What should I do?

[Dan smith 280971]

Hello I’m a married man and I’m falling for a single female coworker. She’s hard working, smart, elegant, modest and beautiful, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I have two phones a work phone and a personal phone, she called me the other day on my personal phone and asked if it was my personal phone I told her yes indeed it was and she said ok we were just trying to figure that out talk to you later! Everyone still calls me on my personal phone. She doesn’t reply to my work related phone calls or text messages. She did call me the other day and was nervous when she was talking, I almost felt like she didn’t want the conversation to end. when I’m talking with other female coworkers she quickly joins the conversation. I’m confused I can’t tell if she has feelings for me or if she hates me. I’ve thought about telling her how I feel, I’ve debated between writing her a letter telling her how I have a soft spot in my heart for her. My marriage has not been going great, I desire to be desired and I don’t feel appreciated, I’m the sole provider for my household and I come home from work to my wife still in bed. My in-laws treat me poorly and act like I’m non existent. I’ve told my wife about how I feel and she doesn’t notice it. Should I tell the woman at work how I feel? Write her a letter or in person, do you think she has feelings for me? Or should I not say anything at all. Any advice is great advice as long as it’s polite. Thanks

[glows]

Don’t put anything in writing. She could report you to HR. That is the worst idea if I’ve ever heard one. Stay off the radar. You’re not thinking straight and it seems you’re more disturbed by your in laws and wife’s health at home. This coworker is an escape only and nothing more. Even if you escape in an affair you are not dealing with your marriage. 

Why is your wife in bed when you get home? Is she diagnosed with an illness? Why are your in-laws treating you poorly? You have to look into solving those issues and facing them head on instead of running away into a fantasy affair.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Dan smith 280971 said:

. I’ve told my wife about how I feel and she doesn’t notice it. Should I tell the woman at work how I feel? Write her a letter or in person.

If you want evidence for a sexual harassment case, write a letter. Or just blurt it out at work and see if you get fired.

Leave co-workers alone.

The workplace is not a brick and mortar Ashley Madison site for cheaters whose "spouse doesn't understand them".

Unfortunately the main issue is contempt and lack of attraction to your wife.

Was this an arranged marriage? Was it ever good?

Is she a SAHM? Do you live with your in-laws? Why are they involved in this?

Most of what you are doing is escapism from feeling trapped and inert in your own life. Like a passenger in your marriage.

Affair fantasies won't fix this. Acting on it is career suicide followed by an expensive divorce.

Change things at home. Get rid of the in-laws for starters.

Edited August 16, 2021 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

Stop talking to this woman.   Delete & block her from your personal phone.  Only communicate with her as absolutely necessary about work. 

If your marriage sucks as badly as you claim, get a divorce.  Don't cheat.  Cheating won't help anything. 

Maybe if you put as much energy into finding out why your stay at home wife is so depressed that she's still in bed when you got home from work, things could improve.  Your ILs might not treat you so poorly if they saw you investing in & loving your daughter.  I suspect the fact that you have one foot out the door of your marriage is part of the reason your wife is so unhappy.  How do you expect her to have desire for a man who has such contempt for her 

As pointed out above, expect anything you put in writing to this chick from work to end up as Exhibit A in your divorce &/or the sexual harassment suit she will inevitably file against you   

Edited August 16, 2021 by d0nnivain