5 Months a Widower.

[Lurcher]

I lost my wife Five months ago, I am a 66 year old man.
It destroyed me at the time, we loved each other so much. Anyway I was at my local pub, and yes probably had a little too much to drink.
I got into conversation with a lady of a similar age as me, She is a widow. we finished up exchanging phone numbers.
Yes I should love to meet up with Her, She knows my situation, of course I am grieving and will be for a long time.
But I would just like to ask for others thoughts on this. I would love to have the friendship of a lady, but cant help but feel a bit confused.

Thanks for any sensible replies.

Top

[elaine567]

On 10/4/2021 at 6:47 PM, Crazelnut said:

Widowers are notorious for rushing into a new relationships, as they have the most trouble being alone. Every widower in my grief support group did this, and the counselor confirmed generally my observation. 

[FMW]

Everyone has the need to connect.  You felt a connection with her, that's  normal and healthy.

As long as you are honest and direct with each other, this might be a lovely thing for you both. 

I connected with a man who had lost his wife 9 months earlier. Over the past 2+ years our relationship deepened and changed to a romantic one.   

Even if you remain strictly platonic friends it might be a healing experience for you both.

Don't be afraid to connect, just be honest with yourself and with her what you're thinking and feeling. Take things slow.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Lurcher said:

I got into conversation with a lady of a similar age as me, She is a widow. we finished up exchanging phone numbers.
Yes I should love to meet up with Her, She knows my situation, of course I am grieving and will be for a long time.

Sorry to hear this. Think of this as just good company for now.

Also it's part of healing to feel alive again and crave companionship.

[glows]

Contact her with lowered expectations and be realistic about what you're going through. You've just lost someone dear to you. I don't think you should isolate yourself or deem yourself not worthy for any reason of friendship or human warmth. 

[chillii]

l'm very sorry about the loss, but it's incredible of you getting down to your pub and out of the house , around people, good for you .

l can understand the confusion now though but if you get a long and enjoy ea others company, l'd just go with whatever you feel comfortable with even if it's just friends and a shoulder to ea other. When l went through divorce l met someone at about the same stage as me and mine and we were both in very similar minds . We become close just as friends and spent a lot of time talking and just being . lt was really helpful to us both and speaking for myself just nice to have. lt was confusing though definitely, being around another woman and not in any romantic sense. Unfortunately later on or maybe even from the start she wanted more though and so in the end things became pretty awkward from there and the friendship broke up. 

So it depends in what way you like and enjoy being with her and whether that's mutually on the same level but as long as your honest with yourself and ea other just go with what you feel and enjoy the friendship l'd say. Unfortunately there is the risk one might end up wanting more if it would just be a friendship, or , maybe you both do .

[mark clemson]

You sound conflicted. Only you can decide if you're ready for something/someone new. If your gut sense is that you'd genuinely regret establishing more than a casual friendship, then you should probably listen to that. Don't wait forever (if you plan on establishing new relationships) as life is short, but several more months certainly wouldn't be crazy. Starting something up before you're fully ready is likely to be counterproductive in the long term.

[Nothanks]

I’m  sorry for your loss.  I’d say just take it slow.  Nothing wrong with meeting new friends.  She has been through a loss as well and knows what you are going through. As long as you are honest with her (just looking for friendship right now), she should understand.  

[Lurcher]

Thankyou folks for your thoughts on this, I have no intention of rushing into anything. We are going to meet up at the same Pub this weekend, and we shall see what happens if anything at all.