I was needy and smothered him - any chance of reconciling?

[endofthetunnel]

My ex broke up with me  2 months ago stating that he felt like something didn't feel right in the relationship. I was taken by surprise and asked and prodded a lot about why he felt this way and came to the conclusion that I may have smothered him with my affection. Given the relationship in general was healthy with no fights, lying or cheating, is reconciliation possible?

Background on relationship: 

We started dating last December after having been friends for a few months. He had shown romantic interest early on but I was still sorting out a previous breakup at the time so I couldn't reciprocate. We stayed friends, really got to know each other well, and I started to like him a lot. We shared a lot of hobbies, had the same nerdy sense of humour, shared values, and had similar plans for the future. 

Once we started dating, we were immediately exclusive and committed and it was a very loving and caring relationship. He always made time for me whenever I asked, planned plenty of trips for us, showered me with hugs and kisses, called me cute nicknames, thought everything I did was adorable. I fell in love very quickly but didn't think there was anything wrong with the pacing because we had been friends a few months before. 

 

The breakup:

Apparently he started having this inkling of "this doesn't feel right" very early on but didn't know how to express it. What it came down to is he seemed to have lost feelings. He said he still loved me a lot but he wasn't sure if it was romantic love or just platonic. He said I was the type of woman he wanted to commit to but it just didn't feel right. He had viewed it as something internal and had tried to make things better but they never improved (because I wasn't aware) 

When he first brought it up, I took it calmly and tried to talk him through it logically, but he ultimately decided to go through with the breakup after a week. in the 2 weeks following, I had met up with him 3-4 times to talk things through and continue to try to convince him, and also wrote a few long messages expressing how I felt, to no avail. W have been NC for over a month now. 

What I think went wrong:

I have no doubt that we had great chemistry when we first started but I think I may have smothered it by going in too quickly

I told him I loved him 2 weeks in (though he replied immediately with "I love you so very much") 

I loved his hugs and kisses so I was fishing for cuddles all the time and maybe he got tired of that

6 months in I started talking about moving in because my lease was ending and this triggered to breakup talk

We saw each other 3 times a week and texted or video called on all other days. It seemed like a lot for a new relationship but I felt like I needed to increase frequency because we were already seeing each other 1-2 times a week as friends and texting every day...was it too much?

I'm a bit excessive with PDA when there are no friends around

I otherwise don't exhibit any other signs of neediness. I have never gotten jealous in my life and allow him an enormous amount of freedom to pursue his own hobbies/ spend time with his friends. I am just very overly affectionate. 

What he could have done:

Communicated! Here's the thing: I don't mind backing off and giving space. I understand cause I've been there on the other side. But I was afraid I'd come off as pulling away if I did, so I needed him to tell me! I was also OK with not moving in and would not have given a tantrum. I initially started floating the idea because I wanted to gage how comfortable he felt and he gave me the false impression that he was on board. 

My stance now:

With NC, I've been able to distance myself a bit and I am no longer sad about the breakup. I've invested in my hobbies, met a lot of new friends, and have been traveling a lot. I have a good career, am passionate about a couple of things, am active and generally positive so I get a lot of attention from men. However, I still feel that I want to try again with this ex because I genuinely feel that the issues he had were small ones and totally fixable and I think he is a good partner for me. 

 

TL;DR I think my ex's genuine feelings got smothered because of my neediness and over-affection. If you were in his shoes, given time and space, if your ex told you what they are willing to change, would you consider rekindling the relationship or do you feel like feelings will never come back once they're gone?

Edited September 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personal information

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, endofthetunnel said:

• I started floating the idea of moving in together 2 months in, though I meant it for the future. 6 months in I started talking about it more seriously because my lease was ending and this triggered to breakup talk.

Sorry this happened. Yes it's a case of too much too soon.

Overall you were on the rebound and basically trying to fast forward things.

Renew your lease and slow down.

 

[endofthetunnel]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Yes it's a case of too much too soon.

Overall you were on the rebound and basically trying to fast forward things.

Renew your lease and slow down.

 

Thanks for the reply! Yea, you're right. My relationship before that was 5+ years so I was used to living with someone and did try to move too fast. I was also very much blinded by infatuation even though I thought logically it might be too early to discuss these things. He had introduced me to a lot of his close friends and his family knew about me as well so I thought things were going well. 

I know every situation is different, but for you personally, would you go back to someone you thought should have worked well with you on paper but who you felt was coming on too strong, if you realized you just needed some space?

The thing is he isn't sure why he felt the way he did so the quick escalation is just my own best guess. In his mind it was just that something wasn't clicking - he didn't feel the exciting tension that should be there in the beginning

[d0nnivain]

Not all break ups happen for toxic reasons.  You can not fight or cheat but still be incompatible.  That is what happened here.  You went too fast.  He didn't like that side of you.  Instead of speaking up at the time (communicating) he held it all in until it came out as a break up.  

No I don't think reconciliation is in your future.  Even if you were wrong to speak of love & moving in too early, he was wrong in not expressing his concerns.  Even if he overlooks your missteps, why would you overlook his?  Why would you want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't talk to you & who withholds affection.?  If you had to fish for cuddles all the time this was not going well.  Why do you want more of that?  You are romanticizing this relationship as being better & healthier than it was.  There were flaws & cracks that you are glossing over.  Stop doing that & look at it for what it was.  You chasing & him pulling away.  

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Not all break ups happen for toxic reasons.  You can not fight or cheat but still be incompatible.  That is what happened here.

I agree. 

I think he just never really had those feelings for you, OP. I believe he liked you well enough but did not see a future with you. You tried to move things along far too fast, yes, but I don't believe the outcome would have been different. It seems that after the initial thrill of someone new wore off, he realizied he just isn't into you the way you are into him. 

As such, I don't think reconciliaiton is in the cards here. There wasn't a strong enough basis for a healthy and mutually-fulfilling relationship to begin with. 

[endofthetunnel]

Thank you all for the honest answers! 

I guess since he hadn't been in a relationship for more than 3 months at a time since graduating university (which in retrospect was possibly a red flag), I had thought after we passed the 6-month mark that we were pretty stable so the breakup really threw me off when it came out of the blue. 

d0nnivain, I don't think I worded it well in my original post in that he was very forthcoming with physical affection even without me asking. I just liked to fish for more because he seemed to find it cute and always laughed when I did so, so I didn't feel like he withheld affection at all. But, you're right, I think communication is super important and if he didn't have that skill, even if we got back together, any number of small things can still build up resentment and break us up again over time. 

ExpatInItaly, thanks for your honesty. It's not what I want to hear but probably what I needed to hear. I thought he did feel that way towards me because he pursued me quite hard, over a period of almost half a year when we were still friends. Just seemed like it fizzled out as soon as he got me. 

[glows]

10 hours ago, endofthetunnel said:

However, I still feel that I want to try again with this ex because I genuinely feel that the issues he had were small ones and totally fixable and I think he is a good partner for me. 

TL;DR I think my ex's genuine feelings got smothered because of my neediness and over-affection. If you were in his shoes, given time and space, if your ex told you what they are willing to change, would you consider rekindling the relationship or do you feel like feelings will never come back once they're gone?

It's best to let go. He's not that interested in you as a person and let you down easy. He may not tell you the gritty details of why he doesn't see you as a partner so the nebulous idea that the feeling is just not there is his default. I am not sure there is anything here to reconcile. It's in the early stages of dating and he didn't see eye to eye with you. You're putting your life on hold on this hope of rekindling when he's showing you the opposite (disinterest). Don't put your life on hold for anyone. Regardless of what life has in store, move on and meet or date other men. 

I would not give this person a chance again. He had it but made his choice so I'd leave it at that. Furthermore, he has known you for awhile, trust that he knows what he wants and he's seen enough of you to be the judge of that, of what he needs or what makes him happy. I would never override that fact or assume that the other person thinks differently at a different time. Move forwards.

Edited September 18, 2021 by glows

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, endofthetunnel said:

stating that he felt like something didn't feel right in the relationship.

Usually when someone says this it's because they aren't feeling passion for you.  He probably does feel you're a great girl and somewhat compatible without passion for each other the relationship starts feeling more like a friendship.  Doesn't matter how much kissing, hugging or love making you do he just wasn't feeling it.  If you were talking about moving in together in the next 6 months you should have made if clear.  It wouldn't have mattered because he wasn't going to do it anyway.  Just leave him alone now and move on because he doesn't want to get back together.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, endofthetunnel said:

I started floating the idea of moving in together 2 months in, though I meant it for the future. 6 months in I started talking about it more seriously because my lease was ending and this triggered to breakup talk

Even if you knew each other as friends before, talking about moving in after dating 8 weeks would make anyone pause. Whatever exit someone uses, that's ok, but in this case it seems like your theory on this aspect is correct.

[endofthetunnel]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even if you knew each other as friends before, talking about moving in after dating 8 weeks would make anyone pause. Whatever exit someone uses, that's ok, but in this case it seems like your theory on this aspect is correct.

Thanks. Yea, we had a couple of close friends in our group who had moved in together very early on in their relationships (less than 4 months together in all cases) due to circumstances like leases ending/job changes  so I think my image of when this should happen was a bit distorted. Those relationships are still going strong. 

But in retrospect, when that had happened with those friends, I had also thought it was rather fast. 

To be fair, 2 months in, I was mostly acting out of fear  in the aftermath of having a giant cockroach appear at my place (I live in a sub-tropical climate) and being scared over the idea of needing to deal with another one by myself in the future. I think he understood that and didn't really take it seriously. 

Edited September 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[endofthetunnel]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Usually when someone says this it's because they aren't feeling passion for you.  He probably does feel you're a great girl and somewhat compatible without passion for each other the relationship starts feeling more like a friendship.  Doesn't matter how much kissing, hugging or love making you do he just wasn't feeling it.  If you were talking about moving in together in the next 6 months you should have made if clear.  It wouldn't have mattered because he wasn't going to do it anyway.  Just leave him alone now and move on because he doesn't want to get back together.

Thanks. Yes, he did mention exactly that: that the relationship felt more like a friendship/roommates than anything else. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Some talks to me about moving in together 2 months into dating, HUGE red flag. I might fake it for a bit, but that would ruin everything. I don't care if all your friends moved in after four months. Moving in at four months is nuts. Talking about moving in at 2 months utterly nuts unless you're in the middle of a catastrophic war or something like that.

And I don't care if you had a tiger at your previous dwelling, you move in with someone for one reason: you've reached the point where moving in makes sense as a couple. If you felt scared, then you come and stay with him for a few nights--a defined and limited period while you figure out a new situation. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's immature to even THINK of proposing living together because you got afraid of a bug. Again, you can stay with him for a week or so--that's legit--but no, wanting to move in together simply tells him you cannot take care of yourself. 

Proposing to move in at two months also told him that you are clueless about relationships. That's the thinking of a high-schooler with a devastating crush and no sense of reality. A couple needs to see each other sick--each person--multiple times before moving in. You need to figure out who's neat and who's not neat. You need to know about each other's spending habits and savings habits. You really should know how much debt each person has. People hide all kinds of stuff for six months to a year (and this is unintentional and intentional).

After a year, if things are going really really well, you can talk about moving in. But really you don't have to "talk" about it--the conversation would just happen if it's right for both people. Two months mentioning moving in together--absolute red flag worth stopping the relationship for. Communicates utter neediness, meaning you don't have a life or don't have confidence in a life outside of him. And of course, what we want in a partner is someone who has a fantastic life outside of us. We someone who has that strength outside of us--that we can rely on when we need to. 

Another way of putting this is to say your proposal to move in at 2 months violated any sense of psychological safety. If that is your thinking, then his reaction was that you were psychologically mature or reasonable or safe to be in relationship with. If you throw a crazy idea out at 2 months, then what wacky ideas are you going to throw out at four months and six months? 

Now you may very well have a rich life outside of dating and you might be quite psychologically independent and resilient. But you need to know that , communicated--I mean LOUDLY communicated-- the absolute opposite by mentioning moving in at two months. 

Most likely your ex thought your idea was absolutely immature and nuts, but he liked you a lot, so he froze. He didn't say anything right away and didn't tell you how crazy that sounded. Trust me: when he shared this with his male and female friends, they told him to get away from you--and the women might have said that more forcefully than the men. I've dated a lot of immature women, and I've never dated someone who said some craziness like that--well except for the girl visiting her grandmother the summer I was 15. She said she wanted to have my baby. I was 15 and horny as a dog--and I was gone. All desire was gone at that point. 

Your proposal might have been irrelevant. He may just have felt friendship energy and not romantic energy. Your proposal might have just sped up that process and added to his gut feeling that as wonderful as you are, you weren't safe as a partner. But in the future, don't even think about it. And you shouldn't be thinking about it.

You should be allowing the relationship to unfold and you should be in evaluation mode to make sure he is a good guy for you. As for being friends for a few months--that's NOTHING.  Literally no time. Final point: when you ask about moving in at two months, or six months, what that says is that you have no real standards. You're willing to upend your life based on the early intoxication of romance and fantasy. You don't know enough to know that you don't know someone at 2 months or six months. 

 

[endofthetunnel]

17 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Some talks to me about moving in together 2 months into dating, HUGE red flag. I might fake it for a bit, but that would ruin everything. I don't care if all your friends moved in after four months. Moving in at four months is nuts. Talking about moving in at 2 months utterly nuts unless you're in the middle of a catastrophic war or something like that.

And I don't care if you had a tiger at your previous dwelling, you move in with someone for one reason: you've reached the point where moving in makes sense as a couple. If you felt scared, then you come and stay with him for a few nights--a defined and limited period while you figure out a new situation. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's immature to even THINK of proposing living together because you got afraid of a bug. Again, you can stay with him for a week or so--that's legit--but no, wanting to move in together simply tells him you cannot take care of yourself. 

Proposing to move in at two months also told him that you are clueless about relationships. That's the thinking of a high-schooler with a devastating crush and no sense of reality. A couple needs to see each other sick--each person--multiple times before moving in. You need to figure out who's neat and who's not neat. You need to know about each other's spending habits and savings habits. You really should know how much debt each person has. People hide all kinds of stuff for six months to a year (and this is unintentional and intentional).

After a year, if things are going really really well, you can talk about moving in. But really you don't have to "talk" about it--the conversation would just happen if it's right for both people. Two months mentioning moving in together--absolute red flag worth stopping the relationship for. Communicates utter neediness, meaning you don't have a life or don't have confidence in a life outside of him. And of course, what we want in a partner is someone who has a fantastic life outside of us. We someone who has that strength outside of us--that we can rely on when we need to. 

Another way of putting this is to say your proposal to move in at 2 months violated any sense of psychological safety. If that is your thinking, then his reaction was that you were psychologically mature or reasonable or safe to be in relationship with. If you throw a crazy idea out at 2 months, then what wacky ideas are you going to throw out at four months and six months? 

Now you may very well have a rich life outside of dating and you might be quite psychologically independent and resilient. But you need to know that , communicated--I mean LOUDLY communicated-- the absolute opposite by mentioning moving in at two months. 

Most likely your ex thought your idea was absolutely immature and nuts, but he liked you a lot, so he froze. He didn't say anything right away and didn't tell you how crazy that sounded. Trust me: when he shared this with his male and female friends, they told him to get away from you--and the women might have said that more forcefully than the men. I've dated a lot of immature women, and I've never dated someone who said some craziness like that--well except for the girl visiting her grandmother the summer I was 15. She said she wanted to have my baby. I was 15 and horny as a dog--and I was gone. All desire was gone at that point. 

Your proposal might have been irrelevant. He may just have felt friendship energy and not romantic energy. Your proposal might have just sped up that process and added to his gut feeling that as wonderful as you are, you weren't safe as a partner. But in the future, don't even think about it. And you shouldn't be thinking about it.

You should be allowing the relationship to unfold and you should be in evaluation mode to make sure he is a good guy for you. As for being friends for a few months--that's NOTHING.  Literally no time. Final point: when you ask about moving in at two months, or six months, what that says is that you have no real standards. You're willing to upend your life based on the early intoxication of romance and fantasy. You don't know enough to know that you don't know someone at 2 months or six months. 

 

 

Hey, thanks for the feedback. Don't worry about being harsh. I think it is needed. I haven't had very much experience in dating so I do think a lot of me is still very immature when it comes to this. I haven't been single very much but I was in 2 extremely long relationships (5+ years) which both stemmed from long friendships prior so I've never actually dated in the normal sense and my mentality towards the early stages of relationships may very well have been stuck in teenage years. I do think I'm rather stable for a long term relationship once past the honeymoon phase, and I do have a rich life outside of the relationship but it is completely fair and true to say that I was feeling lonely and disoriented after my previous ex moved out and really did not give myself enough time to sort things out emotionally before starting this new relationship. 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

So you were in rebound. We all do dumb stuff in rebound. We find the nearest person who looks reliable and safe and just project all kinds of warmth and safety onto them. We attach way too soon when we skip the grief and sadness of a breakup--even one we wanted.

You do sound like you have a good life. You do! And you sound like a clear thinker.  So yes you probably got caught up in rebound. True story: I was dating a woman on rebound and she was the one who introduced me to rebound! And I denied I was in rebound with her--and I was definitely in rebound with her. Some of my close friends made hilarious fun of her (to me in private) after they met her. They were like, dude she is so not your type. 

And then Ms. Rebound dumped me. OMG, getting dumped in rebound really hurts because now you're back to original pain of the previous breakup plus the new disappointment of the rebound breakup. You might be feeling that double-hurt right now. 

Allow yourself some time alone. You'll learn from this experience. Judging from the description of this guy, sounds like you focused your rebound on a good person, which is better than me in my rebound period. 

Just allow yourself some time to heal. Think back to your long-term relationships and literally study them, figure out where they went wrong. Figure out if they were supposed to end. Figure out if they were even supposed to really begin! Sometimes we just date the wrong person and it's clear from the get-go and there is nothing we could have done.

You get the point. Figure out what you could have done differently. Notice the parts of the person's personality that you got signs of that you might have ignored. Notice when the person told you things about themselves--things you didn't want to hear--and you ignored them as well. Think back to whether you asked for enough or where you might have compromised too much. Think back to how you resolved disagreements, what you could have done differently. 

Good luck. Best advice is let yourself be sad for a while. Don't stay there, but let yourself feel some sadness and loneliness. Then build a life that fills that loneliness without dating! Then you'll be totally hot. And not the least bit needy. 

 

[endofthetunnel]

6 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

So you were in rebound. We all do dumb stuff in rebound. We find the nearest person who looks reliable and safe and just project all kinds of warmth and safety onto them. We attach way too soon when we skip the grief and sadness of a breakup--even one we wanted.

You do sound like you have a good life. You do! And you sound like a clear thinker.  So yes you probably got caught up in rebound. True story: I was dating a woman on rebound and she was the one who introduced me to rebound! And I denied I was in rebound with her--and I was definitely in rebound with her. Some of my close friends made hilarious fun of her (to me in private) after they met her. They were like, dude she is so not your type. 

And then Ms. Rebound dumped me. OMG, getting dumped in rebound really hurts because now you're back to original pain of the previous breakup plus the new disappointment of the rebound breakup. You might be feeling that double-hurt right now. 

Allow yourself some time alone. You'll learn from this experience. Judging from the description of this guy, sounds like you focused your rebound on a good person, which is better than me in my rebound period. 

Just allow yourself some time to heal. Think back to your long-term relationships and literally study them, figure out where they went wrong. Figure out if they were supposed to end. Figure out if they were even supposed to really begin! Sometimes we just date the wrong person and it's clear from the get-go and there is nothing we could have done.

You get the point. Figure out what you could have done differently. Notice the parts of the person's personality that you got signs of that you might have ignored. Notice when the person told you things about themselves--things you didn't want to hear--and you ignored them as well. Think back to whether you asked for enough or where you might have compromised too much. Think back to how you resolved disagreements, what you could have done differently. 

Good luck. Best advice is let yourself be sad for a while. Don't stay there, but let yourself feel some sadness and loneliness. Then build a life that fills that loneliness without dating! Then you'll be totally hot. And not the least bit needy. 

 

Thanks. Yea, honestly, even when I was being intimate with this ex, I would sometimes get a bit sad about my previous breakup and retreated into myself, which my ex could sense but I obviously couldn't tell him why I was doing so. Because of this he felt a bit disconnected with me when he was trying to be more intimate. So given that, I was definitely still going through the grieving process, which was unhealthy and unfair to him. And you are SO right about feeling both breakups at the same time right now. I've never felt a breakup so strongly and physically. I'm honestly really bummed that I ruined it with a great guy by making it a rebound though. 

I am determined to stay single until I am really ready for a relationship this time around, and I've been seeing a therapist now to work together on sorting out what went wrong and what my own relationship needs are (they were not being met in my 5-year relationship and I wasn't firm on them) 

[Lotsgoingon]

Yeah, but you might not have been so attracted to the guy if you were not in rebound. 

Best thing you can do for yourself from this point on ... is pay attention, like stop everything attention, if you feel anything like this:

Yea, honestly, even when I was being intimate with this ex, I would sometimes get a bit sad about my previous breakup and retreated into myself, which my ex could sense but I obviously couldn't tell him why I was doing so. Because of this he felt a bit disconnected with me when he was trying to be more intimate.

This was your body and spirit telling you that you were not ready to be intimate with anyone new. You gotta learn to listen to that feeling. The body on things like this is way way ahead, miles ahead of the conscious mind. It's easy to dismiss the body or try to work around it. But for feelings like this, 99 percent of the time, the body is right. 

[endofthetunnel]

yea, it’s hard for me to imagine not being so attracted to him right now, but you have a very good point. A big part of my finding him so amazing was the contrast with my previous ex as he was meeting all the needs the previous guy didn’t. So, had I been in a more neutral mindset going in, I might have felt less strongly. 
 

The stuff about the body knowing way ahead of the conscious mind was really insightful. I was definitely not in tune with it at all and just went through the motions and it kind of sucked for both of us. Thanks for all the feedback  

[chillii]

lt always cracks me up round here when someone says something about something so natural being so insightful. lt's not , it's all just perfectly natural stuff l'd be more amazed you don't see and feel things and realize the why's of it all. But at any rate this wasn't the smothering although that wouldn't of helped but at the end of the day as time went on it just wasn't feeling what it began as , fizzled in other words.

Nothing would've changed it , you are who you are and he was who he is , and that's what fizzled.

Edited September 19, 2021 by chillii

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, endofthetunnel said:

2 months in, I was mostly acting out of fear  in the aftermath of having a giant cockroach appear at my place and being scared sh**less over the idea of needing to deal with another one by myself in the future. 

Ok. Dating someone a few months and expecting them to rescue you from cockroaches by moving in with them, would make most men run.

Talk to your landlord about an exterminator.

[endofthetunnel]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Dating someone a few months and expecting them to rescue you from cockroaches by moving in with them, would make most men run.

Talk to your landlord about an exterminator.

No no, I just meant that that particular time was not even a serious consideration for me. It was just a “omg I miss having someone else to deal with these things with me” one-liner kind of thing. It was not an actual conversation about moving in. But anyways, I understand that even discounting that, 6 months in was early too. 

[Sun Seeker]

There is no such thing as being too needy or smothering when someone feels the same about you as you do about them. It had nothing to do with that.

He just wasn't that into you, which he realised after time. His interest in you was not the same as yours in him.

[ExpatInItaly]

22 hours ago, endofthetunnel said:

he pursued me quite hard, over a period of almost half a year when we were still friends. Just seemed like it fizzled out as soon as he got me

That's disappointing, no doubt. 

However, it does indicate that he thought you two would be a match, but it turned out not to be the case (for him) It happens sometimes: we have a crush, try dating them, and then realize the spark isn't really there. 

Nothing wrong with either party, necessarily, but it just lacks the right ingredients to see it through. 

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like he was just not that into you.  It's as simple as that.  Accept it and don't entertain thoughts of getting him back.  That's the smothering tendencies acting up again.

[Whodatdog]

It sounds like he liked you well enough and enjoyed the relationship, but it just wasnt anything he wanted long term, or to take to the next level. "Liking a lot" and "loving" are 2 entirely different emotions, and its just not something you can force. You were far more into the emotional side than he was, and actually its good he broke it off as soon as he did, and didnt let it go on further.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I am not going to be harsh on you.  He has commitment phobe written all over him.  I don’t think you did anything wrong except be yourself.

If you being yourself was not good enough for him then it is his loss! Truly!   I don’t think he has the ability to be LT so he did you a favor by not dragging it on and pulling the rug out when you are more attached.

Don’t be sorry for being the way you are.  Many men would love the affection and attention.  Sure you are struggling a little emotionally due to you LTR break up but that just takes time to resolve.  I’d say forget about men for a while and just focus on you.  Turn that love you have to yourself.  When you feel more emotionally stable, the perfect gentleman will arrive.