do you require someone to be into a certain hobby you're into for compatibly?

[QuietRiot]

When out organically talking to women and such....when getting to know them and their interests....I had some instances when I brought up Sci-Fi that they are like, "I can't stand sci-fi" or just "I don't care for sci-fi", and I'm like "Really? You wouldn't be able to sit through it?

Some won't even sit through movies in general.

But then I'd think of couples (some married) that were doing well by having their own interests, and they go off and do their own thing (with others sometimes) and she'd do the same.

Then there are the chameleons, for instance, I dated a woman that never really had an opinion on the things I'm into, because she never tried them I suppose, but became very interested in the hobby only because, well...she was into me and was willing to partake.

I even had a woman that asked me what video game I was into (she had no interest in video games) but BECAME interested only because she was willing to partake because, well..she ;liked me. She even wanted to get involved.

I knew a woman that didn't like fishing, but would sit with her b/f on a boat reading all day while he fished. Which is kind of sweet, esp. if she's not into it.

Also recalled a woman on a dating site that required that a man she's dating be into small craft flying (very specific) in order for it to work, because her previous spouses dropped out of the interest after so many years of marriage. 

[FMW]

I think it depends on how consuming the hobby is for someone.  If you spend 90% of your time on that hobby and your partner has no interest, that would be a problem.  Especially if it also dominates your conversation interest.

My guy loves fishing, I don't go with him even though he's asked if I wanted to.  Depending on the time of the year, it may take up to 50% of his time. But that's only for certain months, there are months he doesn't go at all.  It's something he shares with a few guy friends and I think it's great for them.  And it leaves me free to hang out with my girl friends.

However, we do have interests that we share which was how we originally connected.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

when I brought up Sci-Fi that they are like, "I can't stand sci-fi" or just "I don't care for sci-fi".

Meet women organically at sci-fi conventions or sci-fi clubs, groups, etc. However don't expect hobbies interest etc. to be in lockstep. What if women insisted you go to spas to get facials or go to yoga classes, etc.? You need to have your own interests and your own friends who you enjoy those interests with.

[Alpacalia]

That depends.

What are your thoughts on metalsmithing?

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Alpaca said:

What are your thoughts on metalsmithing?

[basil67]

My husband likes sci-fi, and no, I wouldn't sit through it.   I just go and find other things to do while he watches. 

Just as he's not going to sit through a lot of the BBC period dramas which I watch.  

[Alpacalia]

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

[chillii]

Some interests will matter for some bc they might be a lifestyle , or a type of person , so if she doesn't like that lifestyle or she's just a totally different type of person, then your probably not gonna gel too well in life together. Or it takes up all of their time or takes them away a lot , too much. Others won't matter really if you don't mind doing stuff separately too. My partner and l are quite different in interests really but we take an interest in ea others stuff bc it's part of them or it's in our life now or this or that. Some things not but we're also cool with the other going off to do whatever they do. But we're very very alike in other ways , the way we get along , think, the ways we like to live , which are huge things bc of my lifestyle , and there's other things we both just like too.

Edited November 6, 2021 by chillii

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

My husband likes sci-fi, and no, I wouldn't sit through it.   I just go and find other things to do while he watches. 

Just as he's not going to sit through a lot of the BBC period dramas which I watch.  

Although, I"m a movie geek in general, with Sci-Fi being in the top 3. lol

[jspice]

I think watching movies on dates is super boring. On top of that I can’t stand Sci-Fi. 
 

I won’t just “sit through it” so I just don’t date anyone who is into that and will nag me to watch stuff I don’t want to. 
I’d rather spend those 2/3 hours on something that I enjoy. 

[QuietRiot]

12 hours ago, jspice said:

I think watching movies on dates is super boring. On top of that I can’t stand Sci-Fi. 
 

I won’t just “sit through it” so I just don’t date anyone who is into that and will nag me to watch stuff I don’t want to. 
I’d rather spend those 2/3 hours on something that I enjoy. 

Well, there is reciprocation I suppose.

Whenever I talk to someone, and this isn't about Sci-Fi either, it could be about any TV show or movie that I mention. If I get an immediate, "I don't watch TV/movies", then it's a dealbreaker. I mean, I love it when I get water cooler talk at work about the latest Game of Thrones or some latest big hit TV series is running. But if you get someone that chimes in , "I don't do TV", the conversation can't move forward and it can be a little awkward. 

Oh , yes, I also do Outdoor activites, its' not like I'm a shut-in 

[]

Edited November 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off-topic remark

[central]

I don't require someone to be into a particular hobby, but we do need some shared interests so it's easier to spend quality time together doing something we both enjoy.  The more things in common, the more fun time you can spend together.

That said, my ex and I did share some interests and hobbies (e.g., sci-fi, dancing).  Alas, sex was not one of them!  My wife and I actively share sci-fi, dancing, travel, photography, wine, hiking/walking, art museums, martial arts - and most importantly, sex.  We like many of the same TV shows and movies (we often pause them to discuss things about the plot, a moral or philosophical point, or how characters compare to someone we know), and like the same kinds of travel experiences.  She doesn't like golf which I've taken up again in retirement, and I don't care for some of the crime/detective shows she likes.

[jspice]

6 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Well, there is reciprocation I suppose.

Whenever I talk to someone, and this isn't about Sci-Fi either, it could be about any TV show or movie that I mention. If I get an immediate, "I don't watch TV/movies", then it's a dealbreaker. I mean, I love it when I get water cooler talk at work about the latest Game of Thrones or some latest big hit TV series is running. But if you get someone that chimes in , "I don't do TV", the conversation can't move forward and it can be a little awkward. 

Oh , yes, I also do Outdoor activites, its' not like I'm a shut-in 

[]

If the conversation gets awkward,  you move on. You have your dealbreakers that the person MUST watch TV, while others prefer more intellectual pursuits. 
 

just means you’re not a match and you can’t bend her to your will. So you move on. 

[Foxhall]

I dont think couples necessarily need to have similar hobbies,

more important is that they feel able to talk to each other about various topics be it there mutual or different hobbies, or being able to comfortably express themselves with each other,

if they find their conversations are not stimulating- then that is more of a sign of definite incompatibility.

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Foxhall said:

I dont think couples necessarily need to have similar hobbies,

more important is that they feel able to talk to each other about various topics be it there mutual or different hobbies, or being able to comfortably express themselves with each other,

if they find their conversations are not stimulating- then that is more of a sign of definite incompatibility.

Wow, you put it into words so well. That make sense.

[spiderowl]

I struggle to sit through sci-fi too!  My ex husband enjoyed it.  We just did different things sometimes.

I am finding now that I need a guy to be artistic in some way, interested in and appreciative of arts, music or crafts.  We would have very little in common otherwise.  When you are younger, you tend to be optimistic and assume you will 'make it work' even if you have very different interests.  As long as there is enough overlap in interests and values, that is ok, but if there is no overlap it is a waste of time.

[glows]

Quote

do you require someone to be into a certain hobby you're into for compatibly?

No, not necessarily. I think a healthy separation of activities is best actually. My ex was a bit obsessive about my interests and it was quite suffocating over time. I found I needed that space to be on my own and pursue my interests, not always with my partner. A good balance is best and I think the dynamic Central is describing with his wife is ideal, especially if you already meet someone who has similar background/experience and taste in one thing or another.

[Wiseman2]

Not sure if I would date a paintball fanatic.

[QuietRiot]

9 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I struggle to sit through sci-fi too!  My ex husband enjoyed it.  We just did different things sometimes.

I am finding now that I need a guy to be artistic in some way, interested in and appreciative of arts, music or crafts.  We would have very little in common otherwise.  When you are younger, you tend to be optimistic and assume you will 'make it work' even if you have very different interests.  As long as there is enough overlap in interests and values, that is ok, but if there is no overlap it is a waste of time.

 

The arts, I wouldn't have any interest in attending a gallery. Music, the only music I can appreciate is going to a open air concert or local place where someone is playing, so that's something.

Crafts, you rarely see men into crafts....esp. scrap booking.     So the only compatibility we would have is the music.

[QuietRiot]

4 hours ago, glows said:

No, not necessarily. I think a healthy separation of activities is best actually. My ex was a bit obsessive about my interests and it was quite suffocating over time. I found I needed that space to be on my own and pursue my interests, not always with my partner. A good balance is best and I think the dynamic Central is describing with his wife is ideal, especially if you already meet someone who has similar background/experience and taste in one thing or another.

 

Hm, I am seeing both sides of the coin.

1. That sepreation of interests being healthy for a relationship

2. A mutual interests in relationships for it to work out.

Some say having TOO much in common is a bad thing..go figure. Apparently, it makes for a "boring" relationship *shrug*

I like the chameleon lady though....where she actually takes an interest in what YOU like (without you talking her into it)...ONLY because she's really into you.

I had a woman take an interest in a certain video game I play, and she doesn't play video games...she says she plays with her kid on his Nintendo on occasion, but that's it. lol

She only liked it, well, because she liked me.

[spiderowl]

15 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

The arts, I wouldn't have any interest in attending a gallery. Music, the only music I can appreciate is going to a open air concert or local place where someone is playing, so that's something.

Crafts, you rarely see men into crafts....esp. scrap booking.     So the only compatibility we would have is the music.

That was me, lol, a different woman would have different interests. 

[Alpacalia]

Sorry for veering off subject, but to answer your initial question, no, I would not require someone to have a specific hobby in order to be compatible.

Certain activities I prefer to undertake alone or with friends.

Having said that, I would hope that we share a wide spectrum of shared interests (passions).

But you bring up an important point: do hobbies and interests have anything to do with compatibility?

[Cersei]

My boyfriend has been amazing at atleast trying things that interest me. Some were wins (golf, hikes) and some were losses (video games).

I will always try the things he suggests (watching wrestling and soccer ... yuck) in return. 

But we have some common interests and several that are souly our own. I think it's good to have some space and freedom from each other.

[basil67]

16 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

Music, the only music I can appreciate is going to a open air concert or local place where someone is playing, so that's something....  So the only compatibility we would have is the music.

This is extremely limited. You don't enjoy a good play list on a road trip?  Or doing slightly drunk 'mom dancing' in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner?   

Is she equally narrow in her interests? 

[jspice]

18 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

I like the chameleon lady though....where she actually takes an interest in what YOU like (without you talking her into it)...ONLY because she's really into you.

I had a woman take an interest in a certain video game I play, and she doesn't play video games...she says she plays with her kid on his Nintendo on occasion, but that's it. lol

She only liked it, well, because she liked me.

But you wouldn’t “have any interest in attending a gallery”, or expanding your music taste. What about scrapbooking if she was into it? 
 

You’re not doing what you’d expect a partner to do.