Met a Russian woman locally, doesn't care for American men?

[QuietRiot]

She's been living in the states since the 90s, thick Russian accent. Age 50, but pretty attractive. Met her on a small hiking group. We talked for a while, I even got her number. (Of course, she's super sociable, so she probably gives it to anyone).

Said she's originally from L.A. and lived in other major cities, and later decided to move out into a small cabin in the woods. She told me to text her instead of call, because she gets real crappy connection. Is big on Permagardening at her place. She's just getting it set up.

Anyways, we get to talking and I asked if she's married. She laughed and said No she's been there done that twice (divorced twice). She said she don't care for American men because they don't know how to hold open doors or give a lady flowers.

I was like "Holy crap, you're luck that you've met me" (well...I thought it outloud, as I'm the old-fashioned romantic) so I really thought, "She's in luck that she's met me, being the romantic lug that I am. lol"

I mean, I DID want to say, "Well, I'm not like that", but that would come off as kind of needy? I guess? 

I found it rather surprising that she said that Russian men DO know how to be gentlemen....when I thought they treated their wives like 2nd class citizens.

But I didn't want to get into the ol "Not all American men are like that" trope. 

Anyway I can convince her that "I'm not like that?"  I also couldn't help but to think that if I read between the lines that she's saying, "I don't need a man, even though I live in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere...all lonely and all that".

 

 

 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

I wouldn't take that bait, personally. It sounds like she's kind of trying to make you prove yourself, when you haven't done anything wrong. It just sounds a little manipulative to me. Don't immediately establish a pattern where you jump through hoops and gets to either approve or disapprove.

Would you already have held her door? Fine, do it, in a natural way. Don't go jogging ahead of her to eagerly prove you're that much of a gentleman. Do what comes naturally to you and your personality and how you NORMALLY act in relationships. 

I don't know, I love when a man is a gentleman but the way you say she put it turned me off a little. 

Be polite, do what you do, but don't enter into relationships or friendships worried about being able to "prove" yourself to someone else. 

[chillii]

My partner is Russian Portuguese we don't live in America but l could well understand where she's coming from if forums are anything to go by and no it's not about doors and crap or proving yourself . There's much much more to it than that which she could never explain to a total stranger, even the cabin in the woods makes perfect sense to me. l couldn't even begin to explain here though but that would've just been a light spin of crap of the top of her head to change the subject.

Can't advise sorry , but just sayin. l'd give her a miss , she's been there a long time , she would've been there done that and knows what she prefers no use twisting yourself into knots .

Edited June 27, 2021 by chillii

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Anyway I can convince her that "I'm not like that?"

Don't take the bait. Just be yourself.

[QuietRiot]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't take the bait. Just be yourself.

Yeah, I got a date with her this weekend (4th of July weekend). Going ziplining. She's really excited about it. She may been just venting a little. No biggie. Not going to discount her just yet. 

[elaine567]

I think telling an American man she does not care for American men, is a big hint she has no interest in you as a viable option.
Unless it was an obvious joke or an attempt at banter, you are likely wasting your time.

[Blind-Sided]

living in the USA... and saying she has no interest in American men.... then she was basically saying she has no interest in dating. 

But, if I was in that situation... I would have said... "Great... I'm Italian."   LOL.  

But... Maybe "Men" was the real clue.  

Edited June 27, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[elaine567]

I doubt she is not interested in dating or has a problem with men in general. I guess she said it to dissuade any unwanted attention from the OP.

 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

I doubt she is not interested in dating or has a problem with men in general. I guess she said it to dissuade any unwanted attention from the OP.

 

Considering he already has a date with her, I can’t see her being completely uninterested. But two divorces and putting the blame on men does raise some cautionary flags…

[elaine567]

Not a date, he met her on a small hiking group and they got talking.
She was warning him off.

[Weezy1973]

8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Not a date, he met her on a small hiking group and they got talking.
She was warning him off.

I think you missed his post saying he has a date with her July 4th to go zip lining…

[beentheredonethat77]

I think she was letting you know upfront the standards she prefers/expects.   If she didn't want to date you she could have thought of another reason that you couldn't technically change or alter to impress her (of course you can open doors etc/ make effort).     If she really didn't like you she could have said something like "i prefer to not date American men as im looking for someone compatible with my russian heritage/family / cultural reasons ' or some other such reason that wouldn't offend you but would be the end of it.    Id say she just knows what she likes.. what she expects and is letting you know :). 

[Mrin]

I think I would have said something like, "yeah it really is a shame that American guys have lost their gentlemanly ways like that. I can't tell you how brokenhearted I am to know that all of the other American guys have taken themselves out of the running with you and you're stuck here with just old fashioned me." And given her a wink and then changed the subject.

Anecdotal story: many years ago I was out to a business dinner with a female coworker in Europe. We had three male dutch clients with us. About halfway through dinner my coworker got up to go to the restroom. We all rose before her and then rose again when she came back until she was seated. 

About a month later we were chatting over a bourbon or three at some airline club and she brought it up. She said that was that was seriously hot. She was like, "Mrin you do that all the time for women but I've never had an entire table of men do that for me. I got light headed."

Never underestimate the power of a little manners...

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Not a date, he met her on a small hiking group and they got talking.
She was warning him off.

They arranged a date.

[elaine567]

Yes, Weezy informed me.

[Angelle]

I didn't take her saying that as manipulative. I found it interesting. When I first found these boards, over a decade ago, and was also a member of other board (like Steve Pavlina's "personal development" boards), there were men pushing PUA tactics, such as not buying a woman flowers, because it will be a turn-off. Don't make a woman feel special, until she's earned it. That sort of thing. It was really depressing, when I was hoping to meet a guy who liked women, wanted to be monogamous, not be in a poly culture that was also being pushed, etc. 

Edited June 27, 2021 by Angelle

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Angelle said:

not be in a poly culture that was also being pushed, etc. 

You know, am I seeing a push towards more people going this direction? 

[Angelle]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

You know, am I seeing a push towards more people going this direction? 

I don't know. It was a thing in the past.

[MsJayne]

Twice-divorced means she didn't learn much from the first time around. Making a sweeping generalisation about American men smacks too much of blaming the men for the marriage failures, and unless they were really abusive you know that's not right. I think that anyone should be permitted one divorce as a nasty life lesson, but two divorces, three......who's the common denominator and what part of their personality rubs partners up the wrong way? Or are they drawn to incompatible people as part of some unhealthy dynamic in their relationship mind-set? I say proceed with caution, she's passively insulted you before you've even been on a date. Maybe she's attracted to sexists, men who say things like, "She's 50, but pretty attractive" 😂, (it's the "but" - like 50 is so old that it's a wonder she's still got hair and teeth), but then cracks the darks when they start looking at other women, because all sexists do that, shortly after they open the door for you and hand you a bunch of flowers. 

Edited June 28, 2021 by MsJayne