How to be NOT a Creep

[Girl Fade Away]

3 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

Posters on a forum. The women have been nice with me.

That is all you should be concerned about in my opinion. 

[OatsAndHall]

On 11/1/2021 at 7:25 AM, elaine567 said:

 

What makes a person creepy? And what purpose do our creep detectors serve? A psychologist explains

Excellent article and study that I think folks on this site would benefit from reading. The take away from the study was that attractiveness essentially determined if an individual was tagged as "creepy". 

Anecdotally, my experiences mirror what this article states. I was once quite heavy (i.e. unattractive) and had my share of bad interactions with women because if it. Simple interactions such as asking them out or offering my phone number which were off-putting because, simply put, I was fat. 

Amazingly enough, once I thinned down significantly, women not only stopped taking offense to these interactions, they welcomed them.. Funny how that worked out, huh?

[Fox Sake]

On 11/3/2021 at 10:53 PM, OatsAndHall said:

Excellent article and study that I think folks on this site would benefit from reading. The take away from the study was that attractiveness essentially determined if an individual was tagged as "creepy". 

Anecdotally, my experiences mirror what this article states. I was once quite heavy (i.e. unattractive) and had my share of bad interactions with women because if it. Simple interactions such as asking them out or offering my phone number which were off-putting because, simply put, I was fat. 

Amazingly enough, once I thinned down significantly, women not only stopped taking offense to these interactions, they welcomed them.. Funny how that worked out, huh?

That came from you. It wasn’t to do with your weight as far as anyone else was concerned. 
Your loss of weight is what gave YOU the confidence to come across as you wanted to without a big insecurity taking it away and making you feel like a creep. 

I know plenty of people who have a “fat” partner. Some of them are women , some of them are men. It’s about how they carry themselves and view themselves. That is what makes them attractive- not caring and loving themselves and accepting themselves for everything that they are. Sometimes, people’s hearts shine far past their looks and that beautiful soul can make someone attractive, regardless of their size. 

Creepiness, I believe ,  comes from a place of desperate mindset, lack of self confidence and lack of experience, and fear.
Of course there’s always an exception as I do know a few creeps. 
 

still tho, if it worked for you,  then well done!  

Edited November 13, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
langauge

[OatsAndHall]

2 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

That came from you. It wasn’t to do with your weight as far as anyone else was concerned. 
Your loss of weight is what gave YOU the confidence to come across as you wanted to without a big insecurity taking it away and making you feel like a creep. 

I know plenty of people who have a “fat” partner. Some of them are women , some of them are men. It’s about how they carry themselves and view themselves. That is what makes them attractive- the not giving a f*** and loving themselves and accepting themselves for everything that they are. Sometimes, people’s hearts shine far past their looks and that beautiful soul can make someone attractive, regardless of their size. 

Creepiness, I believe ,  comes from a place of desperate mindset, lack of self confidence and lack of experience, and fear.
Of course there’s always an exception as I do know a few creeps. 
 

still tho, if it worked for you,  then well done!  

Nope, I didn't care that I was heavy or how I was perceived. That's what landed me dates back then. In fact, I was a much more active dater when I was "fat". 

 

[Fox Sake]

5 minutes ago, OatsAndHall said:

Nope, I didn't care that I was heavy or how I was perceived. That's what landed me dates back then. In fact, I was a much more active dater when I was "fat". 

 

Ah okay. I must have read your post wrong! Thanks for clarifying  

[QuietRiot]

I have to say, I think some people judge too quickly that someone is a "creep".  They never give them a chance.

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I have to say, I think some people judge too quickly that someone is a "creep".  They never give them a chance.

I think it's an incredibly cruel thing to say to someone's face.  People don't know the effect that their words have on others, or they don't care.

[robaday]

I gotta say I think I came off as creepy not so long ago with someone. I was so into her I couldn't get enough of her but she could pick up the vibes and stayed well clear. I think it's often when I am super nice that I could be perceived as being creepy, whereas where I am just myself the results tend to go a bit better. Bizarrely though this same woman in previous months was a lot nicer to me when I was cancelling dates etc....so go figure. I guess human psychology you always want what you cant have. 

[SumGuy]

On 10/26/2021 at 3:34 AM, luiscasabuena said:

...And so I realized that I actually have what women are looking for --- that I'm physically attractive and intelligent (with latin honors in college and was on dean's list in law school).

....And I now want to be back again in the dating field. I want someone who is pretty. 

.... Maybe, I just don't know how to properly seduce a woman.

It's simple we judge ourselves by our intentions, others by our actions or statements.    The statement I quoted above are in the creep zone, they suggest a way of thinking about it all that some might call creepy.   Now that may not be your intention and we all share about ourselves in ways that may come off wrong...so just pointing out these statements to me can give pause.

You certainly seem to be able to attract women, it appears more that you can't maintain a relationship, that is keep them.  That may be fine with you, but it is also a creep data point.

Aspects of a creep is they are all about looks, sex, women as objects, and wham bam thank you mam...superficial and prurient...and not realizing they may be overbearing and egoistical about it all.    

Sounds like you are intelligent, so turn your lawyer's mind to your actions and focus on your statements objectively, as if it was a client...then view it through a skeptical lens.  Your subjective belief you are not a creep is purely that, what would the average reasonable person think from your actions and statements?  

[basil67]

On 10/26/2021 at 6:34 PM, luiscasabuena said:

And so I realized that I actually have what women are looking for --- that I'm physically attractive and intelligent (with latin honors in college and was on dean's list in law school).

 

A bit of dating advice: The above can certainly be attractive, if you're modest about it.   But these things alone won't get you a relationship.  Think about all the men who don't have these attributes but still have a lovely girlfriend.  

Attracting a partner isn't about what you've got (body, honors), but rather who you are and how you connect. 

[dramafreezone]

23 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Aspects of a creep is they are all about looks, sex, women as objects, and wham bam thank you mam...superficial and prurient...and not realizing they may be overbearing and egoistical about it all.    

 

But at lot of these guys get women, so to some women they aren't creeps.

Being creepy is just when there's a huge discrepancy in attraction between the guy and the woman, when he's incredibly attracted to her and she'd rather jump off a bridge than think about him.  Creepy feeling is when she knows what that guy has on his mind and it turns her stomach for her to think about it because she finds him that repulsive.  And I don't think someone has to be super overbearing, egotistical, to give a woman that feeling.  Just staring too long can do it.

[Philosopher]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

But at lot of these guys get women, so to some women they aren't creeps.

Being creepy is just when there's a huge discrepancy in attraction between the guy and the woman, when he's incredibly attracted to her and she'd rather jump off a bridge than think about him.  Creepy feeling is when she knows what that guy has on his mind and it turns her stomach for her to think about it because she finds him that repulsive.  And I don't think someone has to be super overbearing, egotistical, to give a woman that feeling.  Just staring too long can do it.

Given that if she is not attracted to you, any attempt at conversation or flirting could come as creepy, I think to avoid being seen as creepy, you have to let the women do most of the signalling. So from my experience the following should work in avoiding not being seen as creepy:

1) Only talk to them if you have both made eye contact and she seemed receptive, e.g smiled at you or kept eye contact for longer than a second.

2) If they seem receptive after making eye contact, try and initiate a conversation as soon as you can, or don’t bother. For those who are shy, this can be particularly difficult. In situations such as parties and meetup events, doing this should be easier.

3) Make good eye contact or at least look at her face almost all the time you are talking. If you are not talking to them, brief glances are ok, but any longer could come across as staring. 

4) If it is a struggle to get a conversation going, for example, their answers are brief and they ask few questions, don’t try and force a conversation, instead end the conversation. If you are at event where you can talk to others, chat with someone else.

5) Let them touch you first. A brief tap on the shoulder is Ok in some situations though such as to let them know you are going somewhere. This probably applies to most physical escalation, e.g let her touch you first in more intimate locations.

6) In between dates, try to match her frequency and speed of phone messaging.

 

[SumGuy]

On 11/13/2021 at 11:44 AM, dramafreezone said:

But at lot of these guys get women, so to some women they aren't creeps....

Getting and keeping are two very different things, as well as them looking back and saying I can't believe I dated the guy, what a creep.   

Now if they are all about looks, sex, women as objects, and wham bam thank you man...then no worries...you just better meet their look criteria.

Not saying creeps don't get dates, rather what typically makes a creep even if they look good and on paper seem fine.

[QuietRiot]

On 11/13/2021 at 3:48 PM, Philosopher said:

Given that if she is not attracted to you, any attempt at conversation or flirting could come as creepy, I think to avoid being seen as creepy, you have to let the women do most of the signalling. 

 

 

Thing is, if you let the woman make the move, then you'll probably never find anyone because not too many women are keen on doing this. That it's the man's "job" to make the move.

[Philosopher]

21 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Thing is, if you let the woman make the move, then you'll probably never find anyone because not too many women are keen on doing this. That it's the man's "job" to make the move.

Good point. I do think when it comes to the first kiss, the guy does have to be the one who initiates it. However in my experience, the women will usually give strong hints they want to be kissed, such as prolonged eye contact and positioning their head in close proximity to yours.

Similarly with chatting someone up, the guy often does have to make the first move, but like with kissing the women will usually give hints they are Ok with you chatting them up, such as looking and smiling at you.

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Philosopher said:

Good point. I do think when it comes to the first kiss, the guy does have to be the one who initiates it. However in my experience, the women will usually give strong hints they want to be kissed, such as prolonged eye contact and positioning their head in close proximity to yours.

Similarly with chatting someone up, the guy often does have to make the first move, but like with kissing the women will usually give hints they are Ok with you chatting them up, such as looking and smiling at you.

Meh, smiling at you doesn't really mean she's interested...could mean she's just being friendly. Same with eye contact.