Stuck with weird online romance

[Caauug]

10 hours ago, Claire1 said:

I don't have family like most of my age does or career and kids. I am still seeking myself. So I guess I am not then "a quality" woman.

No. In younger years, for the most part say the top 90% of women chase or want the top 10% of men, (some say 80-20), those top 10% of men don't have to commit to anyone woman. As women age they "Settle" or the needs change to the protector/provider type, they want/need to nest. IMO, this guy is one of the lower 90%, likely <5 SMV. He can't get attention from his own local, or age group women/girls so he's out trolling the internet for what he can get. Your quality has nothing to do with him, he's can't afford to be picky, you can be. 

11 hours ago, Claire1 said:

Yes, a "real love" shouldn't ge focused on age, but I guess I don't believe that myself. 

 I think you have to be focused on age, or you will be getting the same results. As I explained above there are a lot of hormone fueled younger guys not getting much attention from girls in their age group. Some game forums would be like a seal jumping into a shark tank.... 

11 hours ago, Claire1 said:

People I have met my age hate computers, games and I am a nerd.

Maybe because they have tried the same as you and know it leads to failure most of the time??? Most people will not openly admit to failures, but they will show you in actions. Computers have been around a long time now, they are not something new.

Computer gaming can be an addiction... How much of your life is consumed in computer game playing? Like any other addiction gaming can destroy/waste lives. There is on-line help for this.

[Claire1]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you even know for sure that you are speaking to a man? 

I mean that in all sincerity, by the way. 

I have thought this hard and through, I think he is what he says he is, being honest, in a way, secretive just to annoy me and out of deep distrust. I at first thought he is a catfish but i think he is just a bitter and very insecure man. At first it was very cute him being jealous for nothing always checking where I've been, almost stalkerish when I come back online. I think he is getting back not getting enough attention, ( he was really glingy from the start). His way of getting back is to ignore, he knows it irritates and hurts me. He said weird comments a while back like "all women cheat", I said that not all, but I don't think he believed me. While he was offline very long time even to the point I was worried he said "you started this". It was after I said I am tired to chat with him every day, I need my own time. That made me chill that he is doing this on purpose. Nobody has never been jealous of me because nobody has ever any reason to. It was funny and flattering at first. But I think he was being seriously there harboring bitterness about me and women in general. He also said once that I don't want him, just any boyfriend, I am done with his doubtfulness and thinking I am just a s.l.u.t. He even that announced with flattery at first, that he won't mind even if it makes him suffer, he understands.  He will wait eternally and some weird stuff.. 

[Claire1]

9 hours ago, Caauug said:

No. In younger years, for the most part say the top 90% of women chase or want the top 10% of men, (some say 80-20), those top 10% of men don't have to commit to anyone woman. As women age they "Settle" or the needs change to the protector/provider type, they want/need to nest. IMO, this guy is one of the lower 90%, likely <5 SMV. He can't get attention from his own local, or age group women/girls so he's out trolling the internet for what he can get. Your quality has nothing to do with him, he's can't afford to be picky, you can be. 

 I think you have to be focused on age, or you will be getting the same results. As I explained above there are a lot of hormone fueled younger guys not getting much attention from girls in their age group. Some game forums would be like a seal jumping into a shark tank.... 

Maybe because they have tried the same as you and know it leads to failure most of the time??? Most people will not openly admit to failures, but they will show you in actions. Computers have been around a long time now, they are not something new.

Computer gaming can be an addiction... How much of your life is consumed in computer game playing? Like any other addiction gaming can destroy/waste lives. There is on-line help for this.

Age is very awkward topic and distracts from the main issues. It is mere coincidence in my life that I have had younger men. Also I am youthful in mind, I don't feel myself like my age at all. Young people are more open to new things and not stuck with the same ideas or their lifestyle. I have had old and young friends, age won't matter, more like a person, generally I don't like people my age though, never befriended them in school either, my generation is passive, silent, invisible. My best friend is a couple of years older than me, but suffers from chronic depression and lack of will to have a relationship so we are not a couple. Otherwise he is a fine being, a great friend and has been for 15 years. I have never chased men, I am socially awkward, they chase me. When I have done that 100% of the time I fail miserably. People say I should chase men or stay single but I just can't. My mental issues hinders me from really CHASING men. Computers are a hobby, a passion and addiction the same time. I don't have anything common with people who hate computers and say that they are the waste of time. That is also condescending attitude. But generally I cannot have 2 ways at once. I would love to meet mature person I could have a real relationship with. But my mental health hinders me from going full force out there. 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Claire1

[ExpatInItaly]

So in other words, you don’t know if you’re even talking to a man. 

[Caauug]

25 minutes ago, Claire1 said:

I have never chased men, I am socially awkward, they chase me. When I have done that 100% of the time I fail miserably.

That's a good start. When women chase at your age they become a "Pick Me" and that's not good.

Next is to become open to a R with local available and suitable men. Hibernating at home, gaming, really cuts your chances. Gaming is more of a solo sport, it's you with your electronic device against what/who ever... Chat is just a side dish.   

[Noproblem]

I don't believe this guy. Time for you to get out of this toxic online platform.

He is playing with you, block him!

[Dog Lover 82]

On 9/13/2021 at 2:35 AM, Claire1 said:

I have been writing via game several months to a guy who lives in England. At first it was light and fun. Now he says he is in love with me and even wants to get married, but doesn't act like that at all. I have been suspicious all the time, but he seems to be genuine. But his actions say totally otherwise. He won't listen, when I said I don't want to talk to him only via game, I want his email address or even see his face via cam.. He said he wanted to take it slow. I don't understand, why kid anybody about something like that if not mean it? Why he continues to write to me. I have left him several times, because I am so frustrated he won't reveal anything about himself. He says he is a loner, I am sure about that too. But that loner.. really? He skips appointments without even notifying, but that wouldn't be even a problem, if I would write him in discord, which has notifications when you receive a message. Everytime he vanishes I feel really hurt, betrayed and abandoned. He is always at least late. I am done with him, but I still want to understand. He even don't want to tell his full name or age. He looks really young and handsome in the pictures, I am quite old, over 40. He said age and looks doesn't matter at all. He says he is so in love with me and willing to take a risk with me.. What risk? After that statement it has been several months. He is always busy about work. He never conversate, it feels like he is interrogating me what I am doing etc.. but never tells what he is doing. He said he don't want to come  to meet me as long as there is covid, he hates surprises. He seems overly neurotic, and I don't really understand. I am shy too, but I don't want to write years in a game which has seized to exist by then. Hardly nobody plays in the same server that long. He said he plays there only for me. But I don't want to play there anymore, that is another lie. He was holding his feelings very long inside at first though. I thought he was just an online friend, but then he said he got jealous and suspicious I have somebody else and didn't want me to be taken by somebody else. I am tired of quessing why he behaves this way. He never wants to talk about hard serious stuff or explain anything. I don't even know why I want to meet him. He seems interesting, but too weird annoying and difficult and I am totally frustrated that this isn't going anywhere.

I had somewhat of a similar situation with a guy I met via Instagram. We were chatting for seven months. He never asked to talk on the phone or anything...it was all chat. Like your situation, he would ask me all sorts of questions about me but wouldn't tell me the stupidest details of his life like what he did for work. In my situation, after chatting with another woman on there, I found out that he was also chatting up another woman the way he was with me and SHE found out he also had a girlfriend. I'm not saying that this has to be the case for you, but I guarantee you that if someone is leading you for so long, something is afoul. I'm not an expert, but I have made a decision not to try to figure out why men do or don't do things (this can be reversed for men trying to figure out women too, although I doubt that happens as often). Anyway, the "why" isn't important. The fact is you are not getting what you want/need from this person, they are secretive and are making no effort to meet you.

Edited October 3, 2021 by Tina Marie 82

[S2B]

You’re not stuck. You can do whatever you like.

start dating available men in your area who will take you out on a real date. It will be fun for you!

[BaileyB]

There are so many red flags here you could have a parade.

Why are you wasting your time here? You don’t actually know the man, he lives in another country, he refuses to talk with you “in person” by phone or webcam - he is clearly hiding something - why aren’t you running the other direction as fast as you can?

[Claire1]

10 hours ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

I had somewhat of a similar situation with a guy I met via Instagram. We were chatting for seven months. He never asked to talk on the phone or anything...it was all chat. Like your situation, he would ask me all sorts of questions about me but wouldn't tell me the stupidest details of his life like what he did for work. In my situation, after chatting with another woman on there, I found out that he was also chatting up another woman the way he was with me and SHE found out he also had a girlfriend. I'm not saying that this has to be the case for you, but I guarantee you that if someone is leading you for so long, something is afoul. I'm not an expert, but I have made a decision not to try to figure out why men do or don't do things (this can be reversed for men trying to figure out women too, although I doubt that happens as often). Anyway, the "why" isn't important. The fact is you are not getting what you want/need from this person, they are secretive and are making no effort to meet you.

I suspect that too, that he is doing this routinely with many women, if not simultaneously. I think I need to understand his mindset so I can be really sure I let go of a right man, not worth my time. Recently I have had an understanding in my mind through pain, I just cannot go on with just crumbs. He just don't feel so much because he is doing this. To him it must be not a relationship, just random chatting with a stranger. Just some egoboost, trying to get a girl's love and attention. Double liar, when saying he is not lying, he is still lying. He might feel something, but it is entirely different galaxy. He must be really shallow doing this. The best way to describe my picture of him in my mind, shallow like a plastic wrap. Not really even thinking how much he hurts me, just going with a flow.

[BaileyB]

^^^ The better question to ask is not why is he doing this, but why do you stay? Why do you have to prove him to be a terrible man for you to feel good about walking away, setting a healthy boundary for yourself and saying “I don’t want this is my life.”

[Dog Lover 82]

4 hours ago, Claire1 said:

I suspect that too, that he is doing this routinely with many women, if not simultaneously. I think I need to understand his mindset so I can be really sure I let go of a right man, not worth my time. Recently I have had an understanding in my mind through pain, I just cannot go on with just crumbs. He just don't feel so much because he is doing this. To him it must be not a relationship, just random chatting with a stranger. Just some egoboost, trying to get a girl's love and attention. Double liar, when saying he is not lying, he is still lying. He might feel something, but it is entirely different galaxy. He must be really shallow doing this. The best way to describe my picture of him in my mind, shallow like a plastic wrap. Not really even thinking how much he hurts me, just going with a flow.

From what you just wrote, I think you know the answer already. You and the other women he's probably chatting with are an ego boost. That's not your fault and it's not a reflection of your self worth. He's likely a narcissist and maybe even a psychopath. He may be shy in real life and this kind of game makes him feel more powerful. At the end of the day, I still don't think it's worth your time to figure out...you've already spent enough time on him while he was stringing you along and he doesn't deserve another thought. There are behaviors you've identified that you can avoid in the future: bread crumbing, lying, being secretive. Those are my thoughts anyway. I know it may feel somewhat bad not to have a true answer, but he honestly doesn't sound like he deserves a second thought. 

Edited October 3, 2021 by Tina Marie 82

[ExpatInItaly]

18 hours ago, Claire1 said:

I think I need to understand his mindset

This is futile when you don't even know who you are talking to. As I have mentioned a couple times, you have no proof you are talking to an adult man at all. So understanding this stranger's mindset is irreleavnt - what is more important is understanding your own and why you've entertained this cyber fantasy. 

[Claire1]

To understand is important to me because for a brief moment the connection felt like genuine. So it is for me hard to let go. Not in practice though but in my mind. He lives there like a genuine person I never got to know properly, because he just didn't want me, it is a depressing feeling. Because it reminds me of all my childhood, not wanted and not good enough. I really wanted to know him for sure. But now I never know, mystery lives forever. Propable scenarios arre all so bad though. better just to forget him, slowly but surely. I am amazed that such a person did so good job faking it for a moment, awkwardly and cute, it wasn't even too perfect to be true. But the big picture screams something is really wrong about this one. 

[d0nnivain]

Even if it felt genuine for a brief moment you know all the rest of the evidence screams that this is wrong.  So take another look at the unbalanced scales & ask yourself why you are giving so much weight to some fleeting feeling you know wasn't real.  

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Claire1 said:

But the big picture screams something is really wrong about this one. 

Yes, exactly. 

There are far too many unknowns here. In the future, stay away from people who refuse to provide any sort of clue about who they really are. This person is hiding something and I have a feeling you would run a mile if you knew the truth about them.