DougELT Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 Recently my wife was invited to a small work get together at her friend/ co workers house. She went into the office that day. Was going to head to the party. The day of she wanted me to put something by her bag to take to work. I thought I would be nice a put it in the bag. I unzipped the pocket and her bikini was in the bag. Then I remembered this friend has a pool. I was a little surprised since she didn’t say anything about it being a work swim party. I didn’t mention anything about it. When she got back she told me how much fun she had but a bunch of people backed out so it was just three other people. The woman hosting the party and 2 other guys. I met both of them. She did not say anything about going swimming. It peaked my curiosity the next day if she went swimming with them. Turns out she did. Her swimsuit was tucked into the corner of a closet drying. I thought that was kind of odd. Am I overthinking this? Should I not care and let it go? Should I say something. Am I reading too much into it?
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 Your wife went swimming. She wore her usual swim suit. That part should be OK. It's a bit odd that she didn't say the co-workers were getting together for a swim but unless she was affirmatively hiding it or bought a new sexier bikini for the occasion it's not that terrible.
Author DougELT Posted August 2, 2021 Author Posted August 2, 2021 25 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Your wife went swimming. She wore her usual swim suit. That part should be OK. It's a bit odd that she didn't say the co-workers were getting together for a swim but unless she was affirmatively hiding it or bought a new sexier bikini for the occasion it's not that terrible. She is the type of person that would have it washed within 24 hours.
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 1 hour ago, DougELT said: Am I overthinking this? Should I not care and let it go? Should I say something. Am I reading too much into it? Yes. Let it go. So what if there was a pool? What's the difference?
Author DougELT Posted August 3, 2021 Author Posted August 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes. Let it go. So what if there was a pool? What's the difference? Thanks for the feedback. I’m curious though if knowing more of the backstory would make a difference. A year and a half ago we were almost divorced over issues of wanting to be at happy hours more with her make co workers. Outings would last 5-8 hours. Usually I would not hear anything until she was headed back. Would leave work early to go to Happy hours. Like 1 or 2pm. Stay until 8 or 9. Caught lying several times on whereabouts. We had seemingly worked things out. Since things are opening back up I found it odd that she was hiding a swim party. I was told it was supposed to be a lager gathering but it turned out to be just some of the happy hour friends. Curious on thoughts. 1
Blind-Sided Posted August 3, 2021 Posted August 3, 2021 The act itself is "Innocent" to a degree. But the fact that she didn't tell you what was going on... and that she is hiding the bathing suit is VERY obviously a red flag. Let me ask you this... if you went swimming together... would she hang up the bathing suit on the bathroom shower rod... or in the laundry room? (like most people would do) Putting a wet bathing suit in the closet is her hiding the fact of what she was doing. Basically what I'm trying to say... if it's normal drying spot would be more out in the open... and this time it's hidden... she is guilty of something. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2021 Posted August 3, 2021 Yes the back story makes a difference. As initially posted, on 1 occasion she went swimming but didn't tell you. That is no big deal even if she was wearing her usual bikini. If it was a new sexier bikini then that is more of a problem. Now you tell us she went to a pool party with her old Happy Hour friends, the guys she ditched work with & drank with for 5-8 hours. That repeated behavior sounds like an alcoholic more than a cheater but it is still behavior that puts an activity --drinking -- ahead of your marriage. Lying about it is also detrimental. Her seeming sneakiness about this pool party shares too many hallmarks with that past destructive behavior & thus needs to be explored further if your marriage is to survive. 2
SumGuy Posted August 3, 2021 Posted August 3, 2021 Something is fishy, sounds like she lied about what the event was about, who would be there, and hides the bikini. To me a work swim party is very odd, never heard of such a thing, ever...and for good reason. Think there is a reason you don't have bikini and speedo Fridays at work. Myself I would consider this a yellow flag. 1
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