JulianM Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 I thought my ex was gone, we have been going through months of trying to work out if we were right for each other, the balance of power was mine most of the time (I am ashamed to say) but back in May I realised that she must be the one, she had started seeing another person and it sounded like their relationship was not going well but then that's where everything went wrong. I became needy as rather than wanting me when I confessed my love for her, she went the other way. Two weeks ago she messaged me to not contact her as she was going away with this guy and blocked me, I truely resigned myself to having lost her. Then on Sunday she calls me out of the blue, saying she had made a mistake, she doesn't love him, she misses me, she was getting tearful in parts as well. I was so shell shocked and unprepared for this and regretably I told her that I miss her too. I know now that was a mistake, in reflection she was just leaning on me for emotional support, part of getting over me by knowing that I am still available. I also agreed to meeting up with her this Saturday, I don't know if I should? I really want her back, the fact she called is good news right? I just feel that not enough time has passed for NC (1 week) for this to be anything more than reassuring that she has me as a backup. Thoughts anyone?
ItsTheDay Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, JulianM said: I thought my ex was gone, we have been going through months of trying to work out if we were right for each other, the balance of power was mine most of the time (I am ashamed to say) but back in May I realised that she must be the one, she had started seeing another person and it sounded like their relationship was not going well but then that's where everything went wrong. I became needy as rather than wanting me when I confessed my love for her, she went the other way. Two weeks ago she messaged me to not contact her as she was going away with this guy and blocked me, I truely resigned myself to having lost her. Then on Sunday she calls me out of the blue, saying she had made a mistake, she doesn't love him, she misses me, she was getting tearful in parts as well. I was so shell shocked and unprepared for this and regretably I told her that I miss her too. I know now that was a mistake, in reflection she was just leaning on me for emotional support, part of getting over me by knowing that I am still available. I also agreed to meeting up with her this Saturday, I don't know if I should? I really want her back, the fact she called is good news right? I just feel that not enough time has passed for NC (1 week) for this to be anything more than reassuring that she has me as a backup. Thoughts anyone? How long we you two together for? What's your ages? Living together?
Author JulianM Posted July 28, 2021 Author Posted July 28, 2021 We have been in seeing each other for 12 months, we live separately and both of us are 50. It's been a tough time trying to build a relationship for obvious reasons. Thank you for taking an interest
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 Too much drama for my tastes already. It's not about how much time has passed. You ARE her back up. As soon as the next shiny prospect comes along she will be gone again. How can you trust her? But you claim to love her & you want her back. The only way to get back is to meet her as you have planned. Do not play the silent treatment game or jerk her around on time. Show up. Hear what she has to say & think critically about what assurances if any you have that she won't pull this nonsense again. On again -- off again relationships are dysfunctional. Do you really want to start down that path? 1
Author JulianM Posted July 28, 2021 Author Posted July 28, 2021 Thanks for the reply dOnnivain, the circumstances are a little too brief for me to go into too much detail for the trust issue. She didn't do this behind my back, we broke up she didn't want that and now I realise I made a mistake letting her go. As soon as I tried to reconnect and give it a second chance, everything went horribly wrong. Sometimes there is a path that you have to persue, even if you know everything is stacked against you.
ItsTheDay Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, JulianM said: We have been in seeing each other for 12 months, we live separately and both of us are 50. It's been a tough time trying to build a relationship for obvious reasons. Thank you for taking an interest Ok thanks, so both are grown adults. Well, I'd say meet up with her and talk like adults. Lay everything down on the table with her and let her do the same and go from there. You'll get a lot of people on this forum that will copy and paste the same advise. "Block her, NC for life blah blah blah". While I do believe sometimes that is the right thing to do, especially with someone who is toxic but, there is no one size fits all solution. Life is short and as long as both of you are still breathing, it's never too late. 3 1
Author JulianM Posted July 28, 2021 Author Posted July 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said: Ok thanks, so both are grown adults. Well, I'd say meet up with her and talk like adults. Lay everything down on the table with her and let her do the same and go from there. You'll get a lot of people on this forum that will copy and paste the same advise. "Block her, NC for life blah blah blah". While I do believe sometimes that is the right thing to do, especially with someone who is toxic but, there is no one size fits all solution. Life is short and as long as both of you are still breathing, it's never too late. Thank you ItsTheDay, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me some feedback. I agree with you, I just think that reading too much Brad-Breakup coach has got my head spinning.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, JulianM said: She didn't do this behind my back, we broke up she didn't want that and now I realise I made a mistake letting her go. As soon as I tried to reconnect and give it a second chance, everything went horribly wrong. So you broke up with her 1st. Then you came back. At that point she said no thanks & dated somebody else. Then you became needy. I'm going to surmise that you made a pest of yourself because at that point she blocked you. Now two weeks later she's back asking to reconcile. Do I have that right? If so, still too much drama. The above shows you are both lacking in conflict resolution. Still it makes me more optimistic that you should hear her out. If you two try again, you need to learn how to disagree without breaking up. Fighting fair is part of any healthy relationship.
ItsTheDay Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 Just now, JulianM said: Thank you ItsTheDay, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me some feedback. I agree with you, I just think that reading too much Brad-Breakup coach has got my head spinning. You're welcome. This goes both ways, but just keep in mind that we're all human and we do stupid things when we're not right in the head or we're hurt. Keep your date with her this Saturday, talk to her and with her and most importantly....hear each other out and try to eliminate following up with what she says with "but". 1
notbroken Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 Seems your time would be better spent going after someone you hadn't previously broken up with and who later blocked you. My guess is that eventually some minor issue will pop up and you both will wonder if you shouldn't have just stayed broken up. Not a good precedence for a long term future together.
Allupinnit Posted July 28, 2021 Posted July 28, 2021 Absolutely not - there is a reason you broke up with her and it sounds like you both just want what you can't have. Getting back with an ex is like putting poop back in your butt. Stay away or endure the rollercoaster that this situationship will surely bring you.
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