How to navigate a 25 year age gap

[NonJudgmental2021]

Male 48 - 22 year old female.

I live in the US in a walk-up apartment. I am single, work at a charity and I do research in sociology. I am clean, decent, respectful, law-abiding, non-smoking, non-drinking. I don't have that much money, but I am an optimist and have a good attitude, a sunny, positive outlook and a good voice. Am Asian.

In February 2020 I met a new neighbour while walking up and down the walk-up, we smiled, said hello, and started to exchange casual greetings. For some reason, I felt that she liked something about me, but I wasn't sure what it was, and put it down to a crush. Also realised that her studio is right across the hall from me, making us immediate neighbours.

She's German, by the way, and a student at a local college, studying a creative subject. Fiercely independent, private and does not seek attention. Doesn't do the usual girl things, wears hardly any make-up and projects a tomboy/ mannish look. Dresses to avoid attention when she goes outside. Confident, well-mannered, no nonsense girl.  Fairly attractive.

Then, Covid happened, she disappeared and I went on with my life. 

She returned to her apartment in September, and I get to know this in a dramatic way. I am fixing a cupboard late night when there is an angry lass at my door complaining about the noise I am making. I say sorry, and, the next day, I leave some chocolates at her door as a make- up gesture, which she appreciates. I again sense some level of interest coming from her. She tries to get a floor level meeting and informal conversations across the hall going - another female neighbour, also new, joins in, but I stay pretty much put and out of it, and she doesn't like that. 

A few months go by and we exchange a sentence or two, but she mostly ignores me after the failed floor get together. I have a biking accident and she starts to look at me from the corner of her eye, checking to see if I am okay, but doesn't say much. Then comes December and she disappears again, to return only in mid-March 2021.

This time round, she greets me with a smile the moment she sees me and tries to get a conversation going. I am not sure what to make of this, and am a little slow to respond in equal measure. By the time I revv myself up to respond with equal enthusiasm, she's gone silent again because she's spoken with the other neighbours only to realise that I have been complaining a fair bit about the other neighbours since they don't quite follow any Covid  guidelines. Over the next few weeks, she deliberately makes all the same transgressions of rules that the neighbours have made in the past (and I have complained about) - I think just to see if I will complain about her. I don't make a single complaint.

A few weeks pass, and we continue to meet in the halls and the stairs and occasionally exchange a greeting. I catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes at times. She's clumsy at preening, but she makes an attempt to preen and play with her hair when she runs into me or when I am within eyesight. I note that the other neighbours start to give me a second look and give a smile to each other when they see us crossing each other and it seems that she has discussed her interest in me with the other neighbours (both girls)

I finally decide to "catch" her for a conversation the next time we run into each other, and we finally have a 10 minute conversation and exchange some information about each other. She welcomes it, I sense that she has been expecting this and probably more, and is a little frustrated by my apparent lack of interest. My suspicions are confirmed as well. I was hoping that she would be 30+, giving us a more manageable age-gap, but, it turns out that she is in her very early twenties, though she's way more mature and sorted than most people at 23. 

Then the neighbours arrange a basketball game in mid May, ie 10 days back, and we end up playing on opposite teams. She's a great attacking player and am not that bad at defense. We get to know each other a bit more and she turns out to be a teetotaller. She's also a little surprised, in a good way, to find that I am a teetotaller as well. I use this opportunity to drop hints that I am significantly older than her, though I don't look it.

 Long story short - this is a decent, well-behaved, independent person, someone that I could very well see myself spending my life with. I have respect for her and I want her to do well and be happy in life. I would have been bolder and more direct about approaching her, had the age-gap not been 25 odd years.

However, if she doesn't mind the age-gap, then, I don't want to make an issue out of a non-issue. I am not looking to hook-up, or date casually. I am looking for a long term partner, someone I can hopefully marry and have a family with. She seems perfect, and our age gap is the only thing holding me back.

 

What should I do?

 

Edited June 1, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed potentially identifying information

[central]

As you get older, the age gap matters less, at least until you reach retirement for one of you, and then it could become a significant problem.  However, that's a problem for the future.  If she's willing to date you now, then just do so.  It will develop, or not - there are no assurances.  Of course, if you don't try, you can't succeed, but if you try and fail, then you at least know you can (and should) look elsewhere.

[elaine567]

I don't see much more than neighbourly here.
I have a feeling you are projecting your feelings on to her.
There is not actually a lot of progress made since Feb 2020, is there?
If I was interested in a neighbour there would be a lot more interaction and long chats...

But you seem  to be convinced that you want to date her so go ahead and try, just don't build your hopes up too much.
At 22-23, I thought late twenties men were "ancient" and far too old.
You have to consider she sees you as a friendly father figure...
OR she may indeed be into much older men...  who knows?
I am sure you will find out one way or the other.

(BTW - no bf ever seen? If she dresses "mannish" you may have to consider she may be a lesbian...hence the neighbour's secret smiling at you...)

[BaileyB]

I hate to burst your bubble, but at 22 years old I wasn’t really thinking about settling down to have a family. And, I certainly would not have ever considered doing so with a 48 year old man. Coincidentally, my father would about the same age. Who wants to marry and start a family with someone the same age as their father when their friends are dating men in their twenties, eventually to be married and start families. 

I’m now in my forties and one of my friends is now in a relationship with a man in his sixties. Super nice guy and they are very happy. When we first met him, we all thought he was ancient. One of my friends calls him “grandpa” - which even though he is now a grandfather is not entirely appropriate among friends, but it is typical of his humour. 

Perhaps I’m wrong, I just hope you keep your expectations reasonable. The possibility that this will turn out the way you hope is probably pretty slim...

Edited May 29, 2021 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

Start with asking for coffee. See how that goes.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, NonJudgmental2021 said:

However, if she doesn't mind the age-gap, then, I don't want to make an issue out of a non-issue. I am not looking to hook-up, or date casually. I am looking for a long term partner, someone I can hopefully marry and have a family with. She seems perfect, and our age gap is the only thing holding me back.

My aunt married a man who was 20+ years her senior, but they were both considerably older.

So, ask her out, and see how it goes!

 

 

Edited May 29, 2021 by Alpaca

[NonJudgmental2021]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Perhaps I’m wrong, I just hope you keep your expectations reasonable. The possibility that this will turn out the way you hope is probably pretty slim...

Yes, keeping expectations reasonable is key. Especially since I am considering a  long-term commitment. I am not looking for a short dalliance, nor  a side affair, nor am I looking to use her.

From her perspective, she has, over the past 2 months, put in some energy into "hanging around me", hanging out with neighbours that I am friendly with and making sure that I notice etc.  So questions emerge :

1] she is on the cusp of starting her professional life, and someone who is well down that path, has confidence and radiates optimism, can be attractive. She overheard me, and was all ears,  when I described to a mutual neighbour, what my educational journey has been like (long) and what kind of work I now do.

2] she must know from the visible strands of white hair on my head that I am much older than her. So, this 'walk-up' set up may be a safe space for her to try out dating or a relationship; she may not be looking for anything serious. Or, she may be seeking the affection that she would otherwise have received from an older male family member, but now that she is living on her own, she no longer has that on a day to day basis

3] If this works out, I don't her to be in my orbit, I very much want her to have her own spheres in life and succeed at them. At the same time, I would like to start a family, since I am not getting any younger. So, the two objectives seem a tad incompatible.

 

All said and done, this is a nice, decent, well-behaved person, one who is totally worthy of respect. Other than the age gap, she is the kind of woman I am looking for. I would like her to do well, irrespective of how this situation works out between us.

 

[Donnas]

There is so much time between those stuff you are telling us that it seems like you are creating your own story in your head.

The age gap is huge.And acting mature or no, she is eay younger.And the nire she mature you may not be what she wants at some point if she gets with you. She is at a age where you are dscivering life and enjoying it.

You are at a age where you done most stuff already and you done playing.

Best is to seek someone of your age.

So you can also have same level of life needs.This you g girl is there to finish school.And not to get prgnant soon and not enjoying a career careless.

[basil67]

If you want a family, you will need someone who's of an age where they are thinking about starting a family.   Someone who's 32, not 22 would be much closer to the mark.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, NonJudgmental2021 said:

 I am considering a  long-term commitment. I am not looking for a short dalliance, 

Ok. You're getting way ahead of yourself.

Just ask her to go for a low-key coffee.

It seems like you are overselling yourself.

Every post reiterates what a catch you would be.

Hopefully if you're looking for a a serious relationship you're on dating apps and talking to, meeting and dating women.

A crush on a neighbor is fine but you've gone from 0-60 in your mind with this.

Start with coffee. 

Edited May 30, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Not So Sad II]

I cannot emphasise how often this sort of thing happens (I'm female) and I suspect that her being German means that she has not been giving the usual "put them off" vibes that are clear to someone of the same nationality.  She has literally shown no interest in you beyond basic neighbourly courtesy whatsoever, and you come across as a bit of a stalker. I suspect most women you're own age would tell you outright to leave them alone.  Your whole post reads like a middle aged man's fantasy, and it is awkward to read.  I cannot understand why a man of 48 would go in this way.  Please don't try to ruin this young woman's life - she is far too young to settle down with a man who will be in his seventies by the time she is 40, and in case you hadn't noticed, settling down with much older men isn't much of a dream for women these days.

Quote

 

"Over the next few weeks, she deliberately makes all the same transgressions of rules that the neighbours have made in the past (and I have complained about) - I think just to see if I will complain about her. I don't make a single complaint."

"we continue to meet in the halls and the stairs and occasionally exchange a greeting. I catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes at times. She's clumsy at preening, but she makes an attempt to preen and play with her hair when she runs into me or when I am within eyesight. "

"I finally decide to "catch" her for a conversation the next time we run into each other, and we finally have a 10 minute conversation and exchange some information about each other. She welcomes it, I sense that she has been expecting this and probably more, and is a little frustrated by my apparent lack of interest. "

O.M.G.  I will say this again.  This is a typical middle aged man's fantasy.  It happens so often, they get these strange ideas into their heads, and its so cringeworthy.  True, she might agree to a date and even be unusual enough to sleep with you, but settle down, marry and have babies with a man of 48 - nah, too many younger fish in the sea.

 

Edited June 1, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quotes

[NonJudgmental2021]

1 hour ago, Not So Sad II said:

O.M.G.  I will say this again.  This is a typical middle aged man's fantasy.  It happens so often, they get these strange ideas into their heads, and its so cringeworthy.  True, she might agree to a date and even be unusual enough to sleep with you, but settle down, marry and have babies with a man of 48 - nah, too many younger fish in the sea.

 

 

Thanks for the reality check. I hope you've noticed that I am writing to seek advice here, instead of jumping to act on my imagination /thinking/ reading of the situation. And you're right in that this is a lovely person and deserves the best, which I of course, understand, most likely won't include me.

If she continues to chat, I will find a way to make the age gap clear to her and that should probably kill this in the bud. 
Incidentally, I couldn't help noticing that the PM of the UK married his girlfriend yesterday, and, the pair has the same age-gap as what exists in this situation.

[NonJudgmental2021]

While on the topic, neither Boris-Carrie (man 24 years older) nor Macron-Brigette (man 25 years younger) conform to what are considered general expectations in this realm. And these are  elected leaders of two of the more progressive nations in the world.

So, yes, by all means, judge me for what I have expressed here, but, if you can,  do try to factor in the fact that I am 'seeking advice' here to figure out what I should do. Notice, if you can, that this is a cry for help from a confused person and not a blog where I am jotting down my  unconventional exploits for people to read and judge me by. 

[Not So Sad II]

1 hour ago, NonJudgmental2021 said:

Thanks for the reality check. I hope you've noticed that I am writing to seek advice here, instead of jumping to act on my imagination /thinking/ reading of the situation. And you're right in that this is a lovely person and deserves the best, which I of course, understand, most likely won't include me.

If she continues to chat, I will find a way to make the age gap clear to her and that should probably kill this in the bud. 
Incidentally, I couldn't help noticing that the PM of the UK married his girlfriend yesterday, and, the pair has the same age-gap as what exists in this situation.

The PM of the UK's new wife strikes me as a golddigger type, and marrying the PM of an entire nation is a bit more appealing than a neighbour you meet on the stairs.  And the French, well the French are just French and don't have the Anglo-American thing of thinking women are past it by 25 or whatever.

I don't think there is anything in your situation to "nip in the bud" - this is literally a neighbour you have met a few times that you have built some kind of fantasy around in your head.  Given that you aren't the PM or a Hollywood star and not very likely to attract the golddigger type, and the fact that you refer to this woman in a way that you might more appropriately refer to a cat or a bird or something (seriously, "preening", "catching" - I'd really tell you to stop being so damn offensive it you tried that nonsense stuff with me), I think the best course of action would be to behave as well as you can and avoid making a fool of yourself.  Practice on women your own age on how to better communicate.  So much of what you say is really, really strange. You are 11 years older than me and you sound as if you are from my great grandparent's generation.

[Alpacalia]

19 hours ago, NonJudgmental2021 said:

At the same time, I would like to start a family, since I am not getting any younger. 

This isn't the same thing as finding a new pair of slippers for the holidays.

Instead of looking for a young wife to establish a family with who will never "burden" you with a single emotional need, the goal of dating is to find someone to share your life with another fully evolved human being, with flaws and her own interests.

I believe you are romanticizing things right now, rather than viewing it through the eyes of two people who share comparable values and are essentially at the same stage in life.

 

[NonJudgmental2021]

25 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

This isn't the same thing as finding a new pair of slippers for the holidays.

Instead of looking for a young wife to establish a family with who will never "burden" you with a single emotional need, the goal of dating is to find someone to share your life with another fully evolved human being, with flaws and her own interests.

I believe you are romanticizing things right now, rather than viewing it through the eyes of two people who share comparable values and are essentially at the same stage in life.

 

Sorry that it came out that way. The only reason why I am still single, is that I am still looking for that one compatible person. All I want is a decent, responsible and independent soul and even that has been tough to find ( I have my share of scars). She  seems to fit the bill and the age gap is what is holding me back from asking her out.

[NonJudgmental2021]

1 hour ago, Not So Sad II said:

The PM of the UK's new wife strikes me as a golddigger type, and marrying the PM of an entire nation is a bit more appealing than a neighbour you meet on the stairs.  And the French, well the French are just French and don't have the Anglo-American thing of thinking women are past it by 25 or whatever.

I don't think there is anything in your situation to "nip in the bud" - this is literally a neighbour you have met a few times that you have built some kind of fantasy around in your head.  Given that you aren't the PM or a Hollywood star and not very likely to attract the golddigger type, and the fact that you refer to this woman in a way that you might more appropriately refer to a cat or a bird or something (seriously, "preening", "catching" - I'd really tell you to stop being so damn offensive it you tried that nonsense stuff with me), I think the best course of action would be to behave as well as you can and avoid making a fool of yourself.  Practice on women your own age on how to better communicate.  So much of what you say is really, really strange. You are 11 years older than me and you sound as if you are from my great grandparent's generation.

Thanks for another reality check. I would have imagined that the elected leaders of 2 progressive nations would be held to a 'higher' standard of what is considered normal but that is a different topic altogether and pointing to them doesn't help my case.

But yes, the hard reality as you aptly describe is that I am neither a PM nor a Hollywood star and so, of course, I ought to look for dating options that suit my station in life.

Thank you, you have been direct and honest, and I am grateful to you for your advice.

[dramafreezone]

On 5/29/2021 at 12:41 PM, NonJudgmental2021 said:

Male 48 - 22 year old female.

I live in a walk-up apartment. I am single, work at a charity and I do research in sociology. I am clean, decent, respectful, law-abiding, non-smoking, non-drinking. I don't have that much money, but I am an optimist and have a good attitude, a sunny, positive outlook and a good voice. Am Asian.

In February 2020 I met a new neighbour while walking up and down the walk-up, we smiled, said hello, and started to exchange casual greetings. For some reason, I felt that she liked something about me, but I wasn't sure what it was, and put it down to a crush. Also realised that her studio is right across the hall from me, making us immediate neighbours.

She's German, by the way, and a student at a local college, studying a creative subject. Fiercely independent, private and does not seek attention. Doesn't do the usual girl things, wears hardly any make-up and projects a tomboy/ mannish look. Dresses to avoid attention when she goes outside. Confident, well-mannered, no nonsense girl.  Fairly attractive.

Then, Covid happened, she disappeared and I went on with my life. 

She returned to her apartment in September, and I get to know this in a dramatic way. I am fixing a cupboard late night when there is an angry lass at my door complaining about the noise I am making. I say sorry, and, the next day, I leave some chocolates at her door as a make- up gesture, which she appreciates. I again sense some level of interest coming from her. She tries to get a floor level meeting and informal conversations across the hall going - another female neighbour, also new, joins in, but I stay pretty much put and out of it, and she doesn't like that. 

A few months go by and we exchange a sentence or two, but she mostly ignores me after the failed floor get together. I have a biking accident and she starts to look at me from the corner of her eye, checking to see if I am okay, but doesn't say much. Then comes December and she disappears again, to return only in mid-March 2021.

This time round, she greets me with a smile the moment she sees me and tries to get a conversation going. I am not sure what to make of this, and am a little slow to respond in equal measure. By the time I revv myself up to respond with equal enthusiasm, she's gone silent again because she's spoken with the other neighbours only to realise that I have been complaining a fair bit about the other neighbours since they don't quite follow any Covid  guidelines. Over the next few weeks, she deliberately makes all the same transgressions of rules that the neighbours have made in the past (and I have complained about) - I think just to see if I will complain about her. I don't make a single complaint.

A few weeks pass, and we continue to meet in the halls and the stairs and occasionally exchange a greeting. I catch her looking at me from the corner of her eyes at times. She's clumsy at preening, but she makes an attempt to preen and play with her hair when she runs into me or when I am within eyesight. I note that the other neighbours start to give me a second look and give a smile to each other when they see us crossing each other and it seems that she has discussed her interest in me with the other neighbours (both girls)

I finally decide to "catch" her for a conversation the next time we run into each other, and we finally have a 10 minute conversation and exchange some information about each other. She welcomes it, I sense that she has been expecting this and probably more, and is a little frustrated by my apparent lack of interest. My suspicions are confirmed as well. I was hoping that she would be 30+, giving us a more manageable age-gap, but, it turns out that she is in her very early twenties, though she's way more mature and sorted than most people at 23. 

Then the neighbours arrange a basketball game in mid May, ie 10 days back, and we end up playing on opposite teams. She's a great attacking player and am not that bad at defense. We get to know each other a bit more and she turns out to be a teetotaller. She's also a little surprised, in a good way, to find that I am a teetotaller as well. I use this opportunity to drop hints that I am significantly older than her, though I don't look it.

 Long story short - this is a decent, well-behaved, independent person, someone that I could very well see myself spending my life with. I have respect for her and I want her to do well and be happy in life. I would have been bolder and more direct about approaching her, had the age-gap not been 25 odd years.

However, if she doesn't mind the age-gap, then, I don't want to make an issue out of a non-issue. I am not looking to hook-up, or date casually. I am looking for a long term partner, someone I can hopefully marry and have a family with. She seems perfect, and our age gap is the only thing holding me back.

 

What should I do?

 

She's either interested or she's not.  Gotta pull the trigger.  However,

Quote

I am not looking to hook-up, or date casually. I am looking for a long term partner, someone I can hopefully marry and have a family with. She seems perfect, and our age gap is the only thing holding me back.

I would not tell her this.  She is 22, she's probably not looking for a long term relationship or a family right now.  I think if you mention this she'll go running for the hills. 

Assuming that she's interested and you begin dating (which is a huge if) you can't rush things.  She has to feel it.  Also, she's probably still interested in doing the things that 22 year olds do even if she doesn't drink, so are you up for that?  She's not going to want to sit at home on a Saturday night.  You may not have a lot of money but it would play to your advantage to be able to provide some date experiences that she's not used to in her age bracket.

But anyway we're putting the cart way before the horse, you have to ask her out, man up.

Edited June 1, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quoted post

[MsJayne]

She possibly perceives you as a challenge, and if you pursue her and start something, you will most likely get your heart broken and your ego badly bruised. Unless she's looking for a father figure and you're wealthy, in which case she might stick around. At 22yo she has a lot of living and growing to do, so if you can see yourself hanging out with her friends and meeting her parents, (who may actually be younger than you), and coping with the insecurity which would most likely come as you approached old age and she approached her prime, go for it. 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, NonJudgmental2021 said:

Sorry that it came out that way. The only reason why I am still single, is that I am still looking for that one compatible person. All I want is a decent, responsible and independent soul and even that has been tough to find ( I have my share of scars). She  seems to fit the bill and the age gap is what is holding me back from asking her out.

I wasn't trying to be harsh; I was just trying to put things in perspective.

She will have a very different vision of what the next 10, 20, or 30 years will be like.

Especially when she is only beginning her professional career.

What if she grows tired of being married with children with an older man and replaces you with someone closer to her own age? If she ever decides to "rebuild" her life and date again, she will have more time to do that than you.

Like someone else mentioned, put the horse back in the barn. 🏇🐎🐎

Keep it simple, and if you do decide to give it a shot, just meet for coffee and a donut.

[Blind-Sided]

I guess I need to chime in here... since I'm/was in a similar situation.  I'm just going to break this into sections to make it easy, and to get my different thoughts out.

1) You live in the same housing unit... so she is just being friendly with you as a neighbor. Even if she is being flirty... and you see it as a possible open door... it's just how some girls are.   In this regard... you are building up something in you head that isn't there. 

2) You want a family... but she is just finishing school, and wants to start a career.  Even if it works out... she may not be ready for a family for several years.  AND... there is a trend with "Professional" women not wanting a family at all.   Would you be OK with that?

3) You don't know where any of this will lead if you don't simply ask her out for coffee.  (simple)

Now for some insight.....

To start... I was 47 as my divorce became official the year before last.  I was worried about finding someone who would be compatible with me.  I already had kids... and I DID NOT want another infant as I was approaching 50.  My issue here was... most of the girls I was introduced to were late 30's... and were desperately wanting to start a family. In this respect, we are opposite, but I just wanted to pass that info on to you, if you are looking to start.  I know this will sound bad... but it's an easier target. (so to speak)

As far as the young girl... most of them will look at a guy our age as say... "Gross... grandpa is trying to hit on me."  So... if you do ask this girl out for coffee... be ready for that hit.  Can your ego take it?  Also... if she says "No"... are you OK with still living so close to her? 

If she agrees to the date... you really should lead with some "Life Goals" kinds of questions.  She my be totally turned off by that... if the conversation feels like you are rushing her from a date to marriage.  But, you need to know if you are on the same page as far as long goals.  Sure... you don't have to do it on the very first date... but it would need to be done early on. 

Now... if she says yes to to date... and you 2 hit it off... AND... you are both on the same page with the family... then sure... it can work out.   The reason I can say that is... I'm currently 49, and my GF is 27.  I met this girl on a group outing with friends one night... but I knew her mother... and she kind of knew me already.  She stayed close, and it was a great ego boost after my D... but I didn't think anything would come of it.  Over the next few weeks... we would hang out, and do different activities together, and eventually... things just clicked.  And... on the big point of having kids... she doesn't want any. (She had her tubes tied last summer)   

Anyway... good luck.  BUT... DO NOT BUILD A RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR HEAD THAT DOESN'T EXIST !!!  

 

Edited May 31, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[Sun Seeker]

Sounds like she is just being friendly and nothing more.

You are getting way ahead of yourself with all these ideas for the future.

48 and you don't know what to do? Seriously? That's very worrying. What else is there to do apart from just ask her out if that's what you want.

[mark clemson]

On 5/29/2021 at 1:39 PM, elaine567 said:

There is not actually a lot of progress made since Feb 2020, is there?
If I was interested in a neighbour there would be a lot more interaction and long chats...
But you seem  to be convinced that you want to date her so go ahead and try, just don't build your hopes up too much.

Hmm. In line with the majority of advice above, I'd say this may be mostly in your head, with a real but in fact extremely slim chance of there being more to it.

There's been interest/flirtation for over a year, but no action? Really? Think that sort of stuff tends to happen when the other person's not single. Why hasn't she suddenly turned up at your place for a "chat" that turned into more? (This has happened to me plenty of times. When a woman's genuinely interested, she's interested enough to do that.)

I think it's LONG past overdue that you ask her on a date, make your romantic intentions clear and see how she reacts. Perhaps an unconscious reason for the inaction on your part is you have a good sense of the probabilities here and haven't been eager to step up for a probable rejection.

Don't waste more time as an orbiter would be my advice. Bring it to a head and you know either way.

Edited May 31, 2021 by mark clemson

[jspice]

You’ve described her as “well-behaved” twice. 
That’s creepy and gross because that’s how a father would talk. 

I don’t want to sleep with a man who calls me well-behaved. 

 

she might be looking at you out of the corner of her eye because she thinks you’re creepy too. 
If you think you’re not giving off some kind of vibe to her, you’re crazy. 

[lana-banana]

The age gap has little to nothing to do with this situation. Age gap relationships are much more common when the younger partner is at least in their mid-30s, but it's neither here nor there. Obviously it's always possible, and of course the best way to determine whether someone had interest in you is to ask them for coffee or something regardless, so it doesn't matter.

The real issue here is the way you present yourself in this thread. You describe all of these brief encounters in vivid detail and create explanations that involve her being interested in you, despite zero evidence to that end. To hear you tell it, every encounter you've ever had is proof of her crush on you. You tell us she started flaunting COVID protocols specifically to test you (as opposed to, I dunno, just being young and kind of reckless?). You "sense" a lot of things, like how she's "frustrated with your lack of apparent interest"---what? You have barely interacted with this person and you call her "someone that I could very well see myself spending my life with"! I'm sorry, but this is extremely creepy. I don't know what's going on with her but I do know you are projecting to an extreme degree and she is aware of it. 

My advice generally remains the same. If you want to know whether someone is interested in you, ask them out. But I can't help but think that if she read this thread she would have a very different interpretation of events.