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She doesn't care how she looks


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luiscasabuena

wearing baggy clothes and all

but she's super smart. i think i can look past her looks but honestly it's very hard to transition to sensual levels when the girl simply doesn't look visually appealing.

i believe that there's still a big chance...

but how do i convince her to dress up? @_@

note: this is the same girl, the pediatrician ūüėź

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You don't.   She's not a servant meant to satisfy your gaze.  That you have the view that she still has a chance if she just dresses more the way you like...is just mind boggling.

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luiscasabuena

^^So how do you get sensual with someone who doesn't care about their appearance? That she wears baggy unappealing clothes and all? That'd be uncomfortable at least to me.

There's still a big chance for love to blossom. I'm not going to quit just because she doesn't care about her appearance. I want to know if there's any difference if she does dress up because she never did, ever.

Appearance is important to me. Not exactly a girl who'll wear high heels, lotsa makeup and all. I just want a decent dress or something... when we date... like the dresses these women wear...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPOL84HHFoI

Edited by luiscasabuena
youtube video
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luiscasabuena

^^So how do you get sensual with someone who doesn't care about their appearance? That she wears baggy unappealing clothes and all? That'd be uncomfortable at least to me.

There's still a big chance for love to blossom. I'm not going to quit just because she doesn't care about her appearance. I want to know if there's any difference if she does dress up because she never did, ever.

Appearance is important to me. Not exactly a girl who'll wear high heels, lotsa makeup and all. I just want a decent dress or something... when we date... like the dresses these women wear...

THERE YOU'LL BE - Daniel Faßbender - YouTube

Note: the youtube video above is not in any way related to me.

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What other aspects of her do you like and find appealing?

You stated that she has always been unconcerned about her appearance, so there was something about her that initially drew you to her.

 

Edited by Alpaca
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luiscasabuena

She's funny, smart, has a wide range of interests and vocabulary. Then, she's financially stable (this sorts of act like a stamp from my parents, not from myself lol - please understand that we live in a 3rd world country so money is still quite an issue at least for my parents...)

 

 

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Well, you knew how she looked when you first saw her, and it seems that the other attributes you list are no longer enough for you.

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1 hour ago, luiscasabuena said:

....There's still a big chance for love to blossom. I'm not going to quit just because she doesn't care about her appearance. I want to know if there's any difference if she does dress up because she never did, ever.

All I hear is there is a chance for you to like her more if she just dressed better.  When you say you  are "not going to quit" that makes me think she is not pursuing you, and in fact is fairly indifferent to whatever advances you have made.  Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps she wants you and wonders why you are not reciprocating. 

However if I am right, just leave her alone as it is doubly offensive to pursue someone who has no to little interest in you and at the same time want them to change to meet your requirements.   Smart, funny, attractive, good profession, financially stable...yet she needs to get back in the "girl box " for you...

Quote

Appearance is important to me. Not exactly a girl who'll wear high heels, lotsa makeup and all. I just want a decent dress or something... when we date... like the dresses these women wear...

Then seek women who dress like that if it how they dress determines if you can get sensual.

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luiscasabuena

She still seems very interested. We were just exchanging messages a while ago and even ate at the same restaurant a while ago. It was the sixth time we met each other over the course of three weeks or so.

We're always talking and chatting. She somehow kinda leads me on to something... like "sleep is my man and you seem jealous." She just said that a while ago. And she should know what I was up to. We met through Tinder.

But I just kinda not advance to sensual levels because appearance matters to me... Attraction I mean. I have to be physically attracted to the girl. 

Why did I swipe right for her? She has decent pics on Tinder where she's all glammed up. So that was the reason.

But we can hold conversations for hours. Even laughing from time to time. But she really needs to at least change a bit because who wants to kiss a girl with such ugly baggy clothes... she doesn't even care? Lol.

She's a pediatrician... Always on duty. She's not yet done with her residency.

Maybe things will change when she's done with it. For now, I think I might just contend with baggy clothes, messy hair, grumpy tired face. ūüėź

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luiscasabuena
2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Well, you knew how she looked when you first saw her, and it seems that the other attributes you list are no longer enough for you.

They're like on the scales basically. And the other lists still kind of weigh heavier than the appearance. 

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1 hour ago, luiscasabuena said:

They're like on the scales basically. And the other lists still kind of weigh heavier than the appearance. 

Okay.

It’s important to feel attracted to our partner. 

You'll have to determine whether you can live with it or move on if it becomes evident that change is not possible.

When it comes to approaching the subject with her, try describing your feelings on the matter and seeing how she responds.

Edited by Alpaca
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I didn't ready the prior post. I didn't realize this is someone you're not actually in a relationship with.

Are you two actually dating?

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Not So Sad II

If she's a doctor, she can't be that scruffy or anything.  It sounds a bit like your preferences for how women were dressed are a bit last century.  Literally no-one wears heels any more.  Well, I mean some do but it comes across as very try too hard.

Also, you write a bit like a teenager and I'm struggling to see you with a doctor long term.  What do you bring to the table, other than a desire to dictate her clothing choices?

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Allupinnit

I wear heels to the office. *shrug*

You won't be able to change the way she dresses.  Some women don't put stock into dressing femininely and yet are not without their share of admirers.

If you start suggesting it, it will come across as controlling and she may even be offended, as if you weren't attracted to her (are you?).

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dramafreezone
5 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

^^So how do you get sensual with someone who doesn't care about their appearance? That she wears baggy unappealing clothes and all? That'd be uncomfortable at least to me.

There's still a big chance for love to blossom. I'm not going to quit just because she doesn't care about her appearance. I want to know if there's any difference if she does dress up because she never did, ever.

Appearance is important to me. Not exactly a girl who'll wear high heels, lotsa makeup and all. I just want a decent dress or something... when we date... like the dresses these women wear...

THERE YOU'LL BE - Daniel Faßbender - YouTube

Note: the youtube video above is not in any way related to me.

Why don't you find someone that dresses the way you like?

If she doesn't like dresses you're not going to make her like them.

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dramafreezone
37 minutes ago, Not So Sad II said:

It sounds a bit like your preferences for how women were dressed are a bit last century.  Literally no-one wears heels any more.  Well, I mean some do but it comes across as very try too hard.

What?¬†ūüėÄ

Plenty of women love wearing dresses and heels.  They enjoy that look, and I enjoy looking at them.

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This is how she is.  This is how she dresses.  If you don't find it attractive, then you shouldn't be dating her.  It is foolish of you to think that you can change her.  No, you cannot "convince" her to dress up for you.  That is not your place.  Either accept her completely for how she is, or leave.  If you need to try and control how she dresses and change her, then you shouldn't be continuing to pursue this.

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She is a paediatrician doing her training, she is not going to glam up, she spends her life dealing with kids.
Stressful job, kids sometimes die unfortunately, long hours studying and no time for anything else but sleep.
She dresses comfortably and practically.
I doubt she will change either.
Yes some doctors are very glam, but those that aren't and work hands on in wards of the sick are not suddenly going to be obsessed with designer clothes, nails, hair and high heels..

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10 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

how do i convince her to dress up?

You don't. You¬†need to take her to nice places.ūüφ

If you keep eating MacDonald's in your car as dates, there's no need to dress up. ūüćĒūüćü

Are you overdressed?  Baggy clothes are trending now so maybe she's ahead of you.

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The object of your desire could possibly scrub up like a supermodel, but a less intelligent woman can never scrub up like Einstein.  Check your values and look up the Kendall Jenner vs Alyssa Carson thing going around on social media. 

 

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12 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

 look up the Kendall Jenner vs Alyssa Carson thing going around on social media. 

The story about Alyssa Carson is as fake as the photo of Kendall Jenner.   However, the underlying message about valuing a woman for more than her looks remains.

@luiscasabuena  Just tell her what you think.  If she really likes you, she might change how she dresses.  Or she may give you a side eye and block you.  Either way, you're giving her the information she needs to decide if and how to continue the relationship in a way which suits you both.

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8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

as fake as the photo of Kendall Jenner. 

You mean one of the Kardashians is¬†faking something?????¬†ūüė≤¬†ūü§£¬†¬†

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dramafreezone
38 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

The object of your desire could possibly scrub up like a supermodel, but a less intelligent woman can never scrub up like Einstein.  Check your values and look up the Kendall Jenner vs Alyssa Carson thing going around on social media. 

 

Well if this doctor never wants to glam up and he wants that, her intelligence won't make up for it.

OP you have to accept her for what she is or not.  Doesn't seem like she's a dresses and heels type of woman. 

Before you make a decision to either accept her or move on at least have a conversation about it.  If she really likes you maybe she'll put forth that effort to glam up.

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luiscasabuena
18 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I didn't ready the prior post. I didn't realize this is someone you're not actually in a relationship with.

Are you two actually dating?

We met each other through Tinder and we ate together in expensive restaurants about 4 times now. I'm not sure if this is proper but she likes paying for everything. I don't want that to happen but since I just bought a new expensive car and she wants to pay for everything, I kinda gave up on that. Please tell me honestly if this is right or wrong. I know that in our culture it should be the guy who must pay for everything... but this girl has a lot of bucks. She even earned six digits in just a week one time. And I bought an expensive car last February. I'm still okay financially-speaking but, with the new car, I'm on a rather tight budget.

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luiscasabuena
17 hours ago, Not So Sad II said:

If she's a doctor, she can't be that scruffy or anything.  It sounds a bit like your preferences for how women were dressed are a bit last century.  Literally no-one wears heels any more.  Well, I mean some do but it comes across as very try too hard.

Also, you write a bit like a teenager and I'm struggling to see you with a doctor long term.  What do you bring to the table, other than a desire to dictate her clothing choices?

We both click on so many things. We talk extensively about so many matters. She's like my female version. Everything about us are the same. We're both tornatras (chinese-spanish-filipino mix), went to general information quiz bowls, share the same birthday, both into arts, and so many more.

She'd say I'm smarter than her. I'd say she's smarter. But we both kinda agree I'm the more good-looking one hahahah.

I'm a cpa lawyer by profession. But I actually should've been an economist. My mum dragged me from sound sleep to enroll me in an accounting school one stormy day. Lol.

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