stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Posted September 13, 2021 19 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: because he deserves no one: he’s still married and never getting divorced! That didn't stop you from getting involved with him why should it stop the his new girl? Why does he get side pieces? Because too many women like you are willing to be one. And why would I let it go quietly? Because he doesn't want you he has a new side piece. Just get over it and let it go.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Posted September 13, 2021 27 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Sure - you said I’m out but now you are sitting on the sidelines like an anxious spectator waiting to watch him get hit by the karma bus. You are waiting like an anxious spectator to see if his OOW dumps him… That’s not saying “I don’t want this drama in my life…” I agree with you, but I just don’t think I can heal unless I observe other women’s reactions to dispel mY perception that he’s just some Prize and great guy
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2021 Posted September 13, 2021 10 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: I don't think he ever left his wife and son, I think he moved to your area for a job and for whatever reason his family could not join him. Agree. Sadly you may be one of many pit-stop women he has in various locations.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, Amethyst68 said: It may just be me but I'm reading this man slightly differently. I don't think he ever left his wife and son, I think he moved to your area for a job and for whatever reason his family could not join him. I know you said it's been years but there are obligations which could keep the wife at home for years. Your post supports this as his public SM still refers to his current wife and family and not his ex. In this day and age he'd have to have done something pretty bad not to be awarded some kind of custody so that part of the story doesn't make sense to me. IMO when he arrived he created this other separated man persona so that he could openly date but women should know not to expect too much from him. You. Are. Good. He originally told me (and other coworkers) that once he took his (super shiny) new job at our firm, his wife and son were going to follow him and they were building a big house. Then he told me she put her foot down and ended up refusing. But why didn’t he just go back home at that point? In fact when things weren’t working out for him at our firm he changed to another position nearby, not 3000 miles back where his kid is. OHHH by the way… he told me that while he was getting ready to move to the new job where he thought his wife was following, he was simultaneously leading on an ex girlfriend telling her to move to the new city with him, then he backed out at the 11th hour and his wife was super pissed. Told me he sat down with the 2 women and said “what do you want me to do? I love you both.” Told me this particular ex tried to kill herself over him. Edited September 13, 2021 by financial_ad429
stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Posted September 13, 2021 8 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: Told me this particular ex tried to kill herself over him. Oh brother, this guy probably has 10 or 12 OW. He may not even be married but just says that to keep women at bay.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Posted September 13, 2021 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Oh brother, this guy probably has 10 or 12 OW. He may not even be married but just says that to keep women at bay. lol, as soon as he got me to hook up w him he immediately said “I promised my son I’ll never have another family.” But went thru a brief period of agreeing when I told him he had to leave his wife for us to continue… then all of a sudden Jk “but we’re very special friends but I’m never going to be in a relationship ever again.” Then “I’m staying married.” Then “I am totally free,” and when I asked if this meant he was going for divorce after all, “NO, but I just do whatever I want”
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) This whole thing is starting to make me ill. He’d disappear, tell me expressly he didn’t want any relationship or commitment, then start texting me explicitly and I’d come over and he’d coldly ask me for sexual stuff and never even kiss or hug or smile at me. told you he moved really far from his wife and kid, and while he was getting ready to move and thought his wife was following, he told me was simultaneously leading on an ex girlfriend telling her to move to the new city with him, then he backed out at the 11th hour and his wife was super mad. Told me he sat down with the 2 women and said “what do you want me to do? I love you both.” Told me this particular ex tried to kill herself over him. Told me I was getting off easy compared to these other women. Even told me, when he was claiming to be interested in this new other chick, that eventually he’d hurt and leave her “just like all the rest” BUT I assumed If I was better than the rest of the women and more understanding then he’d finally stay with me Edited September 14, 2021 by financial_ad429
basil67 Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 I'm surprised it's taken you this long to start feeling ill - he's been treating you terribly for a long time. Why do/did you keep engaging with him?
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 14, 2021 Author Posted September 14, 2021 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm surprised it's taken you this long to start feeling ill - he's been treating you terribly for a long time. Why do/did you keep engaging with him? This is really odd, but he’s always been this way: I’ll interact in person and he’s cold, detached, aloof. Then he’ll message me soon after we both go home and act all warm and like he cares in his text messages. Same with my daughter, would all but ignore her and never crack a smile, then text me later that she’s so perfect and adorable. Total detachment between words and actions. So I’d read the words and rely upon those. He said he had some kind of deficiency where he couldnt express emotion or show he cared. Then later began telling me he actually has no emotion and cared about no one except maybe his son.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 14, 2021 Author Posted September 14, 2021 I also keep thinking if only I had been “better,” ie more accepting of him refusing any commitment and really not being around for me, then eventually he would’ve treated me better. But this is a person who moved 3000 mi from his own son- what did he do to him?- and alternatively claims he loves his wife and is staying w her but is also sexting me and claiming to me to be hanging out w another woman at same time… and what did his ex deserve when he calls her his one true love and yet he says he went back on his word that she’d move w him at the 11th hour for no real reason he can explain?
kendahke Posted September 17, 2021 Posted September 17, 2021 On 7/24/2021 at 10:04 PM, financial_ad429 said: It’s good advice but not sure how he’ll ever get “back with” his wife. They obviously had so little together that he moved far away unnecessarily for years despite their kid, and he continues to sext me and see me all the time. Is. He. Divorced?
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 19, 2021 Author Posted September 19, 2021 (edited) On 9/17/2021 at 5:34 PM, kendahke said: Is. He. Divorced? No! He told me that he’s never getting divorced. But they’re staying together for the kids, so he doesn’t have to give her his $ etc. For a while I thought he was leading me to believe they have a very bad marriage so I’d be ok having sex w him, but now I’m not so sure… when I messaged her sending screenshots of sexuaL Convos I had w him she was just like “oook… I’m fine you should worry about yourself as you’ve been used also” - and then was like let me know when you guys are public / official thx bye. Only seemed mildly interested when I said he was involving their son in cheating w the Ow (sent the message where he said he was bringing him to “that party in Long Beach”). WHY would she react like this??? It almost seems like she gave up on him bc he’s garbage but also is cocky knowing he’ll never actually leave her & go public w someone else Edited September 19, 2021 by financial_ad429
basil67 Posted September 19, 2021 Posted September 19, 2021 7 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: It almost seems like she gave up on him bc he’s garbage but also is cocky knowing he’ll never actually leave her & go public w someone else Probably this. Plus, she's likely bemused that you would come to her with your woes and wondering why you think she'd care.
Wiseman2 Posted September 19, 2021 Posted September 19, 2021 8 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: bc he’s garbage Yes he's garbage. That means delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way you can meet decent single men to date.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 19, 2021 Author Posted September 19, 2021 What does it even mean if he was talking about some other woman while involved w me and ALSO claiming “I still love my wife too”? Then later sexting me in the same convo where he says he’s never getting divorced? On what planet is this okay?
stillafool Posted September 19, 2021 Posted September 19, 2021 17 minutes ago, financial_ad429 said: On what planet is this okay? On yours because you put up with it. 1
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 20, 2021 Author Posted September 20, 2021 Fair, I guess I should rephrase- how could any of these other women even give him the time of day?
basil67 Posted September 20, 2021 Posted September 20, 2021 2 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: Fair, I guess I should rephrase- how could any of these other women even give him the time of day? For the same reasons you gave him the time of day. When you work out why you kept going back, you’ll be closer to knowing how to block him from your life together 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2021 Posted September 20, 2021 10 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: Fair, I guess I should rephrase- how could any of these other women even give him the time of day? Same reasons you do. Why are you surprised? 2
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 20, 2021 Author Posted September 20, 2021 I really don’t think he and his wife are ever getting divorced as 1) he told me they never are, 2) he posted about his “lovely family” using photos of her even while sleeping w me, 3) when I messaged his wife she sounded smug like “good for you, let me know when it’s official, he’s just playing you too” but didn’t say anything like “doesn’t matter, we aren’t together any longer,” and 4) he got all mad when I posted a photo of he and I online, and he told me he wouldn’t be allowed to see his son bc of it- if they were actually separated then why would that be?? Why would he need to hide me?
stillafool Posted September 20, 2021 Posted September 20, 2021 1 hour ago, financial_ad429 said: Why would he need to hide me? Because you are someone else's wife and he belongs to many. How would your husband feel seeing a photo of you and OM online? You have absolutely no respect for him do you? This is probably one reason MM treats you the way he does.
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Because you are someone else's wife and he belongs to many. How would your husband feel seeing a photo of you and OM online? You have absolutely no respect for him do you? This is probably one reason MM treats you the way he does. No, I left (separated from) my husband before I was ever even alone with MM and never went back .
Wiseman2 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, financial_ad429 said: No, I left (separated from) my husband before I was ever even alone with MM and never went back . How long have you been separated? Are you legally divorced or is it dragging on? Keep in mind a lot of the drama with cheaters you're describing is par for the course. It seems you may be displacing marital, separation and divorce anger onto this affair. Be careful not to put all your marital, divorce and cheating man issues into a blender and come up with this toxic anger smoothie. Edited September 21, 2021 by Wiseman2
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) We are all done with our divorce. I am so torn up over this MM. I wonder if he’s fabricating the situation w this néw OW to upset me since from the looks of it she blocked and defriended hjm on social media? But why; why wasn’t I good enough for him to just be with me? Or his wife? He would always call his wife a really good woman and says he was the one who ruined it but why??? Why not just love and be happy? He always makes comments about how he wants to be free and alone where he can’t hurt anyone else. Bht so baffling his wife didn’t say they were getting divorced when I messaged her. Although he too tells me they’re never divorcing and posts stuff on his social media of her and their son.. Edited September 21, 2021 by financial_ad429
Author financial_ad429 Posted September 24, 2021 Author Posted September 24, 2021 (edited) -He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job - says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went back on it. Says His wife briefly thew him out & his ex tried to commit suicide bc of him. -Initially led me to believe he’s getting divorced, but then went back on it for his son’s sake/ so he doesn’t need to give away $. Freaked out over 1 pic of us I posted and said he wouldnt be allowed to see his kid. Would cut off sex bc he said he felt guilty -at all points he’d tell me he’d never want to, or even could be, in another relationship bc there’d always be expectations he couldn’t meet and he will never be able to fully be w anyone -he would say passionate things in text but always in person was cold and detached/ like always left right after sex, if I ever put an affectionate hand on me he’d remove it -Says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing. After telling me we would only ever be friends tried to make me feel badly for seeing other men and then I asked him about one girl liking all his social media. He said a bunch of elaborate stuff about how he wanted her and they were close in the past, then said he made it up to get me to move on, then she defriended / blocked him. Then suddenly he’s going to a party w her and bringing his son allegedly buT at very same time sexting me and making plans to meet up with me again for sex -When I talked to his wife first she accused me of making up the account w screenshots, then said ok whatever he’s playing you too; let me know when you make it publiciy official I mostly feel he’s just scum and never going to leave his wife And have anything w the Ow either… but what do you think Edited September 24, 2021 by financial_ad429
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