Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 On 9/5/2021 at 1:15 AM, aftershine said: He responded with: "Do you want to know the truth, I am waiting for you to change, as you are, you are not the girl I want to date, I feel like you have so much room left to grow, I’ve already been through my beginner stages and it feels like going backwards when I talk to you cause it’s like I’m teaching you how you should be acting. I’ve already been through my growth stage Keep this bozo deleted and blocked. You did the right thing dumping his pompous butt. He's not your friend. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 17 hours ago, aftershine said: So I asked for his time, affection and consistency...he said I was being ungrateful and demanding bc he was giving me what i needed and i was like??? I haven't seen you in 2.5 weeks. I’m not defending him here. I wonder what your expectations were and if they were realistic or one sided. I ran into this issue with my ex-wife. She wanted me to do certain things but didn’t reciprocate.
Author aftershine Posted September 6, 2021 Author Posted September 6, 2021 44 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I’m not defending him here. I wonder what your expectations were and if they were realistic or one sided. I ran into this issue with my ex-wife. She wanted me to do certain things but didn’t reciprocate. So I only expected things I was giving in/ willing to return. Commitment, affection, time, and consistency, that is all I required. He said that was asking for too much.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 That message from him was incredibly vague--he didn't really say what you're doing "wrong." And that's the kind of comment that one makes in person. Actually wrong, you don't make that comment in person. You ask for what you want all along and communicate closely with a partner. He just wrote that note as some kind of justification. Actually it was designed to get you to feel bad, so that you would come running back to him having backed off getting what you want from him. Then he would simply continue to have sex with you (I assume you are having sex) and would continue to not commit and be distant. 1
Author aftershine Posted September 6, 2021 Author Posted September 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: That message from him was incredibly vague--he didn't really say what you're doing "wrong." And that's the kind of comment that one makes in person. Actually wrong, you don't make that comment in person. You ask for what you want all along and communicate closely with a partner. He just wrote that note as some kind of justification. Actually it was designed to get you to feel bad, so that you would come running back to him having backed off getting what you want from him. Then he would simply continue to have sex with you (I assume you are having sex) and would continue to not commit and be distant. We never had sex lol its stupid bc I told him I don’t chase men.
stillafool Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 37 minutes ago, aftershine said: So I only expected things I was giving in/ willing to return. Commitment, affection, time, and consistency, that is all I required. He said that was asking for too much. He meant you were asking too much from him because he isn't into you like that. A compatible man who is into you would have no problem with your requests. 1
smackie9 Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 12 hours ago, aftershine said: he admitted he is a narcissist, he boils it down to self-love. I suggested therapy or just talking to a friend about it but his response was "I'm perfect, there is literally nothing TO fix. Therapy is for the weak". I stayed bc I was attached and thought at least he recognizes it, maybe he will get better over time. I was dead wrong It's a personality disorder...there is intensive talk therapy for it, BUT most think they don't need it or the success of them "changing" is very low. There are no medications to treat it. Most books on narcissists is how to navigate/deal with them. Agh..... so not worth it. So sorry it went so bad for you. 1
spiderowl Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 On 9/6/2021 at 12:56 AM, aftershine said: So I asked for his time, affection and consistency...he said I was being ungrateful and demanding bc he was giving me what i needed and i was like??? I haven't seen you in 2.5 weeks. Also, bear in mind, aftershine, that he may have told you he committed to his ex girlfriends early on and not done so at all. He does sound very manipulative, wants you but doesn't want you. He needs to grow up and learn more about himself.
mark clemson Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 19 hours ago, aftershine said: he admitted he is a narcissist, he boils it down to self-love It's unlikely he's actually self-diagnosed himself as one. They tend to have issues with "admitting failings" and of course having NPD could be seen as one. He may always be right, or (more likely IMO) have some narcissistic tendencies and/or other issues, such as mild sociopathy. At any rate, there are those in the world who simply want to give themselves permission to treat people callously or manipulatively and labeling oneself in this way can be a convenient excuse. If he IS a narcissist, you should read up on the idealization, devaluation, and rejection repeating cycle that they tend to put those unfortunate enough to be in relationships with them through. NPD or no, consider what his hot/cold style is doing to you emotionally. You don't chase men, but you are are drained and tired, asking him for affection/attention, etc, so clearly it's having a negative effect.
Interstellar Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) lol, he’s only 22. he’s still a kid y’all. Edited September 7, 2021 by Interstellar 1
Miss Spider Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) “He says he’s a narcissist and therapy is a waste of time” Why tho you still talking to this guy. Do you know what a narcissist is, even colloquially. It’s basically someone who is incapable of caring about anyone other than themselves and favorite past times include manipulating and taking advantage of others. It’s very resistant to help and he told you point blank this is what he is and has no interest in getting help. That should have been the end of that for you. Seek help yourself if that’s any way appealing for you still Edited September 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 On 9/6/2021 at 1:46 PM, aftershine said: Why do men chase even if you leave but don't want to commit? It's like the bone at the dog track. The chase. In this case, catch and release.
Author aftershine Posted September 15, 2021 Author Posted September 15, 2021 On 9/7/2021 at 2:57 PM, Cookiesandough said: “He says he’s a narcissist and therapy is a waste of time” Why tho you still talking to this guy. Do you know what a narcissist is, even colloquially. It’s basically someone who is incapable of caring about anyone other than themselves and favorite past times include manipulating and taking advantage of others. It’s very resistant to help and he told you point blank this is what he is and has no interest in getting help. That should have been the end of that for you. Seek help yourself if that’s any way appealing for you still I never found it appealing.... I was emotionally attached by the time I found out
thebannerlord Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 This guy just seems like trash but in general, men (from my own experience) like to know that they "have" the girl in a sense. It's this immature feeling of validation. And when the girls rejects us, an urge to get her (even if we dont like her) comes over us and we try our best. But its like a dog chasing a truck. He doesn't know what he will do once he catches the truck. Usually they lose interest and find someone else.
Author aftershine Posted September 15, 2021 Author Posted September 15, 2021 1 hour ago, thebannerlord said: This guy just seems like trash but in general, men (from my own experience) like to know that they "have" the girl in a sense. It's this immature feeling of validation. And when the girls rejects us, an urge to get her (even if we dont like her) comes over us and we try our best. But its like a dog chasing a truck. He doesn't know what he will do once he catches the truck. Usually they lose interest and find someone else. he really had the audacity to call me immature like broooo
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2021 Posted September 16, 2021 18 hours ago, aftershine said: he really had the audacity to call me immature like broooo Then stop letting him into your life. I would've shown this arrogant little twerp the door ages ago. You need better boundaries, girl.
Wiseman2 Posted September 16, 2021 Posted September 16, 2021 18 hours ago, aftershine said: he really had the audacity to call me immature like broooo Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.
Author aftershine Posted September 16, 2021 Author Posted September 16, 2021 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then stop letting him into your life. I would've shown this arrogant little twerp the door ages ago. You need better boundaries, girl. I'm working on it. But yes I blocked him. I think his punishment is that he has to live with himself....
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