Breakup after 6 years help!

[MTee]

35 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I thought you were leaving to go away for 3 days, what happened?

My mom and brother were exposed to COVID. My brother has been coughing & have a sore throat but doesn’t “think he have it”. When they get tested & cleared I’ll go there. I can’t afford to get sick at all. 

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, MTee said:

When they get tested & cleared I’ll go there. 

That would be great. 

You desperately need some space from this person. 

[MTee]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That would be great. 

You desperately need some space from this person. 

He admitted he was talking to someone else. I’m loading my stuff up in the car now. Everybody said it would only hurt me but I knew it would give me the strength I needed. For a whole month he made me feel bad about myself, made me feel horrible when he was the one cheating. I’m devastated and I’m angry. I hate him and literally don’t want to ever talk to him again in my life. How can someone be so evil? 

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, MTee said:

 How can someone be so evil? 

I'm sorry, MTee. 

It really hurts. I and many others have been where you are, and all I can really say is that people sometimes suck and do things you never thought they would. And maybe you're right - maybe you needed a serious wake-up call to understand that this man is not the great man you desperately wanted to believe he was. 

Know this is not your fault.  Get away and stay away from him, and start to finalize the end of this. There is no need to see him again. Everything that needs to be sorted can be done without having to physically be in his presence. 

It does get better, but it will take time. Lean on your mom and brother. Be honest with them about what you have discovered, as you will need their support. 

[MTee]

26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm sorry, MTee. 

It really hurts. I and many others have been where you are, and all I can really say is that people sometimes suck and do things you never thought they would. And maybe you're right - maybe you needed a serious wake-up call to understand that this man is not the great man you desperately wanted to believe he was. 

Know this is not your fault.  Get away and stay away from him, and start to finalize the end of this. There is no need to see him again. Everything that needs to be sorted can be done without having to physically be in his presence. 

It does get better, but it will take time. Lean on your mom and brother. Be honest with them about what you have discovered, as you will need their support. 

Right now I’m feeling numb. Like, yes hes seeing someone else & i know later when I’m settled at my moms it’ll hurt & sink in but all I feel is numbness. And I like it. I don’t want to be hurt or sad. I’ve been saying out loud that he cheated & he’s talking to someone else and happy with someone else, & idk if in my heart I know that he will regret losing me, but that’s what I feel. Maybe not now, not later, not even years from now but he will regret it. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Whether or not he later regrets it isn't important right now. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. 

What's important is getting yourself away from him, and in the company of people who love you. You're going to have some tough days ahead of you but their support will make all the difference. Take all of this a day at a time. 

[MTee]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Whether or not he later regrets it isn't important right now. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. 

What's important is getting yourself away from him, and in the company of people who love you. You're going to have some tough days ahead of you but their support will make all the difference. Take all of this a day at a time. 

Yes. I’m hurt. 

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, MTee said:

My mom and brother were exposed to COVID. My brother has been coughing & have a sore throat but doesn’t “think he have it”. When they get tested & cleared I’ll go there. I can’t afford to get sick at all. 

What about a hotel?  You already said there wasn't enough room for you at your Mom's.

[stillafool]

I'm sorry he hurt you but it's always best to know the truth so you can move on knowing you're doing the right thing.  I think you already knew in your heart he was seeing someone else but needed to be sure.  Just be gentle with yourself as your life isn't over this is just a new beginning.

[MTee]

On 8/12/2021 at 12:38 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

Whether or not he later regrets it isn't important right now. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. 

What's important is getting yourself away from him, and in the company of people who love you. You're going to have some tough days ahead of you but their support will make all the difference. Take all of this a day at a time. 

I feel empty inside. So, the day I was supposed to leave I called his dad & his dad convinced me not to leave. He told me to stay & he talked to him. He told his dad he’s not seeing anyone else, he told me he was bc I asked over & over & he said no over & over & he told me what I wanted to hear. His dad said he needs space, but it doesn’t mean I have to leave, he just needs time to get his thoughts together & clear his head. He also told his dad all the reasons he told me why he wanted to break up. His dad said we can fix it, and we’ll be okay. I asked my “boyfriend” do he think we will be okay and he said yes. However, I don’t feel he feels that to be true. When we have a sex, he doesn’t orgasm anymore and I asked why & he said he’s stressed. I feel defeated, I feel weak, and I’m just hurting so bad it’s unbearable. I just don’t understand how someone I was so close to, someone I loved can become a complete stranger just before my eyes. He doesn’t want me anymore, I know that but it’s just such a hard pill to swallow. I can’t handle it at all. And I know millions have been in my shoes but I feel so alone in this. 

[MTee]

On 8/12/2021 at 4:36 PM, stillafool said:

I'm sorry he hurt you but it's always best to know the truth so you can move on knowing you're doing the right thing.  I think you already knew in your heart he was seeing someone else but needed to be sure.  Just be gentle with yourself as your life isn't over this is just a new beginning.

I feel empty inside. So, the day I was supposed to leave I called his dad & his dad convinced me not to leave. He told me to stay & he talked to him. He told his dad he’s not seeing anyone else, he told me he was bc I asked over & over & he said no over & over & he told me what I wanted to hear. He also told his dad all the reasons he told me why he wanted to break up. His dad said we can fix it, and we’ll be okay. I asked my “boyfriend” do he think we will be okay and he said yes. However, I don’t feel he feels that to be true. When we have a sex, he doesn’t orgasm anymore and I asked why & he said he’s stressed. I feel defeated, I feel weak, and I’m just hurting so bad it’s unbearable. I just don’t understand how someone I was so close to, someone I loved can become a complete stranger just before my eyes. He doesn’t want me anymore, I know that but it’s just such a hard pill to swallow. I can’t handle it at all. And I know millions have been in my shoes but I feel so alone in this. 

[MTee]

On 8/12/2021 at 4:29 PM, stillafool said:

What about a hotel?  You already said there wasn't enough room for you at 

it doesn’t make sense to me how someone that was once so in love with you, so close to you and meant so much to you can become a stranger in just a blink of an eye. He literally does not love me. And I can see it. He doesn’t orgasm when we have sex, and I know it’s bc he’s stressed but this never happened before. Yesterday I cried & he asked me what’s wrong. I couldn’t say but when I got to work I texted him honestly what’s wrong. I said “I want everything to be okay with us and it’s not & idk when it’ll ever be. I want you to hold me tight and tell me it’s going to be okay”. And he didn’t. I feel helpless, this was literally the love of my life and he doesn’t care at all about me anymore. No matter how bad I want things to be the way they were, I can’t accept that they aren’t. Idk what to do, I feel physically sick. I can’t let this man go. And, I know I was scared that I wouldn’t meet anyone else, but I realize I don’t want anyone else. All I want is him. 

[stillafool]

It's very difficult when the one you are in love with is no longer in love with you.  I'm sure he still loves you as a person but is no longer in love with you.  I'm sure his Dad doesn't want to see him lose a great girl like you but it isn't fun being with someone who is only with you because his Dad is making him.   I think his Dad should stay out of his son's relationship but I also think you called him to stop your bf from breaking up.  Your bf probably resents you for involving his Dad.  As you can see he's still there but his heart is not in it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hon, you have to stop this. 

His Dad cannot make him love you or want to be with you, and it is inappropriate for him to be this involved. It is not his Dad's decision. I know you're desperate and it hurts like hell, but you cannot force your ex to want this when he just doesn't. And honestly, it's disrespectful of his choice and right to end the relationship.

He isn't orgasming during sex because he just doesn't really feel that way about you now, and is not happy to be steamrolled into being with you. You can see why pressuring and begging someone to stay does not work, and it hurts you more than anything else. 

Please, go back to your Mom's (or wherever you were before) This relationship is over and you're making a lot worse by refusing to accept it. 

Edited August 15, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[stillafool]

What is he so stressed out about?  Stop offering him sex.  It isn't appealing to your bf that you feel you can't live without him.  That is too much pressure to put on anyone and can make his resentment grow into hate.  It's also scary to have someone love you that much.  Your best bet would be to let him go and if it was meant to be he'll be back.  There is no guarantee because like the majority of us, your first love has run it's course and now it's time to move on.  Your bf is ready to move on but you won't let him and that is not fair.

What was your boyfriend doing the day you were supposed to leave before you called his Dad.  Was he asking you to stay?

Edited August 15, 2021 by stillafool

[MTee]

Just now, stillafool said:

What is he so stressed out about?  Stop offering him sex.  It isn't appealing to your bf that you feel you can't live without him.  That is too much pressure to put on anyone and can make his resentment grow into hate.  It's also scary to have someone love you that

I’m sure he’s stressed about the relationship. Maybe me not accepting that he wants to end things but I literally can’t accept it. I think mainly because we weren’t arguing leading up to it. In the past, when we had issues and wanted to break up I was more accepting bc I was exhausted too. But this time is different. And like I said, I mentally cannot wrap my head around someone I was once so deeply in love with, my bestfriend, can do a full 360 and feel nothing for me??? This hurts like hell & I know what y’all are saying is right, but I’m the weak one. 

[MTee]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Hon, you have to stop this. 

His Dad cannot make him love you or want to be with you, and it is inappropriate for him to be this involved. It is not his Dad's decision. I know you're desperate and it hurts like hell, but you cannot force your ex to want this when he just doesn't. And honestly, it's disrespectful of his choice and right to end the relationship.

He isn't orgasming during sex because he just doesn't really feel that way about you now, and is not happy to be steamrolled into being with you. You can see why pressuring and begging someone to stay does not work, and it hurts you more than anything else. 

Please, go back to your Mom's (or wherever you were before) This relationship is over and you're making a lot worse by refusing to accept it. 

I don’t understand how in just one week everything switches, though? A week before we were having sex, him orgasming us having fun together and a week later it’s a full 360. I’m not refusing to accept it. If I could I would, and I WANT to. I don’t want to feel like this. I literally CANT comprehend what’s going on, I guess bc I’m hurting but I can’t wrap my head around this. 

[stillafool]

Honey, people who have been married 20 years who have kids, a mortgage and everything else leave and get divorced.  No relationship is a forever guarantee.  People fall out of love, fall in love with others or just want to be on their own.  You still have to push on with your life realizing that losing one person isn't the end of the world.  

It isn't that your bf feels nothing for you.  He cares very much that you're unhappy that's why he's still there.  It's just he is no longer in love with you but will always have love for you and wish you well.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, MTee said:

I don’t understand how in just one week everything switches, though? A week before we were having sex, him orgasming us having fun together and a week later it’s a full 360. 

Here's what I think, even if hurts to read: 

I think he was being honest that there is someone else. He's likely been talking to her for a little while but only within the last week or so have they decided to make a go of it. And so now he wants out, definitively, so that he can pursue her. 

I'm sorry. Based on your description, this hasn't been a solid relationship. It is better for you that it's over and won't drag you down anymore. 

Edited August 15, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[MTee]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Honey, people who have been married 20 years who have kids, a mortgage and everything else leave and get divorced.  No relationship is a forever guarantee.  People fall out of love, fall in love with others or just want to be on their own.  You still have to push on with your life realizing that losing one person isn't the end of the world.  

It isn't that your bf feels nothing for you.  He cares very much that you're unhappy that's why he's still there.  It's just he is no longer in love with you but will always have love for you and wish you well.

I’m going to go by my mom. I just need some time away from him I can’t do this to myself anymore. The nights I spent by my mom, he was upset and told his dad I didn’t come home and he had no idea where I was. He also didn’t text me to see where I was. I was going to just go over there without texting him or letting him know but I don’t want him to be upset with me. Also I don’t understand why he was upset when that’s what he wanted... me to leave? 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, MTee said:

I don’t understand how in just one week everything switches, though? A week before we were having sex, him orgasming us having fun together and a week later it’s a full 360. I’m not refusing to accept it. If I could I would, and I WANT to. I don’t want to feel like this. I literally CANT comprehend what’s going on, I guess bc I’m hurting but I can’t wrap my head around this. 

You feel this way because you are going through your first break up and it hurts like hell.  I was a mess to when my first bf broke up with me in HS and I had to see him walking another girl to class every day.  I thought I was going to die  but with time I got over it and healed.  Breakups are not easy and certainly no fun.  This has been on his mind for a while and that is why the week before he was acting the way he did but now it seems to have changed in a week.  He can only pretend for so long.

[MTee]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Here's what I think, even if hurts to read: 

I think he was being honest that there is someone else. He's likely been talking to her for a little while but only within the last week or so have they decided to make a go of it. And so now he wants out, definitively. 

I'm sorry. Based on your description, this hasn't been a solid relationship. It is better for you that it's over and won't drag you down anymore. 

I don’t think this at all, I never did. He did tell me multiple times he wasn’t, and when I kept asking he asked me “what do I want to hear” thinking maybe I wanted to hear yes. He told his dad he wasn’t, and when I asked him do he think we will be okay and he said “yes”. If he was, he would stand on his word. And he would be honest with his dad about it. I’m going to go by my mom. I just need some time away from him I can’t do this to myself anymore. The nights I spent by my mom, he was upset and told his dad I didn’t come home and he had no idea where I was. He also didn’t text me to see where I was. I was going to just go over there without texting him or letting him know but I don’t want him to be upset with me. Also I don’t understand why he was upset when that’s what he wanted... me to leave? 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, MTee said:

I’m going to go by my mom. I just need some time away from him I can’t do this to myself anymore. The nights I spent by my mom, he was upset and told his dad I didn’t come home and he had no idea where I was. He also didn’t text me to see where I was. I was going to just go over there without texting him or letting him know but I don’t want him to be upset with me. Also I don’t understand why he was upset when that’s what he wanted... me to leave? 

Well he was probably upset because he didn't know where you were and in your condition he might have been scared you do something desperate.  But, you see he didn't bother to text you to find out, did he?  He told his Dad what you did to have an excuse for the break up.  I wouldn't suggest you involve his parents anymore.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't know, MTee.

I don't agree with your assessment of the situation, personally. But I'm not you and I can only speculate. I could counter-argue all your points asserting how there couldn't possibly be another woman, but I don't think that would be helpful. 

What you need to concentrate on now is letting go. This is over no matter how you slice it. 

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, MTee said:

I was going to just go over there without texting him or letting him know but I don’t want him to be upset with me. Also I don’t understand why he was upset when that’s what he wanted... me to leave? 

You did this to make him worry about you and that isn't fair either.  You should have told him you were going to your Mom's house to give him space so he'd know where you are.