Gold diggers

[mortensorchid]

Here is a general question that can apply to both men and women, and it can be a business or personal thing (I'd say mostly personal but don't quote me on that):

I have known a few women who were gold diggers, as in they were only after guys because they could give them things or could at least afford to give them things.  Men can be gold diggers as well, we tend to call them users - as in they're not friends with you unless there is something in it for them.  True, when you first meet someone you know nothing about them, over time they begin to show themselves in their attitudes, emotions or actions.  What do you do once you realize that the person who is your friend or even your lover is a gold digger / user? 

[Woggle]

I cut my losses and remove them from my life.

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

What do you do once you realize that the person who is your friend or even your lover is a gold digger / user? 

Obviously, you would end the relationship/friendship.  What else is there to say?

[mortensorchid]

I have encountered a few that I have been with (friends, coworkers, bfs, etc.) in the past who are users / gold diggers.  When I see the behavior (some are more obvious than others), I have dropped them like bad habits.  I wonder about people that I have seen who unfortunately jump into situations way too quickly.  There was a gal who I knew who let this guy move into her house after knowing him for ONE WEEK!  He was a complete loser (jailbird, got into fist fights, etc.) and, quite honestly, so stupid you couldn't believe it.  He was a user, he never had a job and she was supporting him the whole time.  Or a guy I knew who married a woman who TOLD them they were getting married and had a complete agenda behind everything they were doing.  Both of these couples are long since broken up / divorced today, imagine that? 

[glows]

People do make mistakes and some continue to make the same mistakes. Focus on yourself and where you are headed. I wouldn't concern myself so much with what other people are doing. 

I agree about removing negative or draining people, events, circumstances from life especially where there is no improvement and intentions are less than savoury.

[chillii]

l've never been involved nor l think even met a female gold digger, probably bc l'd spot her well before anyway. Not a doubt they're around though , just not around me bc l wouldn't have them around me. Heard plenty of stories from gold digging guys though too over the yrs and if l'd been that way myself there's been a few opportunities for sure , but l'd need a lot more than just money myself so l'd passed.

At any rate yeah l agree too , why even mix with people like that if it isn't within your own morals and the rest of them , they can do what they want.

[Wiseman2]

No one can take advantage of you financially unless you let them.

[Blind-Sided]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

No one can take advantage of you financially unless you let them.

Yep... this.

When I'm first dating a girl... I like to pay for things.  But if she never offers to pay, or expects me to pay (or buy her things) then she will be gone quick.   The story of the girl who let the looser move inn after a week, is all on her.  She was obviously desperate for a guy, and ignored all flags. 

In my younger life... I had a girl who would suggest things we could do... and then would ask when I would book the event.  My comment was... "When I get time".  We only hug out for a couple weeks, and it ended when she was bugging me about tickets... and I told her... "If it's that critical, then you should just book it for us."  She didn't like the idea that she would have to pay.   I don't know if this was a total "Gold Digger" kind of thing... of if she was still young (We were in collage) and she was use to "Mom and Dad" paying still.  Regardless... it didn't go anywhere. 

The opposite is true of my current GF... and it's one of the things that made me attracted to her.  On our second "Date"... she told me she was paying for dinner, because I paid for drinks the time before.  Then, a couple days later... I bought lunch, but then she bought me a book when we were at a used book store. I generally pick up the bill... but she will take it from me about half of the time. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[Caauug]

On 9/20/2021 at 12:40 AM, mortensorchid said:

as in they're not friends with you unless there is something in it for them.

If they/you are not going to benefit from a relationship, why would you be in it? Everyone in a relationship has to get something, friendship, validation, admiration, money, goods or a service if it's a business relationship.... There has to be a benefit or there is no point of being there. Even stopping to help a stranger in need, you should get a thanks and feel good for helping.

On 9/20/2021 at 12:40 AM, mortensorchid said:

I have known a few women who were gold diggers, as in they were only after guys because they could give them things or could at least afford to give them things

It's called Hypergamy and it's backed up with Briffault's Law. Want to see how fast you can loose your wife: Give up your job and tell her she can support you now because you have supported her. Make sure to get her to do her share of the chores around the house when she gets home from work, same as she wanted from you.....  Most R end very fast once the woman can not receive benefits/recourses from the man when she was before. It's all part of human nature. Why are younger women attracted to men a little older then themselves? Because he will/should have his career figured out and be better abled to support her and her family. Her age preferences can switch around later in her life.

On 9/21/2021 at 2:29 AM, mortensorchid said:

He was a complete loser (jailbird, got into fist fights, etc.) and, quite honestly, so stupid you couldn't believe it.  He was a user, he never had a job and she was supporting him the whole time.

The "Bad Boy", he is about the only type of man that can get a girl and not be on the plantation. This normally doesn't last long, as few years at most if she wants some kids from him....

 

Note: These comments are not to be taken as an attack on any gender or on anyone. These are only observations and findings. Nothing is always or 100%, just tendencies to be that way.

[neowulf]

On 9/21/2021 at 4:29 AM, mortensorchid said:

I have encountered a few that I have been with (friends, coworkers, bfs, etc.) in the past who are users / gold diggers.  When I see the behavior (some are more obvious than others), I have dropped them like bad habits.  I wonder about people that I have seen who unfortunately jump into situations way too quickly.  There was a gal who I knew who let this guy move into her house after knowing him for ONE WEEK!  He was a complete loser (jailbird, got into fist fights, etc.) and, quite honestly, so stupid you couldn't believe it.  He was a user, he never had a job and she was supporting him the whole time.  Or a guy I knew who married a woman who TOLD them they were getting married and had a complete agenda behind everything they were doing.  Both of these couples are long since broken up / divorced today, imagine that? 

This is something that continues to bother me whenever I hear these stories.

How are we failing these people, who decide that the best they can manage, is a parasitic predator who wants nothing more than to take advantage of them.

Surely there are red flags warning of this kind of attitude early on?  Why aren't we preparing people to better screen for toxic relationships and why do people continue to sign up for them.

 

[DividedTrail]

22 hours ago, neowulf said:

This is something that continues to bother me whenever I hear these stories.

How are we failing these people, who decide that the best they can manage, is a parasitic predator who wants nothing more than to take advantage of them.

Surely there are red flags warning of this kind of attitude early on?  Why aren't we preparing people to better screen for toxic relationships and why do people continue to sign up for them.

 

Manipulative people/predators will seek out damaged/insecure/naïve ‘victims’.

If you have a loved one falling victim, you can try to steer them away but some people won’t believe a hot stove will burn them until they put their hand on it. 

It is very difficult for most people that believe in the general good of mankind to be convinced there is real evil in the world unless they have been victimized and come out the other side. 

Edited October 5, 2021 by DividedTrail

[Lorenzo25]

Yeah....I try to avoid them.

[Foxhall]

I had a coffee with a friend of mine this morning and the topic of gold diggers came up,

"I hope your not suggesting that I am of that nature she says"

but she went onto say a lot of women will seek out men to support them financially

they will seek a guy who will show commitment and will make them feel secure both financially and emotionally.

[central]

Often, people let themselves be used because they are desperately lonely, and rationalize the situation.  This part of human nature makes it easy to take advantage of such people, unfortunately.

[elaine567]

20 minutes ago, central said:

Often, people let themselves be used because they are desperately lonely, and rationalize the situation.  This part of human nature makes it easy to take advantage of such people, unfortunately.

Yes but not all partners of gold diggers are victims, nor are they taken advantage of.
There are people who actively seek out others they can lavish care and money on.
For some it is about shifting the power dynamic towards themselves.
They control the money, they control the relationship. 
Some choose to essentially pay for attention from people they would never attract if money was not involved.
Too old, too ugly?
Add some cash and they are suddenly desirable...

[Els]

On 10/9/2021 at 1:56 AM, elaine567 said:

Yes but not all partners of gold diggers are victims, nor are they taken advantage of.
There are people who actively seek out others they can lavish care and money on.
For some it is about shifting the power dynamic towards themselves.
They control the money, they control the relationship. 
Some choose to essentially pay for attention from people they would never attract if money was not involved.
Too old, too ugly?
Add some cash and they are suddenly desirable...

This. It's really just a consensual trade most of the time, tbh. Usually looks + youth in exchange for money. Both genders can partake in both roles too, i.e. older sugar mommas with young studs.