N/C- different reasons & different degrees

[grace2005]

Here is an update on my situation. After visiting my ex gf for the first time 2 weeks ago I went back to applying no contact for 10 days. During those 10 days she calls me on my cell phone once but I wasn't available to answer. I signed online Monday & Wednseday of this week and she initiated contact with me both days. I just got back from hanging out with her tonight. I took her to play pool and bought her ice cream.

 

While we were eating ice cream she says she wanted to talk to me because she's been doing alot of thinking since the visit we had 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago she initiated talk about keeping an open mind about reconciliation. I later suggested that we both sit down and write down the things we like and dislike about each other and write down some ground rules. Tonight during our talk she said she decided to take me up on my suggestion. We both sat down and wrote down things that needed to be changed. She said the reason we broke up was because of the stress from arguing and also the fact that I would bring up past mistakes.

 

Anyway after those 10 days of no contact I decided I would try spending quality time with her as a friend and see if that would rekindle the flame on her end. And it worked. It only took 2 visits as a friend combined with giving her space with no contact/reduced contact to ignite the spark once again. She says she would like to try again and that her feelings for me have returned. I suggested that we take it slow and remain friends for a couple more weeks. She said she couldn't wait a couple more weeks. I then told her that I think it would be best to take it slow and stay friends for awhile and that waiting a few more weeks won't kill us. We were in her bedroom with the door closed when we were talking. The next thing I know she grabs me and pulls me down on the bed on top of her. At that point I said I have to get going because it's getting late and so I got up quickly and she walked me to my car like she always does. I said "i'll give you a hug but nothing more than that for now" I wanted to save all the good stuff for the holidays. But she knows me so well after 2.5 years the weakness I have. She knows that if she started licking my ears and grabbing my crotch that I would not resist. That's what she started doing and then after 5 minutes or so I said I have to get home. She intentionally tempted me where she knew I was weak. I made the mistake of not resisting her sexual approaches toward me. I should have pulled away immediately. I'm just glad I didn't take advantge of the opportunity to spend the night with her. It is not a good idea for us to jump back into bed yet.

 

I'm going back to her house sunday afternoon to get some work done on my car. I'm going to really have to sit down and talk with her about the importance of not rushing back into physical contact beyond hugging. From there I will go back to applying NC until thanksgiving eve or call her only once for every 3 times she calls me. I believe a reconciliation should happen slowly just like before dating. It has to happen slowly and naturally. Which means spending quality time together as friends first!

[J dub]

Thats excellent grace! See and you thought things wouldnt get better...and here they are...better!

 

One thing I do want to point out though is that NC is a principle for a dumpee to regain strength and identity after admitting to the end of a relationship. It's about getting over someone and moving on, not playing games to get them back. At this point, applying NC to your situation will probably only confuse the hell out of this girl because she thinks you want to be back together, and if you do there is no reason to not contact her - the very idea seems conterproductive.

 

Please at least reconsider the whole NC until thanksgiving. I seriously think that is going to work against you, especially after all the progress you have made.