He broke up with me because I talked to another man and.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, brokenheartedandsad said:

 I'm waiting to talk to him first to see if we can go together as well.

You need privacy to address your concerns. Do not do  "couples therapy". 

If people think they need couples therapy while dating, it means they're incompatible.

Use this time to privately and confidentiality work on your own self improvement.

[brokenheartedandsad]

I just wanted to update here....

We met yesterday and talked for a long time. He said he was upset about the one sidedness and me being the way I have been towards him but at the same time he loves me very much and believes that he can trust me.

So everything is good for now and o want to thank you guys for your advise and encouragement to counseling.

Hopefully I will get to open a thread in the getting Married forum some day

I'm just so happy right now!!! Good luck to all of you as well

 

[d0nnivain]

So happy for you.  Hope it all works out but if you want to make that goal a reality, IC counseling to address the "one sidedness" & your extreme jealousy.  

[kendahke]

On 7/21/2021 at 6:27 PM, brokenheartedandsad said:

Yes, I usually act very irrational. I understand he's tired of it. I'm willing to and will get help though for sure!!

Then you don't need a boyfriend, you need a therapist.  As in individual therapy--you and this guy are no where near being in the space for couple's therapy.  YOU have issues that you need to address without your ex. 

Without anything having been resolved, this is going to rear up again and again and again.

Use this time wisely to find one to work out and resolve your need to act "very" irrational--because NO ONE who is whole, sane and emotionally healthy is going to put up with that mess except your mother.

Edited July 25, 2021 by kendahke

[brokenheartedandsad]

3 hours ago, kendahke said:

Then you don't need a boyfriend, you need a therapist.  As in individual therapy--you and this guy are no where near being in the space for couple's therapy.  YOU have issues that you need to address without your ex. 

Without anything having been resolved, this is going to rear up again and again and again.

Use this time wisely to find one to work out and resolve your need to act "very" irrational--because NO ONE who is whole, sane and emotionally healthy is going to put up with that mess except your mother.

I agree with that and I will use the time wisely. Thank you

[Lotsgoingon]

Yes, this reconciliation (if it is that and I didn't see you quote him saying you're back on) won't last. Neither of you will be happy.

Quit thinking about marriage with this guy. Total waste of your energy. You guys have to first learn to get along. Problems become worse--seriously worse!--after you get married. 

 

[spiderowl]

Wow, brokenhearted, Sigmund Freud would have a field day with this! He would work on the basis that you unconsciously wanted your boyfriend to know you could communicate with another guy.  I guess at one level you know it's wrong, though there seems little wrong in a platonic, informative email, but at some other level you couldn't help yourself.  Copying to your boyfriend's old email address is a classic 'Freudian Slip' (not that they had emails in his day!).

You mentioned that your boyfriend never compliments you - maybe you wanted more indication from him that he finds you physically attractive?  At some level, you wanted him to know that you have other options.  Maybe you felt he was slipping away in some sense, felt insecure?  That is a very uncertain place to be and people cannot usually cope with uncertainty for long without pushing for a resolution or, if that seems unacceptable within the relationship, to accidentally provoke one.  The resolution is that he has opted out.

If the relationship was making you unhappy, why hang onto it?  I realise that you love him, but love is not always enough.  Compatibility and respect are important too.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, spiderowl said:

He would work on the basis that you unconsciously wanted your boyfriend to know you could communicate with another guy.  I guess at one level you know it's wrong, though there seems little wrong in a platonic, informative email, but at some other level you couldn't help yourself.  Copying to your boyfriend's old email address is a classic 'Freudian Slip' (not that they had emails in his day!).

That was exactly my impression of this, too. 

[Donnas]

Well one dont just accidently email their bf also ....And also dont know why you emailed the guy rondimly? Comeon...

By emailing your bf this stuff  looks like you was calling for war, specially if things are a bit rocky between you and him or there was a argument just before he received that mail.

And 7 years? Why he dont know about the friendship between you and that guy?

Would you like it if it was the other way around?

Could be also that this was a good moment for your bf to breakup ,since he already wanted to maybe.

We dont know the history of you guys , but if this is the only thing involved other guys ,he coulda be mad and talk it out later on. Instead of breakup.

Maybe its best this way since you dont seem happy in the relationship either. If you wanna try one more time to talk to him. And if he dont respond or want to work true it, accept the breakup and move on.

 

[ItsTheDay]

On 7/19/2021 at 12:41 PM, brokenheartedandsad said:

Hi everybody, I am not sure where to even start. I am so very heartbroken and sad. My partner of 7 years broke up with me because I talked to another guy without him knowing. Here is my story:

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have had lots of ups and downs due to my extreme and irrational jealousy and insecurity. I love him more than anything and I would never ever do anything to intentionally hurt him! I truly believe that we are made for each other. I realize that I do not make things easy for him at all with my crazy insecure and jealous episodes. But I am always trying to work on it, I actually realize that I am the problem. He has NEVER done anything to make me doubt his love for me. 

The only thing that bothers me a lot is that he never compliments me or my body and it does make matters worse. We also do not have a lot of sex at all, which sex is very important to me for a happy and fulfilling relationship. 

Anyway, last week I emailed another guy that I was good friends with for just a few months which happened before I even met my boyfriend, so a former friend so to speak.  I have emailed with this guy once when he told me he was married and when he had a baby and when I let him know that I found my current boyfriend, the love of my life. NEVER has anything inappropriate or sexual been said. It wasn't whole conversations either just informing each other. Anyway, unfortunately my boyfriend knew nothing about these few emails. I have no idea at all why I even emailed the guy last week, I actually just emailed him a few pictures of something that I thought would interest him (a place he loves).

That guy means nothing to me of course and he did not even respond. I just did this randomly and again I have zero clue why. BTW he lived in the other end of the country last time he reached out and from BOTH sides there was NEVER any sexual intentions!!!

Well, what makes it REALLY bad and messed up is that while I was not only stupid enough to send the damn email, I accidentally forwarded it to my boyfriends old email address as well.

While I do not think that he would have ever seen this, since he does not use his old email address anymore to my knowledge....my guilty conscience made me confess to him anyway. Because I REALLY and HONESTLY love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him

 

I totally understand how hurt and disappointed he is, he said that this is so messed up because of how hard of a time I give him when he is around any other woman....and he is mad that he thinks I only confessed because I emailed him too by accident. 

I am such a loser, I really love him more than anything and he is the best that has ever happened to me. I told him I was willing to do anything to not loose him. Oh and btw he always can have free access to any of my emails or phone etc I never had any problems with that. 

What can I do? I miss him so much and I wish he can forgive me  I feel so bad knowing how much I hurt him and let him down!!!

Heartbroken

Edited to say that I am normally a very honest and transparent girlfriend and person. I do not have secrets and I regret messing up with this!

 

I read everything you wrote but only skimmed through some of your replies. 

So, you randomly emailed a guy you haven't talked to in over 7 years, correct? 

You say it was never anything sexual between you and this other guy, but what were your reasons in emailing this guy after 7 years? You also said that you and your boyfriend don't/didn't have sex a lot and it's important to you. So again, why did you randomly reach out to another guy after 7 years? It's fine if you really don't know why you reached out to this guy but, if your answer is in the lines of "no reason, just because" then you're avoiding the real reason behind it. In that case, you need to dig deep and really find out why you did. 

I can only tell you what I think the reason is since I only know a couple paragraphs of your 7 year relationship. I think you were fishing to fill a void, which is attention since you mentioned your boyfriend doesn't give you compliments about your body and lacks sex . You wanted to casually talk to this random guy in hopes something would happen, but if it didn't happen you were fine either way. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by ItsTheDay

[Wiseman2]

On 7/25/2021 at 6:08 AM, brokenheartedandsad said:

Hopefully I will get to open a thread in the getting Married forum some day

God luck and make sure you continue to improve communication and honesty with each other.