Is my crush into me (or sees me as a friend)

[luke2105]

So I met this wonderful girl some three years ago on a trip abroad where we were in a language course together. We became good friends over these two weeks there and spent a lot of time together traveling, hanging out and doing after-school activities together. She's from a different country than me, but only lives some 800km away, so it's not that far actually.

After our time together, we parted ways and for a year or so didn't chat a lot, only following each other on social media. However, soon after returning home, I realised how much of a crush I'd developed on her. We match in so many ways, share similar interests, are both relatively shy and introvert characters at first, have a similar sense of humor - plus, she's one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in my life. For a year, I couldn't stop thinking about her, but was too shy to text her again as I believed that she might have moved on already and because of her timid character I couldn't quite figure out if she was at all interested in me or maybe showing a lack of interest.

One year later, though, I took my chances and just texted her. She quickly replied and was seemingly delighted by my message. We kept texting for several hours and gave updates on our lifes, it was great. From then on, we would start chatting on a regular basis, first only once every couple of months, then at least once a month. Later, we also began video chatting and when we talked for the first time "in-person" via Skype, we must have talked for more than two hours. Nowadays, it has become almost a habit for the two of us that we video chat for up to 4 hours once a month or every two months - and it's also her who's initiating the conversation, not just me.

Obviously, I love talking to her, and by her smile when we talk (or her saying that she really enjoyed talking to me) I know that she must like being with me. However, I can't deny that merely talking to her as a friend just doesn't feel like enough ... as she has been my biggest crush for three years now, I would naturally want to somehow get in a relationship with her. Of course, the problem will always be the distance between us and I'm not sure if a long-distance-relationship could work. We also both did semesters abroad, and Covid didn't support my goals of seeing her again either. Last summer, we almost met again, but a short-term committment for an internship got in her way unfortunately.

Now, I know she doesn't have a boyfriend and never mentions any other male friends (and I've gotten to know her personal life a fair bit by now). Still, despite all the long conversations and texting, I'm not sure if she's into me - or sees me just as a good (male) friend. Recently, it was her birthday and I sent her a text, also using the kissing emoji for the first time. While she was really happy about my text, she didn't reply using the same emoji, which to me could indicate that she doesn't have a crush on me. Also, sometimes it does take a couple of hours before she replies to my texts, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. I just don't want to tell her how I really feel about her unless it's in person, I just don't wanna do that on the phone ...

I feel like things could be almost perfect between us and I've never met anyone close to her personality in my lifetime so far. Maybe some of you could help me find some advice how I should deal with this situation which is both wonderful and extremely painful! Sorry for my long post and thanks to everyone who reads this and helps me!

I'm a quite shy person and have never had a relationship despite already being 22 years old, but this does really matter a lot to me!

[glows]

Would you be able to enjoy her friendship as is for now and meet when you can later? I’m sure she knows how you feel. You don’t have to be so explicit. 

At 22 I think your resources or time are limited. If you can’t keep up this friendship then let her go. You’re placing yourself in an unreasonable position.

[Wiseman2]

Hard to say because she clearly likes you, but the distance thing could be an issue.

[luke2105]

I do enjoy our friendship and one of the reasons why I haven't told her all my feelings is because I wouldn't want to jeopardise or even destroy our relationship completely. But I know she means so much more to me as I'm thinking about her every single day. It's so hard to tell how she feels though - distance could be an issue why she might not want me as more than just a friend, but maybe she just isn't into me personally either. I just hope to find a solution to this issue/dilemma one day