Author Runninggirl Posted August 1, 2021 Author Share Posted August 1, 2021 An hour after letting me he couldn't make it he sent me a couple of cocky texts about what I missed out on, and starting sexting me a bit, before disappearing again. I suddenly got my period, so perhaps it was fate haha. He almost sound narcissistic, how he talks about himself. I noticed a few times while we had sex the first time as well, him telling me how this was so good for me, as if I was so lucky to get it from him. What a comedy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Runninggirl Posted August 1, 2021 Author Share Posted August 1, 2021 @ExpatInItaly Yes. I won't reach out. But if he wants to play that game, I can do it do. So Ill just try to always leave things on a positive or sexual note, but not initiate anything anymore. If he wants to meet up, he will have to reach out and initiate. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2021 Share Posted August 1, 2021 Just now, Runninggirl said: He almost sound narcissistic, how he talks about himself. I noticed a few times while we had sex the first time as well, him telling me how this was so good for me, as if I was so lucky to get it from him. All the more reason to stop talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2021 Share Posted August 1, 2021 Just now, Runninggirl said: @ExpatInItaly Yes. I won't reach out. But if he wants to play that game, I can do it do. So Ill just try to always leave things on a positive or sexual note, but not initiate anything anymore. If he wants to meet up, he will have to reach out and initiate. I don't mean to be unkind, but I don't think you can. This very thread is evdience that that you can't. And there's no shame in that, but you need to be realistic with yourself. Your feelings are already way too involved. His aren't. This is not a healthy "game" for you to engage in, or your risk getting your heart put through a blender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Runninggirl Posted August 28, 2021 Author Share Posted August 28, 2021 A little update; he kept in touch but suddenly sort of stopped. Recently I saw he posted with a girl whom I presume is the ex he I knew he dated a couple of months before i met him. Im a bit of a stalker, so eventually I puzzled the pieces together. We met on our date, which went good, he kept in touch and was down to meet up again twice over the next two weeks. I remember he went to a bbq, which I now found out was his exes family bbq, and I remember he followed her brother, sister, father and in laws on instagram. I didn't know she was the ex at the time. He even texted me that evening. But after that when they started talking again he kept in touch with me but didnt want to meet up. Im guessing he was keeping me on the bench because we got along great, and didnt want to totally discard it in case it didnt work out with this girl. He stopped reaching out to me about completely about the same time they started hanging out more together. She started posting them doing stuff together - but in a group on instagram story. Friday night he reposted her instagram story which was basically a date. Im not upset. As someone who's been hung up on her ex for a very long time I know the feeling of wanting to drop everything for them. I have done the same many times for my ex. Im happy I met him because it was a milestone in my recovery, I feel like Ive started to enjoy life again without feeling guilty for my ex, and I don't think I would get here if I didnt meet him. I do think him and that girl is a better fit, they have very similar lifestyles and interests, and Im rooting for them. No hard feelings between him and I, I hope I run into him something just for the fun memories. And if they for some reason dont work out, perhaps we will meet again in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2021 Share Posted August 29, 2021 Disappointing update, but at least now you know why he wasn't that keen to meet you again. It wasn't you. It was simply that he is still into his ex and has evidently reunited with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Runninggirl Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) @ExpatInItaly I can't know for 100% sure that's his ex, but it makes sense. They've known each other for years and he was following her family, she fits the description, etc. It could be it was not his ex, but they just connected during the time we were talking. Trying not to feel upset about it! Feel a little bit hurt, but mainly because I'm afraid to fall back into feeling depressed, missing my ex etc. Also they post so much on social media, so Im forced to "watch". Dont want to look bitter and unfollow, but I muted him today so I won't get updates. My plan now is to focus on myself, try to "find myself" or reinvent myself/invest in myself, do a lot of different activities, try a lot of new things, work out, focus on family and friends, and rebuild my self esteem and self worth. I hope that works Edited August 31, 2021 by Runninggirl Clarifying Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 5 hours ago, Runninggirl said: Also they post so much on social media, so Im forced to "watch". Dont want to look bitter and unfollow, but I muted him today so I won't get updates. Good that you muted him, but I don't think he will even mind if you unfollow him. I don't say that to be harsh, but you guys only met one or two times, no? He is distracted with someone else now so I don't think he will be paying much attention, to be totally honest. 5 hours ago, Runninggirl said: My plan now is to focus on myself, try to "find myself" or reinvent myself/invest in myself, do a lot of different activities, try a lot of new things, work out, focus on family and friends, and rebuild my self esteem and self worth. I hope that works This is a good plan forward. Give yourself some new goals to achieve and maybe return to dating when you're in your best place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Runninggirl Posted September 1, 2021 Author Share Posted September 1, 2021 @ExpatInItaly I dont think he would mind if i unfollowed him, he seems very into her and eager. And I can't help but to feel rejected, as if he didnt like me, I wasn't good enough etc. But when I try to stay rational I know that he wasn't a bad guy at all. Just because he chose someone else doesn't make me a very bad option, and that he probably wouldn't be so eager to see me again initially, and kept so in touch and kept me "on bench", if he didnt like me. I think we genuinely had a very nice date, some very nice conversations, and he kept reaching out up until a week ago. I think a lot of people often get called an a**h*** for doing similar things, but in all honesty no one can predict what will happen, so I shouldn't feel bitter or rejected. Which is also why I wouldn't want to unfollow him. Perhaps we will meet again in the future if they dont work out, and Ive worked on myself. I will obviously not wait or hope for that, but he was a nice guy and we got along great. He brought out some really good things in me, and put both my life, but also who I am in dating in perspective, gave me motivation to be a better version of myself, gave me clarity with my ex. Cliche, but true. So Id like to just leave the door open if he future ever brings us together again. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 56 minutes ago, Runninggirl said: @ExpatInItalygave me clarity with my ex. Cliche, but true. So Id like to just leave the door open if he future ever brings us together again. Are you over the ex? It seems unavailable people appeal to you. Unfortunately that means he's "safe", because there's no possibility of it going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 OP, I agree that this guy is not a jerk. He made you no promises and you only had one date. He's decided to go in a different direction, that's all. But you really need to work on not getting attached so early and not internalizing the behaviour and choices of someone who is practically a stranger to you. That said, it serves you no purpose to keep this guy on your social media. All it does is keep you hanging on to the "what if?" and give you a window into his love life with another woman. You are making excuses for yourself to hang on. And if you are dating other guys to get clarity about your ex, it's probably best to take time off dating for a bit. Work on getting to a better emotional place, then meeting someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 10:55 AM, Runninggirl said: I even asked a mutual friend and she said if she was single she would go for it immediately. She was almost jealous, and told me that she didn't think we would be a good match, because he's basically way out of my league in everything. I know this isn't exactly what you're asking about on your thread, but watch your back with this friend. Telling you you're not good enough and that she's jealous threw up red flags for me on your friendship. Watch your back around her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 19 hours ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: I know this isn't exactly what you're asking about on your thread, but watch your back with this friend. Telling you you're not good enough and that she's jealous threw up red flags for me on your friendship. Watch your back around her. Yes, good point. This person does not sound like a friend at all, OP. Be careful with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Runninggirl Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 Thank you. I did get a bad feeling from that, and Im cautious. I think she's always thought she's "better" han me, and was surprised "someone like him" would like "someone like me". Definitely need to work on not internalizing his choices. Thoughts like "why was it so difficult to see me, when you meet her all the time on casual times, was I just not worth the same hazzle". But there is no way to know. Most likely they had a thing for a longer time than I thought, and he avoided me because he was seeing her, not because he didn't want to see me. My logic tells me if he didnt like me he wouldn't have kept in touch, he just didnt want to "cheat" on her, and was more invested with her. Still sucks the same, and we all live in the same area, so Im always terrified we will run into each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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