Dropped off like garbage

[liswil]

Do you have any evidence? I mean do you have any email correspondence between the two of you? Or how about instant messages? See the same thing happened to my best friend but where she got out lucky is that she saved their entire chat histories along with his ISP number encoded in it that registered back to his computer and showed it all to his wife. So my suggestion is if you're going to tell her anything you need the proof to back it up.

 

Do bodily fluids help?

[Hot Coco]

You know, I'm so glad that so many of these posts are making you feel bad. You're getting a REAL dose of "tough love" here. Would you rather everyone lied to you?

 

If they made you feel good I'd be worried about you. That means you might have a conscience. It means you realize that you made a mistake. Why should you care about HIS mistake, HIS marriage? He didn't care about you. He's gone. He's history. He did use you. We've ALL been used by people in one way or another at one time or another. YOu're not unique that way. It's just that many of us don't stomp our feet and cry "no fair" when it's our fault. We move on and learn. And hopefully we never make the same mistake again. That's what mature adults do.

 

You'll be OK once you get past the anger and realize that people are giving you REALLY good advice...not trying to be mean to you.

 

Good luck!

[crazy_grl]

Lis, you may not like what I'm going to say, but I'm getting a real sense that you like to play the victim. You're blaming things on him just to give yourself an excuse to feel worse. This is the biggest example:

 

? I get out of his car crying walking along the streets of downtown sobbing and he just drives right past me. I felt like garbage (or a hooker) just dumped off.

 

You got out of the car. It was your choice. He didn't drop you off like a hooker or bag of garbage. You were upset because he drove off instead of stopping and begging you to get back in, right? You set yourself up there, because he'd already told you he wasn't going to choose you. You should have known he was going to simply respect your decision to get out of the car and drive away.

 

You also got involved with a married man who already made a commitment to another woman. It's true that you didn't get the best treatment from him, but you entered into the relationship of your own free will. In your first post, you make it out to sound like he was a predator out to get you, the helpless victim. The truth is you knew he was married and you chose not to tell him to get lost when he made his intentions known. You're at fault just like he is.

 

Please accept responsibility for your own actions and decisions instead of blaming it all on him. Once you do, you'll be less inclined to take revenge. You'll also be able to take responsibility for moving on and using this as an opportunity to meet someone who can give you the relationship you need. Pick yourself up and take responsibility for creating your own happiness without having to tear someone else down to get it.

[whichwayisup]

That made me feel even worse---that she is worth his commitment and I'm not.

 

They took vows and are married. She is his wife...Can't you see that? I'm sorry, and I'm sure this is killing you, but this isn't isn't the trophy at the end of the game...He picked her because of history, family, friends, love, experience, a life together...

 

Find a therapist and start coping with this loss. He is gone and isn't coming back. Ruining his life by upsetting his wife, or atleast trying to is only going to do more damage to you.

 

Lis, really read what we're all saying here...Even confusedwoman has accepted her situation as over and is trying to better herself.

 

Ofcourse you're allowed to feel what you feel, he's a s*** for what he did, but you had a willing hand in it by being the OW. Take and own the responsibility of your actions in this situation and move on. I'm not saying it's your fault but he didn't hold a gun to your head and put you in this situation either...

[Hot Coco]

"Call me an ol' timer, but this is how things have gotten so messed up today. See, guys and girls didn't used to hang out like that unless they were dating."

 

I just found this quote of yours on another post and was curious about something. I don't know how it was in the "old days." You say you're an "ol' timer." So was it OK for people to hang out and date married people?

[whichwayisup]

Do bodily fluids help?

 

Please tell me you don't have his sperm in a jar or something?

 

I've just read above and afew more posts, Lis another thing, you are responsible for how others make you feel. You've allowed him to MAKE you feel that way, it's how you've interpretted it. You're not a hooker, nor garbage, don't think that way, k. He hurt you badly but you put yourself in a situation, an unhealthy situation and you weren't thinking clearly. Obviously neither was he...But now to say he used you and that is it, that's bulls***!!! Don't demean your love and the time you shared together!

 

We all go through crap in our lives, it makes us stronger. So, this is a big one and you'll grow from it, and ofcourse learn from it...

[Katch22]

Well I made a statement earlier today on another post of mine and it rings true for you too.

 

The Old Saying:

You've made your bed now lye in it!!

 

Well in the case of a cakeeater they think it goes like this:

He made his bed and lied in it and now he wants the maid to come over and change the sheets and act like he never slept in it!!

 

Well Too Bad for the cakeeater that crossed my path because when he had the sheets changed I had them sent to his house!! Not literaly but yes I called his house and had a nice little chat with his W/xw.

No one could of told me other wise I'm just letting you know that your not the only one to feel that way or act on that feeling!! Sometimes it works out better for the w to hear from the ow because then she knows exactly how much the mm is a cakeeater and they realize that they don't want to be there but you need to do that for the right reason not because you want the mm. And then there sometimes were you wind up blowing it up in your face!!

And that would be my story!!! So search long and hard and when you think your ready say to your self I will think about it again tomorrow and if you still feel the same then maybe you should but do think!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. You make it sound like he used me for what he wanted and now gets his wonderful life.

 

2. Like "Haha--you're screwed and he comes out smelling like roses."

 

3. I really feel like just ending it after reading this.

 

1. I'm not entirely sure how you can see otherwise. The hard, brutal, ugly truth is that he did exactly that, and his life will continue as usual - and worse yet, I expect he will end up with another OW and do the same to her, as well.

 

2. I don't think its funny, nor was it intended to mock or belittle you. You are up against one of the more ugly truths in life, and it is better to stare it right into the face for what it is than to turn your back on it and cry about what it isn't. You aren't screwed here. You are lucky this parasite did you a favor and walked out of your life.

 

He is about as useful, welcome and helpful in your life as a case of bloody, cramping diarrhea. It is painful, draining, and helplessly humiliating. Now, ahead of you is a chance to heal from this. He freed you up to find someone who can truly be a fulfilling part of your life. I know you don't see it that way yet, - but hopefully soon you'll see that every day you waste on MM and the 'revenge' you want to get is one more day you cheat yourself out of happiness on his behalf.

 

3. You should end it - END IT WITH HIM. Walk away. Do not turn back. Your life is worth more than this, and you know it. Be angry. Be hurt. But most of all, be self protective. Try to see this as a way out for the BETTER. This MM, had he stayed would have offered you nothing, and I mean NOTHING that your life wouldn't be better off without.

 

 

If you have to call his W and tell her the "truth", then by all means do it. But make it one call, and then turn around and walk away. Don't waste any more time on this than you have to.

[slubberdegullion]

He is about as useful, welcome and helpful in your life as a case of bloody, cramping diarrhea.

OMG, thanks for the mental image...

You should end it - END IT WITH HIM. Walk away. Do not turn back. Your life is worth more than this, and you know it. Be angry. Be hurt. But most of all, be self protective. Try to see this as a way out for the BETTER. This MM, had he stayed would have offered you nothing, and I mean NOTHING that your life wouldn't be better off without.

As usual, LB is exactly right; she's clearly one of the smartest people that peruses the boards.

 

Do what she says. You're worth it. He's not.

[liswil]

1. I'm not entirely sure how you can see otherwise. The hard, brutal, ugly truth is that he did exactly that, and his life will continue as usual - and worse yet, I expect he will end up with another OW and do the same to her, as well.

 

Maybe---I don't know. I don't think he's really cheated per se before this BUT I do know he's definately been a big flirt before this.

I remember a coworker of his telling me last year "Don't let him know where you live." I wondered about that comment.

 

2. I don't think its funny, nor was it intended to mock or belittle you. You are up against one of the more ugly truths in life, and it is better to stare it right into the face for what it is than to turn your back on it and cry about what it isn't. You aren't screwed here. You are lucky this parasite did you a favor and walked out of your life.

 

 

Why do you think he gets off free? Most people I know who have been through the situation would disagree with that? Do you think his home life is wonderful now? Do you think he's happy at work now knowing that people in his building know about what he's done (I mentioned the other day in a voicemail that I talked to my coworkers about it)? He's a guy who has to have this image to people of being perfect. He's also mentioned several times how he's "very religious".

 

He is about as useful, welcome and helpful in your life as a case of bloody, cramping diarrhea. It is painful, draining, and helplessly humiliating. Now, ahead of you is a chance to heal from this. He freed you up to find someone who can truly be a fulfilling part of your life. I know you don't see it that way yet, - but hopefully soon you'll see that every day you waste on MM and the 'revenge' you want to get is one more day you cheat yourself out of happiness on his behalf.

 

Unfortunately, there IS no one---and I've been trying to meet people (and have) since I've known him. I will probably spend the holidays all alone.

[liswil]

He's such an exciting person though and I miss him. I admired him so much. There's nothing he hasn't done--and he's been successful at it all. He has no fear and when he does---he forces himself to overcome it. He's very worldly and intelligent, funny and attractive.

 

I'm feeling very depressed now.

[Katch22]

Well I've tried to meet other people since him too and it's seem like they will never measure up againist the person that I created in my mind!! Yes I figure I will send the holidays by myself too. But I have alot of friends and my daughter so I will get through it!! It's my bday thats the biggest problem.

We were suppose to go out of town and I really still want to go it's been planned for a yr now!!! God that sucks!

[liswil]

Well I've tried to meet other people since him too and it's seem like they will never measure up againist the person that I created in my mind!! Yes I figure I will send the holidays by myself too. But I have alot of friends and my daughter so I will get through it!! It's my bday thats the biggest problem.

We were suppose to go out of town and I really still want to go it's been planned for a yr now!!! God that sucks!

 

I*truly* will spend the holidays and my b-day alone. I don't have kids and no family and friends are all busy with theirs.

He's about the only reason I wanted to wake up everyday.

[fiatflux]

I*truly* will spend the holidays and my b-day alone. I don't have kids and no family and friends are all busy with theirs.

He's about the only reason I wanted to wake up everyday.

 

Well the sooner you decide to expunge him from your life, the better. It's hard right now, but time has a way of healing things and you'll wonder why you wasted so much of your precious time on this guy. I promise you, it DOES get better.

 

You need to try to stop dwelling on him and engage yourself in other activities. Take some classes, get out and meet new people. Maybe put a personal ad on match.com or someplace and start dating. Move on!

 

You are risking your job and your future if you continue down this path of trying to contact him or his wife.

[liswil]

You need to try to stop dwelling on him and engage yourself in other activities. Take some classes, get out and meet new people. Maybe put a personal ad on match.com or someplace and start dating. Move on!

 

I've had a personal ad out all along. That's how I've met people since knowing him. None of them were like him though---not even close. And none of them acted as interested in me as he did.

 

You are risking your job and your future if you continue down this path of trying to contact him or his wife.

 

 

I already have contacted her.

 

How am I risking my job???

[fiatflux]

You said some things that made it sound like he was helping you w/a job search. Also, if he has any power at your workplace, maybe he would try to exact revenge upon YOU somehow.

[Katch22]

Well I'm truely sorry that you feel that alone. Sometimes people feel that being single means being lonely. I know how it feels to be both. Lonely and single. The difference of the two for me is being single is a choice because I haven't found someone that is good enough for me to date. And being lonely means that I'm not comfortable with who I am inside. In actuality I don't like myself who I am inside so therefore when I don't like myself no one else like me so therefore I was alone. But that is just a mind f*ck that your own mind does to you. You have to believe in yourself and believe that you have a lot to offer the world and that with you in it you make the world a better place.

Well I hope this helps. anytime you need to talk just post me and I will be on usually in a few hours!!

 

bfn

Katch:p

[liswil]

You said some things that made it sound like he was helping you w/a job search. Also, if he has any power at your workplace, maybe he would try to exact revenge upon YOU somehow.

 

We work in the same building---not in the same company. Because he knows a lot of higher ups in many companies, I thought maybe he could help me. While he meets with higher ups a lot, I don't think he really has much pull. He hasn't done much in helping me so far really.

 

 

He has a whole lot more to lose than me. He paints himself as a pillar in the community and at work. He'd hate his reputation to be ruined.

 

Besides, my job is uncertain right now --and he has no say in that. And he doesn't know anyone who has any say in it either.

[liswil]

Well I'm truely sorry that you feel that alone. Sometimes people feel that being single means being lonely. I know how it feels to be both. Lonely and single. The difference of the two for me is being single is a choice because I haven't found someone that is good enough for me to date. And being lonely means that I'm not comfortable with who I am inside. In actuality I don't like myself who I am inside so therefore when I don't like myself no one else like me so therefore I was alone. But that is just a mind f*ck that your own mind does to you. You have to believe in yourself and believe that you have a lot to offer the world and that with you in it you make the world a better place.

Well I hope this helps. anytime you need to talk just post me and I will be on usually in a few hours!!

 

bfn

Katch:p

 

 

Thanks for your concern.

 

You know though--what this guy did to me just proved to me that I don't matter much to anyone. That point has been proven to me way too many times by people.

[fiatflux]

Thanks for your concern.

 

You know though--what this guy did to me just proved to me that I don't matter much to anyone. That point has been proven to me way too many times by people.

 

No - actually what this guy did to you proves that you don't matter much to HIM. You have got to stop yourself from this "black and white" thinking. Have you considered going to a counselor? I think if you are feeling this despairing, you need to get some professional help.

[whichwayisup]

I think counselling will help. Your self esteem is awful and that comes within. Yes, people can push you to the limit, make you feel bad, but it's up to you to take back that control and MAKE yourself feel better. It's how your mind works, your personal experiences - that is making you feel bad. You're a good person and just need some help. I hope you find someone to talk to.

[Katch22]

My own mother who's suppose to love you the most is the one who's tried to destroy me more than anyone in my life. Then there were countless people after her that have lied to me and continued to show me that they never loved me like they said they did. What you need to know is that you matter to yourself. Girlfriend you need to find something that make you happy a pet fish, bird, cat, dog, or go buy yourself a new outfit or a new hair do!! But my suggestion is don't go drastic on that because I just went through that two weeks ago I'm a burnette and decided to go bleach blonde who did I look like a freak!!! Well girl I gotta run for now but please don't give up trust me I've lived a HORROR story of a life and I'm still here today to say I love me and it's ok if no one else does because I do.

 

BFN

Katch

[liswil]

No - actually what this guy did to you proves that you don't matter much to HIM. You have got to stop yourself from this "black and white" thinking. Have you considered going to a counselor? I think if you are feeling this despairing, you need to get some professional help.

 

Yeah thanks you're right--it has to do with me---not him. I just wasn't worth caring about to him.

thanks for letting me know I wasn't good enough to him to care about.

[liswil]

My own mother who's suppose to love you the most is the one who's tried to destroy me more than anyone in my life. Then there were countless people after her that have lied to me and continued to show me that they never loved me like they said they did. What you need to know is that you matter to yourself. Girlfriend you need to find something that make you happy a pet fish, bird, cat, dog, or go buy yourself a new outfit or a new hair do!! But my suggestion is don't go drastic on that because I just went through that two weeks ago I'm a burnette and decided to go bleach blonde who did I look like a freak!!! Well girl I gotta run for now but please don't give up trust me I've lived a HORROR story of a life and I'm still here today to say I love me and it's ok if no one else does because I do.

 

BFN

Katch

 

 

A new pet or hairdo isn't going to make me feel better. I never get why people say that stuff. I'm not three years old and a piece of candy is going to make me forget all this.

 

Anyway after what the other poster said about me not being worth a dime to him, I am really sinking lower and lower.

 

Funny how no one says how it's THEM. They just say how you weren't good enough for them to care about.

[allaboutchoices]

A new pet or hairdo isn't going to make me feel better. I never get why people say that stuff. I'm not three years old and a piece of candy is going to make me forget all this.

 

Anyway after what the other poster said about me not being worth a dime to him, I am really sinking lower and lower.

 

Funny how no one says how it's THEM. They just say how you weren't good enough for them to care about.

 

I believe you need to learn how to love&appreciate your self again. That's why other members suggest doing things for YOU, and YOU ONLY. Be selfish, do things that will make you feel better, do some thinking about why you feel the way you do, ... take this time and use it on you, and you only. It is all about you. Don't feel bad about thinking selfishly, that will go away when you are ready for it.

Would you really want to be with a guy who does not love you?! There are many others who will love you for YOU, but first it is important to know who YOU really are.

You can love this guy, there is nothing wrong with that. You can love, and sometimes it's better to love and not being with that person. Keep the love and move on. You will be able to let go of it later. Believe me, I've been there.

All I can say that it does get better, but it takes time and effort. Lot's of time and lot's of effort. Look at it as a learning experience; use it to learn and move on onto something better that's waiting for you. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but believe me, it is coming.

Please, do your self a favor and try to do something that will not make you feel the way you are feeling. You are worthy. Come to love your self so you can love others.

Good luck, I really hope you feel better.