Just found out my ex got married

[Lowkey7]

2 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

She will get divorced again I'm sure of it. People like that will never be happy and make their partners miserable. You don't need somebody in your life who treats you badly. You will feel better with time and will find somebody new that will make you forget about her. 

What makes you think she’ll get divorced though 

[d0nnivain]

25 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

What makes you think she’ll get divorced though 

She met & married him in about 1 year.  There is no foundation.  Plus she turned on you.  It's what she does.  At some point she will turn on him.  

[Lowkey7]

2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

She met & married him in about 1 year.  There is no foundation.  Plus she turned on you.  It's what she does.  At some point she will turn on him.  

I guess you have a point, I hope it works out for her though 

[d0nnivain]

Wishing her well makes you a good person.  That is the best foundation for your own healing.  

Take some of the pain & the emotion out of your situation & look at it logically.  Talk to your family members; they are seeing her more clearly then you are.  Hopefully in time you will see what the rest of us see:  you dodged a bullet with this break up.  She's not a loving stable person.  She wasn't good for you. 

When I broke up with a long term EX it was jarring.  I wondered if I made a mistake.  As dysfunctional as that relationship was, I thought he was my sole mate.  He wasn't.  If I hadn't ended things with him, I would not have ended up on the path that led me to my husband   

Let go of your past & open yourself up to the possibilities of the future you don't yet know.  

[Lowkey7]

6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Wishing her well makes you a good person.  That is the best foundation for your own healing.  

Take some of the pain & the emotion out of your situation & look at it logically.  Talk to your family members; they are seeing her more clearly then you are.  Hopefully in time you will see what the rest of us see:  you dodged a bullet with this break up.  She's not a loving stable person.  She wasn't good for you. 

When I broke up with a long term EX it was jarring.  I wondered if I made a mistake.  As dysfunctional as that relationship was, I thought he was my sole mate.  He wasn't.  If I hadn't ended things with him, I would not have ended up on the path that led me to my husband   

Let go of your past & open yourself up to the possibilities of the future you don't yet know.  

Thank you for taking your time to respond to me I really appreciate it. 

i’ve tried day and night to hate her as I felt like that would help, I don’t know why I can’t when it should be easy considering what she did, I have no hate in my heart at all. I personally think I need to meet someone new and build a connection I had with her but better. But I think the most important thing now is to heal, thing is this day and age because of social media, everyone’s so stuck up and think their models.. I don’t want blow my own trumpet but I’ve always been told I’m a handsome guy but I feel like no one actually wants to get to know me unless it’s just all in my head. 

[d0nnivain]

Part of it is in your head.  You are still hung up on your EX  You are not in a good head space so that colors how attractive others find you.  

You don't have to hate her  You just have to recognize that she's not the One for you. I don't hate my EX that I told you about.  He's fundamentally a good guy.  He's just not the guy I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  

[Beachead]

@Lowkey7

18 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Thank you for sharing that, you’re 100% correct.. what worries me is that you said it take you few years to heal fully, I just hope it doesn’t hold take me this long cause it’s just to much of a burden on me, I feel like it’s holding me back so much.. I think one thing I realised is that I was in love with who I thought she was, because deep down I always knew she wasn’t the nicest of people… even when we was together, I would do something nice to make her happy and she would just make me feel like s*** about me and compare it something her ex husband did to her. I tolerated so much for this girl and had so much patience, what hurts the most is that I gave her everything she ever asked for and I gave her so so much love and for her to leave me the way she did, it’s like my love meant nothing and that I’m worthless, like my best isn’t good enough for her or any other girl out there. 

It'll take you time man.  A lot of people show up on here or have spoken to me irl, with impatience and it's perfectly understandable..but in the end, as impatient as we are, it still takes time.  So, it's much easier to let it be.  Much less destructive as well.  Instead of rushing the process, be in it.  Actively pay attention to how your feelings and thoughts fluctuate and change on the daily, on the weekly, over the month and  over the year and document it on paper.  Document how you dealt with it.  Document the adjustments you made and how it helped or made things worse.  Get to know your grieving process and get to yourself better.  You will thank yourself for it, when you go back and take a look.  I used my journals to help me get out of currently destructive thought patterns that I had previously felt, simply by reading how I dealt with them in the past.  When I read my old passages, it was like "Right right..that's how I dealt with this thought" and I checked myself on it.  It helps guide you along the way and train you to think in the direction you should be thinking in it.  Otherwise you end up lost and your feelings take the wheel.  This is why I say, your journal will be your best friend.

There's no better time to do it than a time like this, when you feel like you've hit rock-bottom and are extremely vulnerable and in touch with your feelings/thoughts.  This is the time you will be able to access what's truly in your heart because you're open.   Once you heal up and life goes back to normal, those gates close and you won't be able to access those thoughts/feelings again.  You'll be too caught up in life and complacent to care.   So right here right now, see it as an opportunity to develop yourself, instead of something you want to run away from.  If you do this, I promise you, the time that it'll take you to recover, will be completely worth it, because you will come out of it better equipped and far more emotionally intelligent than you ever were in your life.  Also, because you'll come to understand the time and hardwork that is required to get back to a place where you are content, you will value it that much more, and be far more wiser with your heart.  Maybe you will learn to establish better boundaries.  That will translate to your future in many ways including future relationships with anyone who might hurt you.

I came out of my situations, eventually realizing I had problems with confidence and self-esteem because of my childhood and correlated it to my current choices in friends and relationships in my adult life, and how these choices continued to bring me more pain.  Once I diagnosed my own problem, I was able to work on it and improve upon it.  It took time, but I no longer experience these problems anymore because I am able to navigate that terrain with ease.  So, a couple of breakups, although terribly painful and and seemingly wasteful..can be an opportunity for you to grow into better person for yourself.

Also, her leaving you doesn't mean you are unlovable.  It doesn't mean you should change everything about you.  What she disliked about you, someone new might love.  You never know.  So change because you want to because you see why you should.   She isn't everything and nobody should be everything anyway.  Find value in your life that extends beyond others, into the things that you do for yourself so that if this stuff happens, you don't believe you've lost everything.  Never..EVER do that.   Find things to do that you are passionate about.  Build a life that you are passionate about.  If you don't know what brings you that passion, perhaps it's time to try different things and see what does.  When you are living a life you are content with, on your own, the right people will find their way into your life.  Ones who not just share common interests but will be on the same emotional/spiritual wavelength as you are.  And who knows..maybe there might be something interesting there.  

Preachy I know.  But, I have confidence with time, you'll see it like this.

- Beach

Edited September 17, 2021 by Beachead

[Lowkey7]

7 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Lowkey7

It'll take you time man.  A lot of people show up on here or have spoken to me irl, with impatience and it's perfectly understandable..but in the end, as impatient as we are, it still takes time.  So, it's much easier to let it be.  Much less destructive as well.  Instead of rushing the process, be in it.  Actively pay attention to how your feelings and thoughts fluctuate and change on the daily, on the weekly, over the month and  over the year and document it on paper.  Document how you dealt with it.  Document the adjustments you made and how it helped or made things worse.  Get to know your grieving process and get to yourself better.  You will thank yourself for it, when you go back and take a look.  I used my journals to help me get out of currently destructive thought patterns that I had previously felt, simply by reading how I dealt with them in the past.  When I read my old passages, it was like "Right right..that's how I dealt with this thought" and I checked myself on it.  It helps guide you along the way and train you to think in the direction you should be thinking in it.  Otherwise you end up lost and your feelings take the wheel.  This is why I say, your journal will be your best friend.

There's no better time to do it than a time like this, when you feel like you've hit rock-bottom and are extremely vulnerable and in touch with your feelings/thoughts.  This is the time you will be able to access what's truly in your heart because you're open.   Once you heal up and life goes back to normal, those gates close and you won't be able to access those thoughts/feelings again.  You'll be too caught up in life and complacent to care.   So right here right now, see it as an opportunity to develop yourself, instead of something you want to run away from.  If you do this, I promise you, the time that it'll take you to recover, will be completely worth it, because you will come out of it better equipped and far more emotionally intelligent than you ever were in your life.  Also, because you'll come to understand the time and hardwork that is required to get back to a place where you are content, you will value it that much more, and be far more wiser with your heart.  Maybe you will learn to establish better boundaries.  That will translate to your future in many ways including future relationships with anyone who might hurt you.

I came out of my situations, eventually realizing I had problems with confidence and self-esteem because of my childhood and correlated it to my current choices in friends and relationships in my adult life, and how these choices continued to bring me more pain.  Once I diagnosed my own problem, I was able to work on it and improve upon it.  It took time, but I no longer experience these problems anymore because I am able to navigate that terrain with ease.  So, a couple of breakups, although terribly painful and and seemingly wasteful..can be an opportunity for you to grow into better person for yourself.

Also, her leaving you doesn't mean you are unlovable.  It doesn't mean you should change everything about you.  What she disliked about you, someone new might love.  You never know.  So change because you want to because you see why you should.   She isn't everything and nobody should be everything anyway.  Find value in your life that extends beyond others, into the things that you do for yourself so that if this stuff happens, you don't believe you've lost everything.  Never..EVER do that.   Find things to do that you are passionate about.  Build a life that you are passionate about.  If you don't know what brings you that passion, perhaps it's time to try different things and see what does.  When you are living a life you are content with, on your own, the right people will find their way into your life.  Ones who not just share common interests but will be on the same emotional/spiritual wavelength as you are.  And who knows..maybe there might be something interesting there.  

Preachy I know.  But, I have confidence with time, you'll see it like this.

- Beach

Thank you so much 😢

[Woggle]

Think of it this way. She is some other guy's problem now.