with her, I did a lot of reflection and told her she was right and that I'm going to work on the empathy and validation stuff (which I am). Told her how I thought this was a mistake and that our relationship had everything needed to have a true long term happy relationship. I had been saving for a ring, was planning on asking early next year. Our relationship wasn't perfect by any means, but I was happy, thought she was too. She was receptive to the conversations, she opened up about a lot of stuff. We talked for hours, cried, hugged, etc. But in the end the answer was always the same - that she thought breaking up was best. I left town while she moved out, came back and there were still two whole boxes of stuff at my apartment (a lot of people told me she probably did this on purpose). She finally came to pick those things up on October 15th and I've been no contact ever since. She has reached out a couple times about logistic stuff. I haven't seen her other than in passing a handful of times at the gym we both go to, never where we could say hi or anything. I was starting to get better, starting to get to where I could enjoy life sometimes. Still missed her every day. But for some reason yesterday and today I've had this sense of dread, of extreme loss again. I have this big urge to text her.......like I'm losing her. I keep having this repeating thought that she's found someone else and is having a great time and moving on. I know no contact is for us to move on as much as anything but I still held out hope she may come back and we could work stuff out. That's really what I want deep down. I've been working on myself and doing a lot of reflection. But I'm just terrified it's really over and done and she's not coming back. I'm not interested in dating right now, not at all really, though my friends keep trying to push me that direction. It's only been like 5 weeks......... Anyway, help/advice appreciated..........
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 1 hour ago, justinje said: I'm just terrified it's really over and done and she's not coming back. That is exactly it, the realisation of just how final this is. You cannot keep fooling yourself and the past two days was about you facing up to the fact she has really gone. Grieving a loss is a process and whilst hard at the time, we all come out the other side OK. Hang on in there.
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 1 hour ago, justinje said: I'm just terrified it's really over and done and she's not coming back. Sorry this happened. What does she mean by "compatibility and a loss of intimacy due to several factors that included me not handling some issues we had in the best way"? Were you arguing? Did she want a commitment, marriage, family? What, exactly, was the impasse about? Is there or was there someone else you or she is interested in? Go to a different gym. It's not good to have constant reminders. Moving out is the end and it's much too late to try to fix anything. Why was living together so difficult? You know the real reasons because "incompatible" is sort of an umbrella term that covers a lot of problems.
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