Just started dating

[Johnson1]

I met this woman at a bar on Sunday that I know from out seeing a local band. We have a ton of mutual friends. The first time we met nothing came of it because she was married and had been for 14 years. Now (2 years after our first meeting) she's currently in the process of filing for divorce. She recognized me and came up to talk. She's VERY interested and adores me to death. Who knew? lol. The attraction we have was instantaneous and comfortable, like we've known each other for years. She has a busy life as a therapist and has one home near where I live (which we went to to hangout at after the bar) and another cabin about about 40 minutes away (which I haven't been to). She asked if I would keep in touch and I have. She seemed worried that I wouldn't. The next night (last night) I told her I was going out for a drink and asked if she wanted to meetup. At first she was reluctant, because she said she was at her cabin hanging with some friends, but changed her mind, so she came back to her other place so we could go out. The bar I told her I was at is literally right by her house. I told her I thought I'd meet her there because it would be convenient for her, but she texted me back and said point blank, 'no, she wasn't going there, because she goes there all the time and didn't want to deal with the locals she sees there. At first I thought that was kinda odd, but we agreed to go to dinner somewhere instead. We ended up having a great night. When we parted she said I was amazing. She said I could text her anytime and when we first spoke was very curious about how I spend my time during the week, but as interested as she is, we haven't talk much during the weekday. When we went out last night she said she cancelled all her appointments for today, but didn't say why. We texted briefly this morning and we wished each other a good day, then I tried texting around 1pm to see how her day was going. I told her I hope I wasn't interrupting her if she was busy, but she only briefly asked about our next date on Thursday without saying anything about her day. She ended our brief conversation with a kissy face emoji. What I don't understand is if she cancelled all her appointments and isn't working why the reluctance to talk about her day? Especially since she's the one who encouraged me to text her anytime? Even though she's going through a divorce she told me she has a stalker friend who won't leave her alone. I'm wondering if that has something to do with the fact she didn't want to go to the bar near her house because she might run into him or if it's because of someone else she doesn't want to run into. She says she's completely, totally and utterly done with her husband and that's why she's filing. There may be some red flags, but want to stick with it because our passion for each other is off the charts. I'm more than happy to tell her about my day, but she doesn't ask. She'll only say 'Have a great day!'. I don't want to start questioning about how she spends her time since we just started seeing each other.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Vocals5

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Vocals5 said:

I'm wondering if that has something to do with the fact she didn't want to go to the bar near her house because she might run into him or if it's because of someone else she doesn't want to run into. 

Sounds like she's avoiding running into her husband.

[Johnson1]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like she's avoiding running into her husband.

She said he's done too and lives almost an hour away from her. I guess that could be the reason though. Who knows. I just don't get her not talking about her day.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Vocals5

[glows]

You're taking this too seriously. Let it flow. She has a lot on her plate if she's filing for divorce or dividing assets, speaking with lawyers. I'm assuming she also works and has other commitments. Enjoy the meet ups. It's unlikely she's interested in you as heavily as you are with her. She likes to compliment you.

[Johnson1]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

You're taking this too seriously. Let it flow. She has a lot on her plate if she's filing for divorce or dividing assets, speaking with lawyers. I'm assuming she also works and has other commitments. Enjoy the meet ups. It's unlikely she's interested in you as heavily as you are with her. She likes to compliment you.

I know. I guess I don't want to wait to find out things aren't as they should be. You know what I mean? Been down that road too many times and want to know sooner rather than later what the real score is. I told her the same thing happened to me not long ago. I dated someone who was adamant about getting divorced and she ended up going back to her husband. 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Vocals5

[Wiseman2]

Someone in the throes of divorce is not a good dating candidate in general but because she is still legally married and has to attend to all that, drive by dating as you attempted is not a good idea.

Plan in advance. Let her pick the place. Has nothing to do with swearing "they're done" (they all say that) has to do with respecting her situation and protecting yourself with common sense.

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Vocals5 said:

I know. I guess I don't want to wait to find out things aren't as they should be. You know what I mean? Been down that road too many times and want to know sooner rather than later what I'm getting into.

I hope you realize filing (notice of claim) is the air before the tip of the iceberg. It is not even part of the monumental feat of actual divorce itself. Things I would find out more are: how long have they been separated, are there any children involved, and from there deduce the chances of her ever "filing". Some individuals live indefinitely separated from their spouses or are unwilling to disrupt current status quo or can't afford a divorce. You need to decide what your limitations or boundaries are when dating someone under these circumstances. 

It would be nice to enjoy her company for some time but in terms of a long term relationship, there are a lot of question marks.

[Johnson1]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

I hope you realize filing (notice of claim) is the air before the tip of the iceberg. It is not even part of the monumental feat of actual divorce itself. Things I would find out more are: how long have they been separated, are there any children involved, and from there deduce the chances of her ever "filing". Some individuals live indefinitely separated from their spouses or are unwilling to disrupt current status quo or can't afford a divorce. You need to decide what your limitations or boundaries are when dating someone under these circumstances. 

It would be nice to enjoy her company for some time but in terms of a long term relationship, there are a lot of question marks.

The haven't been separated long. Maybe a few  months. No kids involved (I don't think). She never mentioned any. But I agree with what you're saying.

[Johnson1]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Someone in the throes of divorce is not a good dating candidate in general but because she is still legally married and has to attend to all that, drive by dating as you attempted is not a good idea.

Plan in advance. Let her pick the place. Has nothing to do with swearing "they're done" (they all say that) has to do with respecting her situation and protecting yourself with common sense.

And I definitely plan on doing that. As with both married women (her and the last one that went back to her husband recently) we all have the same mutual friends, so things can get messy. I've learned the hard way. Unfortunately she wants to go see a band we all know that again, brings mutual friends into the picture. Not sure if I want them seeing another failure if this doesn't work out, but don't want to tell her I don't want to go. She has her heart set on it. To make matters worse, I also recently dated ( for 3 weeks) another woman who hangs out with the same band. Things didn't end well. I ended it and she's a woman scorned. Now she goes to their shows with someone new guy she met, but amongst our mutual friends I kero my distance. Now I'm bringing this new girl there. Ugh. I don't know if I should tell the new girl about the situation. I don't know if she knows her.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Vocals5

[chillii]

Forget the day she might've been doing something right then. Forget the bar sometimes people don't like being too local, hate it myself. But with her marriage broken up so early in there'd be people she wouldn't wanna see atm too.

But yeah def find out more about all her divorce situation and nitty gritties if you can. A few mths is nothing. Don't forget too a lot of people will pounce on somebody new straight after a marriage break up , you don't wanna be one of them. l'd just be wary until you know more about where she's really at emotionally , sounds like she's coming on pretty full on that's a sign right there.

Edited November 2, 2021 by chillii

[Johnson1]

3 minutes ago, chillii said:

Forget the day she might've been doing something right then. Forget the bar sometimes people don't like being too local, hate it myself. But with her marriage broken up so early in there'd be people she wouldn't wanna see atm too.

But yeah def find out more about all her divorce situation and nitty gritties if you can. A few mths is nothing. Don't forget too a lot of people will pounce on somebody new straight after a marriage break up , you don't wanna be one of them. So l'd just be wary until you know more , sounds like she's coming on pretty full on that's a sign right there.

I know. The last married one came on full as well.

[Johnson1]

I haven't heard back from her since yesterday afternoon around 3. The last thing she asked was if I could pick her up for our date tomorrow. I said yes and asked her how her day was going and that I didn't want to interrupt if she was busy. All she replied with was a kiss emoji. I didn't respond back till 8pm, but answered with a kiss emoji and said I was done with work and they it was a long day, but she never even read my message. She has a lot going on in her life between filing for divorce, a stalker guy she knows, plus she rides a motorcycle, so her safety is on my mind. We also have a lot of mutual friends, so I don't know if she heard something about me she didn't like, or if her she lost her phone, etc. Right now a lot is going through my mind why I'm not hearing back. Just would like to know if she's okay. I'm thinking of waiting till this afternoon before sending another text to ask, but not sure what to say or if I should just leave it be and wait to hear back from her. 

[notbroken]

You are a rebound.  Divorce is messy and can be 'all consuming'.   She is likely very busy, confused, and emotional and doesn't have time for all the normal 'niceness' someone might have in the early stages of dating.    Honestly, dating someone not yet divorced is likely to be extremely painful for all concerned.   Avoid.  Find someone that is not going through the hell of divorce, that might not go back to their husband no matter what they say, who's stbx might not shoot you, that isn't getting their life and heart torn apart.   Just better for you and for them.  I'm sorry.  Guard your heart.