What to think, im confused

[Cookiemom99]

There is this guy, who is left by his ex cause she found someone else. And there is me, who was betrayed cheated on by my ex and he left 3 years ago.

This guy and me, we both have kids. His kids likes me, i play with them alot. And my kids likes him too. 

We hang out alot for 2 years now, i already confessed my feelings towards him in last year, but he said he didnt feel same as i did. So we stopped talking for a while (14days), until he contacted me again and we continue our friendship.

Week or two ago he had a crysis, cause he had some unsolved thoughts in his head about ex gf and kids and all was so hard for him that he almost lost his mind. I was right beside him, talked to him, had all my time for him to keep him positive, happy and healthy minded.

So now for last two weeks he is calling me every day many times a day. Inviting me for coffee, shopping, asking me what im doing and where i am and stuff....

I tried to cancel him and i told him that i dont want anymore contact, but he didnt let me do it. He called me, wrote to me, sending me pls come out etc....

And now again we r together all day or many times per day, talking, he is happy, smiling, joking, makig fool out of himself...

But still i have feelings for him. Should I try again or just give up, cause now i am trying for 2 years to somehow get him. 

I wonder how he feels about me, but after all i am afraid to ask him. 

Should i give up and ignore him, when calling or be friends and cry when i cant be with him 🤷 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Cookiemom99 said:

But still i have feelings for him. Should I try again...

Why not... What do you have to lose??

All of the kids know both of the adults, so you are past that hurdle.

Why not give it a try... see where it goes...

[Blind-Sided]

This guy wants to be your friend.  Why can't you just be friends?   I have several female friends, and I couldn't have gotten through my D without them.  They would listen to me... and were a shoulder to cry on when I needed it.  You pushing to try to be something more will kill the relationship you have built.   

[stillafool]

18 hours ago, Cookiemom99 said:

But still i have feelings for him. Should I try again or just give up, cause now i am trying for 2 years to somehow get him. 

You need to talk to him about this.  I can understand it must be painful to hang out with and hear him talk about other women when you want to be with him.  You should let him know how you feel and if he doesn't feel the same tell him you have to distance yourself to protect your heart.

[spiderowl]

That sounds a really difficult situation for you, CookieMom.  He obviously likes you as a friend and relies on your support and encouragement but does not appear to want to be more than friends.

It is hard for you to be with him when there is this constant barrier there. 

It is understandable that he doesn't want to lose a nice friend, so he is hanging onto you.

If this guy thinks you will forget all about wanting romance with him, he is being stupid.  He is just trying to cling onto what he does want.  He is not really thinking of how this affects you.

There is no confusion here.  He has not indicated he wants a romance with you, he is just trying to keep the friendship that has been so good for him.  Do not make the mistake of thinking that because he sought you out, he loves you and wants romance.  Do not believe this is the case unless he actually says so - and even then, be wary because he is putting his needs ahead of yours and may say anything to keep this very comforting friendship.

It is sad but if you find you cannot be with him without this situation hurting you, you can only cut him off and keep no contact.  If he wants to break no contact, you will have to refuse.  You are entitled to look after your own health and wellbeing. If he cares about you, he should respect your wishes.

Edited August 8, 2021 by spiderowl