janissary_99 Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 Hello, Please firstly bear in mind that my situation is very complicated and I do understand that not all response may be correct. I am very sorry for the long text. I just need advice and your opinion from a 3rd party POV. Firstly, I am a 22 years old man, stable job, finished my studies as a pilot and waiting for the first opportunity to get my flying job. It's been 3 years that I am on a distance relationship with my partner who lives abroad in Central America. At first things were perfect, I visited her and we had a great time. Then planned my second visit to talk more about our future and commitments. Unfortunately, my plane ticket got cancelled because of COVID19. Starting from that date, everything went down in our relationship. I tried my best to keep it going. She knew a new guy on Internet that caught my attention, he commented on every single picture of her and she did the same. Well, it's nothing that could make my relationship in danger but it was something new. I got in contact with the guy, and he told me that at first he was interested in her but when he saw that she has a boyfriend he calmed down the game. Afterwards, we got many issues because my girlfriend doesn't like the fact that I worry about her friendships but the issue is that, firstly, most of her new acquaintances are males, and second, she generally does not speak about them. She also always knows how to mentally play with me, making me feel like a jealous guy. We settled our issues and she talked less to her ''distance best friend''. Few months later, she decided to move to another country to start her studies. I proposed to pay for her until she finds a job and become financially independent. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. My partner is a very good person, but one of her defects is her lack of responsibility and lack of effort. She want everything to come handy and even for her homeworks she always try to copy from her colleagues. Moreover, she made new ''male friends''. I am okay with her having new friends, but as I am in distance I would like to know more about these guys, as I have no single clue of how they are... It's normal we are far away and we want to make sure that our partner is out with good, reliable persons. She is not getting laid with 40 guys a week neither... We had various conversations about this subject and many other subjects such as our relationship. I was ready to get a remote job and work in her country, living with her. Until we settle our things, but she always tend to avoid the subject. I understood that she is afraid of commitment as she never did that, and she also tend to think too negatively, always bad stuff that may interfere with our plans... One day I just told her that I am sick and tired of her negativity. I tried my best to show her my interest to make this work, she even told me that ''she doesn't deserve all this love and attention and she is a bad person'. She told me that she loves me and want a future with me. I told her that I understand her pain and I am ready to help her out, she just need more trust and faith but it seems impossible to get her to that point. Another point, she does not look that sure about a monogamous relationship and want her ''independence''... It is really the type of person who got so much instability that you get lost on what position they are on. One day they are North, the other day they are South. Does that mean the independence of knowing new people, getting laid out, doing whatever comes to her mind without getting questioned? Why can't I have just a normal relationship, where the person that I love show me the interest and the faith in reuniting and valorize all my efforts and sacrifices? A loyal person that do understand the thinking of her partner and the difficulties of a distance relationship. Please explain to me this psychology. Ladies if possible or guys who got through the same experience. Thank you very much and sorry for the long text Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 Try not to finance her anymore. You don't know how many other guys are sending her money at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author janissary_99 Posted July 2, 2021 Author Share Posted July 2, 2021 The issue is if I stop financing her she will take it as a provocation or as a signal. And she never asked me to finance her but I know that indirectly she knew that I will do it... What is your opinion? Maybe sending less? I just got from an eye surgery that costed me almost 4 grand so maybe using this as an excuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 If she gets angry because the money dries up you will know that she loved your wallet / bank account not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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