I have a question

[koolstrawberry]

Hey guys Do u think it’s rude when people never invite the new friend to hang out when the new friend just them for the first time?

Like the [ ] churches I went to, they never invited me to hang out with them after I met some people there. They should’ve asked about my hobbies and common interests. It’s too late now. They should’ve asked me that when I first met them, not wait for me to ask them about it. [ ]  Every time I meet someone and I ask them can I hang them and their friends, they would say no and not invite me. So mean!!! I just want to get out of the house and make some memories with some friends!!!! Every time I see their pictures of them hanging out with their friends on Social Media, I would leave a comment and say "I want to hang out, too!" and they just ignored my comment. They never ask me if I want to hang out with them. I don't know what's their problem

I think it’s rude when people never invite a new friend to hang out when the new friend just met them for the first time.

Edited July 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed racist comments

[d0nnivain]

You may be barking up the wrong tree.  If these people are mean, rude & uninterested, they are not your friends.  Perhaps try other groups until you find folks who are excited to spend time with you too, but maybe don't try so hard.  

If you want a friend, you generally have to be a friend first.  

[koolstrawberry]

hey guys. I realized why I don't have any friends to hang out with because them and I don't have anything in common. all My life since middle school, no one in my dad's family and people during my time in middle and high school never told me about hobbies or didn't mention it to me. all they cared about is gossiping about me just to ruin my life, reading my journal, going through my stuff, making people harass me and making people not do anything about it which makes me sooo apoplectic, me getting trouble. playing stupid games with me, treating me like I'm stupid. Also they just ignore me every time I send them a message online or phone or call them. I never had any hobbies since middle until now. Recently I picked up alot of hobbies like reading, watching anime and sports, netflix, learning languages, doing graphic design like photoshop and illustration, origami, drawing and exercising. Now I'm planning on investing stocks online to make money from the stocks on two apps, taking taekwondo classes and play volleyball and basketball when I go to a four year college.

I can't even make plans to invite them over to hang out with me. I don't have a car and I can't even go out, make new friends and share my hobbies with them. Im thinking about cutting off my dad and his family and blocking them everywhere without warning or just ignore them and wait for them to say "hey, your dad is trying to contact you and trying to get a hold of you, why are you not responding anymore?" I'll just tell them "I'm just busy!" and Ill just ignore them. They should've told me about hobbies and friendships when I was in middle school school or high school. they act like bunch of little 10 year olds who dont know nothing every time I see them and every time they see me. I'm not telling them my hobbies and Interests cus they don't seem to care

People at a church I go to since 2019 don't pick me up anymore and they're making up dumb excuses like, "you live far away" "I don't think I can because I live near the church" "I have other things to do before church so I can't pick you up" WHATEVER!!! I don't believe them! they just don't want to pick me up. Everytime I sign up for something at church, no one signs up because they saw my name on the list. When I don't sign up for something, they would sign up and show up in person. They just don't to be around me. So oversensitive. I asked them do they have days off from work, they would say "I don't have any days off" YES THEY DO!!! bunch of liars. Even people at [ ] say the same thing and they're a bunch of liars too. Everyone has their days off from work.

I can't share a hobbies with someone online cus you know they take forever to respond on social media.. I don't what to talk about about my hobby. I just send them the links to my digital art work. that's it.

Im stuck at [ ] and im planning on taking transferrable courses January, May and August next year so I can complete 30 credit hours, sign up for scholarships and transfer to [ ] in fall '23,

What should I do now?

Edited July 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed racist comment and location

[d0nnivain]

Join a club or organization on campus that interests you -- IM sports, the yearbook committee; a fraternity or sorority, 

[koolstrawberry]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Join a club or organization on campus that interests you -- IM sports, the yearbook committee; a fraternity or sorority, 

ok Its hard to get close to someone online cus its doesnt determine real friendships.

Edited July 26, 2021 by koolstrawberry

[d0nnivain]

On line is difficult but as the world re-opens if it's safe for you to do so, do more things in the real world.  

[Miss Spider]

Hey. That’s cool you picked up a bunch of new hobbies. Awesome, actually. I think you will have more fun at the bigger college finding people that have similar hobbies and interests. Also, I think the Internet could be a great place to connect with people with similar hobbies and interests. There are a lot of resources that connect people for that. Even on social media people well organize events for people with shared interest. Look around and I’m sure something will open up. You are making progress!!!

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear that you feel no-one you know cares about you, OP.  You sound very angry and upset with them.

It's great that you are getting involved with hobbies.  Some families don't have many hobbies, mainly because their 'hobbies' are socialising, drinking, watching tv, or whatever.  Hobbies can be anything you are interested in.  Some women have housework as a hobby (I don't happen to share that hobby!).

My feeling is that you are blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness.  Maybe deep down you feel unworthy of people's care and attention?  It is this feeling that is stopping you from socialising more and from fulfilling yourself.  If you truly believe that others do not care or are out to get you or humiliate you in some way, then you are going to see other people in that way.  

I think it is important that you do not assume the worst of people, that you assume they are willing to help and support you and that they do care.  Just assuming this makes you look at them in a different way.  Sure, some will still disappoint, but I am sure you will start to see more positive signs of friendship and care from people who at the moment sense that you dislike or mistrust them in some way.  Assume they are good people and give them all plenty of chance to show you that they are great people to know.

You still need to be careful of the scammers, but try to draw the best out in people by being positive and kind towards them, by being the kind of person you would like for a friend.  You may have good reason for your negative attitudes towards others, but most of people's behaviour can be put down to stupidity or ineptitude and carrying that negativity around with you won't help you.  Every time you think badly of someone, try to work on the basis that they are just a normal person doing their best in life and that they also have their hard times too.  Be a mate, be a friend and care about them.

Hobbies will help you to connect with others.  You don't have to have thousands of hobbies; what matters is that you do what you enjoy and find fulfilling.  Hobbies should be fun in themselves.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings, a school counsellor maybe?  It seems like you have an awful lot of anger and frustration at the way things have gone.  Sometimes it helps to have another perspective on all this.

You may well find that you find people you connect with when you are college.  I do think that you need to channel this anger at something more productive, like racing yourself in the swimming pool or some other physical sport.  It is interfering with your ability to see others as being human and fallible as we all are.

 

 

 

[koolstrawberry]

On 7/27/2021 at 5:13 AM, spiderowl said:

I am sorry to hear that you feel no-one you know cares about you, OP.  You sound very angry and upset with them.

It's great that you are getting involved with hobbies.  Some families don't have many hobbies, mainly because their 'hobbies' are socialising, drinking, watching tv, or whatever.  Hobbies can be anything you are interested in.  Some women have housework as a hobby (I don't happen to share that hobby!).

My feeling is that you are blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness.  Maybe deep down you feel unworthy of people's care and attention?  It is this feeling that is stopping you from socialising more and from fulfilling yourself.  If you truly believe that others do not care or are out to get you or humiliate you in some way, then you are going to see other people in that way.  

I think it is important that you do not assume the worst of people, that you assume they are willing to help and support you and that they do care.  Just assuming this makes you look at them in a different way.  Sure, some will still disappoint, but I am sure you will start to see more positive signs of friendship and care from people who at the moment sense that you dislike or mistrust them in some way.  Assume they are good people and give them all plenty of chance to show you that they are great people to know.

You still need to be careful of the scammers, but try to draw the best out in people by being positive and kind towards them, by being the kind of person you would like for a friend.  You may have good reason for your negative attitudes towards others, but most of people's behaviour can be put down to stupidity or ineptitude and carrying that negativity around with you won't help you.  Every time you think badly of someone, try to work on the basis that they are just a normal person doing their best in life and that they also have their hard times too.  Be a mate, be a friend and care about them.

Hobbies will help you to connect with others.  You don't have to have thousands of hobbies; what matters is that you do what you enjoy and find fulfilling.  Hobbies should be fun in themselves.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings, a school counsellor maybe?  It seems like you have an awful lot of anger and frustration at the way things have gone.  Sometimes it helps to have another perspective on all this.

You may well find that you find people you connect with when you are college.  I do think that you need to channel this anger at something more productive, like racing yourself in the swimming pool or some other physical sport.  It is interfering with your ability to see others as being human and fallible as we all are.

 

 

 

ok thx I have counselor at [ ] . and its $15 per session any day. I want to have another that $20 per session every Thursday so that way ill get more info from both of them about how to socialize with people without the touching and the tickling. 

Edited July 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed locations

[koolstrawberry]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

On line is difficult but as the world re-opens if it's safe for you to do so, do more things in the real world.  

 

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hey. That’s cool you picked up a bunch of new hobbies. Awesome, actually. I think you will have more fun at the bigger college finding people that have similar hobbies and interests. Also, I think the Internet could be a great place to connect with people with similar hobbies and interests. There are a lot of resources that connect people for that. Even on social media people well organize events for people with shared interest. Look around and I’m sure something will open up. You are making progress!!!

 

1 hour ago, spiderowl said:

I am sorry to hear that you feel no-one you know cares about you, OP.  You sound very angry and upset with them.

It's great that you are getting involved with hobbies.  Some families don't have many hobbies, mainly because their 'hobbies' are socialising, drinking, watching tv, or whatever.  Hobbies can be anything you are interested in.  Some women have housework as a hobby (I don't happen to share that hobby!).

My feeling is that you are blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness.  Maybe deep down you feel unworthy of people's care and attention?  It is this feeling that is stopping you from socialising more and from fulfilling yourself.  If you truly believe that others do not care or are out to get you or humiliate you in some way, then you are going to see other people in that way.  

I think it is important that you do not assume the worst of people, that you assume they are willing to help and support you and that they do care.  Just assuming this makes you look at them in a different way.  Sure, some will still disappoint, but I am sure you will start to see more positive signs of friendship and care from people who at the moment sense that you dislike or mistrust them in some way.  Assume they are good people and give them all plenty of chance to show you that they are great people to know.

You still need to be careful of the scammers, but try to draw the best out in people by being positive and kind towards them, by being the kind of person you would like for a friend.  You may have good reason for your negative attitudes towards others, but most of people's behaviour can be put down to stupidity or ineptitude and carrying that negativity around with you won't help you.  Every time you think badly of someone, try to work on the basis that they are just a normal person doing their best in life and that they also have their hard times too.  Be a mate, be a friend and care about them.

Hobbies will help you to connect with others.  You don't have to have thousands of hobbies; what matters is that you do what you enjoy and find fulfilling.  Hobbies should be fun in themselves.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings, a school counsellor maybe?  It seems like you have an awful lot of anger and frustration at the way things have gone.  Sometimes it helps to have another perspective on all this.

You may well find that you find people you connect with when you are college.  I do think that you need to channel this anger at something more productive, like racing yourself in the swimming pool or some other physical sport.  It is interfering with your ability to see others as being human and fallible as we all are.

 

 

 

When I'm happy around my dad, he just screams at me, slams stuff in front of my face, and cusses at me. When I'm sad and depressed, he's very happy and just sits there or stand there and laugh at me. So ludicrous

[spiderowl]

What touching and tickling are you referring to, OP?  

I am sorry, your home situation sounds difficult.  Your dad should not be treating you like that.

 

[koolstrawberry]

1 hour ago, spiderowl said:

What touching and tickling are you referring to, OP?  

I am sorry, your home situation sounds difficult.  Your dad should not be treating you like that.

 

like tickling people at church

[spiderowl]

Sorry, who is tickling people at church?

[koolstrawberry]

Just now, spiderowl said:

Sorry, who is tickling people at church?

it was me

[spiderowl]

Why were you doing that and did anyone mind?

[koolstrawberry]

idk i got bored and i ddn't nothing to talk about with them and They just don't like it so I stopped tickling them

[jspice]

Maybe they don’t want to be around you because you tickle them

[koolstrawberry]

They never invite me [ ]  to hang out with them. I met them in 2013. I stopped going to the church in February 2017. They ignore my calls, text messages and social media messages. I tried everything to get them to invite me to hang out with them and nothing worked. They make dumb excuses not to pick me up to take to church all because I live in another city and I live far away from them. [ ]  So now I gave up on them because I don’t call them my friends if they don’t invite me to hang out with them, take me out to lunch or do something nice for me and don’t respond to my text messages and social messages and calls. I don’t have a car. What’s your opinion?

P.S. This girl [ ] ignored my calls and messages for the whole week because a fall fest at the church in 2014. I never went to the fall fest. I hate her. Then she texted me after the fall fest and apologized and said she was very busy. No she wasn’t. She just ignored me. I guess she just want to have a party with a bunch of Koreans. 

[ ] 

[ ]  They don’t seem to care about me. I feel like they’re not thinking about me. They don’t care if I’m bored or not. They keep telling me they’re busy when they’re not doing nothing all day. I see their Instagram and Snapchat stories of them not doing nothing [ ] 

Every time I make a group chat [ ]  and add them and say hey or ask them a question, they just leave group chat. I just wanna punch them. Every time I message them on social media, they just block me. So rude.[ ] 

Edited July 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed racist comments

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't seem like a good fit for you. Why not research other places of worship that are more in tune with your social and religious needs?

[glows]

It could be the car thing as well and asking for rides. They may feel they have to go out of their way to accommodate you or you request too many favours. I’m half Chinese and I understand homogenous/elitist culture. I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling included in that church. I do agree with you that some organizations are clichey. 

Definitely do find more a more inclusive group where you feel welcomed and fit in better. 

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, koolstrawberry said:

I will go to a black church where people would care about me

Yes I think this is what you should do.  You can't force people to like you and want to spend time with you.  Why do you want to spend with them if they don't want to spend time with you?

[glows]

Church is generally used as a place of worship although individuals do attend for community purposes or a sense of community. Not all churches are the same and there are some whose worship style or approaches are just not for you. Sometimes it may be the people. It sounds like you’re looking for community too, not just a place to pray or reflect. 

I’m Catholic and Catholic churches are rather uniform and most are inclusive, in my experience. It did take some searching to find one that I particularly liked and whose thinking is progressive, intelligent, seeking reform and aligned with mine. 

It doesn’t have to be about ethnicity and you don’t have to join a black church or feel as if that’s your only choice. Do you feel you are forced to do that? Are there other churches close to you that you might be interested in? 

[koolstrawberry]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes I think this is what you should do.  You can't force people to like you and want to spend time with you.  Why do you want to spend with them if they don't want to spend time with you?

Idk I thought maybe they would be my real true friends. 

[koolstrawberry]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

Church is generally used as a place of worship although individuals do attend for community purposes or a sense of community. Not all churches are the same and there are some whose worship style or approaches are just not for you. Sometimes it may be the people. It sounds like you’re looking for community too, not just a place to pray or reflect. 

I’m Catholic and Catholic churches are rather uniform and most are inclusive, in my experience. It did take some searching to find one that I particularly liked and whose thinking is progressive, intelligent, seeking reform and aligned with mine. 

It doesn’t have to be about ethnicity and you don’t have to join a black church or feel as if that’s your only choice. Do you feel you are forced to do that? Are there other churches close to you that you might be interested in? 

Umm I can check the black church and see how that goes

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, koolstrawberry said:

I will go to a black church where people would care about me

Yes find a place that is more in line with your religious and social expectations. As far as friends go, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses, get a second fun job. Try to meet people from all areas of life and do not narrowly focus on one group.