Crazelnut Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 I wouldn't necessarily hold 4 marriages against him, but I would remind you that his stated reasons for the marriage failures are 100% whitewashed. Don't take those at face value. 1
Happy Lemming Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 7 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He had his wedding ring on. He isn't ready to take the ring off, yet. He will when he is ready. 7 hours ago, mortensorchid said: And he made some posts saying "this was her favorite holiday". That is in reference to his 4th wife (who I knew) who died just before the first of the year. I understand... it appears he is still in a bit of a mourning phase. Try to steer the conversation to happy subjects and amusing stories (if you go out with him again). It is good for him to go to dinner with you. He is trying to put his life back on-line. It sounds like the date went fairly well, but you describe your interaction as "decent to you"?? You texted you had a great time, were you being truthful?? Do YOU want to see him again?? 1
FMW Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 Before you get too romantically interested in him, make sure he's really ready to move forward. His wife died less than a year ago, I would tread carefully with anything beyond friendship for now. 4
Crazelnut Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 Widow here. I'm sure he THINKS he's ready to date, but I can assure you he really isn't. Widowers are notorious for rushing into a new relationships, as they have the most trouble being alone. Every widower in my grief support group did this, and the counselor confirmed generally my observation. So I wouldn't hang my hat on this guy. 2
Author mortensorchid Posted October 11, 2021 Author Posted October 11, 2021 On 10/4/2021 at 1:47 PM, Crazelnut said: Widow here. I'm sure he THINKS he's ready to date, but I can assure you he really isn't. Widowers are notorious for rushing into a new relationships, as they have the most trouble being alone. Every widower in my grief support group did this, and the counselor confirmed generally my observation. So I wouldn't hang my hat on this guy. Thanks, this is why I am nervous about it. Rebounding exists, but this guy has also been married 4 times already - yes, 4. He has a son in his mid 30s who lives in Washington state. His 1st wife cheated on him, 2nd wife was into drugs, 3rd wife not sure on, and 4th wife (who I knew) died of cancer. We went out on date #2 last night to see the James Bond movie. 3rd is this weekend - going to a play. Hope this is okay but not getting too gung ho about him because of this circumstance. 1
Cheryl Grey Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 My mother has been married four times. The reasons for those marriages ending were not always her 'fault'. She has now found love and been happy for 10 years - nobody dying on her, being unfaithful or whatever. So the fact of multiple marriages is not necessarily a character fault - get to know him and find out how he feels about it. Don't project your fears into the situation but be aware and open to hearing the other side of the story.
Alvi Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Take it one date at a time. Keep your eyes and ears wide open.
chillii Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Thanks, this is why I am nervous about it. Rebounding exists, but this guy has also been married 4 times already - yes, 4. He has a son in his mid 30s who lives in Washington state. His 1st wife cheated on him, 2nd wife was into drugs, 3rd wife not sure on, and 4th wife (who I knew) died of cancer. We went out on date #2 last night to see the James Bond movie. 3rd is this weekend - going to a play. Hope this is okay but not getting too gung ho about him because of this circumstance. So how have things been with him , and how are they with you both ? Do you get along seem into ea other anything in common is he pushing buttons , umm, good buttons, what do you think of him and him and you so far ? l only ask things like this bc really you'd know by now and if your not feeling any of this stuff then it's really not gonna matter much anyway . Edited October 11, 2021 by chillii
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 On 9/26/2021 at 10:22 PM, mortensorchid said: He was the husband of a woman I knew who died of cancer a few years ago. Somehow we got to chatting, It's just FB chitchat. No need to date him. Who contacted whom and how did this chitchat come about? Distance yourself from this . If you want online dating get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men for a low-key coffee. Just because some friend of a friend etc engages in social media chitchatting, no reason to date if you see what you think are red flags.
Author mortensorchid Posted October 13, 2021 Author Posted October 13, 2021 We have date #3 arranged for this weekend. I think I should keep my options fairly open in this situation though because of the situation. I am hoping against hope that someday, somehow love can happen for me but my gut is telling me that this is not a good situation for me ultimately. Based on his past and circumstances, unless he proclaims something otherwise.
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 I would be a little wary but if I liked him, meet and see how it goes. Bear in mind he was recently widowed and probably just wants company and comfort, not necessarily love and commitment to one person at the moment. If he has had four wives, it seems to me he must be good at talking to women and taking the initiative with them.
Author mortensorchid Posted October 19, 2021 Author Posted October 19, 2021 We ended the evening alright, he liked the play we went to (Texas Chainsaw Musical). However... He took an Uber there and he didn't attempt a kiss goodbye he just hugged me goodbye. Think that's strange? I guess he's just a friend. But that's okay.
Happy Lemming Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 1 minute ago, mortensorchid said: ...and he didn't attempt a kiss goodbye You can kiss him, there is no rule that says you can't initiate the good night kiss. 1
Alpacalia Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 2 hours ago, mortensorchid said: We ended the evening alright, he liked the play we went to (Texas Chainsaw Musical). However... He took an Uber there and he didn't attempt a kiss goodbye he just hugged me goodbye. Think that's strange? I guess he's just a friend. But that's okay. Not necessarily. I've been asked for a hug at the end of a date and one time by the next date I leaned in with puppy eyes and a kiss ensued. Sometimes a warm hug is just the safest way to end the date. 3
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