d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 2 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: OLD is way worse. I’ve done them all, paid for all the exclusives and everything. The only matches I get are bots or girls tryna plug their IG or snap lol. I feel like my role on those sites is to be the filler. Like when you go to restaurants look at the menu and you see things people never order but it’s there to fill up the page I get it. I hated OLD for the very brief time I was on there. I'm not a shill for them by any means but did you try e-harmony? Their questionnaire is a p.i.t.a. but on paper the matches I got were quality / what I was looking for. I doubt somebody will go through the trouble to fill out that questionnaire just to promote an IG page. My issue with them is they keep "matching" people who are off the site whose subscriptions lapsed. I think I got messages for 6 months trying to lure me back saying I had new matches. I felt bad for the guys I matched with because I wasn't really on there & somebody probably felt rejected when I didn't reply because I couldn't. If you decide to try this site, look around for coupon codes. I found one & it dropped the price substantially. I think I paid less than $50 for 90 days. It was a long time ago but full price used to be stupidly ridiculous. 1
chillii Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, HotRevolver93 said: I think parents who are honest know certain things are just not in the cards for their kid. ive been living in my own since I was 20, I’m pretty independent You couldn't be more wrong about that , we have no idea no one knows until life plays out. lt's full of surprises believe me and the most unlikely happens , all the time. But ok you've already made up your mind at only 27 they were wrong and it's not gonna happen for you then guess what , careful what you wish for so it probably won't then bc you get what you put out in life . Anyway , had enough of all the young single guys round here moaning and blaming the world, don't usually touch these threads l know exactly where it's going. Good luck to you. Edited July 3, 2021 by chillii
Foxhall Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Two things my Father used to say to me were "go for a woman that is not too hard pleased" "there will be loads of women for you once you get past 30" I dont know I am uncomfortable being critical of my Dad but perhaps the first line anyway was not the best advice- although he meant well he was right in one sense- though it took until mid to late 30s before I started having some success and with quite good looking women believe it or not, I dont know- take advice on board but best not to become overly influenced by parental or others advice, set your own dreams and believe. I admire the thoughts of the poster Za Dater here actually- why should he not have the best looking woman possible, why should one have to settle for ordinary.
Alpacalia Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Yes. About the birds and the bees. Dad said that "most men are turkeys." 1 1
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Posted July 4, 2021 On 7/3/2021 at 2:36 PM, Cookiesandough said: How’s your circle? Do you have a solid group of homies? I have 2 close male friends and one female friend I’m cool with
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 On 7/2/2021 at 9:37 PM, HotRevolver93 said: My dad never really talked to me about girls, he kinda just said find someone like your mom lol. It’s not like he ever gave me advice. My mom would Always blow smoke up my butt telling me how handsome I was and then I believed her. I would go out try to talk to girls get rejected every time and I was like maybe she was wrong lol. The advice she gave me kinda centered around “you’ll find someone when you least expect it”, and “you’ll find someone when you stop looking and just live life”. That advice sucks for guys though because it’s never really gonna fall in your lap. I made attempts and it didn’t work and now that I stopped it still “hasn’t happened when least expected it”. Did you parents ever give you any advice or tips, did it work? My parents grew up in Soviet Union where everyone was poor, Russian, and same mentality. Dating then was easy. In today's modern Toronto, even finding a person from the same cultural background is a pain. So yes they've talked to me about it, but it's not relevant.
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/3/2021 at 11:33 AM, HotRevolver93 said: I think parents who are honest know certain things are just not in the cards for their kid. ive been living in my own since I was 20, I’m pretty independent You're only 27. If it doesn't work out with all the ones so far, it just means you're free to pursue someone else who matters - whom you haven't met yet. So take it easy and one day at a time.
Happy Lemming Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/3/2021 at 11:31 AM, HotRevolver93 said: Apartment, one car and a job. I tried dating apps since I was 19 and no dice. OK... so if my math is correct you are 27 and have been trying these dating apps for 8+/- years. So try something new... talk to 3 new people everyday. Head out of your apartment and go somewhere... anywhere (without Covid-19 restrictions) and just talk to humans. Get practice at being able to chit-chat, how to start a conversation with what is going on around you and learn what keeps people talking. When you master that, then you'll be able to approach women and talk to them in all manner of public venues. You've been playing with these dating apps for 8 years with "no dice" (your words) "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." - Albert Einstein 2
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/3/2021 at 5:00 PM, d0nnivain said: I get it. I hated OLD for the very brief time I was on there. I'm not a shill for them by any means but did you try e-harmony? Their questionnaire is a p.i.t.a. but on paper the matches I got were quality / what I was looking for. I doubt somebody will go through the trouble to fill out that questionnaire just to promote an IG page. My issue with them is they keep "matching" people who are off the site whose subscriptions lapsed. I think I got messages for 6 months trying to lure me back saying I had new matches. I felt bad for the guys I matched with because I wasn't really on there & somebody probably felt rejected when I didn't reply because I couldn't. If you decide to try this site, look around for coupon codes. I found one & it dropped the price substantially. I think I paid less than $50 for 90 days. It was a long time ago but full price used to be stupidly ridiculous. Im going to be honest and Admit I never did eharmony. I did tinder bumble hinge POF match though.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) On 7/3/2021 at 5:46 PM, chillii said: You couldn't be more wrong about that , we have no idea no one knows until life plays out. lt's full of surprises believe me and the most unlikely happens , all the time. But ok you've already made up your mind at only 27 they were wrong and it's not gonna happen for you then guess what , careful what you wish for so it probably won't then bc you get what you put out in life . Anyway , had enough of all the young single guys round here moaning and blaming the world, don't usually touch these threads l know exactly where it's going. Good luck to you. Yeah and the overwhelming majority of people have some type of relationship experience by 27. I’m not blaming anyone. You haven’t seen me do that once in this thread. I never blamed women or society or anything like that. It’s like going to a restaurant and certain food just doesn’t look appealing so people don’t buy it… That’s ok. Edited July 5, 2021 by HotRevolver93
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, glows said: You're only 27. If it doesn't work out with all the ones so far, it just means you're free to pursue someone else who matters - whom you haven't met yet. So take it easy and one day at a time. 27 is extremely old for someone with zero experience 7 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... so if my math is correct you are 27 and have been trying these dating apps for 8+/- years. So try something new... talk to 3 new people everyday. Head out of your apartment and go somewhere... anywhere (without Covid-19 restrictions) and just talk to humans. Get practice at being able to chit-chat, how to start a conversation with what is going on around you and learn what keeps people talking. When you master that, then you'll be able to approach women and talk to them in all manner of public venues. You've been playing with these dating apps for 8 years with "no dice" (your words) "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." - Albert Einstein I created my first account on a dating site in 2011. It was POF, so i wouldn’t say 8 years. It is not just the apps. It’s the regular warm and cold approaches. Contrary to popular belief I have friends and a social life lol Edited July 5, 2021 by HotRevolver93
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) See if you can get someone irl to give you some honest feedback on what’s going on Edited July 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, HotRevolver93 said: Contrary to popular belief I have friends and a social life lol If you can make friends & have a social life you can date. You have the skills. I'm not sure why this isn't translating into a romance for you but I have to believe that you are projecting something that is getting in the way. I agree with @Cookiesandough. Ask a buddy's GF if she can figure out what you are doing wrong. 1
basil67 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, HotRevolver93 said: It is not just the apps. It’s the regular warm and cold approaches. Contrary to popular belief I have friends and a social life lol Unless you're the rare guy who's got some terrific moves, a killer smile or style, 95% of cold approaches are going to fail - so this is normal. With a warm approach, are you talking about asking out a women who you've already been talking with? If so, do you look for signs that they are interested before asking? Do you flirt and see if she flirts back?
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/2/2021 at 9:37 PM, HotRevolver93 said: Did you parents ever give you any advice or tips, did it work? Yes both of them pretty much every other day starting at the age of 12. 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/2/2021 at 9:37 PM, HotRevolver93 said: My dad never really talked to me about girls, he kinda just said find someone like your mom lol. It’s not like he ever gave me advice. My mom would Always blow smoke up my butt telling me how handsome I was and then I believed her. I would go out try to talk to girls get rejected every time and I was like maybe she was wrong lol. The advice she gave me kinda centered around “you’ll find someone when you least expect it”, and “you’ll find someone when you stop looking and just live life”. That advice sucks for guys though because it’s never really gonna fall in your lap. I made attempts and it didn’t work and now that I stopped it still “hasn’t happened when least expected it”. Did you parents ever give you any advice or tips, did it work? gotlittke advice from my mom. my dad gave some advice but I viewed it as a little sexist. Like women rubbing breasts against you says they like you. And I should date not-attractive women to get dating practice. my older brother gave me no advice. i remrmber a story my mom shared to me and my sister.... I was around 24 and my sister around 21. Our brother had bern married about a few years, she said you guys should try to meet someone as good has my brothers wife and not go looking at bars. I asked her how did they meet she gave a story on how they met. i told her that’s wrong. They met at a dive bar. She was not yet 21 using fake ID. My brother had been home from college after 4.5 yrs. he hasn’t been around his friends much. He was with the guys. She had went out with one of the guys for a yr or so ( he wasn’t there) so she knew the guys and they knew her. they called my brother over to meet Kurt’s former GF. He said isthis the infamous “ girls name”. It wasn’t her and she knew who he was referring to. She punched him and walked away. Later she came over to apologize. The started dating. tomorrow is their 30th wedding anniversary.
Miss Spider Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 (edited) My dads given me pretty sexist “advice” too. Eg. Don’t trust guys. They’re mostly after one thing. I know because I used to be a guy or I used to sleep with women with tattoos but I’d never marry one Hoooookay, dad Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Weezy1973 Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 Not really. Both said “play the field” when I was younger but I’ve always been relationship oriented so that didn’t apply. Although now I see the value of that advice. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 (edited) Oh and my mom has said play the field/don’t commit to anyone. I often don’t listen to that advice and eventually wish I did haha Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough
mark clemson Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 So are you looking for (general) dating advice NOW, or are you just curious as to what parents may or may not have told us? FWIW, I think we did have some conversations but I think I was still a little young to process them well and so primarily just felt uncomfortable. However, in addition to sex-Ed at school, my parents sent me to a class at (of all places) our church and it was actually pretty good IMO. Very "secular" for a church class and so not a lot of judgemental stuff in it, etc.
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 My mom constantly gave me dating advice and it was HORRIBLE. It was 100% centered around being "sexier than" some other woman (everything was a competition with her and she cheated on four husbands just to prove she could still take a man away from a woman...don't get me started...well, too late, LOL). It was all about how to "keep a man." (Like..in a cage? Duh fuq you talking about, Mom?) That was THE be-all and end-all. And this was an educated woman! As for my father and all my stepfathers, the basic dating advice was "don't be too available" and "don't get pregnant" and it ended there. It sounds like I was born in 1850 but believe it or not, this was in the 80s and 90s. 2
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 6, 2021 Author Posted July 6, 2021 (edited) On 7/5/2021 at 5:49 PM, d0nnivain said: If you can make friends & have a social life you can date. You have the skills. I'm not sure why this isn't translating into a romance for you but I have to believe that you are projecting something that is getting in the way. I agree with @Cookiesandough. Ask a buddy's GF if she can figure out what you are doing wrong. The skill set required to get girls to sleep with you and get them to be your friend are two different things. You’re not physically attracted to your friends Edited July 6, 2021 by HotRevolver93
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 6, 2021 Author Posted July 6, 2021 23 hours ago, basil67 said: Unless you're the rare guy who's got some terrific moves, a killer smile or style, 95% of cold approaches are going to fail - so this is normal. With a warm approach, are you talking about asking out a women who you've already been talking with? If so, do you look for signs that they are interested before asking? Do you flirt and see if she flirts back? Warm approaches are women you know. Cold is random. A classic old school example of a warm approach would be like 2 people introduced to each other at a church and then the guy eventually asking the woman out or for her number.
Author HotRevolver93 Posted July 6, 2021 Author Posted July 6, 2021 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: So are you looking for (general) dating advice NOW, or are you just curious as to what parents may or may not have told us? FWIW, I think we did have some conversations but I think I was still a little young to process them well and so primarily just felt uncomfortable. However, in addition to sex-Ed at school, my parents sent me to a class at (of all places) our church and it was actually pretty good IMO. Very "secular" for a church class and so not a lot of judgemental stuff in it, etc. I’m just generally asking what type of advice did people get as kids from their parents. I never wanted that advice from them because at the end of the day they’re in a different generation
mark clemson Posted July 6, 2021 Posted July 6, 2021 ^^ ok. If it's ok I'm going to give you a suggestion, which is to read the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, particularly the parts on female attraction. If you can grasp and apply this stuff it may help a lot in terms of making yourself attractive to women, and thus generating additional female interest and potentially lots of "date" opportunities. Not sure this applies for you, but consider whether it might be helpful.
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