do you require someone to be into a certain hobby you're into for compatibly?

[glows]

19 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

Hm, I am seeing both sides of the coin.

1. That sepreation of interests being healthy for a relationship

2. A mutual interests in relationships for it to work out.

Some say having TOO much in common is a bad thing..go figure. Apparently, it makes for a "boring" relationship *shrug*

I like the chameleon lady though....where she actually takes an interest in what YOU like (without you talking her into it)...ONLY because she's really into you.

I had a woman take an interest in a certain video game I play, and she doesn't play video games...she says she plays with her kid on his Nintendo on occasion, but that's it. lol

She only liked it, well, because she liked me.

Some people are looking for activity partners so they are more open perhaps than another person in absorbing knowledge and adopting someone else's interests or hobbies. I think this is ok within reason and of course there will be varying philosophies and approaches/opinions. Some individuals will want to enmesh totally with their partners and do everything together. Others prefer some variety and differences without feeling smothered by someone else's strong interest. 

You've called her chameleon but she may not be as changing as you think. Chameleon-like seems somewhat derogatory coming from a human context although I don't think you mean it that way. This is coming from someone who used to keep chameleons! They are incredibly fragile (highly prone to stress) but wonderful creatures so I can't help but find that term quite odd in the context of this thread. When I think of chameleons, it's through my experience as a keeper of these animals so the characteristics I know about them are different from the context you're intending in this thread. I'd think that person you met is only open and admiring of your interests and willing to adopt it as hers more than someone else would for any number of reasons - ie. looking for an activity partner, not having found her own passions, interested in you. If she's "really into you" that is not such a bad thing especially if you are one of those individuals I mentioned above who likes to do a lot or everything with your partner in your free time.

 

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by glows

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

This is extremely limited. You don't enjoy a good play list on a road trip?  Or doing slightly drunk 'mom dancing' in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner?   

Is she equally narrow in her interests? 

Of course I'd be into that. I am in the 60s/70s/ and the 80s classic rock mostly, but I do appreciate a lot of music. Not sure how you got the idea of me NOT being interested in music.

[QuietRiot]

6 hours ago, glows said:

Some people are looking for activity partners so they are more open perhaps than another person in absorbing knowledge and adopting someone else's interests or hobbies. I think this is ok within reason and of course there will be varying philosophies and approaches/opinions. Some individuals will want to enmesh totally with their partners and do everything together. Others prefer some variety and differences without feeling smothered by someone else's strong interest. 

You've called her chameleon but she may not be as changing as you think. Chameleon-like seems somewhat derogatory coming from a human context although I don't think you mean it that way. This is coming from someone who used to keep chameleons! They are incredibly fragile (highly prone to stress) but wonderful creatures so I can't help but find that term quite odd in the context of this thread. When I think of chameleons, it's through my experience as a keeper of these animals so the characteristics I know about them are different from the context you're intending in this thread. I'd think that person you met is only open and admiring of your interests and willing to adopt it as hers more than someone else would for any number of reasons - ie. looking for an activity partner, not having found her own passions, interested in you. If she's "really into you" that is not such a bad thing especially if you are one of those individuals I mentioned above who likes to do a lot or everything with your partner in your free time.

 

 

Well "chameleon" is an analogy, nothing more. Not sure if it was a good analogy though. Nothing derogatory.   

I knew a woman that was strictly dating ONLY men that were extremely passionate about SCUBA diving and / or small craft flying (pilot's licenses) She said she's been divorced due to men, though they kept up with her to a certain point through the years, lost interest over time....or were one of those once in a while types.

Her...it was every weekend that this had to be done. And most men can't past muster, esp with the piloting one, as it's very expensive to keep that going.  Basically, they just couldn't keep up...and she's on match and won't budge on such a specific hobby...but it had caused problems in her marriages when those interests waned on the man's part.  I was like "Well, good luck with that!" lol

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

This is extremely limited. You don't enjoy a good play list on a road trip?  Or doing slightly drunk 'mom dancing' in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner?   

Is she equally narrow in her interests? 

OH, I've done my share of drunk dancing..lol. I like to dance. 

[LuckyM]

Not sharing the same hobby sounds like an excuse for incompatibility or not dating. Though it might depend on the hobby. If she hates guns, say, and you are into them, it could be a problem. If you have a very expensive hobby, that would use the money that you could spend with her...then...Or your watching football games (as women complain) takes up all your free time. Or a whole room or living space in your home.

The important thing is that the hobby or interest is tolerated and respected by the other. No obligation to participate in it.

[basil67]

On 11/23/2021 at 9:00 PM, QuietRiot said:

Music, the only music I can appreciate is going to a open air concert or local place where someone is playing, so that's something.

@QuietRiot This quote is where I got the idea that you can't get into music which is played in places such as road trips or at home.   This reads as if it's open air concert or local band and nothing else.   What did you actually mean?

[glows]

9 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I knew a woman that was strictly dating ONLY men that were extremely passionate about SCUBA diving and / or small craft flying (pilot's licenses) She said she's been divorced due to men, though they kept up with her to a certain point through the years, lost interest over time....or were one of those once in a while types.

Her...it was every weekend that this had to be done. And most men can't past muster, esp with the piloting one, as it's very expensive to keep that going.  Basically, they just couldn't keep up...and she's on match and won't budge on such a specific hobby...but it had caused problems in her marriages when those interests waned on the man's part.  I was like "Well, good luck with that!" lol

Does she have her cert for scuba diving or have a pilot's license herself? I think it's quite silly to impose restrictions like that if one cannot support one's own hobbies or lifestyle and it is expensive. It is akin to being entitled to something and having no real appreciation or putting in the work to gain a level of experience associated with a skill or craft. I'm being quite blunt. However, to each their own. That is not a person I'd associate with. 

If she can support her own lifestyle then I don't see why a person like that can't go out independently and experience her hobbies on her own. Dependency on a partner to do everything together at the expense of trying new things can be a real turn off.

[QuietRiot]

35 minutes ago, glows said:

 

If she can support her own lifestyle then I don't see why a person like that can't go out independently and experience her hobbies on her own. Dependency on a partner to do everything together at the expense of trying new things can be a real turn off.

She is this, so....I guess she reserves the right to limit her options?

[basil67]

30 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

She is this, so....I guess she reserves the right to limit her options?

Of course she does.  Her life, her choice.

What anyone else thinks of her profile is completely irrelevant

[glows]

39 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

She is this, so....I guess she reserves the right to limit her options?

Yes. And actually what others think is relevant if it's a dating profile as she's there to find a match or volunteering that information. 

[basil67]

21 minutes ago, glows said:

Yes. And actually what others think is relevant if it's a dating profile as she's there to find a match or volunteering that information. 

Having tight parameters is how she rules out the flotsam and jetsam.  What the flotsam's thoughts are is irrelevant because she doesn't want him anyway.

Now, if she was on here asking for advice, that's a different story.  But for all we know, she's perfectly happy being single and not settling for a guy who isn't what she wants.  I don't know what age group she's in, but I'm seeing a lot of older women who will choose being single over settling.

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

It really depends on how much you want to date the person as to how much you will compromise on doing things that do not interest you. I guess a lifestyle hobby is different and someone who is not into that may simply not be compatible at all.

It really works its way toward the compatibility question in my opinion.

[QuietRiot]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

It really depends on how much you want to date the person as to how much you will compromise on doing things that do not interest you. I guess a lifestyle hobby is different and someone who is not into that may simply not be compatible at all.

It really works its way toward the compatibility question in my opinion.

 

Right, if you live, breath, and eat a niche hobby, and something as obscure as small craft flying, well....it'll be challenging to find someone that does that. I asked her if she ever met any single men in her flying circles, and that was a big nope. All are married.

[GuitarGuy7]

Chicks don't usually like sci-fi or action movies. For them, it's usually about love, drama, and romance. Yuck...

Of course, there are always exceptions. 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Chicks don't usually like sci-fi or action movies. For them, it's usually about love, drama, and romance. Yuck...

Of course, there are always exceptions. 

Yes, not always.

Sci-fi and action films are good, but nothing too "Star Trekky."

The romantic film genre is not one that I am particularly fond of. Through music and art, I prefer the "romantic genre."

But, in the end, I don't need a partner to be a central role in my hobbies.

I don't expect him to sit with me for hours while I browse Etsy for knitting designs or cool balls of yarn or make jewelry with me.

I mean, if he's into taxidermy, I'm not going to be helping him with animal stuffing.

Edited December 16, 2021 by Alpaca

[basil67]

4 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Chicks don't usually like sci-fi or action movies. For them, it's usually about love, drama, and romance. Yuck...

Of course, there are always exceptions. 

Stereotypes get you nowhere because there are so many exceptions.   The last movie I chose was an action movie.

Edited December 16, 2021 by basil67

[elaine567]

It depends on how a person sees a "relationship", some want a very close living in each other's pockets type relationship, others want almost total independence, hardly a "relationship" at all.
If you want to spend almost every free hour with your partner, then you need shared or complementary hobbies, shared interests, shared friends... otherwise it won't work
If  you want to hardly see them, then there is no need for shared hobbies, shared interests, shared friends...

There is a happy medium, but both need to be on board with what they really want and need.

Some hobbies are all encompassing. These need recognised as such.
Compromising forever is not something many can accomplish.

[JustGettingBy]

Most people have a handful of hobbies. IMO, as long as they share a couple of them, they'll likely be fine. Remember, even the healthiest of couples need time apart.

[JRabbit]

On 11/7/2021 at 4:59 AM, QuietRiot said:

Whenever I talk to someone, and this isn't about Sci-Fi either, it could be about any TV show or movie that I mention. If I get an immediate, "I don't watch TV/movies", then it's a dealbreaker. I mean, I love it when I get water cooler talk at work about the latest Game of Thrones or some latest big hit TV series is running. But if you get someone that chimes in , "I don't do TV", the conversation can't move forward and it can be a little awkward. 

This would be me hahaha but you would miss out on a lot of people. Just because people don't watch TV doesn't mean that they aren't on the up and up, or that they never watch TV, or wouldn't watch it sometimes. It means it's not a priority to them.

I don't watch TV much, but I do watch some shows and used to be a huge movie buff so....you shouldn't make such judgements off such little issues.

Also, choosing a partner over TV and what shows they like or watch is beyond shallow and not going to serve you well long term.

 

Edited December 16, 2021 by JRabbit

[Mrin]

2 hours ago, JRabbit said:

Also, choosing a partner over TV and what shows they like or watch is beyond shallow and not going to serve you well long term.

Totally agree. Aside from a couple of shows I'll go months without ever turning it on by my own volition. That being said I do enjoy watching movies and shows with other people. It's sort of a shared experience. It just isn't something that I initiate or would do by myself save for The Expanse, Witcher and Ted Lasso. 

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, JRabbit said:

This would be me hahaha but you would miss out on a lot of people. Just because people don't watch TV doesn't mean that they aren't on the up and up, or that they never watch TV, or wouldn't watch it sometimes. It means it's not a priority to them.

I don't watch TV much, but I do watch some shows and used to be a huge movie buff so....you shouldn't make such judgements off such little issues.

Also, choosing a partner over TV and what shows they like or watch is beyond shallow and not going to serve you well long term.

 

I actually dated a woman that adapted to my likes. I'm big into strategy type board and card games. She never touched the hobby, but when she dated me, she really caught on and liked playing it. It's like she took an interest in the hobby only because she was dating me.  Another woman actually was proactive in wanting to hope on a video game I was playing, some kind of MMO....she wasn't a gamer whatsoever, but because she liked me (was into me), it was only the fact she wanted to share experiences with me. 

Hell, when she found out I liked Star Trek, she offered me her user info to log into one of her streaming services so I could watch the latest "Picard" (didn't even have to ask) lol

As an aside, I hate football, but I have a lot of sports buffs where I live...to be honest, I think I'd not click well with a woman that is big into football.

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, JRabbit said:

This would be me hahaha but you would miss out on a lot of people. Just because people don't watch TV doesn't mean that they aren't on the up and up, or that they never watch TV, or wouldn't watch it sometimes. It means it's not a priority to them.

I don't watch TV much, but I do watch some shows and used to be a huge movie buff so....you shouldn't make such judgements off such little issues.

Also, choosing a partner over TV and what shows they like or watch is beyond shallow and not going to serve you well long term.

 

I know a woman engaged to a guy that told me that her fiance "made" her watch Lord of the Rings/ Hobbit, other main stream movies...the list goes on....she's a geek herself, but she's more into the rather obscure, hardly ever known anime and other stuff no one has ever heard of.

[ASG]

On 12/16/2021 at 3:32 AM, GuitarGuy7 said:

Chicks don't usually like sci-fi or action movies. For them, it's usually about love, drama, and romance. Yuck...

Of course, there are always exceptions. 

That's so reductive, it's almost offensive. 

 

One of my main hobbies is attending sci-fi conventions. Either show specific, or multigenre. 

I wouldnt need a partner to be actively into it, but he would need to be open to it. Because I spend a good chunk of time and money on it. Someone who was completely against it, and who would want to prevent me from going (because of time and money not spent with him) would be a problem. He would have to be willing to either come with on occasion, or at least not be bothered about me going. 

And they would also need to "watch tv". Not necessarily the same shows I like, but someone who doesn't watch tv, when watching TV shows is how I spend most of my free time, would be problematic as well. But I wouldn't need him to be as Buffy obsessed as I am, for instance.